Kids say the darnedest things 2.0

mittenmacher · **Posted:** Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:34 am

A football-ball.

FootFace · **Posted:** Mon Dec 03, 2012 5:59 pm

poopiebitch wrote:

Peter was just climbing down off a chair and bumped his elbow. He got an angry look on his face and said "tofurky!"

Using that!

Tofulish · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:01 am

At the park:
Leela, running towards gooses: Da! Da! Da! (Duck! Duck! Duck!)
4 year old looks witheringly at her, rolls his eyes and says: No, those are gooses.

It was hilarious.

torque · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:47 am

FC came home saying that one of her classmates had brought her mother's copy of 50 Shade of Grey into school and the kids were all squicking each other out reading passages to each other. In her typical 13-year-old 100-miles-per-hour speaking voice she machine guns me "Except cunnilungus. Julia kept reading the part about cunnilingus. Nobody knows what the hell it means. What the heck? Cunnilingus. It sounds so funny. When the teacher confiscated the book Julia called her a cunnilingus...."
I told her i'd be happy to talk to her about anything but i'll be monkey's uncle if i'm going to explain the mechanics of cunnilingus. I gave her my 50-pound dictionary and watched with glee as she turned sort of green. Apparently it wasn't just Julia whose new favorite word made her look like a ding dong.
I wonder what the teacher was thinking as she was called "a cunnilingus". Most likely, if she's anything like me, that she doesn't get paid enough for this shiitake.....

Tofulish · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:56 am

I remember coming home and asking my Dad about that. He explained it and I was HORRIFIED.

Kelly · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:07 am

I'm dying a little, torque.

choirqueer · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:28 pm

torque wrote:

FC came home saying that one of her classmates had brought her mother's copy of 50 Shade of Grey into school and the kids were all squicking each other out reading passages to each other. In her typical 13-year-old 100-miles-per-hour speaking voice she machine guns me "Except cunnilungus. Julia kept reading the part about cunnilingus. Nobody knows what the hell it means. What the heck? Cunnilingus. It sounds so funny. When the teacher confiscated the book Julia called her a cunnilingus...."
I told her i'd be happy to talk to her about anything but i'll be monkey's uncle if i'm going to explain the mechanics of cunnilingus. I gave her my 50-pound dictionary and watched with glee as she turned sort of green. Apparently it wasn't just Julia whose new favorite word made her look like a ding dong.
I wonder what the teacher was thinking as she was called "a cunnilingus". Most likely, if she's anything like me, that she doesn't get paid enough for this shiitake.....

I kind of want to go around calling people cunnilinguses now.

Mars · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:50 pm

This kid shopping at my work with his mom:

"For the last time, mummy! It's not a jacket, it's a blazer!"

He was wearing a really dapper mustard blazer fully equipped with elbow-patches and everything.

poopiebitch · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:53 pm

That kid sounds fabulous. I want him to be my stylist.

coldandsleepy · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:12 pm

Bwahahaha. I love all of these.

Here is a conversation the Emperor and I had the other day:

E: Mom, you pooped me out. You pooped me out, and you pooped M out.
Me: No, I certainly didn't.
E: Yeah, you did. You said we were in your tummy. After things go in your tummy, you poop them out. You pooped us out.

Then we got sidetracked into a discussion of bodily organs that ended in him shouting at the top of his lungs: Daddy has a REALLY BIG PENIS!

kimba · **Joined:** Wed Jan 05, 2011 7:44 pm **Posts:** 1934

Oh God, so funny!

Tofulish · **Posted:** Thu Dec 06, 2012 11:13 pm

^^^^^^^^^^^^^best^^^^^^^^^^^^

ijustdiedinside · **Joined:** Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:43 pm **Posts:** 8682

C&S! the emperor is the best kid ever!

a 5th grader said to me today "i thought psychologists could just look at you and know how old you are" after i confirmed his age with him by looking at his birthdate
i was like "well, i'm a dietitian and i used math to figure out how old you are"

i wonder if he meant psychics or just thinks psychologists are magical?

