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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:15 pm 
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My thief housemates beware, that open container of almond milk that I've had sitting in the fridge has been there for about 3 months. I've thought about throwing it away, but I feel like it guards the rest of my food.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:24 pm 
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My ex used to keep OJ in the fridge at his job. He would periodically take a swig from the bottle in full view of other people. Someone else would write the VP's name on their condiments so that people would be afraid to use them.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:27 pm 
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I'm going to write "Hitler's soy milk" on the carton, so that if you use it, you're a racist.

But maybe people would just be like "fork you, Hitler! I'm stealing your soy milk!"

Man, this is hard, you guys.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:33 pm 
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I'm sure I told this story somewhere on the ppk, but one day about a year ago, I came into work and a peppermint chocolate bar that I had gotten from out of town (aka, can't get it here), brought into work, and had placed in the corner of my desk between the wall and a set of mini-drawers, and UNDER the counter overhang...was sitting on the counter, opened, half eaten. I was already in a pissy mood so I didn't even try to contain myself. I yelled "Who ate my chocolate?!" My boss popped out of his office and began some rambling bullshiitake explanation of how he thought a client had dropped it off (in before mentioned location that isn't visible from the other side of the counter), and he shared it with a co-worker. He didn't make eye contact and scurried off because yelling women scare him. Also keep in mind that he just left it sitting open on the front counter, since the previous day.

I went to the store, bought a chocolate bar, and turned the receipt in for my expenses. I also gave my co-worker a polite talk about how no matter what our boss says, anything on my desk that is not a work document/office supply is mine, and he told me that our boss offered him some and he declined because he was pretty sure it was mine. Sigh.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:34 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
My boss

i tell you MBM, your boss seems to be a REAL winner. Even a shitty day at my work sounds better than a day at yours.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:36 pm 
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you should have yelled, WHO ATE MY DRIED POOP BAR?!


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:40 pm 
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oh, of course, GOBS has the winner with excretions- you must put the soymilk in a tampax box.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:40 pm 
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torque wrote:
mrsbadmouth wrote:
My boss

i tell you MBM, your boss seems to be a REAL winner. Even a shitty day at my work sounds better than a day at yours.


It's not so bad.







When he goes on vacation.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:00 pm 
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My friend had an idea for a series of short films about confrontations between co-workers where one person suspects another of having stolen their sandwich.

http://www.brainsplinter.com/sandwich-series/

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:09 pm 
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GuiltyofBeingSprite wrote:
you should have yelled, WHO ATE MY DRIED POOP BAR?!

First sig of the thread.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:27 pm 
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I'm amazed that people even dare to touch unknown stuff in communal fridges. Everything that's in ours is stuff that I would only touch with a ten foot pole as a result of its undetermined opening/expiration date - most probably being three months in the past.

But then again, the other day someone put my soy yoghurt in his coffee, thinking it was milk.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:07 pm 
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Paloma wrote:
I'm amazed that people even dare to touch unknown stuff in communal fridges. Everything that's in ours is stuff that I would only touch with a ten foot pole as a result of its undetermined opening/expiration date - most probably being three months in the past.

But then again, the other day someone put my soy yoghurt in his coffee, thinking it was milk.

What?! Was this the pouring yoghurt you get in a carton, or did someone take off a plastic lid/peel off a foil lid, get a spoon and dig out a spoonful of 'milk' thinking "hmm, this milk is very thick today"?

torque wrote:
oh, of course, GOBS has the winner with excretions- you must put the soymilk in a tampax box.

Will you do this? Please? Pleeeaaase?


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:19 pm 
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just mumbles wrote:
I'm a stickler for grammar.


But I don't think the plural of mofo works that way... forker is not a modifier of mother-- it's the other way around, since they are people who fork things that happen to be mothers. It's not like "chefs de cuisine" (more than one chef de cuisine) where chef is the noun and "de cuisine" modifies it-- to pluralize it similarly would require that the actual phrase be "forkers of mothers," which, although an entertaining phrase, is not really the way people talk except in vaguely racist movie scripts.

If you were to refer to them as simply "forkers" you wouldn't say "forker are drinking my soy milk," would you?

I also protest the use of the word "mother hubbard" as an insult, as I have had sex with a mother on a number of occasions and found it quite pleasant and socially acceptable. (This was not MY mother, but the word itself doesn't specify that-- nothing is implied but sex with somebody who is a mother, and, well, I've totally done that.)

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:26 pm 
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solipsistnation wrote:
But I don't think the plural of mofo works that way...

I'm a stickler for stickling.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:31 pm 
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GreenDuck wrote:
Paloma wrote:
But then again, the other day someone put my soy yoghurt in his coffee, thinking it was milk.

What?! Was this the pouring yoghurt you get in a carton, or did someone take off a plastic lid/peel off a foil lid, get a spoon and dig out a spoonful of 'milk' thinking "hmm, this milk is very thick today"?


Pouring yoghurt in a carton that did look similar to a carton of milk - asides from the gigantic letters on it that say ALPRO SOY YOGHURT, obviously.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:34 pm 
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solipsistnation wrote:
But I don't think the plural of mofo works that way...

psst! hey pedant!! (no not you mumbles)







(it's only because that's the only way the filter doesn't get it)

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 3:35 pm 
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Well I hope that taught them not to use other people's stuff. (this really peas me off, heh heh)


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:13 pm 
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Soy milk theft has now reached epic proportions. Two almost full cartons taken without warrant in the last week, the last again left with a few drops in the carton, as if to mock me.

I might actually be motivated to do something about this now. DEFCON: doing something about it. I guess I'll probably go with the suggestion about lashings and lashing of horse semen.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:29 pm 
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can you bring it to work in a thermos or something, instead of the box? people are sometimes less willing to filch what is unmistakably personal property. i mean, you might be working with a unique brand of crasshole who will not be stopped, but it's worth a try. not that i'm against lashings.

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:45 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:48 pm 
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Buy a bait carton and coat it with something like this:

Image


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 1:52 pm 
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exploding dye pack?

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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 2:52 pm 
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Someone took a few items out of the fridge at work and left them on the kitchen table with a note saying 'expired, needs to be disposed of'. My soy milk was included because the forkers couldn't figure out that it's not July 2013 yet so I got room temperature (ugh!) milk on my cereal.


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 3:37 pm 
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switch to almond milk! maybe they won't like it as much? or better, the culprit may have a nut allergy!


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 Post subject: Re: Mothers-fucker are drinking my soy milk
PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2012 3:52 pm 
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Attach a note that says 'I may have spit in this, but you won't know for sure unless you drink it and taste my backwash. And even then, maybe you won't be able to taste it!"

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The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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