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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:01 am 
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Heeeerrrrree's JACKY!
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My delightful phone conversation yesterday:

Caller: I am a subscriber and I have a horrible itchy in my bits.

Me: Well, we are a magazine and we are not allowed to give out medical advice. I recommend you contact your health care pro...

Caller: NO. I am a subscriber. You should be able to answer this question. It is burning and itching...

Me: I am sorry, but we cannot answer any medical questions/

Caller: Then what good are you?


I would like to say this is rare. But I would be a liar.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:58 am 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:


-A woman came into the shelter with her two small children. They were in the kennel for quite a while. When a staff member went in to check on them, she was horrified to see the two children locked in a cage with one of the dogs. The mother was standing outside the cage staring at them. The staff member yelled, "Ma'am! You can't do that! Get your children out!" The woman grudgingly let her kids out of the cage and said, "Well how else was I supposed to find out if the dog likes kids?!"

This is unbelievable. My gob is well and truly smacked.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:22 pm 
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Making Threats to Punks Again

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:08 pm
Posts: 1134
kfad wrote:
My delightful phone conversation yesterday:

Caller: I am a subscriber and I have a horrible itchy in my bits.

Me: Well, we are a magazine and we are not allowed to give out medical advice. I recommend you contact your health care pro...

Caller: NO. I am a subscriber. You should be able to answer this question. It is burning and itching...

Me: I am sorry, but we cannot answer any medical questions/

Caller: Then what good are you?


I would like to say this is rare. But I would be a liar.



What sort of magazine was this?!


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:03 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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GreenDuck wrote:
kfad wrote:
My delightful phone conversation yesterday:

Caller: I am a subscriber and I have a horrible itchy in my bits.

Me: Well, we are a magazine and we are not allowed to give out medical advice. I recommend you contact your health care pro...

Caller: NO. I am a subscriber. You should be able to answer this question. It is burning and itching...

Me: I am sorry, but we cannot answer any medical questions/

Caller: Then what good are you?


I would like to say this is rare. But I would be a liar.



What sort of magazine was this?!


I second this inquiry!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:04 pm 
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Cat Fancy?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:08 pm 
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TOTALLY CRADICAL
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From an email I just got. I am not making this up.

Quote:
I am changing my name to that of Crippled Ni**er Fa**ot


To be fair, Mr. Fa**ot (or is it Mr. Ni**er-Fa**ot?) is, himself, a disabled Black man who enjoys the company of other men, so this is kind of a 'reclaiming the word' sort of thing. But at the same time... that's quite a statement to make!

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Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
Sews Before Bros


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:11 pm 
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raspberrycomplaint wrote:
- At one point, we had a German Shepherd who was very nervous in the kennel. He was okay out of the cage, but when he was in his kennel, he was very frightened by strangers approaching, and would bark and lunge to try to scare them off. We put him in the furthest cage, and told visitors, "The dog in the last kennel is very scared. We are working with him, but for now, please stay away from the cage and don't look at him." So what did everyone do? Went right down to his kennel and stood in front of it while he barked and flipped out. They would stare him right in the eye, saying "What's wrong? Why are you barking?" as the dog whipped himself into a total frenzy. So we took several leashes and used them to make a barrier rope to block off that end of the kennel. We made a sign saying "Please Stand Back" and taped it to the rope. So what did people do? Went right to the barrier and leaned over it, staring at the dog while he flipped out. So we thought, okay, maybe we can get people involved in his training, and that will make them feel like they're doing something and they'll listen. We started instructing people to walk past his kennel and toss some treats in. We told them "Do not linger. Do not look at the dog. Just toss the treats in and then move away." Sooooo what did they do? Stood in front of his cage and tried to put their hands in to hand feed him. And so we closed the kennel to the public.

