| Register  | FAQ  | Search | Login 
It is currently Mon Apr 21, 2014 5:15 am

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 57 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:08 am 
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 4677
Location: United States of New England
So when my husband and I got married I did not change my last name. There are tons of Lisa’s in my generation so I have always been known as “Lisa J” it’s pretty much like my identity so changing my name at 27 felt very strange to me. Since we weren’t planning on having kids I figured it didn’t matter. So now that we are planning on starting a family I wonder if it will matter.

Should I change my name so everyone in the family has the same last name?
Am I going to encounter issues with schools or doctors or whatever if I have a different last name than my kid?
Is it weird for a kid to have a different last name from it’s mom??
Do I need to tell the hospital that my name is different than my husband’s so they put the correct name on the birth certificate?

Changing my name sounds like a royal pain in the arse.
And im probably way overthinking this.
LISA J 4 EVA!

_________________
Damn dirty vegan hippies and their carob.~~Moon

It's just funny to think that we could go through years of this, become the president of the damn country, and still, we'd be eating pasta with veggies at every. damn. function.~~Joyfulgirl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:11 am 
I Wanna Dip My Balls In It
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:37 pm
Posts: 3232
Location: idontevenknowanymore
unmarried people have children all the time :) those kids get birth certificate and get through life just fine :)

_________________
reap/sow, risk/reward


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:12 am 
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 4677
Location: United States of New England
OMG you are so right.
duh.
i *knew i was overthinking this!!!

_________________
Damn dirty vegan hippies and their carob.~~Moon

It's just funny to think that we could go through years of this, become the president of the damn country, and still, we'd be eating pasta with veggies at every. damn. function.~~Joyfulgirl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:14 am 
A gift from the crasshole god.
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 11:57 am
Posts: 2523
Why don't you just give the kid your name?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:15 am 
The Real Hamburger Helper
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:01 pm
Posts: 2213
Location: Maryland
I have friends who don't share a last name and have kids. You can pick one or the other, or hyphenate. Only change your name if you really want to.

I changed mine only because it was an upgrade.

_________________
"Noooo! Karyn, you have to stop posting old Jensen pics. He looks way too smooth in those pics, like if I touch his face it'll feel like silk or bosoms or something."-mixmaster_mo
It's Raining Kale


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:19 am 
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 4677
Location: United States of New England
i wish changing my name would be an upgrade but i would be going from one long unpronounable name to a medium length mildly unpronouncable name. only a mini upgrade ;-)

_________________
Damn dirty vegan hippies and their carob.~~Moon

It's just funny to think that we could go through years of this, become the president of the damn country, and still, we'd be eating pasta with veggies at every. damn. function.~~Joyfulgirl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:24 am 
Married to the wolfman
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 5607
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
I used my passport with my maiden name on it as ID when traveling with the Emperor at 18 months old. Airport security was kinda like "is this really your child" I guess because the names on our tickets didn't match, and I'm a sort of small dark haired person and my son was this huge sunny blonde boy. But of course, I had his birth certificate with me (good to have when you're traveling with your kid regardless of names) and as soon as I went to pull that out they were like oh sorry, go right through.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:25 am 
Married to the wolfman
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 5607
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
So what I'm saying is: no, shouldn't be a problem.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:26 am 
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:27 pm
Posts: 805
Location: asheville
I am unmarried and have a kid. My kid and I have the same last name but my partners last name is different. When we had him and were asked all the birth certificate questions and Dr's office stuff it was never linked to my last name. They always asked his last name sepratly. It was never assumed that his last name was mine OR my partners know what I mean?

When we do get married (or if) I don't think any of us will change our last names. My kid has mine because we like mine better and my partner hates his so.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:35 am 
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 4677
Location: United States of New England
thanks coldandsleepy and tank i think those were the things i was worrying about.
like would i have issues at like an airport like you mention or with a school or something.

sounds like there are ways of dealing with it.
i really dont want to change my last name so i dont think i will. and hyphenating the two names would just be a mess!

_________________
Damn dirty vegan hippies and their carob.~~Moon

It's just funny to think that we could go through years of this, become the president of the damn country, and still, we'd be eating pasta with veggies at every. damn. function.~~Joyfulgirl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:36 am 
Fair trade, organic mistletoe
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 12:52 am
Posts: 3506
Location: Toronto
I have my mom's last name. No issues. And much more pronounceable than my dad's.

