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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:49 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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torque wrote:
Crabby, at that age i painted some walls/tables with chalkboard paint, and gave the kids chalk. it made my life soooooo much easier (we were also in a rented apartment). they want to draw, roll with it, but they must do it in teh right place!

Yeah, our letting agency has been pretty lenient about some stuff, but I am not sure we would be allowed to use chalkboard paint on the walls. And even if I did, my kids have no concept of boundaries. I feel like if I let them colour on the walls at all (they are allowed to colour on the plastic table), Beetroot would think he could colour anywhere and then get confused as to why he was in trouble for colouring in the wrong place.
Beetroot is what AP folks call a "spirited child," which means he is what everybody else calls, "incredibly hyperactive/ADHD." He's so smart and has a good heart, but he is wild wild wild. He was always hyper (even in the womb, he never held still), but for the past 4-ish months, he's been really hard work. (We never had the terrible twos or anything, but we are calling this the forking fours.)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 7:39 am 
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the forking fours, to be followed by the sullen sixes and the terrible-twos-at-sevens!!!

he sounds like a smart kid. could you paper the walls (i have huge rolls of art paper) and make it super clear that for every drawing he does in the right place, he gets a gold star/stamp/something awesome?
(MAYBE YOU SHOULD PAPER THE WHOLE ROOM)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 9:11 am 
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Crabby, have you seen those crayola crayons that say worlds most washable?? They really, truly are. They act like perfectly normal crayons but they wipe up with diaper wipes, is amazing! (Silas covered my vintage dining room table because his "paper was too small" and I seriously appreciated my mom giving him THOSE crayons.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:32 pm 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Kelly wrote:
Crabby, have you seen those crayola crayons that say worlds most washable?? They really, truly are. They act like perfectly normal crayons but they wipe up with diaper wipes, is amazing! (Silas covered my vintage dining room table because his "paper was too small" and I seriously appreciated my mom giving him THOSE crayons.

I haven't seen them! Crayon is easy enough to get off with a melamine sponge (Mr Clean Magic Sponge) and a little elbow grease (although your crayons sound way easier!), I am just tired of the kids colouring on the walls in the first place -- if we didn't have apartment inspections 4x a year, I honestly wouldn't care, but I am tired of scrubbing the walls every 3 months. ;p I've taken all their writing utensils away and made it clear why. This method worked with book shredding when I took all their books away, too. I let them have access to some books after maybe a week of no books and then they could only have 1 book at a time while under heavy surveillance and now they are allowed to have a few books at a time and they haven't shredded any books since maybe the summer.

torque wrote:
the forking fours, to be followed by the sullen sixes and the terrible-twos-at-sevens!!!

Hahahaha. I guess I'm lucky we've never really had the terrible twos, so I don't know what the terrible-twos-at-sevens is like! ;D

torque wrote:
he sounds like a smart kid. could you paper the walls (i have huge rolls of art paper) and make it super clear that for every drawing he does in the right place, he gets a gold star/stamp/something awesome?
(MAYBE YOU SHOULD PAPER THE WHOLE ROOM)

See, you are a way nicer and more accommodating mom than I am. I am totally not going to reward ol' Beety-Beets with art-papered walls (which he would think was awesome) to colour on after he covered the entire wardrobe and lots of walls with crayon. ;D (Plus, I'd probably have to paper the living room, too.) It's a good idea, though!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:50 pm 
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How is there so much small stuff around and why does it end up in her mouth all the time?! Eat something else!

I keep finding pennies and other stuff on the floor and it drives me batty. I know most stuff just passes through but I don't want to risk it. I need a Hannibal style facemask for her. But not leather.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:28 pm 
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It makes me unreasonably ragey when I find coins on the floor. NO COINS ON THE FLOOR!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:44 pm 
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Ariann wrote:
It makes me unreasonably ragey when I find coins on the floor. NO COINS ON THE FLOOR!!!!!


I have a pig bank in my living room for just this reason! (No children, though. Why am I in this thread? You all fascinate me with your adorable vegan offspring!)


