Post Punk Kitchen Forum

So I nearly got landed in hospital today. I was my usual depressed self and cried my whole way to work. I couldn't physically speak the first hour of work because I was feeling so crepe. I text the nice manager one asking could I meet her because I wasn't feeling all the best. Managed to do another 2 hours at work fine then went to meet the manager. Within seconds she said how on earth could my direct manager not have noticed the way I was. She said she could not leave me back to work. boring story even more boring she called the psychiatrist on call and got her to see me. Her reaction was the same. After a while of talking she tried to talk me into going in to hospital for a while. HELL NO!!!! She allowed me to go home with a letter for my own doctors because I wasn't unwell enough to admit involuntarily.

So.... here begins the sick leave. The neighbours reaction to the news was this...... well at least this time they won't act the kumquat with you because you are off.

Will you get to see occupational health, daisychain? Is there any chance you can be transferred to a different site, or anything like that, if part of the problem is the creep?

I'm having a pretty hard time at the moment, it's between two very hard anniversaries for me, and I miss my granny (who died a couple of years ago) really badly at a time like this. She went through something similar to me and was just a lovely sympathetic soul anyway. I've had a struggle to see the point in getting out of bed.

Coming off a weekend that was fantastic in some ways and really stressful in others has made re-acclimating to day to day life emotionally depressing. Having a hard time not bursting into tears at work at moments or being melodramatic and has made me not want to do anything or have the energy to do what I need to do outside of work-laundry, cooking dinner/lunches for the week, etc.

I think part of it is that it's getting colder and darker, so I'm tending more towards depression anyways, which is frustrating.

I'm falling into depression again. Part of it's due to the darkness, but I blame most of it on not being able to exercise. I love running and biking and weightlifting and it's killing me to have to wait at least another 3 weeks until I can get back to it.

I recognize all the symptoms. I'm irritated, tired, I lack energy and appetite and I don't want to do anything. I can't stand it.

I only saw occu health about 2 weeks ago and they have put in the letter recommending that I be moved so there isn't all that much they can do. I have to go see my G.P. tomorrow so I'm going to ask him to ring and ask can I be moved to another unit while waiting for the transfer. Whatever about the creep going to be there I will definitely get hell from my immediate manager again because she will probably get a big telling off for not noticing how depressed I was and then leaving me work. Like, I'm so bad that even my patients have said that I'm not myself and I have no spark any more. So if she hadn't bother acting on the fact that I can barely hold a conversation and given the profession we are in she will at least be talked to. This woman gave me crepe before over sick leave in relation to my mental health because "it isn't fair on the rest of the staff" when I am off.

Also, in frustration I decided to take my anger out on a chopping board this morning and manage to reinjure my thumb.


massive *hugs* to everyone.

I think the change in the seasons have a lot to do with turning into a tail spin. I'm also hitting a rough patch. I'm so sorry others are struggling. My thoughts are with all of you.

My mantra has been "I'm just feeling stressed and want a way out." every time I feel really low. I try to find the odd comfort in the ugliness of what is going on. I know this doesn't really make sense, but hear me out: so I'm feeling bad. I have the brain flu and am feeling bummed. In a few days I'm going to start feeling better. What can I do to take care of myself while my mind is sick? Music. Colors. Podcasts. Going through with my routine when I don't want to. It's not easy, but I force myself to do these things. It passes. I get off the roller coaster and go to the gift shop to see the picture. It's ugly and funny all at once.

Weird logic, I know--but I hope that helps someone else. It helps me.

Saw my own G.P. today. He restarted me on the tablet I had been on before rather than increasing the one I am on because of the weight gain. He is hoping that the newish one can be increased over time then the weight increasing one decreased to a dose that I am able to manage my weight at a healthy level. He is happy to certify me out of work on the basis that I feel a lot better when I'm not at work. I'm going to have to ask for a move from the area that I am in now. It just depresses me. Even without all the crepe that is going on. There isn't a bit of a challenge in it, it is too boring and it depresses me. Plain and simple.

I like this.

Had a second night of crepe sleep and now my appetite seems to be gone on the missing list.

The psych from work called me today to make sure I was ok. The relaxation techniques she went through with me actually seem to be helping. When my mind goes into dark places they get me out of it quick enough rather than it spiraling out of control.

<3 Thinking of you.

Much love to everyone in this topic.

