Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Thanks! I can't get over that it is happening so soon! The feeling I've had all day is fantastic. I feel NORMAL!!! So relaxed and chilled out.

Guys, how come accessing therapy is so difficult and requires so many steps...like don't they know the reason I need it is because I am too depressed to do anything? There should just be a button.

Have you accessed services for depression before? If so you can sign one of those release forms that allows your doctor or former therapist to consult with your new one.

I haven't been in therapy for ages and when I was I had an entirely different insurance situation and was in a different state.

I have Kaiser insurance now and I'm pretty sure there is a few month long waiting list but I haven't actually made the call to figure that shiitake out. Also I'm going to lose my health insurance in July so if I have to wait months it feels pretty pointless.

I agree. I've given up as there is just no point. I've had referrals approved, my insurance will pay, but there are no doctors within drivable range willing to take new patients. The few that are, I fail their screening because I've not had continual care and have a history of stopping treatment after a year or two. Apparently this entire regions an area of known critical provider shortage. This means that quite a few just charge and don't deal with insurance since many in this area can and will just pay.

I can get prescriptions for crepe from my PCM. It's not really helping any longer, but whatever. I'll just have to suck it up. And honestly, life isn't that much worse when I'm severely depressed vs off that cycle since there is something to be said for the anesthesizing effect of being depressed.

Also: isn't it a nice fork you to require mental health care but be REJECTED by the providers because you fail to meet their screening criteria for being a perfect little patient deserving of their beneficence?

Getting into therapy requires so many hoops and when you're depressed it's a nightmare. That's why I waited so long. Add to that the fear of trying to do all of this in a country where I don't speak the language and where things are different and I pretty much gave up over and over. I finally went to my doctor and I was so effed up, visibly so, that he prescribed an anti-depressant and referred me to a psychologist. That got the ball rolling. There were lots of hoops to go through after that, including getting on the right medicine, but somehow I powered through it. It was literally the only thing I could do outside of work. I was so exhausted that just having one scheduled thing outside of work was too much. If you can just get the ball rolling a little bit...thinking of you guys. I know it's hard. :/

Hi all, I don't really suffer from depression, but have some people in my life who do, so I hope it is okay for me to post in this thread. If it's not, I respectfully apologize. I'm looking for some advice. My 22 year old brother (11 years younger) has suffered from (what seems to be) untreated depression and anxiety since he was probably ten years old. He has been visiting me for the past week--I live far away, and it's the most time I've spent with him as an adult, really, (that makes me sad). When I visit, he doesn't spend all that much time with me.

I've known about his problems for a long time, but no one in my family knows how to help him. He refuses to see doctors, is very anti-medication, and doesn't change his behaviors. He spent most of high school not going to school, but not doing anything crazy--just staying home and playing video games mostly. That's all he still does. He's never had a job, doesn't go to college, doesn't help around the house, hardly ever leaves his really messy room. He has some good internet friends, but no real life ones. I hear him talking and laughing online with them (they all met playing a game) and it's almost the only time I hear him show any signs of life at all. My parents (divorced) don't know what to do with him, so they basically do nothing, which is not the answer in my opinion. I'm really surprised he wanted to come here, but he's starving for social interaction (he told me this) and we get along pretty well. However, it has been hard to have him as a house guest and I find myself getting infuriated with him. He's pretty self-aware and knows that he needs to change, but is afraid/can't make himself do anything. He says he mostly feels apathetic and lazy all the time. He is very self-conscious, very messy, and very slow. I say these things with a lot of love, I hope I don't sound callous. I'm trying to describe him in case that helps anyone understand him better. It's been difficult for me to make the effort to take him places and try to show him a good time because he rarely shows any signs that he is having a good time and is very hard to read. We've gotten into some arguments and heated discussions because I feel like I can't get through to him and just want to get a reaction. When anyone says anything confrontational to him or that that he doesn't want to hear, he just kind of shuts down. I've always kind of ignored that and kept going because I feel like somebody has to. But I'm not enough. Also, my parents basically hope his trip here "cures" him and motivates him to change his life, which is obviously impossible and they aren't quite that delusional (although i do think that he definitely needs more life experiences) and is a lot of pressure for me.

