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 Post subject: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 2:01 am 
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So as you know, I lost Patsy in March. Once I got over the initial grief I found myself obsessed with looking at new kittens.

Now I cannot get a new kitten as Eddie (Patsy's brother) is old and deaf and has a heart murmur and I think a new kitten would just stress him out and make me feel really guilty and looking makes me feel really disloyal, like I am wishing him away (which I most definitely do not want!). But I still keep looking.

I figure it is a weird part of the grieving process (she was super active and mad, almost kitten like and Ed isn't and I miss that) but has anyone else been through annoying similar after losing a companion?

Mat.

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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:07 am 
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A couple months after Butters died, I started spending a lot of time looking at orange and white tabbies on Petfinder. It wasn't quite in the same situation because I still had four other cats and they were used to new family members. Looking actually made me feel disloyal to Butters and not the cats I still had, but I figured he'd want another cat to have a home.

Instead of a kitten, you could also consider a female cat that is a couple years old so she won't be as full of energy, but still young enough to be playful. It may actually be a good idea since generally it is better to bring a younger, opposite gender cat into the household because it tends to minimize dominance issues. Good luck.


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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:16 am 
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I looked at Petfinder all the time, even though I knew I wasn't actually getting another dog for quite awhile. I even looked at yorkie rescues and one had a one-eyed yorkie. It helps to know there's other cats in the sea, I guess?

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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 11:40 am 
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Yes, I go through this every time I lose a guinea pig. When I lost Muckerbee it was the worst as her death affected me badly. It's not as extreme since Barney died, but I still look at white guinea pigs with pink/red eyes a lot.


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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 11:45 am 
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matwinser wrote:
So as you know, I lost Patsy in March. Once I got over the initial grief I found myself obsessed with looking at new kittens.

Now I cannot get a new kitten as Eddie (Patsy's brother) is old and deaf and has a heart murmur and I think a new kitten would just stress him out and make me feel really guilty and looking makes me feel really disloyal, like I am wishing him away (which I most definitely do not want!). But I still keep looking.

I figure it is a weird part of the grieving process (she was super active and mad, almost kitten like and Ed isn't and I miss that) but has anyone else been through annoying similar after losing a companion?

Mat.


I think it's kind of normal. What I'm thinking is that now you kind of processed Patsy's death, you are ready or want to "move on".

However, you also feel a loyalty or caring feeling/responsibility towards Eddie.

Seems you're torn between moving on and finding another cat, and providing "optimal care" for Eddie. That could be why you are wishing Eddie away cause that would remove the obstacle for moving on.

Like fatcat says, consider an older cat that isn't as "wild" as a young kitten. That could be better company for Eddie, though you'll never know if another cat and Eddie will get along until you tried it.

Or get yourself a kitten, cause Eddie was used to having a super active cat around.


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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:39 pm 
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Thanks for your replies, I am glad to know that I am not the only one that goes through this.

Just to clarify, I am really not wishing Eddie away, just that looking at other cats feels like I am. Given the choice between a new cat and Eddie living forever, I would totally take Eddie.

I am certain that we are not going to get any other cats for now.

Mat.

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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 4:04 pm 
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I don't have any pets, but I REALLY miss having pets and I REALLY miss my cat, Nero, who was my family cat and lives with my sister now. I look at pets all the time even though I know I can't have one right now. It's not exactly the same as a pet dying, but I think I know the feeling.

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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 10:54 pm 
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When I lost my dog, Zeke, I would look at dogs on a local shelter's website and cry and feel miserable over losing my dog/guilty for even thinking about getting a new dog. It took about 11 months before I could actually picture myself with another dog, and then along came Murphy and Ginger a few months later.

You'll know when the time is right and the right furry friend will come along!


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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:51 pm 
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This thread is making me want to peruse Petfinder.

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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 11:53 pm 
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Mat, I also think it's pretty normal to want to help out another kitten/cat and dream of doing so, even though it's not in the cards
for awhile.

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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2012 4:40 pm 
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That's definitely a really strange part of the grieving process. When my mom lost her dog to one that we were fostering, it was bittersweet. She adopted her from the shelter to help a dog out after our other dog passed away, and once her own pup was attacked, she didn't know what to do. She ultimately ended up getting another puppy after that dog was brought to a rescue.

You think you shouldn't adopt a new kitten but I bet that if your cat was attached to his sister, then it might be nice if you could find him another sweet and affectionate companion who isn't rambunctious. I've had so many cats but I've had a couple who were pretty old our new cats/kittens grew on them, sometimes changing their personalities so they became different (in a positive way). Definitely feel it out.


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 Post subject: Re: I think losing Patsy has made me a bit nuts
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 3:20 pm 
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It the oddest thing, they spent no time together at all and she would hiss at him whenever he come near, but I think he misses her a bit. I just think he is too old (16!) to deal with another cat.

Mat.

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