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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 6:28 pm 
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Good luck on your journey!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:48 pm 
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Johnny, I think you can be open about your struggles with mental illnesses without assuming they're going to make others assume you're an unacceptable partner. Unfortunately, joking is sometimes really hard to figure out when there's only text comminication without body language or verbal clues, or even an understanding of someone's sense of humor. To be honest about that sort of situation in an online dating profile what I would personally do would probably make a short statement along the lines of "I have dealt and am continuing to deal with some mental health issues and the stigma that surrounds them. I'm willing to discuss this, so if you have any questions about it just let me know." along with the rest of your blurb about what you're interested in and like and stuff.
Because there is a stigma about mental illness, but there are also plenty of people out there who understand and are in similar situations and can be a hugely supportive network of potential partners for you. So be open to that. If someone is uncomfortable with mental illnesses in this day and age they're probably pretty narrow minded, because the information is out there. It's like earlier on this thread talking about whether or not would someone go out with a homophobe even if they were attracted to that person's gender, straight-passing or passing trans*.

At any rate, good luck. You're cool and you deserve to be happy, whether that's by realizing that you're actually really awesome, or realizing that and finding someone else who shares that opinion and is also awesome. <3


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:36 pm 
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Shantylass wrote:
Johnny, I think you can be open about your struggles with mental illnesses without assuming they're going to make others assume you're an unacceptable partner. Unfortunately, joking is sometimes really hard to figure out when there's only text comminication without body language or verbal clues, or even an understanding of someone's sense of humor. To be honest about that sort of situation in an online dating profile what I would personally do would probably make a short statement along the lines of "I have dealt and am continuing to deal with some mental health issues and the stigma that surrounds them. I'm willing to discuss this, so if you have any questions about it just let me know." along with the rest of your blurb about what you're interested in and like and stuff.
Because there is a stigma about mental illness, but there are also plenty of people out there who understand and are in similar situations and can be a hugely supportive network of potential partners for you. So be open to that. If someone is uncomfortable with mental illnesses in this day and age they're probably pretty narrow minded, because the information is out there. It's like earlier on this thread talking about whether or not would someone go out with a homophobe even if they were attracted to that person's gender, straight-passing or passing trans*.

At any rate, good luck. You're cool and you deserve to be happy, whether that's by realizing that you're actually really awesome, or realizing that and finding someone else who shares that opinion and is also awesome. <3

^ all of this

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:53 pm 
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molasses jane wrote:
Mars wrote:
Hey now!...

I think people are reacting to the "if he goes about this right" part. And many people seem to find the posited OkCupid profile, and followup comments here, a bit troubling/unhealthy in terms of how to start dating. People are giving feedback that was requested, and everyone seems to be saying these things with good intentions and support in mind.

Yeah sorry, I should have clarified, I know there was good intentions etc, I just felt like it started to get a bit much, I felt like if I were him at that point all those comments would make me feel pretty shitty and a bit picked-on. I know they weren't meant as such. Also felt like he never said anything about finding something serious and that assumption was being made. Just started hoping people could be constructive without quite as much harshness.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:37 pm 
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Again, thanks everyone for the kind words, especially Shantylass and Mars. I'm sorry for derailing this thread.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:18 pm 
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Aww, it's okay!
Actually, I'll whine a little myself and put it back on track.
So, the girl I've been talking to pretty regularly for a few weeks now, who friended me on fb, who is super cool and awesome and SO FORKING ADORABLE HOMAGHAY was going to come to my town and we were going to go to Rocky Horror this weekend, but then she realized she couldn't because her paycheck was way smaller than expected and he has responsible-things she needs to buy instead of an excursion.
D:
And some of the things I had to do this weekend have been cancelled, so I've asked whether I should go there since it's somewhere on the things-I-could-do spectrum, despite her living in the same town/going to the same college as my somewhat-not-over-me ex. She hasn't replied yet.
Ugh, this is frustrating. I really want to meet her in person! And preferably before I drop all reliable contact and skip out of the country for a month. *sigh*


