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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2012 10:18 pm 
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People talking about how they would never go back to work or leave their kids with a nanny after the Krim tragedy.

I just can't get how conservative many women in my mother's group are

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 11:23 pm 
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Young woman from Amherst writing about how the college treated her when she was raped by a fellow student.
http://amherststudent.amherst.edu/?q=ar ... st-college

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 3:31 pm 
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alden wrote:
8ball wrote:


someone should post photos of men wearing the "female" outfits and women wearing the "male" outfits.


Now you've given me an idea for next year's Halloween... I think I could wheedle my manfriend into sexin' it up for me!

ETA: and when someone asks us what our costumes are, we'll answer "we're first world heteronormative gender roles!"

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:27 pm 
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I really want to open the door on Halloween while eating salad and laughing but I don't think anyone would get it.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:56 pm 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
I really want to open the door on Halloween while eating salad and laughing but I don't think anyone would get it.

Holy shiitake please do this.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 9:42 am 
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So Vyapti is in a training. They were given a scenerio where they needed to tell an employee something "difficult".

His group was told that there is a great female employee who is always on-time, gets her work done, is great. She dresses according to dress code and is really sort of a model employee. The groups task was to tell her that she needs to wear pants to meetings because when she wears skirts (That match this arbitrary dress code) to the meetings and crosses her legs she distracts the male employees.

I have some problems with the fact that Vyapti didn't give them an ear full. (I know why he didn't, but still) and I really have trouble with fact that a room full of women didn't speak up to an even hypothetical situation where a woman is supposed to be responsible for a males response.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:20 pm 
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Perfect example of rape culture. He tells his viewers to start kissing a strange girl and keep doing it if she tries to turn her head away.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:27 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Mr. Shankly wrote:
I really want to open the door on Halloween while eating salad and laughing but I don't think anyone would get it.

Holy shiitake please do this.


Love this! I very deliberately included a few 'women eating salad and laughing' pics in my Binder full of Women costume.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 6:28 pm 
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kfad wrote:
The groups task was to tell her that she needs to wear pants to meetings because when she wears skirts (That match this arbitrary dress code) to the meetings and crosses her legs she distracts the male employees.


this... hurts... MY BRAIN.

Oh I'm sorry, is my bifurcated lower body distracting to you? Maybe you should pay attention to work and not my fully concealed vulva. GAH.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:25 pm 
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^I was wondering if the women with salads was intentional. That just makes your binder even more awesome!

----
1.) The "rape thing" is not okay.
2.) I know someone who had X happen to them and they did X, therefore everyone should be okay with it is not a valid argument.
3.) "I have daughters so I'm in favor of cracking down on sex offenders"- ignoring everything else that's wrong with that statement,
    a.) having daughters does not make you more concerned than someone else about rape
    b.) women are not the only victims or rape and sexual assault so your reasoning just makes you sounds like a creepy, overly paternalistic crasshole.

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/crime/art ... 997812.php

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 11:38 pm 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
^I was wondering if the women with salads was intentional. That just makes your binder even more awesome!

----
1.) The "rape thing" is not okay.
2.) I know someone who had X happen to them and they did X, therefore everyone should be okay with it is not a valid argument.
3.) "I have daughters so I'm in favor of cracking down on sex offenders"- ignoring everything else that's wrong with that statement,
    a.) having daughters does not make you more concerned than someone else about rape
    b.) women are not the only victims or rape and sexual assault so your reasoning just makes you sounds like a creepy, overly paternalistic crasshole.

