Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Its so easy to be present to all the things we struggle with, in part because the world seems so ready to judge, but its really nice to take some time and reflect on all the things that we really like about ourselves as parents.

I love that I have far more patience than I ever would have expected. My biggest fear was that I would be impatient and short with my child, but for some reason a I have an inexhaustable reservoir of it for her. I am so quick to react to my husband, but with Leela, I can't help laughing.

We laugh a lot.

I am very laid back. Me ten years ago would have never believed this but I've really learned to embrace and accept that I don't need to be constantly vigilant at all times always. I do my research about the stuff that is important and I make the best decision I can in the moment, and then I let it go, because I don't have time to beat myself up as much for my bad decisions.

I am awed by my capacity to love.

What a question I wish I heard more often!!!!

I think I like most my capacity to evolve. I have been so many different types of parent, from horrible to approaching decent.

PFFFT! FAIL! This isn't the false modesty thread!

I reserve the right to tell you what I think is amazing about you as a parent, if I know you. And let's face it, with over 12,000 posts, I know a lot of you :)

Torque, you are one of the most resilient people I have ever met. You have taken your family through incredibly tough times in at least two different countries, been an amazing advocate for your children and always managed to have the ability to laugh about things. You are so insightful, wise and kind. I love being around you because your energy is wonderfully nurturing and warm. And you know Gabby is a great kid. Sure she's stubborn, smart and independent. How could she not be?

All kidding aside, I think that it becomes so much easier to feel confident as a parent and the choices you make if you're able to embrace the good stuff, and nurture your own confidence.

I sometimes get reactive when challenged, because I feel like I'm a noob who messes up all the time. But if I can come from a place of secure confidence as a parent, it makes my life so much easier to respond to judgments or the unbidden advice or suggestions we get from others. And when I (as a mom)* see moms who are confident, it helps me feel more confident. If I see a mom whom I think is amazing, putting herself down, it makes me doubt myself - I mean if even she isn't a good mom who is?

Oh and its too late to delete my earlier posts, but I shouldn't have been judgmental about torque, even in jest. This should be a safe space to celebrate whatever you like most about yourself as a parent, whatever that may be.

I like this thread, because I am definitely striving to be more confident as a parent. I hate my jealousy. I want so badly to be the other moms I see who look so put together with angel rosy cheeked children, large smiles of bliss on their face, fancy Starbucks coffee in hand.
I need to stop wanting that so badly because it hinders my ability to become more confident and enjoy my life with my children.

What I like most about myself as a parent?
I spend time with my kids and do fun things. I gave up on myself long ago and surrendered to them. I spend my day living for them and their happiness. When we don't have school, OT, or speech, I take them somewhere fun, like the Science Museum, or the Museum of Play, or Explore and More- we don't sit at home very often, but when we do its devoted to crafts, books, games, and fun.

I think what is best about my parenting is my willingness to admit I was going in the wrong direction and getting help for myself so I could do better. I have been a single parent most of my adult life, and for a long time, I ran away from it emotionally, and wasn't very emotionally available for my kids. I "hit bottom" back about 10 years ago, maybe a little more, and got help from a lady who taught a local parenting class. I was able to accept my situation, and come to love my children in a much more fulfilling way, if that makes sense. As teenagers, they delight me, and I am grateful they are part of my life. I also am glad that I am on the liberal side in many ways. I was very strict with them when they were little, but because we established trust, I find I don't have to breathe down their necks all the time like I did then.

so far, i am most proud of my competence.

i'm not always the most patient or exciting parent, but i am good at all the tasks that i've had to learn to do. i guess i mean while i sometimes still fail in the attitude department, i have so far excelled in the "skills" department.

swaddling, babywearing, keeping things relatively clean and chaos free, installing car seats, cutting fingernails, brushing teeth, changing diapers, breastfeeding, illness curing...

and then there are the other life skills you suddenly start needing a bit more urgently as a parent like: making appointments, being on time for things, not spending all your money on starbucks and shoes, fixing things in your house, fixing your car, driving safely, setting up grown up things like life insurance and savings, paying bills...


i generally feel like my life is more or less in order and things are not two steps away from completely falling apart. which is honestly how i felt the majority of the time as a child-free adult. i would not have expected that the chaos and general exhaustion of having a baby and then toddler would actually make me better at life.

I think the thing I like most about myself as a parent is that I share my spirit of adventure with my kids. We have fun. We do interesting things together. We explore the world together. I try not to say no about things if the only reason is that a) I'm irrationally scared of something or b) it would be less work not to do it.