_________________
"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa

"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:37 am 
***LIES!!!***
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 4:10 pm
Posts: 3436
Sarah-Jane wrote:
Why don't you just give the kid your name?


+1 yummy

None of those issues you mention above should be a real problem no matter what you choose. Don't change your name unless you really want to, it's really a PITA.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:39 am 
Nailed to the V
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Sat Oct 23, 2010 4:58 pm
Posts: 581
Location: chicago
My mom got remarried when I was about 8 and changed her name from the same as mine/my dad's to my stepdad's. I don't remember it ever being a problem or me ever feeling weird about it. I do remember her asking me if I wanted to change my last name too when she got remarried so it would be the same as hers, and I was like, I'm not getting married and my name is awesome, why would I do that?

I have a long impossible to pronounce last name that stars with a J and I love it so I recommend keeping yours and giving it to your kid.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:55 am 
Married to the wolfman
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:49 pm
Posts: 5607
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
Oh yeah, my mom's had a different last name as me since I was like... 2 or 3? And I don't recall it ever causing problems. My siblings and I (except my sister) all have different last names and that was more confusing.

I wanted to take my partner's last name and I can no longer recall why. I liked my last name though it was hard to spell and pronounce. Didn't want to pass it on to my kids (for those reasons) but sometimes I think I'll change it back someday just because. Though that's a hassle, and might offend my partner a little.

_________________
"Hummus; a gentleman's vice." -- Mars

coldandsleepy cooks, THE BLOG!


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:59 am 
Bathes in Braggs
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:48 pm
Posts: 1374
If it's a name that you really love, I'm a big fan of putting your maiden name as your new middle name. It works for kids too. My maiden name is a very old male name, and we've thought of using it as a middle name for another boy if one ever comes along. Just do what you're comfortable with. I liked the sound of my husband's last name, so that's really the only reason why I took it.


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:59 am 
Has it on Blue Vinyl
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 10:13 pm
Posts: 2093
I never changed my name after marriage and I have a kid with a different last name. I gave her my last name as a middle name so we would share it that way. I just couldn't imagine being someone else after all these years. I had zero interest changing it. I gave her my partner's last name to honor his father, who had passed away recently.

You get to fill out the paper that tells them what to put on the birth certificate, at least at my hospital anyway. The hospital never knew my baby's name, as far as I could tell. They label the babies something like "baby girl mom's last name." That had nothing to do with the birth certificate or anything official. Frankly, I could have told them her father was God and they wouldn't have cared. They do put special bracelets on mom, dad, and baby that are scanned all the time for security.

I'm also a teacher and I have students with all kinds of name configurations different from their parents. It's not a big deal to me or the other students. I try to be respectful, referring to "families" instead of moms and dads at all times just to avoid confusion and be inclusive. And after the first day, parents communicate who they are and what's what. Not a big deal.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:09 am 
Wears Durian Helmet
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:00 am
Posts: 832
It definitely doesn't matter for doctor visits, school, etc., whether or not you have the same last name as your kid.

My partner and I felt like we wanted our whole family to have the same last name and wanted to do it in a way that felt fair and not sexist, so we created a new name that's a combination of our old last names. I've heard that this is not so uncommon anymore, although we're not married, so that makes people think it's pretty weird. We just happened to go to court to do the name change on the very day I went into labor, so that was pretty special!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:13 am 
Semen Strong
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:10 pm
Posts: 18627
Location: Cliffbar NJ
I wanted us to have the same name when Leela was born, but yeah, haven't gotten around to that and it doesn't seem to matter at all.

I did have some billing issues bc all the bills were in my name and my daughter has my husband's name, so the hospital used my last name for some but my husband's for others and then things had to be resubmitted but it was all relatively small potatoes

_________________
But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:13 am 
Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:47 pm
Posts: 1810
Location: vancouver island
Yes to what everyone else already said! You'll have to register for a birth certificate anyway, so you can put the chosen name on that form.

Related story: My partner and I have different last names, and the kids both have his, because it's a common, easy-to-spell surname. I'm going traveling outside the country in a few weeks without my partner, and I don't look like my kids at all. I anticipate lots of questions at the border. (Fortunately, I will be prepared with birth certificates that have their names and my name, and a note from my partner stating that this situation is totally okay.)