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 5:46 pm 
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It makes me ragey too. If you can't keep it in your pants, put it in your piggy bank!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:40 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
It makes me ragey too. If you can't keep it in your pants, put it in your piggy bank!

I feel like this could lead to some unfortunate mishaps.... ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:32 am 
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Morning sickness and exhaustion are really taking a toll on me. And it's so much worse with a toddler! I feel really bad because I have not been as creative with meals (everything smells awful) and have let Ada use the iPad more than I care to admit (not that she minds). Ugh. And if this is like my first pregnancy it won't be until 17 weeks that I feel back to normal. That's so far away! I just want to lay down and sleep.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 10:37 am 
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sashi wrote:
Morning sickness and exhaustion are really taking a toll on me. And it's so much worse with a toddler! I feel really bad because I have not been as creative with meals (everything smells awful) and have let Ada use the iPad more than I care to admit (not that she minds). Ugh. And if this is like my first pregnancy it won't be until 17 weeks that I feel back to normal. That's so far away! I just want to lay down and sleep.

It's so hard being pregnant with a little one! Don't feel bad about meals and iPads and such - you have to take care of yourself too, and sometimes that means letting other things slip for a little while. When I was pregnant with my second, I felt exactly the same way though. My pregnancies both made me totally exhausted - worst at the start, but tired the whole way through. Try to take it easy, and nap when you can! I hope you get some rest!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 11:50 am 
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Drunk Dialed Ian MacKaye
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Oh, Sashi, I am right with you feelin' sympathy. I feel like it was easier when I was pregnant with #2 because I could keep half an eye on him while half-dozing, but I can't do that with my 2 guys now because they would probably tear the house down. Watching TV isn't good enough for them, Beetroot has to climb on the mantlepiece (he is a friggin' spider, he is amazing at climbing) and throw things down to Reggie so they can wreak havoc, while also answering any questions posed by any TV characters, AND dive-bombing me the second I close my eyes. ;p

On the up-side, my morning sickness is not quite as bad this time around (so far). I was sick my whole second pregnancy!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:10 pm 
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Today was really rough. Lots of screaming trying to get his things ready for daycare. He can't stand to be left alone for a second now. I can't prepare food or go to the bathroom or do other simple things without a screaming meltdown. It's definitely worse than it was before in that respect. Picking him up from daycare he was perfectly happy crawling around on the ground until he saw me - then it was mama-better-hold-me-or-I-will-throw-a-fit time. We had some sweet cuddles after he fell asleep though. Well, it was kind of cuddles, I mean, he was sleeping, but he was so cute. It's nice to see him smile at me though. I know he loves his mama. But gosh do I need a vacation.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:40 pm 
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Oh that sounds rough!

Leela doesn't want me to leave her either. Today I just wanted 50 minutes to clean the bedroom and watch Dexter, but she wasn't having it.

My other vent is that every time some people see a picture of my husband and Leela they post "OMG Such a Daddy's Girl!" Um no. She's a baby and her first allegiance is to my boobs.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 6:32 am 
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I wish my baby would have an allegiance for my boobs. I am so unreasonably upset by the whole lack of nursing thing going on here. I can hardly stand to call up my sister who non-stop whines that her baby won't take a bottle...while I am sitting strapped to this pump for hours a day. grump grump grump.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 3:41 pm 
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{{{annasrobbie}}} That just totally sucks.

My MIL watched Malka for several hours yesterday because Mr. A needed respite (I was working almost all weekend) and after I left work on Sunday we were going to a little grown-ups only party (yay!). Mr. A calls like 6 hours after dropping her off at his parents' house to arrange us picking her up and his dad answers and says, "You know, you didn't leave any bottles (i.e. formula) for Malka." I went utterly ballistic because a) of course he did, he left 5 bottles with pre-measured formula in them and his mother just never looked in the bag and b) if that's the case, why the fork didn't you call six hours ago and say that because he would have dropped everything to make sure the kid had food! They claimed she ate some applesauce and pasta, which I have doubts about, because she is a terrible eater, but she didn't seem totally broken when she got home so I guess it's okay. I keep giving my in-laws chance after chance to show that they can handle watching her and they keep totally forking up and I don't know what to do about that.

