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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:26 pm 
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I am dipping my feet back in and messaged a few people...I am still seeing the last girl I met on there, and I normally just get too overwhelmed dating more than one person at a time, but our schedules are so different I rarely get to see her anyway, and I want more dates than that dammit. I messaged one girl and basically just told her she was cute, and she responded with "Thank you!" So...I feel like that's a polite lack of interest? But someone else sent me a promising reply and she is 34 which is totally my ideal.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 4:23 am 
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strawberryrock, I think that the fact she answered "Thank you" is more a polite expression of interest, rather than lack of interest. If your message was just about how cute she was, she would have ignored it if she wasn't interested. The fact the she replied in the only possible way there is to reply to a "you're cute" message, to me means she is interested and would like a more expressive message.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 7:55 pm 
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snugglecrush! I love that word.

I got a message from someone that merely said "Hi." Then I clicked on his profile and he hadn't filled anything out. Can you exert any less effort?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 8:47 pm 
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Advice seeking, ha.

So a really cool-seeming, attractive lady from my hometown (gasp!) popped up on my thingy (94% match) and I was excited and sent a message. A couple days later she rated me 5 stars but hasn't messaged me back (like a week later). I'm confused?

I've had very little luck in this area and I'm a little bummed. Not to mention perplexed.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:42 am 
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Dandelion wrote:
Advice seeking, ha.

So a really cool-seeming, attractive lady from my hometown (gasp!) popped up on my thingy (94% match) and I was excited and sent a message. A couple days later she rated me 5 stars but hasn't messaged me back (like a week later). I'm confused?

I've had very little luck in this area and I'm a little bummed. Not to mention perplexed.


I have to admit that I've been guilty of this; mostly when getting messages from awesome seeming people from Asheville (a city two hours-ish from where I actually live). But also because of life. I'm in grad school and working full-time, so sometimes I get messages from people that seem really cool and that I am interested in, but I have so little time that I either 1) can't give a thoughtful response right away and end up putting it off to the one day a week when I can or 2) get overly anxious about intiating a promising encounter when I fear I don't have enough time to devote to another person in my life (which is silly, because maybe I should just remove my profile if that is how I am acting).

I guess this is just to say that you never know what's going on with her that has nothing to do with her interest in you. And that she could still respond!!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 5:39 pm 
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papercuts wrote:
Dandelion wrote:
Advice seeking, ha.

So a really cool-seeming, attractive lady from my hometown (gasp!) popped up on my thingy (94% match) and I was excited and sent a message. A couple days later she rated me 5 stars but hasn't messaged me back (like a week later). I'm confused?

I've had very little luck in this area and I'm a little bummed. Not to mention perplexed.


I have to admit that I've been guilty of this; mostly when getting messages from awesome seeming people from Asheville (a city two hours-ish from where I actually live). But also because of life. I'm in grad school and working full-time, so sometimes I get messages from people that seem really cool and that I am interested in, but I have so little time that I either 1) can't give a thoughtful response right away and end up putting it off to the one day a week when I can or 2) get overly anxious about intiating a promising encounter when I fear I don't have enough time to devote to another person in my life (which is silly, because maybe I should just remove my profile if that is how I am acting).

I guess this is just to say that you never know what's going on with her that has nothing to do with her interest in you. And that she could still respond!!


That was my intuition. But it's such a bummer, because I'm experiencing some serious geographic irritation. Oh well.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:49 pm 
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papercuts wrote:
Dandelion wrote:
Advice seeking, ha.

So a really cool-seeming, attractive lady from my hometown (gasp!) popped up on my thingy (94% match) and I was excited and sent a message. A couple days later she rated me 5 stars but hasn't messaged me back (like a week later). I'm confused?

I've had very little luck in this area and I'm a little bummed. Not to mention perplexed.


I have to admit that I've been guilty of this; mostly when getting messages from awesome seeming people from Asheville (a city two hours-ish from where I actually live). But also because of life. I'm in grad school and working full-time, so sometimes I get messages from people that seem really cool and that I am interested in, but I have so little time that I either 1) can't give a thoughtful response right away and end up putting it off to the one day a week when I can or 2) get overly anxious about intiating a promising encounter when I fear I don't have enough time to devote to another person in my life (which is silly, because maybe I should just remove my profile if that is how I am acting).

I guess this is just to say that you never know what's going on with her that has nothing to do with her interest in you. And that she could still respond!!


I think I wrote you on there! Yeah I've got someone from Boone interested in me but I'm so iffy about the high amount of her interest because i'm not sure I can get myself into wanting to do all that driving but then I wouldn't want her to either then. Ya know?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:28 am 
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oh yes, I know. :-/


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 4:32 pm 
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Just had a weird text interaction with someone I hung out with once...I was talking about hanging out again and also making silly jokes and she kept on replying to the jokes without actually addressing the "hanging out again" part so I gave up. Like are you waiting for me to suggest a place and time or are you just not interested and can't bring yourself to say it? Weirdo.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 4:37 pm 
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I should add that I'm not brokenhearted about this, she was paleo so that's weird, it just adds to my "no one ever wants to date me ever am I somehow a trainwreck on first dates and I don't know it" feelings.