This is what happens with my dog all the time. She is scared of new people, but if they behave correctly she warms right up to them in about half an hour. I'm always telling new people when they come over, just ignore her, don't look at her in the eyes, and here are some treats you can give her. They always bend down to be face-level with her, look her right in the eyes and say things like "hey Ginny! I'm nice, you don't have to bark at me!"... Well I usually just leave it be, let them do whatever at that point since she definitely won't bite, it's not too much of a concern. But it just gets old!

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:13 pm 
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Plays The Sims 2 religiously
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
is, himself, a disabled Black man who enjoys the company of other men

Oh man, I love the way you worded this.

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i would schmear marmite on a moist scrotum for Mars. - interrobang?!
"Not everything." ~ mumbles (1973-2013) - mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 2:07 pm 
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Location: Smugville, CA
Mars wrote:
Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
is, himself, a disabled Black man who enjoys the company of other men

Oh man, I love the way you worded this.


He just called and I spoke to him on the phone! He was very polite and, disappointingly, introduced himself using his current legal/birth name.

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Crazy rating: Double plus crazytown bananapants ~Jordanpattern
"It's, you know, your typical Portland restaurant; bowls." ~Kittee
Sews Before Bros


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 2:13 pm 
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just mumbles wrote:
Cat Fancy?


Ha! In an intro to magazine publishing course I took that and Sea Kayaker were the two magazine examples the professor always used.

My vote is for AARP though.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 7:19 pm 
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Heeeerrrrree's JACKY!
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Nope... It is a tiny little birthing mag

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:09 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:09 pm
Posts: 16
I work as a receptionist at a really busy vet clinic in small town Alabama. I get a ton of kooks. One of my favorite recent calls was from someone who told me he had just gotten horse semen in his mouth and wanted to know what he should do. He was totally serious.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:39 am 
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Uhm well that story could very well be true. Yuck and poor horse.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:58 am 
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"There's nothing you can do, sir. You're gay for horses now."

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 9:28 am 
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Location: The Bene
Wow. Well, this doesn't compare to horse semen, but I almost lost it with a customer yesterday (and I rarely lose it with customers).

Me: Good afternoon, Blankety Blank Bookstore.
Customer: Yeah, I'd like to order some books please.
Me: Ok, what would you like to order?
Customer: Well, I don't have the exact title but if you google "Studybooks" with no space between them and "economics" you get a list and from that list... can you hang on a second?
Me: Okay...
Customer in background: That will be 34 Euros, would you like a bag with that? Ok, I'm back.
Me: Ok, so which titles did you want to order?
Customer: I don't know the title. Just go to google and type in "Studybook" no space, "economics" and you'll see a ... hang on a second.
Me: ...
Customer in background: Yes, ma'am, that'll be 16 Euros, would you like a bag with that? muffle muffle muffle... Ok, so, when you go to google and you type in "Studybook" no space, hang on... muffle muffle, yes ma'am...
Me: Sir, would you mind calling back when you're less busy? I also have other customers waiting to be helped.
Customer: But this will only take a couple of minutes. I'm not busy now. Just google "studybook" no space, "economics" and you'll get a list of titles, and I want a few of those.
Me: Well, I've googled exactly what you said, and don't see the list you mean. Besides, I can't just order random books for you, I'd need to know the specific ones you want. Could you maybe name one of the titles or authors.
Customer (getting huffy): But if you just google "studybook" no space and "economics" you'll see a book on Amazon. There's two left in stock. Can't you just order one for me?
Me: Sorry, sir. We don't order from Amazon. They're a retailer. You can actually do that yourself as a consumer. We order from our wholesalers.
Customer (in snippy tone): Oh. I see. Fine. Whatever. Bye! (Hangs up on me.)

Man, rude and stupid is a dangerous combination.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:44 am 
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just mumbles wrote:
"There's nothing you can do, sir. You're gay for horses now."


Thread, internet and world win.

Mat.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 7:44 am 
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There's a patron who comes in with her kids every day and stays all day long. This is fine, because I really like her. One really great thing is that she knows our kids' collection very well since she spends more time there than we do, so sometimes she can help US! Plus she tells other kids to stop running and to be quiet. She's like a library volunteer kinda.

