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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 7:15 am 
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Drossie wrote:
Congratulations everyone, and happy planning!

linanil wrote:
Aelle, maybe it is something that is culturally different but I personally wouldn't invite anyone without accounting that they would be bringing a guest with them. And if that isn't the case, it is something that should be put on the RSVP.

This caught my eye! Do you mean you'd expect X to bring someone along who wasn't included even as a +1 on the invite?

As a guest, I'm now six-for-six weddings that I attended happily on my own, because I was always single. It helped that the hosts in all cases knew me well and would have known of any partner, and by name at that. But I told a friend I'd only ever been invited alone, and she couldn't have looked more shocked. People have such different experiences even starting in childhood, you can only do what works for you and make your wording as clear as humanly possible. I think of friends who married back when we were all in our 20s; if they'd given a +1 to every one of us singlies, they could quickly have added $500 to their costs. Depends, of course, on how you're catering.


I expect everyone to be able to bring a guest, that doesn't mean that everyone will. The invitee should RSVP and indicate if they are bringing a guest. So if you invite someone, assume at the time of the invite that they can bring a guest and base your invite list from that. The invite should be very clear, indicating any expectations. I had a friend recently get married where I wasn't invited to the wedding but was invited to a family picnic. I wasn't able to go but I thought that we a nice thing to do.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 9:14 am 
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linanil wrote:
I expect everyone to be able to bring a guest, that doesn't mean that everyone will. The invitee should RSVP and indicate if they are bringing a guest. So if you invite someone, assume at the time of the invite that they can bring a guest and base your invite list from that.

So it sounds like this is yet another US/Australia difference - who knew?! Here, at least for something as formal as most weddings, the invitation is only for the people on the invitation (which might include "and guest/s" if the other name/s aren't known). So, in all my experiences: just me, nobody else. I'm assuming, pretty safely I think, it would not have been well received if I'd written back and said, "Oh yeah, I've decided to bring someone, thanks." It's like the system you describe has an across-the-board implied +1, whereas in ours it's only there if stated outright by the people doing the inviting.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 9:55 am 
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Drossie wrote:
linanil wrote:
I expect everyone to be able to bring a guest, that doesn't mean that everyone will. The invitee should RSVP and indicate if they are bringing a guest. So if you invite someone, assume at the time of the invite that they can bring a guest and base your invite list from that.

So it sounds like this is yet another US/Australia difference - who knew?! Here, at least for something as formal as most weddings, the invitation is only for the people on the invitation (which might include "and guest/s" if the other name/s aren't known). So, in all my experiences: just me, nobody else. I'm assuming, pretty safely I think, it would not have been well received if I'd written back and said, "Oh yeah, I've decided to bring someone, thanks." It's like the system you describe has an across-the-board implied +1, whereas in ours it's only there if stated outright by the people doing the inviting.


Well it depends, there are multiple cultures within the US (like Aus), but I've never seen an RSVP that didn't have a place to indicate the number of guests.

Also, in my family, you may not necessarily get your own invitation but it usually addressed to the head of the family to coordinate their children and guests. If my mom got a wedding invitation for her family, I'd be included in the number of people she could invite. So you could have something where someone puts +10 on an RSVP.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 10:12 am 
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My guest list is small enough that I already know everyone's potential +1s and want them there, but I do have several friends invited who are currently single and/or dating casually and I wonder if I should account for their +1s in the guest count? This has be worried as I've committed to no more than 35 in terms of the venue and caterer, but I also forgot about babies/kids (there will be three). Everyone is coming from pretty far away (England, Toronto, California, etc...) so I don't think it's super likely that new partners will expect to be invited, but I hope I'm not committing a faux-pas by not giving everyone the option of a +1.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 10:54 am 
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You guys! Your save the dates are so cute! This is ours! Looks a lot like Amey's actually. Our super talented illustrator friend did them, and she's doing our invites as well.

Image

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 11:55 am 
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aaaack! That is SO CUTE! it looks just like you two!!! I love it so much! It makes me want to give you both a big hug!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 2:28 pm 
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+1! So great! Did Maygles' sister design it?


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:59 pm 
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vijita wrote:
+1! So great! Did Maygles' sister design it?

Yup!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 6:31 pm 
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vijita wrote:
My guest list is small enough that I already know everyone's potential +1s and want them there, but I do have several friends invited who are currently single and/or dating casually and I wonder if I should account for their +1s in the guest count? This has be worried as I've committed to no more than 35 in terms of the venue and caterer, but I also forgot about babies/kids (there will be three). Everyone is coming from pretty far away (England, Toronto, California, etc...) so I don't think it's super likely that new partners will expect to be invited, but I hope I'm not committing a faux-pas by not giving everyone the option of a +1.



Obviously, you have to do what you have to do, especially with such intense venue restrictions on the size... But, I think that even if you have single / casually dating friends who you really want there, they should have the option to bring a date. I feel like weddings cost the bride and groom a lot of money, but they also cost a lot of money to attend (plane tickets, hotel, gifts, rental cars, etc.)...So, one's friends and guests should be able to have the best time possible, and the best time possible is not being dance partnerless at a wedding, or spending a lot of money to go away for the weekend without your S.O. whether your friend deems them significant or not.

