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 Post subject: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 6:42 pm 
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Is anyone else really good at starting to fall for the wrong people at the wrong time? Tell me your best stories of crushes that you knew you couldn't or shouldn't act on!

Recently, here's my best one. It was about six months ago. I was in a lock-down psychiatric hospital. I started crushing on another patient. She was bipolar and an ex-stripper. She had a boyfriend and, if I remember correctly, a son. She crushed back, telling me what she would do to me if she were single. All signs pointed to disaster. But man I really wanted to be with her!


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 6:45 pm 
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JonnyWoop wrote:
Is anyone else really good at starting to fall for the wrong people at the wrong time? Tell me your best stories of crushes that you knew you couldn't or shouldn't act on!

Recently, here's my best one. It was about six months ago. I was in a lock-down psychiatric hospital. I started crushing on another patient. She was bipolar and an ex-stripper. She had a boyfriend and, if I remember correctly, a son. She crushed back, telling me what she would do to me if she were single. All signs pointed to disaster. But man I really wanted to be with her!


Oh, and I forgot one of the best parts. She and I weren't even on the same unit of the hospital. The only time we could meet was during the group therapy, art sessions and meals.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:38 pm 
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Oh heavens, an ex-stripper!

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:42 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Oh heavens, an ex-stripper!


Sorry, I didn't mean that to be offensive. :(


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:49 pm 
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Well, no, I didn't assume you meant it to be offensive. But intent is only a small piece of the puzzle, you know?

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 8:52 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Well, no, I didn't assume you meant it to be offensive. But intent is only a small piece of the puzzle, you know?


That's true. I'm really, really, really ignorant when it comes to gender politics. It's something I've been working on remedying for about three years now. But I still have an amazing amount of work to do. I'm sorry I offended you. Really.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:03 pm 
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Thank you.

Depending on where you're at, I'd recommend both Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti and Feminism is for Everyone by bell hooks as great primers.

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:08 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
Thank you.

Depending on where you're at, I'd recommend both Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti and Feminism is for Everyone by bell hooks as great primers.


I've read the second one.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:14 pm 
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I don't mean to turn this into the "let's all criticize what you said" thread, but I have to say that I'm just as uncomfortable with this stereotyping of people with bipolar disorder as I am with the stereotyping of strippers. Having a mental illness does not necessarily mean that someone can't be in a healthy relationship!

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:17 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
I don't mean to turn this into the "let's all criticize what you said" thread, but I have to say that I'm just as uncomfortable with this stereotyping of people with bipolar disorder as I am with the stereotyping of strippers. Having a mental illness does not necessarily mean that someone can't be in a healthy relationship!

I was thinking the same thing, with the addition of the person being a mother. I mean, I guess it's a bad thing if you don't like kids, but the way it was listed here made it sound like some terrible thing.

This thread is awkward.

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:19 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
I don't mean to turn this into the "let's all criticize what you said" thread, but I have to say that I'm just as uncomfortable with this stereotyping of people with bipolar disorder as I am with the stereotyping of strippers. Having a mental illness does not necessarily mean that someone can't be in a healthy relationship!


No it doesn't. But since I was also diagnosed with mental illnesses, OCD (intrusive thoughts) and depression, it seemed like the two of us would have been a bad combination. Both of us had too many issues and were too unstable. That's what I was trying to say. Obviously I totally failed with this thread. I'm sorry.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:21 pm 
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What I got out of this is that meeting people inside a locked down psychiatric hospital isn't generally the best place to begin a healthy relationship, for anybody involved.

I was in one as a teenager. I left much unhealthier than when I came in, but nobody in there was in a good place for much of anything (including me).

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:26 pm 
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Oh no worries JWoop :). I think the PPK is a great place to learn and the people in this thread are just interested in education.

I say stuff that gets called out all the time. I just do my best to learn and it makes me a kinder, more compassionate person. These days I notice fatshaming, use of problematic pronouns and sexism and I am sensitized to make the world a kinder place by not engaging in them.

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:26 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
What I got out of this is that meeting people inside a locked down psychiatric hospital isn't generally the best place to begin a healthy relationship, for anybody involved.


That's what I was trying to say. I'm sorry for bringing all my subconcious sexist garbage into this.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:26 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
What I got out of this is that meeting people inside a locked down psychiatric hospital isn't generally the best place to begin a healthy relationship, for anybody involved.


That's what I was trying to say. I'm sorry for bringing all my subconscious sexist garbage into this.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:29 pm 
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JonnyWoop wrote:
choirqueer wrote:
I don't mean to turn this into the "let's all criticize what you said" thread, but I have to say that I'm just as uncomfortable with this stereotyping of people with bipolar disorder as I am with the stereotyping of strippers. Having a mental illness does not necessarily mean that someone can't be in a healthy relationship!


No it doesn't. But since I was also diagnosed with mental illnesses, OCD (intrusive thoughts) and depression, it seemed like the two of us would have been a bad combination. Both of us had too many issues and were too unstable. That's what I was trying to say. Obviously I totally failed with this thread. I'm sorry.