Oh oh oh! How could I forget. There's a guy who comes in daily who always comes to the desk just to rant about his wife. "Why am I her bisque?" "She got to take the car today and be dry. Next time I'm leaving her out in the rain." He also swears a bunch and talks a lot about being hammered (he's sober when he comes to the library and I'm not sure if he drinks currently, but he used to).

There was a guy who came in who wanted to talk to us about god and how god is a man, not a woman. And since god is a man, we have to respect every single man and treat them very well (forget about women). Then he asked me if I'm a grandmother or if I'll be one soon. That's funny, since the same week, one patron thought I was 24 and another couldn't believe I wasn't in high school since I apparently look really young (?). I'm 30.


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 11:07 am 
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There was a guy last week who came in trying to buy drugs. He seemed unconvinced when I told him we don't sell mdma and spent 30 mind grilling me on where he might be able to score before he took his clothes off in the store and began trying stuff on by the racks.

His half naked sweaty roid raged/neck tattoo blockage of the men's wear sent the potentially awesome customer fleeing.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 11:24 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:29 pm
Posts: 6204
Location: Land of Maple and Beavers
Mars wrote:
raspberrycomplaint wrote:
- At one point, we had a German Shepherd who was very nervous in the kennel. He was okay out of the cage, but when he was in his kennel, he was very frightened by strangers approaching, and would bark and lunge to try to scare them off. We put him in the furthest cage, and told visitors, "The dog in the last kennel is very scared. We are working with him, but for now, please stay away from the cage and don't look at him." So what did everyone do? Went right down to his kennel and stood in front of it while he barked and flipped out. They would stare him right in the eye, saying "What's wrong? Why are you barking?" as the dog whipped himself into a total frenzy. So we took several leashes and used them to make a barrier rope to block off that end of the kennel. We made a sign saying "Please Stand Back" and taped it to the rope. So what did people do? Went right to the barrier and leaned over it, staring at the dog while he flipped out. So we thought, okay, maybe we can get people involved in his training, and that will make them feel like they're doing something and they'll listen. We started instructing people to walk past his kennel and toss some treats in. We told them "Do not linger. Do not look at the dog. Just toss the treats in and then move away." Sooooo what did they do? Stood in front of his cage and tried to put their hands in to hand feed him. And so we closed the kennel to the public.

This is what happens with my dog all the time. She is scared of new people, but if they behave correctly she warms right up to them in about half an hour. I'm always telling new people when they come over, just ignore her, don't look at her in the eyes, and here are some treats you can give her. They always bend down to be face-level with her, look her right in the eyes and say things like "hey Ginny! I'm nice, you don't have to bark at me!"... Well I usually just leave it be, let them do whatever at that point since she definitely won't bite, it's not too much of a concern. But it just gets old!


ugh same, with my cat Gershwin. He has serious anxiety about new people, even people he's met before but doesn't see often. I ALWAYS tell people not to pet him, just leave him be and he'll come around in his own time. And EVERY TIME people then try to pet him and then he scratches or bites them and loses his shiitake. Like, what the fork about what I just said does not make sense to you?

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:46 pm 
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Attended Chelsea Clinton's Wedding
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um...I work in I.T., so, yeah people are often incomprehensible and frequently shouting at me- here are some gems:

This professor would call every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00 when his class started:
Me: X College I.T. Help Desk, how can I help you?
Him: I need help setting up the technologies.

hm, I'll be right there sir, as clearly I am not going to be able to walk you through anything over the phone.

More recently:

Them: X software is running slowly
Me: Are you using internet explorer?
Them: Well you have to use the internet to get to the program.
Me: I'm sorry, you misunderstood me. What browser are you using?
Them: I'm not using a browser, I'm on the internet.
Me: (after some thinking) When you push 'the button for the internet', what does it look like?
Them: An orange swirl.
Me: Ahhh...you're in Firefox.
Them: no I'm not, I'm in x software.

gahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

A classic from a couple of years ago:
Me: Are you on a mac or a PC?
Them: Neither, I'm on a laptop.