The other thing is that my MIL insists on giving Malka a bath every single time she watches her, whether it's at our apartment or her house and I find it hard enough to give Malka a bath by myself, I really don't feel comfortable with her attempting to do it on her own (my FIL is practically immobile and is no help). Grr.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:16 pm 
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anna, that is really hard. And don't consider yourself to be "unreasonable" for getting upset. Freya's boobie rejection was super hard. I cried.a.lot. While your brain knows that it's not personal, it sure as hell doesn't feel that way when your baby is crying because they don't want to nurse. Pumping is boring, time-consuming work that takes you away from doing fun stuff with your kid. The whole situation is just rotten. I'm glad that we made it through to the other side, but there are days still where I wonder if we did the right thing because the emotional toll was heavy.

((hugs))


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 5:30 pm 
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The Magician now wants me to leave him never. That is inconvenient and heartbreaking, as I sometimes need to. But I'm not here to complain about that!

I am here to issue a complaint because he has started biting. Not my nipples, thank fork. But everything else. Apparently just for funsies. And he bites HARD. Often while smiling or attempting to snuggle. My guess is that he's finally going to pop out some more teeth but... Jeez.

Also, true to his name, the Emperor has been bossy as hell lately, especially with his brother who is an infant and does not understand English yet.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2012 10:32 pm 
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I am feeling so fed up. This kid, he's like one big eggshell. Everything sets him off. Any disappointment, any roadblock just shatters him. It's like we're regressing.

Rant continued below the spoiler fold, for people with an appetite for this junk:
Spoiler: show
I'm also fed up with feeling like I just can't win as a parent. Every decision I make, every response I give, seems to be the wrong one. Or, more likely, there is no right answer these days. Am I being too rigid? Too permissive? Should I make an exception this time? Should I hold firm, give him more authority, less authority, more structure, less structure? Who the hell knows! I feel like I'd need to be a computer to appropriately weigh all the factors. So, because I'm stuck being human, I do the only thing I can: I wing it. And get yelled at, cried at, glowered at. I worry that I'm helping to create an entitled, helpless kid.

I think we've always been pretty good about discipline. Encouraging independence and responsibility. But TRS will outright refuse to do things for himself, as though it's beneath him to, say, get his own snack. Or get his book bag when he's left it in the car. Do kids reach a point where it becomes more attractive to start doing for themselves, to stretch a bit, to overcome?

I just feel so incompetent. I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm just fed up.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:29 am 
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I wasn't allowed to have snacks most of the time and I certainly wasn't allowed to get them myself! And if I'd left my bookbag in the car, I would have probably gotten in trouble, so I say you are probably doing pretty well as a dad.

Having an entitled, helpless sibling (who was obviously not raised to the same weird standard I was -- this kid still relied on my parents for help in her late 20s), I think your parenting is fine. I kind of think entitlement comes when you treat your kid like they are entitled. It sounds like you treat your kid like a kid and not like some fabulous pwecious widdle pwince.

I am always second-guessing myself as a parent, too. Actually, that's not true; I'm usually secretly scolding myself for all the times I lose my temper and snap at my kids because I really need to stop expecting them (especially Beetroot beause it is really not in his nature) to be super well-behaved and chill. And focused.

BTW, FF, you are one of my favourite posters because your expectations always seem so reasonable.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 6:18 am 
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FF, like Crabby I also have a helpless, entitled sibling (who at age 29 still can't feed or take care of herself) and i really believe that the difference between the two of us is that my parents still had the steam to be powerful disciplinarians (in their own, somewhat overbearing way) for me but not for her. I get a lot of static from FishyChips on discipline issues but I'm not backing down- i have only one child, and i'm not going to screw this up.
On the bright side, the static is always short lived nowadays, and the parallels to a 3y.o. tantrum are striking- except at this age they're more perceptive, and they know exactly what to say to hurt you Real Bad- but you can't take it personally. You created a child smart enough to know what buttons to push.
Someone told me that you can be a parent or you can be a friend but you can't be both until your children are adults. That has helped me a lot, as well as realizing that just because you're not a friend, you don't have to be the nemesis either- you can be supportive, etc, but at least for me, my main role is to encourage FC to expand to fill her capacity.

