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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 4:35 pm 
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Fezza!!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!!! I missed this on fb! So happy for you! <3 <3 <3

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 5:09 pm 
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yeah, go fezza!!

re: hunting. that stuff really irks me. anyone who does that sort of thing is probably someone i don't share many common interests with.

i went on a second date with someone last night and it was fun. he's a huge cinema buff-- knows a lot about the history of american cinema and such. i met him at his place to watch a movie and we ended up talking about films for most of the night rather than watching them.

going to hang out with vegan boy tomorrow, hopefully. we're planning on grabbing some vegan pizza and then catch a movie. :)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 9:34 pm 
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Finally met this guy over coffee that I've been chatting with for ages now on OKC. Dude he's forkin cute. Erk. But such a little sassy bisque I foresee a long way to go before boning.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 9:37 pm 
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fezza wrote:
lycophyte wrote:
Fezza where you at! I saw something FB official! wheeeeee!

And its actually getting really good with my long-distanceish biology-permaculture lady. In the beginning I was a bit scared about her moving too fast and she put on the breaks and gave me some time and I'm really glad I eventually went camping with her and now...well, not trying to make far-off plans because I'm still working on being in the moment about it, not having expectations and such, but, yeah. I am all aflutter. I'm still weird about wanting to define it maybe? But does it really matter?

So maybe I'll be joining the "long distance relationship" thread some time soon.


Bwahahaaa! Yep, it's 7 weeks now and he raised the subject of facebook relationship status earlier. I hadn't thought about it really, any keen eyes would spot there was something going on by our photo linking, so wasn't really bothered about doing it. He decided he wouldn't do it, if I wasn't really into it so I said "sod it, I'm changing it when I get home". He had his changed by the time I was home, hehe!

Yay! <3

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:37 am 
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Thank you guys! Just had the most adorable weekend, I love this man so much! It's ridiculous in such a short space of time, but it's just there for both of us, he adores me. All his kids know about me now (we were hoping to leave it a while but they sussed it out), they're really pleased for him, we're going to leave off me meeting them for a while yet, I'd like things between us to be further along and have more time to settle. There's no messing about with this guy, he wouldn't introduce anyone to his kids lightly, but he wants me to be part of their lives. He reckons we have a good future ahead of us and he's not afraid to say it. Gaaaaaaaaawd, he'll have ruined me for the flaky dating site men if I ever have to go back there!

Re the hunting, I was asked out by some lovely guys who hunt and/or fish but I told them it would conflict with my ethics. I don't see animal sports as sports, I see them as abuse (even if they are throwing the fish back in). It's a very personal choice, I know a PPK'r was married to a hunter and they seemed to be making it work for them. I would also be concerned about the level of detachment it takes to end a life for enjoyment/sport.

Dating thread related, I bumped into my lovely 31yr old comedian/actor (from last spring) on Friday night. I haven't seen him since his daughter's funeral in June. There were hugs and chatting but my friends were due to arrive so I couldn't properly ask him how he's doing, bless him, he's not the same person at all, he carries such a sadness in his eyes now, even when he's smiling at you. We're facebook friends, so I know he's in a relationship now, but I said to him to let me know when he's in the city again so we can grab coffee. I've always suspected he things I might want back with him, due to how warm I am when I see him, hopefully now that he knows I'm in a relationship that won't be an issue to us hanging out as friends now and again. I have a lot of time for him, he was flaky, but he's a good sort when it comes down to it.

New man is fine about me being friends with some of the guys I met through the online dating, I couldn't date someone who wanted me to give those guys up, just because of how we met. A couple of them have become really good friends to me.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 1:53 pm 
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I've been propositioned for coffe and sex, or just coffee, or just sex. That was a quick jump from some idle chatter about webcomics.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 4:10 pm 
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Fezza, so happy for you!

I also just wanted to share that my sweetie and I just celebrated our one year on Friday. We met on Match and clicked from the start. We have our ups and downs, but it h been a lovely year, without a doubt.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 4:46 pm 
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Fizzgig wrote:
Fezza, so happy for you!

I also just wanted to share that my sweetie and I just celebrated our one year on Friday. We met on Match and clicked from the start. We have our ups and downs, but it h been a lovely year, without a doubt.