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/crime/art ... 997812.php

Oh man, I could have guessed it was John Koster as soon as I saw it was a local article. fork that guy.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 11:03 pm 
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Todd Akin's new election video http://bcove.me/7vfyvlt2.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:34 am 
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Coworker on facebook shared a picture of a man and a woman's feet next to each other (woman in stiletto heels, with tips of her shoes on the guy's sneakers). Next frame is legs of women (till can't see torsos of either) lying flat on the ground, man's legs still standing saying something about those are nikes, you don't touch nikes. There might've been the b word there too but I don't want to go back and check and induce more rage.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:26 am 
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A coworker who said, "I think after you have too many abortions, you should be forced to get sterilized, because you obviously don't care about children." Infuriating. I work with so many crazy-conservative, anti-feminist women. It's really getting to me because it comes out in subtle ways--it's not like we're sitting around talking politics by the water cooler.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 8:26 am 
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I unfriended a relative because he posted some dumb sandwich-making joke on Facebook. I think my BS tolerance has gotten really low these days. When I'm already bombarded with the worst shiitake (hello, Republican politicians!) I just don't have room left for the tiniest amount of sexism.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 7:15 am 
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An article in the local newspaper about a young woman raising a boatload of money for Sandy victims, and all the online comments are about how hot she is.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 1:10 pm 
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On the same topic as flavabean's, my band played its first show Friday night. We actually did really well for it being our first.

Not a single person I spoke to Friday night said anything to me about us doing well/me doing well. Every other band member got "You rocked it on bass" or "Your band is awesome" or "Way to not forget the lyrics! hurrah!" or "Wow, you really drummed like a badass." or whatever.
Me?
I got variations of "You're really pretty." and "You look hot." From everyone. Even my band and my friends. And my boyfriend wondered why I went home upset.

Why do people think that it's a fully acceptable compliment? I just got up on a forking stage and played you original songs in my band. I don't care how hot you find me. I care how we sounded.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 1:20 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
People talking about how they would never go back to work or leave their kids with a nanny after the Krim tragedy.

I just can't get how conservative many women in my mother's group are


I've been following this story and also internet comments about it because 1) it's tragic and haunting and 2) as a nanny I get addicted to reading really offensive things about childcare providers that fill me with rage.

Funny how no one ever hears about a child dying in a car accident and says they would never ever drive their child in a car. I'm not going to do the math or anything but my estimate is that is one billion times more likely than your nanny murdering your child. Also, parents murder children too!

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 1:30 pm 
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My works new dress code states women should not wear clothes that reveal excessive cleavage. Great, so now I have to wear a tent because I have naturally very large cleavage? Granted, they probably meant to say low cut but with the way they have phrased it makes it impossible for me to dress correctly since is obvious, no matter what I wear, that I have "excessive" cleavage.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 1:36 pm 
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Actually, I'm going to add "things people assume about nannies and families with nannies" to the list of things that challenge my feminism.

I hate it...

when people assume that parents (especially moms) who have nannies are bad, neglectful parents, I must hate the family I work for, and that I basically raise the kids on my own. I work for awesome parents. They both work. The mom is the primary breadwinner. They are really involved with their kids. I am also really involved with their kids. I don't think my presence in their life is a bad thing and I'm pretty offended when people suggest that it is on a personal level and also a feminist one.

when people assume that it's bad if a nanny does have a large role in a family. No, I'm not just a babysitter, and the parents don't treat me like one. I bring a whole lot of expertise to my job, and it doesn't reflect badly on parents when they ask me for advice, collaborate with me on things, or listen to my ideas. This happens a lot in the family I work for now, and it's great. That honestly seems like one of the bigger perks of having an experienced nanny to me--having someone around who has dealt with everything you're dealing with several times already. I think there's this attitude that mothers should just always automatically know what's best and it's harmful. I think also people assume that as a young woman I'm incompetent/don't care about my job.

and lastly, I guess I already touched on this, but when people assume that a child having a loving relationship with an adult other than a family member is somehow a negative thing. How can that be anything but good?

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 8:20 pm 
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missdelaney wrote:
On the same topic as flavabean's, my band played its first show Friday night. We actually did really well for it being our first.

Not a single person I spoke to Friday night said anything to me about us doing well/me doing well. Every other band member got "You rocked it on bass" or "Your band is awesome" or "Way to not forget the lyrics! hurrah!" or "Wow, you really drummed like a badass." or whatever.
Me?
I got variations of "You're really pretty." and "You look hot." From everyone. Even my band and my friends. And my boyfriend wondered why I went home upset.

Why do people think that it's a fully acceptable compliment? I just got up on a forking stage and played you original songs in my band. I don't care how hot you find me. I care how we sounded.

