Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I think people use it because words like "childless" make it sound like it's a sad thing.

The best upside of having broken ladyparts is being able to say "I can't have kids" when someone says "You'll change your mind when you're older" (I'm 22) or whatever, as if it's any of their business.

I take sick joy in watching their faces fall as they stammer uncomfortably. I might be a jerk.

It's funny, one of the sort of awkward upshots of being transgender is that nobody asks me about my procreational intentions anymore. I guess everyone just assumes either that I can't, or that I shouldn't?

This is exactly the purpose of the term "childfree." "Childless" implies that something is lacking or missing, whereas childfree covers people who have chosen to live a different sort of life, not one that is any less or lacking.

I don't like childfree, because it focuses on the things I don't have. I prefer to think of myself as nonchildful, which is not to be confused with unchildful.

Omg this is so funny. I mean, it's not funny that your parts are broken, but you are awesome for doing this. People who say rude things deserve to feel awkward :P

Funny, I feel like it's the opposite. Child-free sounds like a bigger deal to me. I guess I would just say "I don't have children."

I don't use the word 'child free' in real life. I don't use the word 'omni' either. They are internet terms for me I guess. I don't like using labels like that IRL.

But I AM vegan and child free. And I get a ton of shiitake for it all the time. I don't get it. I don't want kids, and I don't want to eat animals. I don't push my agenda on anyone, but it is the only damn thing people seem to want to talk about: what goes in my mouth and comes out of my vagina. NOT YOUR BUSINESS. kthx.

The problem with "I don't have/want/plan to have children" is that sometimes people will look at you in this sad, pitying, or condescending way and say, oh, "you'll change your mind!" or other things, like, "you'll never know TRUE happiness/love/fulfillment until you have children," so I guess saying "childfree" makes it more a purposeful choice and puts a little more power (for lack of a better word) behind it.

Kind of like "Awwww you can't have cheese!? Poor you! Your life must be so sad." No, I choose not to have cheese. I am not sad and cheeseless. I am cheese free!

Totally, I don't think people realize how rude it is to ask someone why they don't have kids (my mom actually told me that pretty early on in my teen years because she had several friends who couldn't have kids and had gone through miscarriages and stillbirths, you never forking ask a woman why she doesn't have children). Even if I knew someone really well and we were BFF, if they didn't have kids and never brought it up themselves, I would never ask why.

CQ, i'm not transgender but i've had people say things to me like 'since you're not having kids'. Um, i'm not? I mean, I know i'm 32 and i've been married for eight years, but I never really thought it was a good idea (for me) to have a baby while my husband was getting deployed or when he was in school and we were really struggling. I may never have kids, but i've never said anything remotely like that. I actually stay quiet about it because I think it's kind of funny, and then if I do have a baby I plan on keeping it on the DL for as long as reasonably possible and then at Christmas i'm going to channel Molly Ringwald and say, "I'm pregnant, can you pass the potatoes?"

As far as child-free goes, I know it's annoying for people to say 'BUT YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND', but...you might. It's okay to change your mind! And it's okay to not change your mind either. People grow and change and hippie fart bullshiitake. We all changed our minds about what we consider food, some people have changed their minds back from that. And then back again. On the other hand, I will hate olives until the day I die and no one is changing my mind about that shiitake.

I also don't refer to myself as childfree in real life. I just say I don't have kids. But people can get weirdly nosy and pushy about it and start asking all sorts of inappropriate questions.

The one that still makes me angry whenever I think about it is someone who told me - an hour after meeting me for the first time: "But, if you don't plan on having children, your life doesn't have a purpose, now does it ?"

Like I need to cure both cancer and aids to make up for the fact that I'm not procreating.

And also, invent chocolate that burns fat.

What the hell is wrong with people?

I don't care if you all have kids or not but I do worry about who will be the baristas of the future. Coffee, it's all I care about, and I have kids.

Will add it to the list, alongside a word that rhymes with 'orange', world peace and vegan merengues.

i think it's funny although i suppose since i became a breeder myself i am not allowed to sling around the breeder jokes so freely.


don't forget to add to the list "effective yet non-offensive vegan protest"



(too soon??)

I wouldn't use the term child free because I haven't made the decision to never have kids. As of now, I don't have/want kids of my own. My niece and nephews and friends' babies are good enough right now. If the subject ever comes up and I indicate that I have no desire for babies at the moment, I've gotten things like "you'll change your mind!" I usually just shrug and say "maybe I will, I don't know." I suppose the comments are also sparse because I'm still young and I'm not in a long-term committed relationship.

Yesssssssssssss. So many people asked when when we were going to have another, right after I miscarried (they didn't know) and it was the worst. I couldn't talk about it without crying for months, so basically this meant I cried a lot at near-strangers.

At first when I was reading this thread, I read "CF" as "cystic fibrosis" and I was very, very confused.

I don't have any issues with people not wanting to have kids - and I don't get why people want to pressure others to have kids. I don't ask why people don't have kids, but sometimes I ask if people without kids want kids - this is because I am curious, not because I think they either should or shouldn't have kids. As someone who has always wanted kids, I guess I was privileged to have it not bother me when people pressured me to have kids. I never really felt a lot of pressure, but that's because I could give the answer that I was planning to.

Anyway, the thing I wanted to say was that I do find it annoying that there are people who don't want to hang out with someone/ be their friend anymore because they have kids. I don't get avoiding an entire age group of people. Kids are part of our society. Maybe I am just sensitive about it because I don't have any (local) friends to hang out with - and if I did have one, and that one friend didn't want to hang out with me because I have a baby, well, that would suck. I did get to hang out with a friend (from out of state) yesterday who decidedly does not want to have kids, and we had fun. He happened to be hanging out with a lot of babies recently because a lot of our mutual friends scattered across the country are having babies now and he is taking a big road trip.

As for the bingo, I can't imagine saying any of those except two (in different contexts): the baby smell being great and that it is different when it is your kid - I can't imagine saying that as a way to convince people to have kids though. That's so weird. Why do I care if they want kids or not?

"Spite baby" is my new favorite term. That is all.

I've heard many of those. I think my mom knows them well.

If the food you eat is coming out of your vagina, you may need to see a doctor.

A collegue of mine once said something that boils down to that. Didn't punch her though, everyone at work already thinks I'm weird enough without added physical violence.

Well, at least for me, hanging out is so different with Leela. We can't go to a restaurant or a bar and just talk about each other's lives. Instead I have to be paying attention to where she is and what she is up to. I went out with a friend who had been through a bad breakup, and we went to a park and got a picnic, and instead of being able to talk, I had to keep watching what L was putting in her mouth (there were so many glass shards everywhere!) and running after her to retrieve her once she got out of easy grabbing range. Even at the playground, she isn't yet able to be let loose, because she is a bit unsteady on the equipment and will eat anything she finds. We don't even go to playgrounds with woodchips any more.

I love it when friends come to my child-proofed house and I can make them breakfast and we can talk while she runs around in safety. Even going to a friend's house that isn't childproofed for a one year old means I have to focus on her not on my friend. I was at a friend who has a 2 year old, and her daughter can run up and down stairs just fine, which isn't the case for Leela - she tries going up but tends to fall. So we don't go to parties or potlucks, even if L would be welcome, because its a constant struggle to keep her from eating cat food or running up stairs.

So tl;dr - I am definitely a lot less fun to hang out with these days, and I appreciate my childless friends who hang out with me, but I definitely don't blame people for whom watching me run after my kid isn't a fun use of their time.