Yay! My match.com sweetie and I are 10 days shy of a year and a half!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:31 pm 
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i totally understand being put off by someone hunting and fishing, and i think that's a perfectly valid reason to not go on a date with someone. but for me, it would not necessarily be a dealbreaker- context would totally be the key for me here.

my dad and stepmom are into hunting and fishing, and every fall for the last bunch of years they buy a share of a lamb with a friend and my dad and his friend butcher it in the garage and keep it in the deep freeze. my parents eat a huge portion of their meat from this lamb throughout the year, along with lots of fish that they catch. this is part of a larger set of ideals/lifestyle for them of enjoying nature and spending lots of time outside in their very woodsy rural environment, including my dad taking his dog out for an hour long walk through the woods most days (and frequently reporting to me what types of wildlife he's seen on these walks), both him and my stepmom going snowshoeing a lot in winter, spending some time on their small boat in the summer and fall, spending lots of time just observing the animals and plants of their local environment, sometimes with the intent of harvesting or killing for food and sometimes just to appreciate these things for what they are. it's also part of their ideal of some level of self-sufficiency and making or harvesting their own food- they pick lots of wild blueberries and raspberries in the summer and apples in the fall to make and can jam and applesauce with, and i've picked a whole variety of things growing up with my dad on our walks in the woods, from mushrooms to sugarplums to thimbleberries to wild sorrel to eat and comfrey to use medicinally. they're also super avid gardeners, especially for people living in zone 4, and are pretty into preserving stuff from their garden (or seasonal stuff from the local farmstand) as well as eating lots of fresh veggies and herbs that they grow during the summer.

sure, i'm not a big fan of hunting and fishing, and i silently roll my eyes when my dad talks to me on the phone about his upcoming hunting plans, and clearly things you tolerate in your family are different that things you'd tolerate in a potential date from the internet, but personally i can totally see hunting and fishing as potentially part of a lifestyle and set of interests or values that do overlap a lot with mine, whether that's finding reasons to spend lots of your leisure time outside or having an interest in providing yourself and your family and friends with food that you've put a lot of time and effort into preparing and preserving.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 10:15 am 
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Thank you for saying that electric_claire, I tried to, but couldn't do it as eloquently.

Which is to say, I agree. I cannot get behind hunting/fishing for "sport," but I have a lot more respect for people who hunt/fish instead of purchasing meat in a shrink-wrapped styrofoam tray, even if I wouldn't do either. I know a lot of people don't agree with me, and that's okay, I used to feel differently and I understand completely not being even remotely okay with it.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:40 pm 
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Thanks for your thought on dating people who hunt/fish, all. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but maybe it shouldn't be an immediate deal-breaker. Thanks again!
In more amusing online-dating news, I recently uploaded a new photo and am getting all kinds of interesting messages. I think I look I pretty damn good in the pic but it has resulted in way more messages expressing the sentiment, "I'd hit that". Why do they think that'll work?? :/

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 1:02 pm 
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evolvedtriangle wrote:
In more amusing online-dating news, I recently uploaded a new photo and am getting all kinds of interesting messages. I think I look I pretty damn good in the pic but it has resulted in way more messages expressing the sentiment, "I'd hit that". Why do they think that'll work?? :/


That's why I got rid of my Facebbok page a couple years ago. Most of it was not even that crass, but still ... very unsettling. And I'm not slightly shy or prudish or anything like that. I'm still leery about uploading pictures any place that's too public.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:28 pm 
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So say someone is into poly stuff, but only recently so you don't really know how important it is to her exactly, but it's fine with you because you like hanging out with her and having sex with her but because you know you wouldn't really want a long-term poly relationship it also means you're going to be keeping some emotional distance from her but she is getting super intense after just a few dates. At what point is it appropriate to be like, I can do nonmonogamy or I can do significant emotional attachment but I can't do both? Like I wouldn't agree to monogamy right now even if she wanted it, but I know I'm not interested in a serious poly relationship at any point so I don't want to be leading her on if that's what she's hoping for. But it feels presumptuous to bring it up because we've only gone on a few dates and most likely something else will end things before that would even come up, you know?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 3:14 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
So say someone is into poly stuff, but only recently so you don't really know how important it is to her exactly, but it's fine with you because you like hanging out with her and having sex with her but because you know you wouldn't really want a long-term poly relationship it also means you're going to be keeping some emotional distance from her but she is getting super intense after just a few dates. At what point is it appropriate to be like, I can do nonmonogamy or I can do significant emotional attachment but I can't do both? Like I wouldn't agree to monogamy right now even if she wanted it, but I know I'm not interested in a serious poly relationship at any point so I don't want to be leading her on if that's what she's hoping for. But it feels presumptuous to bring it up because we've only gone on a few dates and most likely something else will end things before that would even come up, you know?