DEG · **Joined:** Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:00 am **Posts:** 252

DS is a few months shy of 3. Yesterday evening we were looking at pictures of baby animals, and I showed him an elephant with her mommma and told him that she was nursing because elephants are mammals and make milk for their babies just like us. Later that night I was giving him his bedtime snuggles and we had this conversation-
Him- Momma, when I was a baby I had nursies.
Me- Yup, that's how you would eat.
Him- And when I had nursies I would feel all better?
Me- You were happy because your belly was all full of milk I made for you.
Him (In incredulous voice)- You made almond milk???

kimba · **Joined:** Wed Jan 05, 2011 7:44 pm **Posts:** 1934

That's really funny DEG!

GreenDuck · **Joined:** Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:08 pm **Posts:** 813

torque wrote:

FC came home saying that one of her classmates had brought her mother's copy of 50 Shade of Grey into school and the kids were all squicking each other out reading passages to each other. In her typical 13-year-old 100-miles-per-hour speaking voice she machine guns me "Except cunnilungus. Julia kept reading the part about cunnilingus. Nobody knows what the hell it means. What the heck? Cunnilingus. It sounds so funny. When the teacher confiscated the book Julia called her a cunnilingus...."
I told her i'd be happy to talk to her about anything but i'll be monkey's uncle if i'm going to explain the mechanics of cunnilingus. I gave her my 50-pound dictionary and watched with glee as she turned sort of green. Apparently it wasn't just Julia whose new favorite word made her look like a ding dong.
I wonder what the teacher was thinking as she was called "a cunnilingus". Most likely, if she's anything like me, that she doesn't get paid enough for this shiitake.....

I remember when my little brother and his friends were calling each other "douche" and "douchebag" as insults. I explained what the words meant and said they didn't make sense in that comntext, hoping they would have a similar reaction to FC and stop. They didn't stop.

Mars · **Posted:** Mon Dec 10, 2012 2:26 pm

Yeah, the meaning of those words just make them all the better, really.

flavabean · **Joined:** Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:48 pm **Posts:** 1334

Ezra told us that if he has a younger brother, he's going to name him Elvis Dumbledore.

jogirl · **Posted:** Mon Dec 10, 2012 6:07 pm

flavabean wrote:

Ezra told us that if he has a younger brother, he's going to name him Elvis Dumbledore.

If you did ever plan to have another child, I think you should definitely go with that.

(edited for grammar)

ndpittman · **Posted:** Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:19 pm

jogirl wrote:

flavabean wrote:

Ezra told us that if he has a younger brother, he's going to name him Elvis Dumbledore.

If you did ever plan to have another child, I think you should definitely go with that.

(edited for grammar)

Love it!

coldandsleepy · **Posted:** Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:59 pm

The Emperor and I were discussing what we might get for solipsistnation for Christmas. He had all sorts of ideas... Daddy likes tanks, Daddy likes models, Daddy likes computers, etc.

So I ask him: "what if you were going to get a Christmas present for mama? What would be a good idea?"

He says: "I don't know." Pauses, shrugs. "I have no idea what YOU like."

Tofulish · **Posted:** Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:10 pm

HAHAHAHHAAHA!

coldandsleepy · **Posted:** Mon Dec 10, 2012 11:39 pm

Sometimes I swear he was like 14 at birth. He is SO good at that teenageresque mild scorn.

Also, Elvis Dumbledore... what's not to love here?

coldandsleepy · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:11 am

The Emperor must be at a certain age. He is cranking these out lately. M is his brother.

E: (startled from thought) hey! Does M have parents?
Me: ... yes?
E: really? who are they?

Tofulish · **Posted:** Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:17 am

I almost wet myself. That is awesome.

I can't wait for Leela to get to that stage, because I will be rolling on the floor pissing myself all day.

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