Made my appointment to see the psych on Monday. I feel like I am just wasting his time.

Thank you fisticuffs.

Forced myself to bring the dog to the beach today. She had such a blast running around that it cheered me up for a while. The whole way home she kept sticking her head into the front of the car to give me kisses. Think I am going to do that a lot more often.

Seems like I've turned the corner the past few days. My mood is definitely improving. I even done some housework this evening. Should be another few weeks before I am work ready but thank God I am starting to improve because I was starting to feel like it would never happen.

Hooray! That's great daisychain.

I'm pretty blah at the moment. Just about coping washing, making sure I have clean pants, and getting to work. Anything beyond that, including making sure I have healthy food, not so much. I've eaten quite a bit of marzipan this evening after about half a bag of starburst I'd bought for trick or treaters.

Hopefully this is just a blip because of having my period and a rotten cold at the same time. I went part time on 18th, but I have been doing casual hours on top of that, so this week will be the first I'll have to really see if it helps or just means even more time sitting around procrastinating.

Periods definitely cause blips. I have mine in just over a week so by next weekend I won't be feeling great. Just weather it out and hopefully in a few days you will be feeling a bit better. Hopefully the reduction in hours will help you.

And starburst during a period are amazing.

Periods are definitely the worst when you deal with depression. At least they are for me. If I'm going to slip back into the negative thinking and hopelessness, it's usually the week before I start. That's also when I am most forgetful, I can't seem to prioritize or focus, and I think "all is lost." Then, about two days after I start, I get this mania where I'm full of energy. That's when I take on too much, stay up too late working, and burn myself out.

My only saving grace in those times seems to be structure. I go crazy with it. Lay out all of my work clothes for the week. Bring all of my food for lunches on the first day of the week. Make sure I wake up at the same time no matter how late I go to bed. Shower at night so I don't have to "do my hair" in the morning. It sounds crazy, but the less decision making I have to do around that time the better because that's when I go into freak out mode. Even the smallest decisions send me into panic.

If you can set things up for your future, period-ravaged self, do it!

I actually do all that too! I even make all my dinners at the weekend for the whole week too. I'm off work at the moment so luckily I don't have to do much. Work is impossible at the moment because my concentration is so non-existent and it would just be plain dangerous for me to be working given that I deal with medication and people so much. When I've to work like this I end up going into complete overdrive with worrying.

And as I predicted the past few days I've been miserable.

The last month has been kicking my asparagus. All my usual tricks for getting out of a funk aren't working, and I keep hitting moments of near despair.

Right now I'm in a battle of very strong self-disapproval versus trying desperately to be kind to myself.

My depression was at bay for such a long time, whyyy is it coming back now? I'm so tired of this being a part of my life! Ugh!!

@giraffypants: what things can you cut out of your life to reduce your stress? when the funk hits me, i go on a negativity cleanse--I shut things-(not people, but stimuli) out of my life that makes me feel wonky. Like the news. My newest trick is to dress people up in clown suits in my mind. The more ridiculous I make my current scenario, the sooner the funk disco dances out the door.

For the record, I feel you. I've been swinging back and forth too and it sucks. Podcasts have been saving my asparagus.

I just started taking citalopram. I got it prescribed through my school health center then picked it up for $4 at Safeway 15 minutes later. I was happy with the whole process. Does anyone take this/ know someone who takes it? I know it acts differently in each body, but I'm just curious.

$4?! Man I need to move to America! One of my tablets costs me €20 and the other one costs €22!

Not really heard much about side-effects from it. Best bet is to take it after a really decent sized breakfast that has plenty of carbs. Most of the meds are really harsh on the stomach. Especially for the first month or so. After your body gets used to it, it won't be as harsh. You will probably feel a bit spaced out of it for a few weeks especially the first few days. Drink plenty of water too because they can be dehydrating. Watch out for your mood getting worse too. Although sometimes in the first few days some of them can make you feel a bit "high." When I first went on medication I would get that because my body wasn't used to it.


Looks like things are going to really improve for me. I won't be going back to that toxic work environment. I officially finish next Friday. I will be on sick leave until the end of next week so I won't actually have to go back at all.

daisychain, i am so happy to hear about your change!! happy that whole situation is DONE and over with!!!

I take escitalopram, but I guess that's different. Brand name Lexapro? If it's anything like that, I can report positive results. Had very few side effects compared to when they tried me on prozac. *shudder*