Until recently I'd never even heard of anyone being invited to a major function, like a wedding, without the option to bring a date and the excuse is always money, which I empathize with, to be sure. At the same time, your friends want to be there, they're spending money to be there and to buy you (perhaps multiple, if they attend showers, etc.) gifts, so what's another plate and chair so that they don't spend the whole event feeling lonely and drinking extra at your open bar to numb the loneliness? It's obviously only one woman's opinion, but especially for "destination" weddings, all guests need the option of a plus one. If they chose to bring someone, it's someone they would want to spend money going away for the weekend with, so it's a significant friend, date, or whatever whether it meets some arbitrary criteria of significance in a 21st c etiquette book. If your guest list is so small, why not check in with your single or single-ish friends and ask them if they'd like the option? It seems like that might make them feel like they're being considered and it would quell your own anxiety so that you can get back to the fun part.


Nebraskalaska wrote:
You guys! Your save the dates are so cute! This is ours! Looks a lot like Amey's actually. Our super talented illustrator friend did them, and she's doing our invites as well.

Image


Bah! That is so cute, I might die. Your little cartoon eyes are so lovey!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 6:58 pm 
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Just poked around this thread to snoop around, I love the save the dates everyone has posted - so cute!!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 12:46 am 
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Those STDs make your fiancé look like the guy from Lost.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 12:49 am 
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Sayid?

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 9:12 am 
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indexandicon wrote:
. If your guest list is so small, why not check in with your single or single-ish friends and ask them if they'd like the option? It seems like that might make them feel like they're being considered and it would quell your own anxiety so that you can get back to the fun part.



I second this. I know that, when I've been a wedding guest, I've always appreciated my friends at least telling me why they couldn't include dates--even if they couldn't give me the option, I knew they hadn't forgotten to consider me. My fiance and I also have a guest-limit due to space restrictions. Of course, 100 people is easier than 35...but he has a really large friend group that's been together for a decade. We had a choice between omitting some of our friends so that others could have dates and, well, omitting dates.

My friends are all out-of-town, and most are married or coupled already. I asked my single long-distance friends point blank: "I'm writing the guest list: do you think you'll be bringing a date?" No one felt like I was telling them they *had* to come alone.

In the case of local friends, I feel it depends on how familiar they are with each other. I don't want anyone sitting in a corner at the wedding because they don't know anyone else. We're in a lucky spot, because all of our local friends know each other (and we're going to ask the DJ to play mostly music that groups can dance to).

We've still been casually checking in with our local friends...wedding planning comes up in conversation a lot, and they all know we have a limited capacity and that we chose our venue because it's where we had our first date...so, none of them are going to be taken by surprise when they get their invitations.

Oh, and as for significant others who have been together for less than a year or don't live together: they're still not "dates" or "casual" partners. If I know they identify as a couple, I don't care about the particulars--they're getting invited.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 9:20 am 
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Oh, and these are our save-the-dates. Those aren't our names, of course, and I can't show the finished postcards because we haven't finished making them.

I was too cheap to purchase an editable file, so I'm handwriting everyone's address. Whee!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 10:38 am 
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Nebraskalaska wrote:
Sayid?

No, no, was his name Daniel? He was the scientist-y guy.

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 11:33 am 
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Where's my save the date?!


<3<3<3<3

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 10:21 pm 
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vijita wrote:
And their photos are amazing! (here is one of me photo-bombing them. Ha! ps...the other photos are better)
Image

I don't know why I'm reading this thread, but this is the best photo-bomb ever! Are you wearing a cape?

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 1:13 am 
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Ha, yep. It was freezing by the ocean in March (duh), so the bride leant me that cape, and I used it appropriately.


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 1:55 am 
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I love the save the dates! They are super cute!!

Our wedding was yesterday and I had so much fun. My house is full of drying lavender from the bouquets and my nose is in heaven. I hope you guys have a blast at yours! Best of luck <3

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:56 pm 
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Pictures couroupita! Post lots of pics! And Congrats!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:34 pm 
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i'm not getting married, but in honor of my 4th wedding anniversary just a few days ago:

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and

Image

man. it seems so long ago! congrats to everyone in this thread!


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:12 am 
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littlebird, your dress is absolutely gorgeous! Happy anniversary!


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:14 pm 
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All these dresses are fantastic! Um, how early is too early to buy a dress? We don't have a date or a venue yet, but I saw a dress online that I really want and it's on sale.... buy? Don't buy? I don't want to be that crazy lady with a wedding dress she never wore!


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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:48 pm 
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couroupita wrote:
I love the save the dates! They are super cute!!

Our wedding was yesterday and I had so much fun. My house is full of drying lavender from the bouquets and my nose is in heaven. I hope you guys have a blast at yours! Best of luck <3

I want to see pics!!!

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 Post subject: Re: weddings are annoying, but...
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:50 pm 
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Thessaly wrote:
All these dresses are fantastic! Um, how early is too early to buy a dress? We don't have a date or a venue yet, but I saw a dress online that I really want and it's on sale.... buy? Don't buy? I don't want to be that crazy lady with a wedding dress she never wore!

I thought I was buying my dress too early and that I was going to feel like I missed out on the "shopping experience" (bullshiitake WIC code for making you spend more time in stores so you'll feel more pressured to buy a more expensive dress), but I realized not too long ago how freaking glad I was to not have to think about the stupid dress anymore. Also, if you want any alterations done it's better to buy early and save yourself rush fees.

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