Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Many many years ago, when I was young, I was attacked at gunpoint - I ran away safely - I was very, very lucky. But it left me scarred. I am terrified of weapons and those who hold them. I saw those who did so as "the bad guys." Never wanting to be one of them, I have firmly held to a pacifist stance ever since - 35 years now.
My family has had an opposite reaction. My father's reaction at the time was to enroll me in karate, which I hated. I have no desire to hit/kick/punch/throw/hurt anybody. I stopped going after just a few weeks.
My adult children, when I told them about my early experience, had a similar response. They think I should learn how to handle a gun and defend myself with violence when confronted by violence. Each of them has chosen to obtain a gun permit, and a couple of my boys are very active in karate.
My husband never has owned a weapon, although he participated in karate when he was younger. He understands how terrified I am of guns and I have always refused to have one in my home - which he defended in front of my children. (Until I caught one of my adult children carrying them without my knowledge or consent. He was asked to move out!)
I've never touched a gun in my life! I'm terrified of them!!! I can't even stand the sight or thought of them! I have always said that I would not lower myself to that monster's level. In what is only my personal opinion, violence begets more violence. For personal protection, I have always refused to be in the presence of someone I knew was armed. But that has led to conflict because many of my family members are armed, at all times - even in their sleep! So I have to make exceptions to spend time with my own children.

"Open carry" just became legal here, undoing 100 years of progress and plunging my state back into the era of the wild, wild west. I will now be forced to see armed people and weapons everywhere I go. It's a staggering thought for me. I don't wish to become a recluse, but I have no desire to live in a society such as this either.

This is getting difficult for me. Does anyone have any ideas on how to cope?

Have you spoken to a professional about any of this in the past. I think a therapist/psychologist or somesuch might be able to give you coping techniques about how to deal with it when you're out and about.

^I'd recommend seeing a professional, not because I think you're unreasonable, but if you're worried about phobic reactions to seeing guns that would probably be super helpful.

I also identify as a pacifist, but I'm working hard to understand that not everyone can be pacifist. Angela Davis once spoke about the bombings in Birmingham, Alabama in which little girls were killed and then the men in her neighbourhood went on armed patrols to protect them. In a violently white supremacist society, how can I blame her for not identifying as a pacifist?

I live in a city in Canada so I just don't see guns out in the open, but if I had to adapt to that, I'd try to keep in mind that I don't know everyone's situation and how they're reacting to violence in their life. While guns certainly do help create violence, since that's what they're for, and I'm all for gun control, in a systemically violent country such as ours, its so ingrained that we don't see things like economic aggression and poverty and racism and sexism and ableism and homophobia, etc, as blatant violence unless someone is wearing a swastika or white hood. It's something that goes much much deeper, in which the celebration of guns is just the tip of the iceburg.

And if you can find someone who specializes in EMDR, I'd go for that. EMDR has been shown to be an extremely powerful tool for dealing with PTSD, which it sounds like you might have (it's been tested as a therapy for lots of different kinds of PTSD, from combat-related stuff to mothers with birth-related PTSD, I personally found it very helpful in processing childhood abuse).

I don't think an anti-gun stance is unreasonable - I'm also very anti-gun and won't knowingly spend time in a house where I know there's a gun. But you can't actually change what's going on on the street, so if you can find a way to work through your reactions to seeing guns so you're not afraid to be outside in your community, that would probably be the most helpful thing for you.