since 1992, the english department at san jose university has sponsored a competition that challenges writers to come up with the worst opening line to a novel. the entries for this year were posted recently, and they are, as always, splendidly horrible. here's the 2012 winner:
"As he told her that he loved her she gazed into his eyes, wondering, as she noted the infestation of eyelash mites, the tiny deocids burrowing into his follicles to eat the
greasy sebum therein, each female laying up to 25 eggs in a single follicle, causing inflammation, whether the eyes are truly the windows of the soul; and, if so, his soul
you can see the whole list here:http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2012win.html
now outdo them! come on, ppk, you're brilliant. you're hilarious. you're kind of gross. open some novels.