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 Post subject: Re: Worst sex tips ever
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:30 am 
Writes Vegan Haiku
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Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 7:09 pm
Posts: 31
Location: Number 12, Grimmauld Place
Cosmo is horrifying hilarious. Their tips always seem obvious or "Hey, don't just try that without asking!" I get that they have to keep writing sex tips (I guess, I don't know why they bother) but it all amounts to "Touch his penis." "Touch his penis with your tongue while it's wrapped in duct tape." "Touch his penis with your breasts while they're dipped in yogurt." And so on and so forth.

Last October there was an article in there about celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness month that pissed me off. I hate the sexualization/pinkification of breast cancer, and in honor of cancer awareness, it was all about the male gaze and making your breasts sexier for men, instead of... you know, health tips.

Holly at The Pervocracy does monthly two-part Cosmockings. They are swell. Love her blog.

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion." - Albert Camus

 Post subject: Re: Worst sex tips ever
PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 3:09 pm 
Flounceiad 2011
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:26 pm
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Location: A New England
Bumping because, well..."Press a fork (firmly, but don't break the skin or anything) into different parts of his body — his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs."

Oh, baby!


You can always politely suggest a ham alternative. ~ vijita
Nothing is safe from weiners in my neighborhood... ~ crowderpea
"SMLOUNCE!" ~ smurfterrobang?!

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 Post subject: Re: Worst sex tips ever
PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 3:12 pm 
A Bad Person
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Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:24 pm
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Location: Soy City
Too late!


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 Post subject: Re: Worst sex tips ever
PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 3:10 pm 
Loves Carrots (in the biblical sense)

Joined: Fri Nov 09, 2012 4:21 pm
Posts: 72
One of the comments:

Alternate between folding his penis into an origami owl, and trying to drown it like a mangy kitten in a bowl full of melted chocolate. Once the penis is sufficiently owl-shaped and/or conditioned to be terrified of chocolate, play loud Sousa marching music at it while slapping it rhythmically with a fly swatter. If these ministrations haven't brought your man to the highest heights of pleasure, finish off the sexy fun by super-gluing Fruit Loops to his shaft and mailing photos of your art project to Aunt Edna.

I tell you, I'm a goddamn whiz at coming up with helpful tips for snazzing up one's sex-life. Cosmo basically needs to hire me, like, right the hell now.

http://jezebel.com/5919206/cosmos-44-mo ... s-sex-tips

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