Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Well it sounds like you've been going through a lot, but also, I think it's important to not dwell on categorizing your moments of sadness/anxiety. Though I've struggled with depression my whole life, I will work really hard to not identify with "I am a depressed person", but rather, "I struggle with moments of depression and anxiety and sometimes I need help with that". Though there shouldn't be any shame in someone carrying a depression diagnosis (which I've been given), I find it more empowering and less hopeless to view it as something I'm always working to get past, and something that doesn't affect me all of the time.

Good luck everyone! <3

vijita I like that.

Dear my brain - I am not terrible at everything! stop being a jerk to me!

Haha, I actually realized I had taken it off in a moment of "ohmygod everything is on the internet and there's no privacy!" But I thought at least a few people would've remembered. Eh, I got over it. Thank you for the wishes!

Yeah, I'm trying to deal with long time mental health issues now though... Having life badness is a definite trigger, obviously, so I feel like it's making me really have to look at how I want to live my life... And I want to have more of a handle on the mental health for sure.

Had a bit of a meltdown today. My self esteem and body image issues seem to be so tied up with everything. I know I should talk to the doctor about it, although I don't have much faith in the NHS's talking therapies because you only get allocated 8-10 sessions with a therapist and it's just not enough.

Even though I know alcohol brings on depression, I don't think I realized how much it effects my mood. I'm finally on medication that actually works and the idiot that I am bring myself down every weekend by consuming too much. After the hellish Friday night and subsequent Saturday, I know I have to cut it out for good. I'm feeling overwhelmed by the idea of not having that escapism but I know drinking (especially the way I do it) is bad for me physically and mentally.

Alcohol has the same effect on me and I've had to cut it out almost completely. I have started making cocktails, but only on the weekends and as a "project." I end up drinking maybe one or two, but that's it. It has been fun to enjoy learning new recipes and taking advantage of fresh summer fruit while not ending up with a hangover or feeling sad the next day, which is what true partying does to me.

I've also found that beer gives me worse feelings than anything else, physically and mentally. I hope you find another way to escape and feel good on the weekends. (hugs)

I've been in and out of therapy for over 8 years now. I had a psychologist for depression and anxiety for about 2 years, an OT for my ED for about the same and I attended anxiety management and assertiveness group therapy when I was seeing her. The NHS mental health service has a lot to answer for in my opinion (it took me 8 years to get my diagnosis and start the treatment I really needed and don't even get me started on the crisis service who told me to "try to be more positive" when I admitted that I was suicidal) but you will probably find that the therapist you see will not discharge you until you are ready. Although, to be honest I was probably discharged from my OT before I was ready but I was constantly skipping appointments towards the end of therapy but I now know that it was during a hypomanic phase and I thought I didn't need treatment anymore because I felt better.

Anyway, I have bipolar II but my biggest struggle is definitely with the depression and I was going through the roughest patch recently where I just couldn't see a way out of it. I was feeling so low and I know it sounds so dramatic but I just wanted so desperately to not be alive anymore. I was put on Valdoxan just over 3 weeks ago and the first two weeks were hell because my moods were everywhere, there was a worry it could cause my moods to switch and I just didn't sleep the first week but I am actually feeling better, not perfect but able to cope again which is such a huge improvement and in such a short amount of time. I just wanted to say that it can always get better, even when you really feel that there is no way out! It's so hard to remember that sometimes.

My depression is back again with a vengeance. The soonest appointment I could get with my psychiatrist is in March. I don't really know what to do. I'm still in therapy (and have been for five years) but I just don't know how to talk about this, because I don't know what's causing it. I just feel forking awful all the time.

March?!!! That is beyond ridiculous!!! I don't know where you live so I don't know the ins and outs of your health-care but could you go to your general practitioner and be seen. Often they will perscribe meds changes or at least put a phonecall in to get an appointment pushed forward. I know when things go pear-shaped with me I will call to my GP first. I couldn't go to one of my appointments because work wouldn't leave me go so I was over a month late when I eventually got to go. It really damaged my health. March is way to far away.... if you are seen soon you could be out the other end by Christmas. By March...... well sheesh..... that is forever away!!!

Today was tough. I have a list of symptoms and am seeing the doc tomorrow at 9.10am.