Umm if I were just an awful annoying human being who no one in their right mind would want to go on a second date with y'all would tell me, right?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 4:57 pm 
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We'd tell you! And you're totes second date worthy.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 5:11 pm 
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My OkCupid statistics are so dismal though. Online dating is basically the worst thing I've ever done for my self-esteem. I just want to go on multiple dates with people and make out and stuff. My standards are so low, honestly, I would pretty much date anyone who wanted to date me, it's just that that is barely anyone.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:21 pm 
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I've had some big flops too, I just haven't mentioned them. It's shitty for sure.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 8:25 pm 
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This one time I met a nice woman on okcupid. We went to a board game cafe and, for some reason, ended up playing Bible Trivia. I won by a large margin and then she didn't want to go on a second date for some reason...

eta: Both atheists, so I don't remember how we chose it. I think we were just trying to choose a topic we'd be mutually bad at.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:14 pm 
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Tea wrote:
This one time I met a nice woman on okcupid. We went to a board game cafe and, for some reason, ended up playing Bible Trivia. I won by a large margin and then she didn't want to go on a second date for some reason...

eta: Both atheists, so I don't remember how we chose it. I think we were just trying to choose a topic we'd be mutually bad at.


That's a really funny and cute story, sorry it didn't go anywhere after that.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:44 pm 
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lilyyw wrote:
That's a really funny and cute story, sorry it didn't go anywhere after that.


I actually had another date with another person the very next day, which went significantly better and led into a 6 month relationship, so I wasn't particularly bothered by the outcome :)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:45 pm 
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Did you text her a bunch of made-up bible facts for days afterward? That's what I would have done. And then I'd know why we didn't go out again.

strawberryrock wrote:
My OkCupid statistics are so dismal though. Online dating is basically the worst thing I've ever done for my self-esteem. I just want to go on multiple dates with people and make out and stuff. My standards are so low, honestly, I would pretty much date anyone who wanted to date me, it's just that that is barely anyone.


I know what you mean. The whole process is humiliating and hurtful. I've actually really liked everyone I've met so far through online dating, even if the romantic chemistry isn't necessarily there. It just sucks that in order to even get to that stage of meeting someone nice, I have to wade through a bunch of non-responses, or responses from people who don't know how to keep a conversation going, people who seem cool at first but then reveal something horrible, people who do respond but are mean about it (haven't had much of this, thankfully), people who don't get jokes....

The shitty thing (for me anyway) is that because of my weird anxiety shiitake, it's basically online dating or no dating at all. So I'm stuck with it.

Also, I'm new to these forums, but you seem pretty great and I hope you don't get too down on yourself because of all this.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:48 pm 
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Avocatom wrote:
you seem pretty great

Move to Portland and let's date!

(Yes I am that easy.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 9:51 pm 
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If you were that easy, you'd move here. Bring a coat.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:20 pm 
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I went on a date and he talked about learning to cook vegan food for me. I am so torn between that being awesome and being all 'FIRST date, man. Chill the fork out!'.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 6:47 pm 
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cornflowers wrote:
I went on a date and he talked about learning to cook vegan food for me. I am so torn between that being awesome and being all 'FIRST date, man. Chill the fork out!'.

Yeah, I had an experience like this on my one and only okc date (a year and a half ago). The conversation was interesting, but he had some serious boundary issues. He wanted a just add water Relationship. And to hang out the next day. And when I said I was busy the next day (and tried to set more reasonable boundaries to give him a shot to redeem himself, even though I was thinking more "friends" pretty much from the get-go) he still texted me the next day trying to hang out.

Then when I said I thought we were looking for different things and wished him well he implied I was immature and inexperienced. Apparently not complaining about several "crazy alcoholic exes" as humblebrags for what a great person one is for saving their blacked out selves from frat parties even though they were chronically unfaithful implies a lack of "experience." I disabled my account and avoided eye contact when I ran into him in bars.

He also immediately assessed his animal product consumption and laid out a 10 point plan for how he would become vegan over time and learn how to cook vegan food during this coffee date.

So, I say it's a warning sign of crazy, but that's just me. I'd rather a "oh that's nice" response to the vegan thing as opposed to a "let's immediately blur our identities into one" response.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 4:12 am 
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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:39 pm 
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I just had a really good date from someone from OKCupid. He's laid back and intelligent. Finally a guy who doesn't want to get married after the first date. Hanging out this Friday. Can't wait!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:47 pm 
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Avocatom wrote:
If you were that easy, you'd move here. Bring a coat.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 8:16 pm 
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Avocatom wrote:
Did you text her a bunch of made-up bible facts for days afterward? That's what I would have done. And then I'd know why we didn't go out again.

strawberryrock wrote:
My OkCupid statistics are so dismal though. Online dating is basically the worst thing I've ever done for my self-esteem. I just want to go on multiple dates with people and make out and stuff. My standards are so low, honestly, I would pretty much date anyone who wanted to date me, it's just that that is barely anyone.


I know what you mean. The whole process is humiliating and hurtful. I've actually really liked everyone I've met so far through online dating, even if the romantic chemistry isn't necessarily there. It just sucks that in order to even get to that stage of meeting someone nice, I have to wade through a bunch of non-responses, or responses from people who don't know how to keep a conversation going, people who seem cool at first but then reveal something horrible, people who do respond but are mean about it (haven't had much of this, thankfully), people who don't get jokes....

The shitty thing (for me anyway) is that because of my weird anxiety shiitake, it's basically online dating or no dating at all. So I'm stuck with it.

Also, I'm new to these forums, but you seem pretty great and I hope you don't get too down on yourself because of all this.



I love these posts. I tried online dating and felt the exact same way. I think I might give it another shot now that I know more folks feel this way.


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