One that happens ALL THE TIME, almost daily:

Me: I.T., how can I help you.
Them: I can't see anything.

My Internal Monologue: Really??!?! You can't see ANYTHING? If that's true you should probably go to a hospital IMMEDIATELY. WHAT ON EARTH DOES THIS MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK I WON'T ASK ANY FOLLOW UPS?

Me actually speaking: Ok, well what exactly do you mean by that. Do you mean the monitor won't turn on?
Them: No, I hit a button and everything is gone.

My Internal Monologue: Consider the idea, for just a moment, that a computer company built a machine for mass-market use, and on that machine, there is one button that erases EVERYTHING. Why would they do that?

Me actually speaking: What's you're office number? I'll be right there.

_________________
"It's very dear to me, the issue of GAY MARRIAGE. Or, as I like to call it: 'MARRIAGE.' You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn't gay park it." -Liz Feldman


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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:58 pm 
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Has it on Blue Vinyl
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Posts: 2072
Location: K'JIPUKTUK (Halifax, N.S.)
eatmonaeat wrote:
um...I work in I.T., so, yeah people are often incomprehensible and frequently shouting at me- here are some gems:

This professor would call every Tuesday and Thursday at 3:00 when his class started:
Me: X College I.T. Help Desk, how can I help you?
Him: I need help setting up the technologies.

hm, I'll be right there sir, as clearly I am not going to be able to walk you through anything over the phone.

More recently:

Them: X software is running slowly
Me: Are you using internet explorer?
Them: Well you have to use the internet to get to the program.
Me: I'm sorry, you misunderstood me. What browser are you using?
Them: I'm not using a browser, I'm on the internet.
Me: (after some thinking) When you push 'the button for the internet', what does it look like?
Them: An orange swirl.
Me: Ahhh...you're in Firefox.
Them: no I'm not, I'm in x software.

gahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

A classic from a couple of years ago:
Me: Are you on a mac or a PC?
Them: Neither, I'm on a laptop.

One that happens ALL THE TIME, almost daily:

Me: I.T., how can I help you.
Them: I can't see anything.

My Internal Monologue: Really??!?! You can't see ANYTHING? If that's true you should probably go to a hospital IMMEDIATELY. WHAT ON EARTH DOES THIS MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK I WON'T ASK ANY FOLLOW UPS?

Me actually speaking: Ok, well what exactly do you mean by that. Do you mean the monitor won't turn on?
Them: No, I hit a button and everything is gone.

My Internal Monologue: Consider the idea, for just a moment, that a computer company built a machine for mass-market use, and on that machine, there is one button that erases EVERYTHING. Why would they do that?

Me actually speaking: What's you're office number? I'll be right there.

Oh man, I'd forgotten about some of those.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:28 pm 
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I feel really sorry for my IT support. They know me very well by now, because I'm often so stressed that I just call them for the most stupid things. One that I still remember with shame is "I hit something and my calendar in outlook has a 1-day view instead of the 5-days view. Help!"

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:35 pm 
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Location: Brooklyn
At least you wrote a coherent issue you were having. I just got a ticket that says "My screen seems wrong."

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 3:14 pm 
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I've been known to call an IT help line or some other similar thing and while on the phone with them, figure out the dumb issue I've been having and fix it myself and then have to apologize profusely for having wasted their time.

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 Post subject: Re: Very Special Customers/Clients
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 4:07 pm 
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eatmonaeat wrote:
At least you wrote a coherent issue you were having. I just got a ticket that says "My screen seems wrong."


Yeah if I had a dollar for every "It's not working" or "It's broke" or "It won't let me in" or "Please fix it" ticket I got, I would...not be working tech/customer support.

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