I think its appropriate at any point! Just word it in such a way that its like you just want her to know before there's any emotional attatchment. Like, "Hey, I just want to throw it out there because you're cool and I think its better to say it now before anyone gets attached..." I'm a big believer that getting expectations and boundaries out there early is the best way to go.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 3:30 pm 
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The guy I'm seeing is so adorable. We went to his work party on Saturday and some girl totally hit on him - while i was standing next to him. She touched his cheek and said "Well aren't you a cutie?" to which he responded "You're sweet". Yesterday I was talking to him about it and he said, "Oh she was hitting on me? Really?" I like his sometimes social-cluelessness. Makes him a lot more trustworthy.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:39 pm 
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Messaged a girl yesterday or the day before chatting about zombie apocalypses and how I'd hide in the National Archives.

Her response sort of makes sense? But not really.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 7:59 pm 
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Shy Mox wrote:
strawberryrock wrote:
So say someone is into poly stuff, but only recently so you don't really know how important it is to her exactly, but it's fine with you because you like hanging out with her and having sex with her but because you know you wouldn't really want a long-term poly relationship it also means you're going to be keeping some emotional distance from her but she is getting super intense after just a few dates. At what point is it appropriate to be like, I can do nonmonogamy or I can do significant emotional attachment but I can't do both? Like I wouldn't agree to monogamy right now even if she wanted it, but I know I'm not interested in a serious poly relationship at any point so I don't want to be leading her on if that's what she's hoping for. But it feels presumptuous to bring it up because we've only gone on a few dates and most likely something else will end things before that would even come up, you know?



I think its appropriate at any point! Just word it in such a way that its like you just want her to know before there's any emotional attatchment. Like, "Hey, I just want to throw it out there because you're cool and I think its better to say it now before anyone gets attached..." I'm a big believer that getting expectations and boundaries out there early is the best way to go.


We're talking about queer women here, which means there is emotional attachment in the first 10 minutes! She already got drunk and told me that she wants me to be her girlfriend "eventually" and didn't remember the conversation, which I only believe because she had no embarrassment whatsoever about it when I relayed it and was like, yeah, I'm super honest when I'm drunk sometimes. And I basically told her at that point that I wasn't interested in a poly situation longterm but...she doesn't remember it. So I basically talked about it by text today but she didn't exactly respond to my thoughts, we just sort of joked around a lot. We're still texting now but about silly stuff. So I guess things are fine but also I know I'll need to bail as soon as I feel emotionally invested and I feel like that might be soon.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 8:41 pm 
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I'd mention it (in person)... I mean, it sounds like she's into you right back so it'd be sad for both parties if you had to shut it down so soon. She might be getting into 'poly' recently because it's just what feels right for her at the moment. Meeting a special someone can sure change those feelings, so who knows.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 9:22 pm 
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I'm trying this again. And not exclusively with women, because I need to make friends and meet people and the pool of queer ladies is relatively shallow. Moving across the country is hard! Though I have plans to make plans with a cool-seeming lady later this week!

Buuutt I'm re-acclimating myself to creeper messages now that I'm not invisible to straight people anymore. Really guy in Wyoming I'm a 33% match with? We'll see how long this lasts.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 9:36 am 
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You guyyyysssss,

I've been messaging back and forth with this super cute guy and he gave me his phone # so we can meet I messaged him back and gave him mine saying he should text! No response yet & no text (it's been like 12 hours, so not a big deal, I responded a little later than usual last night & apparently he still has finals he's working on in grad school). Can someone just tell me it's ok to text him? I'm having text-fright or something.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:55 pm 
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He gave you his number, that always means its okay!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:19 pm 
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He gave you his # first, so, legally, you have to text him first.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:45 pm 
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Thanks! I texted him so we'll see. This stuff plays into my anxieties. I do hope he responds soon, I think we'd get along well. I knew I should text first intellectually, but TERROR!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 11:20 am 
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I got a message from a guy last weekend and we have been talking several times every day, via email. We haven't exchanged numbers (I haaaaate talking on the phone), but we have plans to meet up this week for coffee! I'm trying to not get too excited about it before we actually meet, because it's totally possible that there will be no chemistry in-person. BUT, I haven't been this excited about an okcupid guy in a long time. And I have definitely never been this excited about an okcupid guy who actually lives in my city. EEK!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 12:08 pm 
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Well, the guy I was dating from OKC just dumped me via facebook message. I asked him to give me a call just for closure's sake, and he was actually really respectful and kind--of all the ways this conversation's happened for me, this was definitely the least shitty--but I liked him a lot and I'm really, really sad. I guess he clicked with another girl he's been dating and they had the mutually exclusive conversation and everything, and it makes sense, because she lives closer and sometimes people just click, and I'm not a trainwreck or anything, but I'm crying. He says he wants to stay friends and I actually want to too, but...it just really sucks.
Back to the drawing board, I guess.

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