Oh man, I'm not a musician, but I hate this sort of thing, when people seem to believe the only complements women want are about looks. I don't mind if good froends/lovers comment on my appearance, but other than that it makes me so uncomfortable. And if the only good thing a lover or friend has to say about me is that I'm pretty or whatever, I really don't want them.


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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:56 am 
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missdelaney wrote:
On the same topic as flavabean's, my band played its first show Friday night. We actually did really well for it being our first.

Not a single person I spoke to Friday night said anything to me about us doing well/me doing well. Every other band member got "You rocked it on bass" or "Your band is awesome" or "Way to not forget the lyrics! hurrah!" or "Wow, you really drummed like a badass." or whatever.
Me?
I got variations of "You're really pretty." and "You look hot." From everyone. Even my band and my friends. And my boyfriend wondered why I went home upset.

Why do people think that it's a fully acceptable compliment? I just got up on a forking stage and played you original songs in my band. I don't care how hot you find me. I care how we sounded.

This makes me so, so, so mad on your behalf. Holy shiitake.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:17 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
Actually, I'm going to add "things people assume about nannies and families with nannies" to the list of things that challenge my feminism.

I hate it...

when people assume that parents (especially moms) who have nannies are bad, neglectful parents, I must hate the family I work for, and that I basically raise the kids on my own. I work for awesome parents. They both work. The mom is the primary breadwinner. They are really involved with their kids. I am also really involved with their kids. I don't think my presence in their life is a bad thing and I'm pretty offended when people suggest that it is on a personal level and also a feminist one.

when people assume that it's bad if a nanny does have a large role in a family. No, I'm not just a babysitter, and the parents don't treat me like one. I bring a whole lot of expertise to my job, and it doesn't reflect badly on parents when they ask me for advice, collaborate with me on things, or listen to my ideas. This happens a lot in the family I work for now, and it's great. That honestly seems like one of the bigger perks of having an experienced nanny to me--having someone around who has dealt with everything you're dealing with several times already. I think there's this attitude that mothers should just always automatically know what's best and it's harmful. I think also people assume that as a young woman I'm incompetent/don't care about my job.

and lastly, I guess I already touched on this, but when people assume that a child having a loving relationship with an adult other than a family member is somehow a negative thing. How can that be anything but good?


I have a good friend who is a nanny and she kind of has the opposite experience of you. The mother doesn't work but has various hobbies (at home but things she would like to do uninterrupted). The parents aren't really involved with the kids at all. She loves the kids though but definitely finds the mother someone challenging to work with. During the hurricane, the mother wanted her to come in for at least half a day. I told her to tell the mother to stuff it.

On the other hand, I know other people who have had nannies and mostly because in our area, it is cheaper to have a nanny than to have kids in daycare if you have 2 or more kids. I don't think having a nanny is a bad thing or makes you a bad mother.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:14 pm 
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The guy downtown who stopped my 15 year old (lesbian) daughter to tell her that she only dresses like she dresses to attract men.

She went off. Informing him that he was part of the problem by telling a woman why she dresses as she dresses. Especially since she would never dress any way to attract something she does not want.

I have to say... sassy kid makes me happy.

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 Post subject: Re: Who challenges your feminism in your life?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 7:44 pm 
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linanil wrote:
I have a good friend who is a nanny and she kind of has the opposite experience of you. The mother doesn't work but has various hobbies (at home but things she would like to do uninterrupted). The parents aren't really involved with the kids at all. She loves the kids though but definitely finds the mother someone challenging to work with. During the hurricane, the mother wanted her to come in for at least half a day. I told her to tell the mother to stuff it.

On the other hand, I know other people who have had nannies and mostly because in our area, it is cheaper to have a nanny than to have kids in daycare if you have 2 or more kids. I don't think having a nanny is a bad thing or makes you a bad mother.


Obviously some parents are more involved with their children than others. And hey, I hope that kids with uninvolved parents have really great nannies who love them. A nanny doesn't replace parents, but basically the idea that a nanny's care is somehow less than ideal because a nanny isn't a parent really bothers me. When it works for a family, a nanny is a positive thing. In an ideal situation they bring outside expertise to childrearing and are another loving adult for a child to have a relationship with.

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