Doc gave me some tablets and two weeks off work, plus a referral for counselling and an AS assessment.

I have noticed myself approaching the downward spiral again. Started with not having enough time to run, then not enough time to do basic things (like shower) and now just had a meltdown while trying to do 10 things at the same time. I have 5 meetings for 5 different jobs today alone. And I don't mean 5 clients, I mean 5 different jobs in which I have 5 different roles. I am really wondering how I let things get out of control.
(you may have noticed that some months ago i let things go the other way, not enough work, if you've been reading here for a while. maybe that bipolar diagnosis wasn't bullshiitake after all.)
I need to start saying no and carving out time for myself. I got up early to call the internet company and complain at 6AM because i didn't have time yesterday. You can guess what a great start my day got off to.....
i need to sit down and make some changes. and i'm writing it here so that i feel like since i said it in public, i really need to do it.

Motherfuck this shiitake. I noticed a correlation between when I started a new drug for treatment of my endometriosis, and when my depression came back swinging. So I searched through the drug information I was given and what should appear?

"...may cause depressive symptoms to recur to a severe degree."

Hell hath no fury.

Depression is something that everyone goes through and it would be up to how you cope up with it that would define you true character. You just have to keep a straight and strong face in your bid to get one over it.

It is not easy but when you surround yourself with people who are happy and a great support system at that, you surely are on your way to making and feeling all easy with how things are happening for you.

I'd planned to go out for a walk this afternoon but I'm exhausted after taking Fujimoto to the vets this morning. I don't think I've ever experienced fatigue like this with depression before, almost flu-like.

Obviously I have a very shitty character then.

I'm not sure that nbouchard has the AI to make judgements of that nature (Ignore the spam!)

Oh shoot! Was I just oversensitive about a damn spammer?!!! Not half feeling like an idiot!

Just read your post there..... the fatigue that comes with depression is a right hors d'oeuvre. I badly need a sleep in the middle of the day but fat chance of even getting 5 minutes to sit on the toilet in that hell hole I work in. All I can recommend is invest in some good coffee. Unless anxiety is a problem too and you have to live a caffeine free life like me.

I've been getting palpitations from too much Rocket Fuel coffee so am trying to suck up the fatigue. Do you ever get petulant from the tiredness? I occasionally want to throw a tantrum.

Only when I am in work strangely enough. Work is also the cause of my depression. And most of the time my tantrum would be justified..... in my opinion anyway!

Next week I will be like a stroppy 2 year old. I've started already in actual fact.... I've put in for 3 hours off on the Friday morning for a psychiatrist appt. I bet within an hour of the week commencing I will be quizzed on why I have put in for the time off and that I don't deserve it or it's not fair to other staff that have to cover for me or that someone else wants the time off and they deserve it more than I do because they have a hair appointment.

I've had depression in the past, and lately I've had sort of a mix of depression and stress. It's hard to tell because I've been having a lot of highs and lows. I'm on the outs with my boyfriend of two years, who's a lovely person but I've found I love as a best friend and not much else. He's torn up about me leaving him and I feel guilty because I'm not as upset about it, and right before asking to take a break from our relationship, I made a new friend and really like him and now we're sort of together.

Anyway. During this whole thing, which has only lasted... two weeks? I have felt enough happiness from my new boy to not feel depressed like I used to—at least most of the time. I've been staring off into space and been sleeping weird. But what has concerned me is my complete loss for appetite, even when I feel happy otherwise (this is entirely unrelated to body image). I haven't felt hungry in two weeks. I log all my food so I make sure I'm eating what my body needs, but I don't like this feeling of forcing myself to eat food and not really enjoying it! Especially not during Vegan MoFo.

It's been a long time since I've felt that moving off the sofa is a huge physical effort. I've exerted all my energy on getting dressed and feeding the guinea pigs. I should probably force myself to go out for a walk.

8ball, it always makes me feel better to do some sort of exercise, even if it's just going for a short walk. the hardest part is getting out the door. hope you feel a bit better today!

I did it, I just quit one job. They had unrealistic expectations about my availability and ... well, everything. so i just kissed them goodbye.

I'm so miserable that the service users have noticed. They said since I've come back to work there is zero spark in me at all. Not a good sign because usually I can mask my symptoms really well.