I understand that. It's often hard to try to form relationships in a treatment facility anyway; regardless of what specific mental health issues brought someone there, they're there for the purpose of focusing their energy on their personal health, so getting really intensely involved in someone else's stuff can derail that. I just get my hackles up about people stereotyping a whole group of people as inherently "undateable".

As for dead end crushes though...my problem is that most people are attracted to people of a particular gender, and I'm not any of the particular genders to which people tend to be attracted. Womp, womp. Guess I'll go eat tofu-worms.

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:34 pm 
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You didnt fail with this thread, you read my mind!

Since the beginning of February Ive had a massive crush on a fellow musician. It started the first time I met him and it wont let up. We play in the same genre, which isnt common in my area, so we tend to be on the same bill pretty often.
Im in a long term monogamous relationship and he's just come out of one. Even if we were both available and ready for a new relationship it wouldnt work, our differing views and habits would probably be a volatile combination, Im very conscious of it, but I cant stop crushing on him. Its infuriating!


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:54 pm 
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I still minor crush on Russian Prof. He has oodles of little kids (I'd be a bad fit there, for sure). No idea if he is involved with anybody, but probably is.

I try not to crush on anybody, since I am a lousy bet for anybody. This isn't too difficult since I don't have access to meet people.

On the other end, Italian Geochemist seems to crush on me, which makes no sense. We have nothing in common really, and knew each other for YEARS before he decided this. Very inconvenient. I fear I'm a bit short with him these days since he seems to think he can change my mind.

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 10:03 pm 
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Oh hell yes. My longest lasting crush (as in, if he showed up today, I'd have an instaloveboner for him) is this smelly, really tall, handsome wanna be hippy. He has few redeeming qualities beyond his hotness. But as awful as I should find this guy, all it takes is a grin to make me all swoony. He used to come over a lot (familyish friend) and I'd make him coffee with milk and loads of sugar, and it was always "perfect" and he'd give me the cutest smile omgsqueedies


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:51 pm 
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It's things like this that make me really appreciate the PPK; moments when I realize I'm not the only person that has this sort of thing happen to them.

That said, wanna hear a really juicy web of dead-end attractions?
So, one of my best friends had this thing for my roommate of last year, who had a boyfriend and wasn't interested in my friend anyway.
And I got to watch all this unfold, while really, really liking my friend and trying to figure out how to support him as a friend and not bring my own messy emotions into the mix. It's still a challenge.
Which is only made more awkward by the fact that his little brother keeps trying very hard to seduce me. The annoying thing is that if the kid was anyone but my friend-who-I-like's little brother it would be almost fine. But he's my best friend's little brother. My best friend that I keep struggling with having feelings for that I know will never go anywhere. And who likes all of our friends but me.
*sigh*


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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 11:57 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
I try not to crush on anybody, since I am a lousy bet for anybody. This isn't too difficult since I don't have access to meet people.
Lavawitch, I don't post on here very often but I lurk a lot, and from your posts over the years I have gathered that you are lovely, compassionate person who really really cares about what you do = quite the catch indeed. You are awesome!

As for dead-end infatuations, I am a lady who repeatedly goes for gay dudes. My current boyfriend seems to be into women, but I'm still kind of recovering from the fact that my biggest teen/early 20's crush (who is a friend and with whom I've had sex and make-outs with over the years) came out as gay a few months ago. I haven't had a crush on him for a few years, but I still feel strange about it. That's the most extreme example, but there are others. I don't know why I do that.

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:49 am 
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oh man, my first boyfriend was pretty much a dead end infatuation. I was 15, he was 23, really really clingy, I was completely head over heels in to him, completely blind to his myriad of faults and it took me until my mom had to call the cops on him for camping out in front of our apartment building and refusing to leave until "I loved him like he loved me" to realize it was not a good infatuation to have!

(probably explains my entire dating history!)

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:35 am 
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Currently:
my main one is not remotely over his ex
another one is best friends with ^ this guy
another three are all poly *and* going to school full time, so have like, zero time.
another one is straight
and then of course there's the PPKrushes

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:04 am 
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pistachiorose wrote:
As for dead-end infatuations, I am a lady who repeatedly goes for gay dudes.

oh god, story of my life.

or even better, i go for women who are only interested in me because of the (doesn't know he's gay yet) guy i am involved with. The first time it happened it was possible, the second time was suspicious, the third time i said forget about it. i guess the upside is that i am not the only person whose gaydar doesn't work.

or, several times, people who were literally flying out the next day. i always considered it to be a lucky thing (fling!) but a few times have realized that these would have been amazing relationships.

To JonnyWoop--- I think we've all been PPKeducated on things- i can't believe some of the things i used to think were OK to say, out loud or online. live and learn!

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 Post subject: Re: Dead-end infatuations
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:22 am 
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Shantylass wrote:
My best friend that I keep struggling with having feelings for that I know will never go anywhere. And who likes all of our friends but me.
*sigh*


That sucks.


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