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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:54 pm 
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Mars wrote:
SIGNING a RENTAL lease agreement, at the house that we LOVE from the FORKING SEXY FORK of a landlord.


wrong thread?

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:28 am 
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I used to bring the little single serving packs when I worked in an office. I always worried more about people I worked with spitting, ensemenating, coughing, drinking from or otherwise molesting my soy milk more than them using it for consumption purposes.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:30 am 
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maximumrockandlol wrote:
I used to bring the little single serving packs when I worked in an office. I always worried more about people I worked with spitting, ensemenating, coughing, drinking from or otherwise molesting my soy milk more than them using it for consumption purposes.

Did you work on a pirate ship?

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:59 am 
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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:42 am 
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Lil_Witch_Kitty wrote:
Milk Bandit! I almost peed myself laughing over that, I don't know why.

Communal refrigerators stink. I started taking one of those thermal lunch bags with a cold-pack in it because I got tired of a) there never being room in the frig for my lunch and b) people nabbing my tasty food if I managed to tetris my lunch in there somehow or other.

You could do what the one crusty curmudgeony old dude in my office did when somebody nabbed his diet coke. He fished the can out of the trash using a pencil in the opening and then took it into our office manager's office demanding it be fingerprinted to determine who the dirty diet coke thief was. Considering that happened in the days before we all had to be fingerprinted to work there, I'm not sure what they'd have used to compare the fingerprints on the can to, but why worry about silly details like that when there's a diet coke bandit about.


Easy. Take the prints from the can first, then go through every single room with one of those stamp pads, collecting everyone's fingerprints. That or call in the Batman. Coke theft is nothing to joke about.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:24 am 
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In my old job people used to use my vegan margarine. Which is fine, but they used to scrape their DIRTY forking TOAST CRUMBS back into the tub, which made me super ragey.

So I sent an email round saying "I don't mind you using my marge, but stop scraping your dirty toast crumbs back in there or I will kill you all." It worked for about 2 days and so after that I stopped bringing margarine in.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:46 am 
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here, everybody just puts their names on their stuff and it doesnt get eaten? Yeah, we are civilized like that. Plus, open cartons? eew, who knows how long they have been open already! There are like four open soy milks in our fridge (none of them mine, and yes, I'm the only vegan here) but I'd never dream of using them, maybe they have nasty bits of green fuzzy swimming in them already (this made me gag a little).


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:50 am 
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Crumbs?! Even worse are the people who use up your vegan marge and then out of sheer bad conscience buy fresh un-vegan marge. I know they're trying to be nice, but how do you deal with them? (Some of them will never get it. "You don't eat butter, so I got margarine. what's wrong now?")

Edit: @ jerusha: I can so relate! I once (once! I'm never doing that again!!) tried taking a sip from an opened carton of Alpro custard (that was mine, but I hadn't really been keeping track of how long it had been open in the fridge)... and got a mouth/lungful of mold spores. Eeeeeeeeew! :-((((


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:44 am 
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Phoenix wrote:
Edit: @ jerusha: I can so relate! I once (once! I'm never doing that again!!) tried taking a sip from an opened carton of Alpro custard (that was mine, but I hadn't really been keeping track of how long it had been open in the fridge)... and got a mouth/lungful of mold spores. Eeeeeeeeew! :-((((



sfgsjlkh. I think I just vomitted a little. Sometimes .... sometimes I really, really wish my brain was less good at imagining things.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:45 am 
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Once, a fridge disappeared. With my soy milk in it. :(

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:48 am 
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fisticuffs wrote:
Once, a fridge disappeared. With my soy milk in it. :(


Sad story!

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:01 am 
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I'm just so impressed by how mumbles evades the filters....

I will buy you a soymilk. It will be full of spores. You can share it with your coworkers.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:05 am 
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Nothing grosses me out so much as rotting food. really.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 6:45 am 
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Adam Crisis wrote:
just put a sticky on it saying "I came in this"


People at my work have defiled the toaster by putting all sorts of shiitake in there along with their bread. Like I recently caught a co-worker trying to make a toasted cheese sandwich in there. I told him that was 1) gross and 2) probably not good for the toaster, but he wasn't having it. Less than a week later the toaster shorted after someone put bread in there that was smeared with butter and honey. We had to get a new toaster and there was a very stern note hung up next to it that it was only to be used for naked bread: no butter, no honey, no cheese. Someone - neither myself nor the one other vegan working there - even wrote "vegan toaster" on there. I'm sure most people thought it was me. The sign is gone now, and I have very little hope that people are going to keep respecting the sanctity of the new toaster.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:03 am 
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I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the subject line here. I don't know if it's supposed to be a single person who has engaged in sexual activity with multiple mothers or what.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:14 am 
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I'm a stickler for grammar.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:18 am 
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vegimator wrote:
wrong thread?

YES

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:22 am 
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Mars wrote:
SIGNING a RENTAL lease agreement, at the house that we LOVE from the FORKING SEXY FORK of a landlord.

I thought maybe Mars knew something about Mumbles we didn't. Is he running a secret boarding house?

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:25 am 
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I WISH

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:35 am 
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I was assuming it was a coded message. Like, if you reorder the capital letters or something.

But all I can come up with is FRANK LOVE, IGNORING SOY TREK FLING

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:37 am 
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I DO LOVE FRANKS.

ALSO I seem to be having a very hard time NOT POSTING IN ALL CAPS.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:46 am 
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just mumbles wrote:
I was assuming it was a coded message. Like, if you reorder the capital letters or something.

But all I can come up with is FRANK LOVE, IGNORING SOY TREK FLING


Yeah, I was assuming Mars really just meant to +1 Yummy on the Spock billboard.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:46 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
Adam Crisis wrote:
just put a sticky on it saying "I came in this"


People at my work have defiled the toaster by putting all sorts of shiitake in there along with their bread. Like I recently caught a co-worker trying to make a toasted cheese sandwich in there. I told him that was 1) gross and 2) probably not good for the toaster, but he wasn't having it. Less than a week later the toaster shorted after someone put bread in there that was smeared with butter and honey. We had to get a new toaster and there was a very stern note hung up next to it that it was only to be used for naked bread: no butter, no honey, no cheese. Someone - neither myself nor the one other vegan working there - even wrote "vegan toaster" on there. I'm sure most people thought it was me. The sign is gone now, and I have very little hope that people are going to keep respecting the sanctity of the new toaster.


What the hell? Do you work with five year olds? It's like a joke about people who are so bad at cooking they don't understand how to make toast.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 9:52 am 
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Hahahahqahahahahah luxury milk!


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:04 am 
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I took some margarine to work in a small opaque plastic container and left it in the lunch room fridge. Nobody has touched it because the last time I used the container I had labelled it "scrambled tofu" and I just left the label on. People on my floor are pretty good - I don't think anyone uses my soy milk or creamer - but upstairs in the lunch room anything is fair game (except scrambled tofu, apparently).

We don't have a microwave in my local "convenience centre", thank heavens, as people heat up the most disgusting stuff.


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