I tell him he doesn't have to feel this way, that if he had cancer or diabetes, he'd go to the doctor, and he shouldn't feel ashamed/afraid to go to a mental health professional, but he says he wants to do this himself. I tell him that what he has been doing hasn't been working and that there are people who can help him, and he responds that he hasn't really tried to change until now and he really wants to change. Unfortunately, I don't believe him. Well, I do believe he wants to, but don't believe he can do this alone. I can't fix him, I know this, but I really want to help him.

To throw a wrench in all this, one of our brothers (there were three total, now two), the one closest in age to him, died quite unexpectedly of an overdose this past summer. Our older brother and my father are both long term addicts (functional and pharmaceutical-based), but no one really knew about medium bro, or payed attention. All of this definitely contributes to little bro's attitude toward medication. They were very close and my little brother was in the house when my medium brother died. He is very guilty and very sad (obviously) about this. He has a lot of regrets about their life together and his role in his death. It seems like I should have said this at the beginning because it is so important, but I wasn't sure where to include it because to be honest, little bro's behavior hasn't really changed at all since medium bro died and I wanted to tell the first part before anybody read about this. He acted exactly the same way before. I know he has a lot more going on in his head than what's coming out, though. Now, although he feels so, so terrible about this tragedy, he has a really big excuse to just keep on doing what he's been doing. Everyone's afraid to say/do anything because we don't want him to kill himself, but i feel like doing what we've been doing is going to lead to just that. I don't know how I would live with myself if another brother dies senselessly. I want him to be able to love life, or at least kind of like it. I have no idea how to get him there. I just know he needs professional help and I don't know how to get him to see this. Thank you for reading, I hope this wasn't too long or disjointed. Does anyone have any advice? For me or for him? Thank you so much. <3

ILM, you are awesome for caring enough, which maybe seems like a no-brainer for you but not for others.
Bro is lucky to have you.

My sister is in a similar situation except she's almost 30 (untreated mental illness, suicide attempts, drug use, etc). In my family we have lots of mental illness and lots of trauma. My brother and I have both done therapy and my sister has not, though she is basically not functional as an adult and is supported by my retired mother. I really would like her to do therapy but she rankles and says there's nothing wrong with her and gets all persecuted. I think it's worth talking to him about it, and if he says he wants to change, you can help him however you can (help him set up appts, be available to chat every so often, etc) but if he doesn't follow through, you can't do it for him, sad as that is. Make sure he knows you love him and are there, but i think you can't force him to get help if he's not into it.
bug hugs.

ILM- I feel like getting out and seeing the wilderness might help your brother. Exercise helps the brain or whatever. And going from sitting/video games/anxious and restless energy to being in nature is transforming. (I think you're right though, it sounds like a mess that will have many solutions and much work.) Glad you're there for him. <3

I had what feels like a very weird turnaround this weekend. Good, but weird, so I’m still worrying a bit.

I’ve been seeing a counselor about depression and anxiety brought on by stress at work, and exacerbated by my tendency to take on responsibility for everything and by my low self-esteem. Basically I always feel like everything is my fault, which is manageable when things are going well but crippling when they’re not. I’ve had some ups and downs around this for the last year and a half, but this is by far the worst it’s ever been.

Last week, during a particularly emotional session, she told me again (gently) that she is concerned and very strongly thinks I need to consider antidepressants. That freaked me right out. I have huge fears around medication because everyone I know who’s been on antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications has had a hard time with them. While I do realize logically that meds are not evil and that they can be good and necessary, I am still so scared of having to go on them. I don’t judge anyone else who’s on them and would never encourage others to avoid them, but I have this massive, irrational fear of using them myself.

She agreed not to push it at the time and said we’d talk more at my next appointment. What’s happened since then is that I feel like I’ve been “scared straight” into making some much-needed changes in my life. I had a really good long talk with my partner about what I feel I need to start getting better, and he’s super supportive. I cleared a few unnecessary commitments from my schedule without feeling (too) guilty, and finally managed to confront and plan out some things that I do have to do. And I actually woke up this morning without dreading getting out of bed for the first time in what seems like months.

So, overall, good stuff, right? Except I can’t help but worry that this is temporary, that when I crash again I’ll crash even harder, etc. I’m trying to focus on my accomplishments and hold on to the fact that I’m feeling better and not worry too much about what might come, but it’s hard. The change just seems so sudden it’s like I’m worried I’m getting better too quickly. Gah.

