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 Post subject: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 12:17 pm 
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rowdily playing checkers
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I'm on a new diet. Maybe you are curious about it? Good news for you! I am going to tell you about it.

It is called The Candy Diet. It is about how, despite what conventional medicine says, candy is good for you. Think about how when you were a child, what did you want to eat all of the time? It was probably candy, right? Now think about this: were you healthier as a child, or today? That's because you ate so much candy! We have forgotten the wisdom of children. We have betrayed our own bodies.

Sugar has been villified by the medical-industrial complex, but, FACT: you need sugar to live! Your brain runs on sugar! Also, candy contain important micronutrients, like guar gum and red dye 2, which was ERRONEOUSLY thought of as dangerous by "doctors" and "scientists". Candy has also been purified of harmful anti-nutrients, like lectins and vitamins.

Here is a link to the William A. Wonka Foundation. William A. Wonka was a chocolatier who toured Africa and noticed that people who really liked candy a lot tended to have shiny hair, and concluded that they were probably the healthiest people on Earth. He even developed candies capable of reversing the aging process! Also, sometimes he used science words.

Once I stopped being vegan and started eating candy, I immediately felt lighter and had more energy. Today I am eating a delightful gummy worm potage for lunch. For dinner, I will have sauteed Junior Mints in a wax bottle reduction. It's wonderful to eat the way I always knew I wanted to be good for me again.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 12:20 pm 
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Had sex with a vampire that sparkles.
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It's true. I've been strictly following this diet for nearly 24 years now and I couldn't be happier. Today's lunch: 20 oz. ice cold Mountain Dew on the rocks with dark chocolate pretzel balls. I just FEEL better, you know? Better mood = better health.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 12:33 pm 
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just in time for halloween! sorry, kids, i know you were hoping to score some good stuff this year, but i'm going to have to give you these weetabix and kale chips i've purged from my pantry. i mean, my health is on the line here.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 12:39 pm 
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WELFARIST!
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The Pop and Chip Diet, supplemented by the Candy Diet, made me the woman I am today.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:07 pm 
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I knew it! Someone bring me some Skittles to counteract the so-called "meal" of enchiladas I had for lunch, stat.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:34 pm 
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Invented Vegan Meringue
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My cold is getting better every day. Must be the candy bars.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:39 pm 
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Remembers When Veganism Was Cool
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I found vegan macaroons in this shiitake hole hotel in Nashville the other day and I ate the whole bag in about 2 minutes...I can follow this diet

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 1:45 pm 
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Hearts James Cromwell

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If you look at the teeth and mouths of Homo sapiens, you'll see that they are physically able to chew and swallow candy. Also, a candy bar fits so perfectly in my hand. It's obvious that we were designed to eat nothing but candy.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 2:20 pm 
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My love for all things candy is the reason why my hair is so lush. It also cured my teenage acne.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 2:45 pm 
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kohlrabenschwarz wrote:
If you look at the teeth and mouths of Homo sapiens, you'll see that they are physically able to chew and swallow candy. Also, a candy bar fits so perfectly in my hand. It's obvious that we were designed to eat nothing but candy.

You forgot to also point out how easy it is to peel the wrapper of the candy bar with our hands. God works in mysterious ways.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:52 pm 
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Junior Mintin' you say?

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 4:11 pm 
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I prefer the potato chip diet, but I also fully endorse the candy diet.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:05 pm 
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I also fully endorse the candy diet! In fact, I am typing this post one handed as I eat a delicious square of Newman's Own Orange Dark Chocolate, thus contributing to my daily intake of one of the main groups of candy!

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 12:47 am 
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Level 7 Vegan
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I am currently on the Cookie Diet. It's done wonders for my body. Here's a recent pic:

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 1:13 am 
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Sometimes, my body just CRAVES candy. It's like it's telling me what it needs, you know? Resisting the urge to eat loads of candy all the time is just ignoring the messages my body is giving me, and my body knows.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:56 am 
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Vegan Since Before There Were Vegetables
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I know this is a stretch for you Candy Dieters, but every time I buy a bag of chips, I buy a second to keep in my car for emergencies.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 8:39 am 
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vijita wrote:
I prefer the potato chip diet, but I also fully endorse the candy diet.

yes, I think we need to differentiate between Sweet and Savory(or is it Umami?) people. Personally I know that my blood type does not support the Candy Diet, but the Potato Chip diet is right for me.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:47 am 
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Heeeerrrrree's JACKY!
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I thought you meant more like this:


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 9:48 am 
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I am intrigued and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

For years, I was denying myself candy because of "science" and "doctors" but finally I realize that if it makes me happy, it can't be that baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. I hope those "doctors" are eating Crowe now that their "science" has been debunked.

Also, I no longer vaccinate my child. She has a strong immune system thanks to Smarties.

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:23 am 
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rowdily playing checkers
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After one day on this diet, I woke up feeling terrible. Then I realized my body was probably just expunging all of the toxins it had built up over the years. I had a bowl of Mike & Ikes and grape soda for breakfast, and sure enough, I feel a lot better.

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"Tits are inconsequential, but someone pass me that kitten" ~ papayapaprikás


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:26 am 
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Huffs Nooch
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Don't let the detox get to ya, your bidy is just telling you that you need more candy.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:27 am 
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Vegan Since Before There Were Vegetables
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mumbles wrote:
After one day on this diet, I woke up feeling terrible. Then I realized my body was probably just expunging all of the toxins it had built up over the years. I had a bowl of Mike & Ikes and grape soda for breakfast, and sure enough, I feel a lot better.

Hold strong. Only candy will properly purge your body of toxins and let you emerge as an intellectually superior being who is closer to god.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:29 am 
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Semen Strong
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Its always toughest when you're detoxing! Remember that a Green Apple Gummy Ring a day keeps the doctor at bay.

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My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.


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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:06 am 
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Venomous Head of Veganism
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I want to listen to my body but sometimes I think I need chocolate skittles when really I needed rainbow skittles. How do you know? Like really really know?

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 Post subject: Re: The Candy Diet
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:10 am 
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Drinks Wild Tofurkey
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IsaChandra wrote:
I want to listen to my body but sometimes I think I need chocolate skittles when really I needed rainbow skittles. How do you know? Like really really know?

Don't worry so much, eating a wide variety of candies will ensure that your body gets what it needs.

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"If I were M. de la Viandeviande, I would now write a thirteen page post about how you have to have free will to be vegan, but modern science does not suggest any evidence for free will, therefore it is impossible to be vegan." -mumbles


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