_________________
when you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt you head back and laugh at the sky. -buddha


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:29 am 
Hoards Peppermint Jo-Jos
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:42 pm
Posts: 796
Location: Oak Harbor, WA
I hyphenated Lorelei's last name so she has mommy and daddy's name. I changed my name with my first marriage and changed it back years later when I divorced and decided I am never going to change it again, it is very hard. There is so much you have to do that you won't realize until after the fact. I like that I am keeping my name this time around it just makes so much more sense to me. If I ever encounter a difficult reaction to it I would be happy to explain. It took me a while to file the paperwork for the Navy to reflect the change because I was lazy so my ID still had my married name on it when Lorelei was born so it didnt match either of her last names. I got resistance from a phamacuedical tech when I was picking up her baby Tylenol and I recall being pretty pissy about it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:32 am 
Baking In The Flavor
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:46 pm
Posts: 183
Location: The Bay Area
My maiden last name was hypenated and was both my parent's names (momsname - dadsname). I changed in when I got married. Big mistake on my part. I don't have the same name as all of my kids. It's not weird and growing up most of my friends did not have the same name as one of their parents.

Also, I do have friends who have taken a completely new last name (both husband and wife) as a symbol of their unity, and I have a friend who gave both her kids a different last name than either her or their father have because of the meaning. So, really, you don't have to change your name. It's totally a personal choice.

_________________
Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.
Buddha

My wee blog:

http://www.mommethree.com


Top
 Profile WWW  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:42 am 
Has it on Blue Vinyl
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:15 pm
Posts: 2191
It is so normal for kids not to have the same last names as their moms these days. When I worked in a child care none of the staff ever assumed that last names matched, we always asked.

But I also support the idea of the kid having your last name! I don't understand why people pass down the dad's name more often.

_________________
"No one with hair so soft and glossy could ever be bad at anything." - Tofulish


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:57 am 
Dislikes Rick Santorum
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 am
Posts: 4677
Location: United States of New England
thanks for all the answers. sounds like it's not a big deal these days.
i think i will keep my last name but give the kid my husband's last name.
im not against the idea of the kid having the mother's name but in our case there is no real good reason to other than "because i said so"
both our last names are hard to spell and pronounce but mine is definitely worse.
i already have 2 nephews to "carry on the name" if that is something my family cares about (i have no idea)
my inlaws have 4 kids and i dont know if any of them will actually have kids so if we have kids we will probably give them my husband's name. my inlaws might get insulted if we dont use their name (not 100% sure about that). im guessing the youngest brother if he marries the girl he is with now will have kids cause i cant imagine them not but one never knows.

some of our friends have made up a hyphenated version of our 2 names together to refer to our house which i kinda like but i kinda dont see us actually going through the process of changing BOTH our names.

_________________
Damn dirty vegan hippies and their carob.~~Moon

It's just funny to think that we could go through years of this, become the president of the damn country, and still, we'd be eating pasta with veggies at every. damn. function.~~Joyfulgirl


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 12:22 pm 
Should Write a Goddam Book Already
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:14 pm
Posts: 1034
Location: 'Burbs of California
Not a big deal. My husband has a super unique name (everyone with the name in the entire US is descended from his great great grandfather), whereas my name is ultra common. So, my husband and I really wanted to pass his cool name on. I didn't change my name because it just felt wrong to me, despite the fact that I don't like my last name much. Didn't need to pass my boring name on to my child though.

For things that don't matter, I sometimes say that my daughter has my last name for simplicity's sake. But, eh, that's just me being lazy.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: should i change my name?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 1:30 pm 
Had sex with a vampire that sparkles.
User avatar
Offline

Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:24 pm
Posts: 5315
Location: BRLA
I'm still waiting on the day for it to finally matter or even occur to anyone that I don't have the same last name as my mom. It's been like twenty years now and it's never been a thing. Like no one's even pointed it out (I guess that would be kind of weird) or started to write her name with my last name or me with hers. I think it's almost normal at this point for families to be made with multiple last names. And she's been married three times and took their last name every time (in addition to her maiden name with a hyphen except for the first time when she just took his name as hers) so we've been through a lot of changes.

In fact it came in handy as a total lie of a non-relative reference once.

If I have a baby I want to give it my mom's last name because it's better than mine and has two capital letters and I decided that was super cool way back.

_________________
The thing about this thread is, it's dumb. - IJDI


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic  [ 57 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 6 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Exabot [Bot] and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Template made by DEVPPL/ThatBigForum and fancied up by What Cheer