I don’t know if I’m exactly looking for advice or what, although of course if anyone has had similar experiences please do share. Just needed to get this out somehow. Thanks for listening.

i'll say what people told me when i first sought help and i resisted meds- they're different for everyone, they have the potential to really help, you could always stop taking them if you want to, and you'll never know if you don't try. [i was pretty staunchly anti-med and can offer you a bushel of reasons people gave me. these were the ones that made the most sense to me, and i tried the meds. many different ones, many of which i said "naaah" and drugs were short term for me. and more likely than not kept me alive when i was having a rough time.]
big hugs. take care of yourself and take one moment at a time.

Thanks Torque and JG. It's hard to accept that sometimes I can't fix everything.

Nothing leaves this forum, right? I'm kind of wary of over-sharing on the internet, because I've done that before. But I figure if I ever want to I can always delete my photo on this forum so no one will be able to connect me to this account.

Anyway, I only recently emerged from a mental breakdown that left me incapacitated for about six months. Everything in my life fell away, including my veganism. I was in and out of emergency rooms and psychiatric hospitals. It was a nightmare. I got loaded up on all sorts of medication. Two anti-psychotics (that sounds scary, but they were used to treat anxiety and racing thoughts), an anti-depressant (80 mgs), and sleeping medication. The anti-psychotics gave me all sorts of negative side effects. Above all muscle stiffness. I was walking around like Frankenstein. Thankfully, I'm off everything now but the Prozac and feel great. My heart goes out to everyone having a hard time. You'll get through it!

Well it's a public forum so anyone can access it, but I don't think anyone's gonna be like HAR HAR THIS GUY HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. :P Anyway, that really sucks. I'm glad you're doing better!

I'm on the Canadian version of this. Julia, you know where to find me on email if you have any questions. I have had a lot of experiences through the past few months with him--some really positive, some problematic. It has really run me down nutritionally and a lot of that is due to appetite loss, so be careful to eat solid meals and snack often. You are lucky that you live with the best cook ever. :)

I've been on it since December 2006 (with a short break for pregnancy - ended up having to start again when I was six months along), and it's worked very well for me. I haven't really had any noticeable side effects, which is great compared to when I was on Efexor and had all sorts of strange stuff happening. One side effect that you may not notice much though, is that your mouth gets dry, so it's important to take care of your teeth! I hope it works for you, good luck!

Yeah, I was mostly kidding about the "nothing leaves this forum" bit. I guess that kind of stuff is hard to translate through text. But anyway, thank you.

i think we tend to be a pretty decent bunch about not judging.

This is me saying in a public space that i am going to the gym today.
I knew thanksgiving would be rough, and yet suddenly realized yesterday I haven't exercised in a week. I created my own perfect storm.

Checking in. Last week I did my exercise like i said i would, then was busy insane and only got to the gym again today. i have no idea what day it is or what the hell is going on. I will be at the gym again tomorrow, though.

I do know that before the gym, I was in tears because some song came on and made me cry. I think it was "doin' time" by sublime and i thought if i was crying from that song i was really in trouble. Then I cried at the gym. Any remaining doubt that the people at the gym think i'm a nut? nope.
I feel a lot better after the gym. But shiitake, lately this stuff has been really difficult. Depression and anxiety together are a bad combination. In my own defense, I have stopped drinking, which helps- I notice the depression gets a lot worse if I drink.

Even so, today I was making plans for running away and becoming a rail-riding hobo and howling crazy drunken poetry at the moon once my daughter turns 18. It's only 5 years away.

I know that feeling of just wanting to escape and I'm sorry you have responsibilities that hold you back from doing it. I hope you feel better.

I know that feeling of just wanting to escape and I'm sorry you have responsibilities that hold you back from doing it. I hope you feel better.

amonik and vijita- thank you for your info, <3. so far so good. but my mouth *is* dry and my appetite is absolutely gone. dr gave me Propranolol last week as well.

I kept forgetting to refill my prescription and went without my lexapro for over a week. Finally picked it up yesterday but this morning I'm in the throes of the worst anxiety/self-loathing spell I've had in years. I'd forgotten how bad this feels. Shaking like a leaf, brain flying all over the place, got to have the tv and radio on to distract me from myself. I know this will go away eventually but shiitake, this sucks.

I finally put 2 + 2 together, hence the new thread in the foyer. Onwards and upwards!