Post Punk Kitchen Forum

Me too. Ive seen Skyfall on my own twice. If you want to see a movie, go. Maybe don't go at 7pm on a Friday night if ou don't want to be surrounded by gooey couples.


Fezza, you are the best. Can I be you when I grow up?

Skyfall was sooooooo good. Craig is definitely one of my favorite Bonds. Flight and Argo were also awesome.

This is wise, compassionate, and true. There are far more compelling things about you than what you've been through. That doesn't minimize or trivialize your experiences. Mental illness is scary and life-altering, but no matter how recent or traumatizing, your "baggage" is not all, or even most, of who you are. It doesn't define you. People on OkCupid, your life in Massachusetts, and here, will look forward to knowing who *you* are and what you are passionate about. And they will be excited when you show genuine interest in them, and not what they can do for you.

I have a date tomorrow!

Hooray!

*high fives*

Since we're all weighing in on JonnyWoop's potential dating life, here's my two cents. I don't have an opinion on whether you go on dates or not (and going on dates is a far different thing from finding a partner, if that's what we're concerned about, who knows what dates might lead to), but dude, make some friends! One person is not going to cure your loneliness and it's totally unhealthy to expect them to. You don't need a girlfriend to go to the movies with someone. I think if you entered a relationship without any outside friends that would be terribly unhealthy, plus if I was interested in dating someone and it turned out they had no friends and were prioritizing dating completely over making friends I would run the other way. No one can be someone's everything and I don't want anyone to expect me to be. Plus friends are a lot more likely to be in your life longterm.

I'm sensing a theme here.

Honestly I don't want this thread to turn into my pity party because it's annoying for you and not particularly helpful for me to wallow in my misery, so I feel like maybe I should just stop responding to people's messages. But I suck at making friends. I'm great at making casual acquaintances. I pretty much stopped being able to make deep friendships with new people at the end of high school. Not to get all psychoanalytical, but after reading a lot of feminism, I think it might have to do with socialization into "manhood" and the erection (heh) of emotional barriers that come with it. Up until recently I did have two remaining close friends, a pair of twins I've know since I was a kid. But they don't live in Boston and have recently dropped out of my life. When I was really in the pits I begged them to pick me up from the hospital I was stuck in and they refused. We haven't really talked since.

Anyway, I'm kind of a loner. I know it's unhealthy. But both of my parents are loners. And I guess that's the kind of person I'm looking for.

I hope I didn't sound like a dick in the post above. I know J-Dub and Strawberryrock are coming from a well-intentioned place and I appreciate their concern. :)

Learning how to make friends sounds like a super good task for you to work on. Maybe this is a good start? At very least it would give you something to do other than watch Twilight alone.
http://www.meetup.com/Boston-Vegan-Meetup/

Thanks! I'll have to check it out. :)

Also, your posts seem to indicate you have lefty political leanings that are important to you. Have you considered volunteering at something like Food Not Bombs (or some other project that appeals to you more)? For me, stuff like that is better than a meet up for making friends, because I can be awkward and shy, but having tasks to do forces me to interact with people - and make friends. And people tend to be pretty warm and accepting of a person who offers to wash dishes. Man, I love new people who offer to wash dishes. I can be pretty prickly and cynical, but when I meet someone who is willing to jump right in and do drudge work that everyone else hates, I cannot sing that person's praises loud enough.

Also obviously people do find success through online dating, and I've dated people from OkCupid for brief periods of times, but all the people I've actually been in relationships with I met through friends. And then those relationships were all horrible it was really good that I had friends to support me during and after. Conclusion: Friends are great.

It sounds like you haven't had much luck with relationships. Let's all gang up and talk about your issues! Kidding. :P

But you're definitely right, friends are great.

Oh I've got plenty of issues, I just don't think a relationship is an automatic fix for any of them.

Do you folks respond to every message you get? I got one from a woman who seems nice and she wrote me like three paragraphs. But I'm not attracted to her and don't want to lead her on or waste anybody's time. That said, I don't want to be a jerk.

Jonny, not to pile on you since I know you've had a lot of responses, but honestly I think you probably have a lot less baggage than you think you do. Most people have some kind of health issue or combination of flaws that have affected their lives, and that's okay. Hell, it's normal. I don't think it's something you need to wear as a badge in order to have honest and authentic relationships with other people. I feel like you should be open about your issues as relationships develop naturally instead of putting them out there so bluntly for other people to see. You might see doing this as being "radically honest," but other people are likely to perceive it as off-putting and needy.

Relax! Make some friends! Since a romantic relationship is primarily a friendship, I'm not sure how well romance would pan out for you if you have trouble just being friends with people. Right now I think a relationship would go awry and you'd feel even more sad and anxious than you seem to already. Focus on feeling calm and functional, and someday a relationship will be part of that.

Okay, we're done. JW, you have had an opportunity to ask your question, and people have had a chance to respond. It seems that we have reached an impasse, where neither JW or anyone else is going to change their opinion, so let's drop it. There are awesome dates to be had and vicariously lived through, people, so get out there! And then get back here! And tell us!

Sometimes the advice we get isn't the advice we want?

Sounds like a lot of people are being thoughtful and caring towards you. Maybe accusing them of piling up isn't the best way to react to them.

My policy was that if someone had obviously made an effort, then I would always respond. If I knew I wasn't interested, I'd thank them for sending their really nice message, but that I didn't think we were a good match.

If they just sent a generic "what's up?" or it was clear they hadn't read my profile, I felt no obligation to respond.

Don't feel bad about not responding if you aren't into it. Anyone who has been doing the online dating thing has been on both sides of that. That said, if she seems nice, it could be a good time to try the friend thing everyone has been talking about. And don't worry about leading her on if you do respond. I'm sure she can manage her expectations :)

I wasn't trying to be disrespectful. I really appreciate everyone's compassionate responses. I just disagree with what is best for me and whether I'm capable of being a good boyfriend now. But like jordanpattern, I'd really appreciate it if we moved on.

I just had to share this message I got today:


My favorite part is "I am not a bot. I am a real person."

At first I felt like it was mean of you to post that, but then I read the second part.

lol:) looks like a guy in an engineer hat


I had coffee with someone much younger than me on Saturday. It was nice and we got along pretty well. The ball's in her court now, communication-wise. That's not really interesting, but I felt like contributing something other than the hat thing.

It's pretty awesome to send a flirt/pickup line that makes you seem so much like a bot that you have to say "I'm not a bot." Imitating a bot isn't the best way to pick up chicks. I'll let T-Rex tell you how to pick up chicks: http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2330