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:39 pm 
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Shantylass wrote:
Aww, it's okay!
Actually, I'll whine a little myself and put it back on track.
So, the girl I've been talking to pretty regularly for a few weeks now, who friended me on fb, who is super cool and awesome and SO FORKING ADORABLE HOMAGHAY was going to come to my town and we were going to go to Rocky Horror this weekend, but then she realized she couldn't because her paycheck was way smaller than expected and he has responsible-things she needs to buy instead of an excursion.
D:
And some of the things I had to do this weekend have been cancelled, so I've asked whether I should go there since it's somewhere on the things-I-could-do spectrum, despite her living in the same town/going to the same college as my somewhat-not-over-me ex. She hasn't replied yet.
Ugh, this is frustrating. I really want to meet her in person! And preferably before I drop all reliable contact and skip out of the country for a month. *sigh*


That's some shitty timing.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:36 am 
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I tried my luck with online dating last year. Chico is way too small, so one day I was approached by someone who asked me if I was on plentyoffish.com. :embarrased:

Also, that link looks like it says "plenty off ish".

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:39 am 
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I was messaging this girl and she was sending me tons of mail and stuff so then we made vague plans to hang out after thanksgiving. However right after thanksgiving I went camping in the white mountains for 4 days and when I got back I texted her as planned and then didn't hear back from her until 2 days ago saying she was busy with finals. I hate how some people can be all about you then everything sort of just fizzles when it comes down to brass tacks. Also got harassed by some dude who sent me a message asking if I like guys even just a "little bit" (my profile is set to gay) I told him to stop messaging gay girls and he called me a psychopath. An interesting twist is that he's in a hetero poly relationship and his partner had already messaged me a few months ago and she wasn't quite my cup of tea either. In real life news my ex boyfriend is trying to get back with me which I think may be the worst idea ever as all my friends think he's bad news and treats me poorly and they probably have a pretty good perspective on the situation. I've got a few other possible love leads but nothing that is totally blowing me away. I don't know if you guys read the crush thread but the cyclist dude? We've been hanging out, nothing has happened though.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:54 am 
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walrus wrote:
I tried my luck with online dating last year. Chico is way too small, so one day I was approached by someone who asked me if I was on plentyoffish.com. :embarrased:

Also, that link looks like it says "plenty off ish".

I stop using pof years ago because I thought the website was too ugly!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:56 am 
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fupapack wrote:
I stopped using pof years ago because I thought the website was too ugly!

Ha! Stupid ugly websites.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 10:26 am 
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walrus wrote:
fupapack wrote:
I stopped using pof years ago because I thought the website was too ugly!

Ha! Stupid ugly websites.

i feel a bit snobby for not using it for that reason, but maybe i should give it another go okcupid hasn't been doing much for me.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 11:41 am 
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fupapack wrote:
I hate how some people can be all about you then everything sort of just fizzles when it comes down to brass tacks.

THIS

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 11:48 am 
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One thing I've realized is that okc/dating profiles are a lot likes resumes. And the purpose of a resume isn't to get a job, it's to get an interview.

The whole purpose of your dating profile should be to get a date, the other person can learn about the details in that process.

So the whole point of your profile should be to sell yourself and make you stand out in the very large crowd that is internet dating.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:06 pm 
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Plus I think people are going to assume you have baggage anyway. I think it is better to point out the positives, things you like, things you can connect on, etc. They'll find out about you in the process and they'll see if the 'baggage' is acceptable to them or not. I do have to say that I ruined many relationships with my low self esteem and the real difference with dating my husband is I tried my best (it is HARD) to not let my low self esteem get in the way. He loved me despite all my crazy imperfections and quirks.

And dating takes work, relationships take work. There is a bit of give and take. If you put yourself out there like "I'm such a loser" then it sounds like you are not willing to put in the work. Also, cliche as it is but you really need to work on loving yourself before anyone can love you. And I really mean work on it.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:36 pm 
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GuiltyofBeingSprite wrote:
One thing I've realized is that okc/dating profiles are a lot likes resumes. And the purpose of a resume isn't to get a job, it's to get an interview.

