Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Cosmo is horrifying hilarious. Their tips always seem obvious or "Hey, don't just try that without asking!" I get that they have to keep writing sex tips (I guess, I don't know why they bother) but it all amounts to "Touch his penis." "Touch his penis with your tongue while it's wrapped in duct tape." "Touch his penis with your breasts while they're dipped in yogurt." And so on and so forth.

Last October there was an article in there about celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness month that pissed me off. I hate the sexualization/pinkification of breast cancer, and in honor of cancer awareness, it was all about the male gaze and making your breasts sexier for men, instead of... you know, health tips.

Holly at The Pervocracy does monthly two-part Cosmockings. They are swell. Love her blog.

Bumping because, well..."Press a fork (firmly, but don't break the skin or anything) into different parts of his body — his butt cheeks, his pecs, his thighs."

Oh, baby!

http://jezebel.com/5937084/10-shades-of-stupid-cosmos-worst-bdsm-tips

Too late!

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=22474

One of the comments:

Alternate between folding his penis into an origami owl, and trying to drown it like a mangy kitten in a bowl full of melted chocolate. Once the penis is sufficiently owl-shaped and/or conditioned to be terrified of chocolate, play loud Sousa marching music at it while slapping it rhythmically with a fly swatter. If these ministrations haven't brought your man to the highest heights of pleasure, finish off the sexy fun by super-gluing Fruit Loops to his shaft and mailing photos of your art project to Aunt Edna.

I tell you, I'm a goddamn whiz at coming up with helpful tips for snazzing up one's sex-life. Cosmo basically needs to hire me, like, right the hell now.


http://jezebel.com/5919206/cosmos-44-mo ... s-sex-tips