On the specific issue--- What happens if he doesn't get his own snack? Then he has no snack. You've got stuff to do, and he won't die. We rely a lot on Natural Consequences. Don't want to brush your teeth? I nagged to a point and then realized, her friends will tell her she has cat breath. She'll figure it out. Keeps getting ingrown toenails because she refuses to cut her nails? She'll figure it out. Won't wash her face at night? The pimples will eventually make her figure it out. It breaks your heart but it's a life skill. When she wants help, I'm here for her, but I'm not agonizing over this stuff.

I wonder what makes you say you're doing the wrong thing- is someone criticizing you for how you deal with TRS, or thinking that if you were doing this "the right way" there would be no whining, drama, fights, angst? (Mr T's philosophy is the latter but i think it's totally unrealistic.)

My personal vent today is FCs grades (which are terrible, in the mad genius way- 97, 50, 93, 60). My mother reminds me that at this age I also failed PE and math, and that my brother (who just started teaching and completed his PhD) had grades like that his entire academic career, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I offered her $50 for any grade she could lift over 85 but she simply wasn't interested. ????

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 11:19 am 
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FootFace, I don't have any advice because we're not there yet. But I wanted to say I appreciate you sharing your experiences here. If nothing else, it helps me have some perspective on what small potatoes baby/toddler drama is in the scheme of things. Torque, you too.

That you are even putting energy into trying to get your kid to grow up into a considerate person-- that you're thinking about how to keep him from becoming an entitled adult-- speaks very well of you I think.

Also, torque, oh man. If my parents gave me 50 bucks for raising my grades today, I would be thrilled. Come on FC!! (But I think I've told you before I was quite the scholastic underachiever at that age too, so I probably wouldn't have then.)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 1:54 pm 
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*administer grains of salt because my kid's 15 months old* One thing I did really like from Love & Logic was the idea that you can't control what your kid does, but you do have some control over how it affects you. Isn't he, like, a preteen? Why can't he do that stuff on his own? Like the snack thing - I mean who cares if he gets his own snack? And if he leaves his book bag in the car, can't he go back and get it when he needs it? I guess I'm not seeing why any of that is your problem.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:00 pm 
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annak wrote:
*administer grains of salt because my kid's 15 months old* One thing I did really like from Love & Logic was the idea that you can't control what your kid does, but you do have some control over how it affects you. Isn't he, like, a preteen? Why can't he do that stuff on his own? Like the snack thing - I mean who cares if he gets his own snack? And if he leaves his book bag in the car, can't he go back and get it when he needs it? I guess I'm not seeing why any of that is your problem.


He probably feels like it's his problem because he has to deal with the consequences of it, whether it be tantrums or grumpiness or whatever. Kids sure do have a way of making us question ourselves.


Footface, I think you are an amazing parent and the fact that you worry so much just means you are trying your best. I don't think there is a right way to handle this stuff, it's just a big pile of trial and error where all we can do is hope it ends up okay.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 2:55 pm 
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Ff, from what i know about teaching kids his age, an awful lot of this is a stage. Does it help you to think of it like dealing with a 3 year old, where a lot of the behaviors are occurring because of hormones and boundary pushing and so on, and that probably most of the other parents of kids in his class are also dealing with over-sensitive, snarky little bundles of explosives too?

He's in grade 4, right? I have inadvertently made an awful lot of 4th graders cry. They are so fun at this age, and yet also more temperamental than a group of toddlers.


Last edited by littlebird on Tue Oct 23, 2012 3:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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