The whole purpose of your dating profile should be to get a date, the other person can learn about the details in that process.

So the whole point of your profile should be to sell yourself and make you stand out in the very large crowd that is internet dating.

how can i scent mine with perfume if it is trapped in a computer?!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:51 pm 
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fupapack wrote:
GuiltyofBeingSprite wrote:
One thing I've realized is that okc/dating profiles are a lot likes resumes. And the purpose of a resume isn't to get a job, it's to get an interview.

The whole purpose of your dating profile should be to get a date, the other person can learn about the details in that process.

So the whole point of your profile should be to sell yourself and make you stand out in the very large crowd that is internet dating.

how can i scent mine with perfume if it is trapped in a computer?!


quads work fine


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 8:06 pm 
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Finally sent a message to the boy I've been creeping on all week. We'll see if I get a response! If not, oh well. If so, hooray? I need to send more messages.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 11:33 pm 
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^^ That's exciting! I think sometimes it's good just to get yourself out there, practice talking to people, and learn more about what you want & don't want.

After having felt so much "meh" for a while in regards to messaging people and people messaging me, I currently seem to be dating TWO pretty cool guys! One I went out with on Friday as a first date and that was fun; I think we got along in quite a few areas. The other I saw tonight for a second date. He is VEGAN-- my first time dating a non-omni!!-- and he's very sweet and we had a good time. Not sure if there's anything romantic there. He was just getting over a cold and I'm just starting to get a bad sore throat, so I think that's why things didn't go there. Also, I'm kinda shy when it comes to those things and I sensed he was too... But yay dates!!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 9:25 pm 
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I made an OK Cupid profile tonight and I'm already a little disenchanted. Everyone's profiles are filled with these stupid platitudes like "I'm a pretty laid back person." It's impossible to get a sense of what people are like from this site. I'd much prefer a place where people were radically honest and presented their baggage up front.

/rant


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:12 pm 
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Maybe it's true.

I'm plenty neurotic and have plenty of baggage, and can have drama queen tendencies, but overall I am actually pretty laid back. My students always comment on now I'm laid back about a lot of stuff. Except turning in assignments on ripped out notebook paper. They always ask why that bothers me when other stuff doesn't.

You can be a mess and still not give a fork about trivial crepe.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:18 pm 
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JonnyWoop wrote:
. I'd much prefer a place where people were radically honest and presented their baggage up front.


I really hate to break this to you, but welcome to the vast majority of humanity?

no one is going to introduce themselves to you as a bad decision!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:20 pm 
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lavawitch wrote:
Maybe it's true.

I'm plenty neurotic and have plenty of baggage, and can have drama queen tendencies, but overall I am actually pretty laid back. My students always comment on now I'm laid back about a lot of stuff. Except turning in assignments on ripped out notebook paper. They always ask why that bothers me when other stuff doesn't.

You can be a mess and still not give a fork about trivial crepe.


WORD lwitch, I am a neurotic mess of a human being but people describe me as calm and relaxed a lot.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:21 pm 
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JonnyWoop wrote:
I made an OK Cupid profile tonight and I'm already a little disenchanted. Everyone's profiles are filled with these stupid platitudes like "I'm a pretty laid back person." It's impossible to get a sense of what people are like from this site. I'd much prefer a place where people were radically honest and presented their baggage up front.

/rant

yeah most of the profiles are like that, but every now and then there are some interesting ones. anyone care to critique my profile? it's eggcrafts.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 10:34 pm 
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booberthefraggle wrote:
lavawitch wrote:
Maybe it's true.

I'm plenty neurotic and have plenty of baggage, and can have drama queen tendencies, but overall I am actually pretty laid back. My students always comment on now I'm laid back about a lot of stuff. Except turning in assignments on ripped out notebook paper. They always ask why that bothers me when other stuff doesn't.

You can be a mess and still not give a fork about trivial crepe.


WORD lwitch, I am a neurotic mess of a human being but people describe me as calm and relaxed a lot.


Do ripped paper edges bug the shiitake out of you too? Have some pride in your work, people!

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