Recently the Emperor and I were at the boardwalk and he asked of we could go on this "family" roller coaster together. It's somewhere between a kiddie coaster and a real coaster, and he's big enough to ride with an adult. I am terrified of any kind of roller coaster, but he's not, so I sucked it up and took him on it. Twice, 'cuz he liked it so much the first time. I can't tell you how amazing it is that my love for him (and my desire to let him form his own conclusions about what he likes, what is/isn't scary, etc) won out over my terror of roller coasters.

Also, the best thing I've gotten out of being a parent other than my kids is an amazing sense of time management.

I like this thread a lot! I love reading about parents' successes, and I think it's fantastic when you can step back and be proud of yourselves for the amazing job you're all doing! I think PPK parents are some the best, most honest, genuine and caring parents I've ever met. </gush>

What I like best about myself as a parent is the encouragement and support I give TRS.

That and the fact that he finds it very soothing and relaxing to have me "talk him down" at night, when he's having trouble sleeping, or when he has me read to him in bed.

FootFace, I really like that!

I read this article and thought it was a great reminder of how awesome all of us are for dealing with the challenges of modern parenthood.
http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant ... s-a-mother

ooh tofulish you're too cute. i spent the weekend mostly offline and missed this! no offense taken.

Just to respond to what you were thinking, which I totally understand, and respect you for- i wasn't trying to put myself down- to be really, really honest, yes i'm a really resilient person but i also have been in really horrible places as a parent. i don't think I can over-emphasize the shock I had at learning how totally unprepared and unsuited I was for caring for screaming, sick babies, and how it almost completely destroyed me. I don't think it's just me either- remember the poster in the vent thread who was angry at the baby? I've been there, and way worse. There have been many times when i found myself thinking you know, if I had known that this was what parenting was going to be like, I would have known that it was NOT for me and best left to others. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been up and down, and even though I've been shitty at times, I've done the best I could. The end result, so far, is good, and I'm proud of it. But things change so fast, and the ground under my feet has shifted so many times. That's what I really meant about evolving- from a caregiver to a challenger to a teacher to a million different things. Being soft and being firm. Being the rock of support and being the starting-fires-under-your-ass parent. I'm good at some and not so good at others, which I think is only fair.

Hmm... I suppose that I manage, a lot of the time, to do it alone without going completely crazy. Getting through day after day with no backup when my husband disappears for several weeks at a time and we have no family around.

...and also that I've turned my 15 month old into a voracious reader. It can be a little annoying to drop everything and read "Yoo Hoo Little Rabbit" for the 15th time in a day, but I love that her favorite thing is reading, even now.

i like that i can admit to a four year old that i was wrong/acted badly and apologise. parents didn't do that when/where i grew up.

^ This!! <3

❀madam dahlia❀, I also apologise to my kids when I do wrong or act like an idiot/meanie and I like to think it's going to help us have a better relationship in the long-term.

I also strive to not be the because-I-said-so mom. If my kids want to question my decisions and rules, I think that's great! I'm happy to explain my decisions and I will negotiate with them on many issues (others, like brushing teeth and such, are not negotiable).

KNOW WHAT I LIKE MOST NOW??? (yesterday?)
I am now the parent of a teenager. And I am still aLIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

we gave my kid the best frigging birthday ever yesterday, even though she didn't want a party or anything special we did a million small things that made her day so amazing. She spent the whole day grinning like the cheshire cat. (she woke up to a cake on her pillow, courtesy of my brother in law, and when she wandered into my room, confused, she was surprised and told that it was the rules that you must eat cake for breakfast on your birthday. even better, the cake was full of maraschino cherries, which for years she desperately wanted but was not allowed to eat for allergy reasons. she's liberated now and man did she enjoy that cake).

I know this is not the right thread for crowing but this was a good, good day.

It sounds like you sure know how to party! Definitely a good thing to like!

Without fail, I will let my kids be whatever they want to be. I won't tell them being different is wrong.

Here's a recent example of the teachings sinking in:

Blasto: Mommy. I have a penis. Girls have vaginas. SOMETIMES there are girls that have penises and some boys have vaginas and that's totally okay.

This is the best! You are an awesome parent.

I want to be best friends with Blasto.

I love that I have (am still, will always be) raising strong kids who know who they are. They may not know where they are going, but they know who they are.
And they will tell you! And pardon my bragging for just a minute, but the fact that they are all confident enough to defend who they are and be who they are at 18, 15 and 12, means I helped give them that confidence. They have me busting with pride everyday.

You rock kfad. I really want to be able to raise Leela to be that secure in herself and her own choices. You're doing a fabulous job <3