Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I've been propositioned for coffe and sex, or just coffee, or just sex. That was a quick jump from some idle chatter about webcomics.

Fezza, so happy for you!

I also just wanted to share that my sweetie and I just celebrated our one year on Friday. We met on Match and clicked from the start. We have our ups and downs, but it h been a lovely year, without a doubt.

Yay! My match.com sweetie and I are 10 days shy of a year and a half!

i totally understand being put off by someone hunting and fishing, and i think that's a perfectly valid reason to not go on a date with someone. but for me, it would not necessarily be a dealbreaker- context would totally be the key for me here.

my dad and stepmom are into hunting and fishing, and every fall for the last bunch of years they buy a share of a lamb with a friend and my dad and his friend butcher it in the garage and keep it in the deep freeze. my parents eat a huge portion of their meat from this lamb throughout the year, along with lots of fish that they catch. this is part of a larger set of ideals/lifestyle for them of enjoying nature and spending lots of time outside in their very woodsy rural environment, including my dad taking his dog out for an hour long walk through the woods most days (and frequently reporting to me what types of wildlife he's seen on these walks), both him and my stepmom going snowshoeing a lot in winter, spending some time on their small boat in the summer and fall, spending lots of time just observing the animals and plants of their local environment, sometimes with the intent of harvesting or killing for food and sometimes just to appreciate these things for what they are. it's also part of their ideal of some level of self-sufficiency and making or harvesting their own food- they pick lots of wild blueberries and raspberries in the summer and apples in the fall to make and can jam and applesauce with, and i've picked a whole variety of things growing up with my dad on our walks in the woods, from mushrooms to sugarplums to thimbleberries to wild sorrel to eat and comfrey to use medicinally. they're also super avid gardeners, especially for people living in zone 4, and are pretty into preserving stuff from their garden (or seasonal stuff from the local farmstand) as well as eating lots of fresh veggies and herbs that they grow during the summer.

sure, i'm not a big fan of hunting and fishing, and i silently roll my eyes when my dad talks to me on the phone about his upcoming hunting plans, and clearly things you tolerate in your family are different that things you'd tolerate in a potential date from the internet, but personally i can totally see hunting and fishing as potentially part of a lifestyle and set of interests or values that do overlap a lot with mine, whether that's finding reasons to spend lots of your leisure time outside or having an interest in providing yourself and your family and friends with food that you've put a lot of time and effort into preparing and preserving.

Thank you for saying that electric_claire, I tried to, but couldn't do it as eloquently.

Which is to say, I agree. I cannot get behind hunting/fishing for "sport," but I have a lot more respect for people who hunt/fish instead of purchasing meat in a shrink-wrapped styrofoam tray, even if I wouldn't do either. I know a lot of people don't agree with me, and that's okay, I used to feel differently and I understand completely not being even remotely okay with it.

Thanks for your thought on dating people who hunt/fish, all. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but maybe it shouldn't be an immediate deal-breaker. Thanks again!
In more amusing online-dating news, I recently uploaded a new photo and am getting all kinds of interesting messages. I think I look I pretty damn good in the pic but it has resulted in way more messages expressing the sentiment, "I'd hit that". Why do they think that'll work?? :/

That's why I got rid of my Facebbok page a couple years ago. Most of it was not even that crass, but still ... very unsettling. And I'm not slightly shy or prudish or anything like that. I'm still leery about uploading pictures any place that's too public.

So say someone is into poly stuff, but only recently so you don't really know how important it is to her exactly, but it's fine with you because you like hanging out with her and having sex with her but because you know you wouldn't really want a long-term poly relationship it also means you're going to be keeping some emotional distance from her but she is getting super intense after just a few dates. At what point is it appropriate to be like, I can do nonmonogamy or I can do significant emotional attachment but I can't do both? Like I wouldn't agree to monogamy right now even if she wanted it, but I know I'm not interested in a serious poly relationship at any point so I don't want to be leading her on if that's what she's hoping for. But it feels presumptuous to bring it up because we've only gone on a few dates and most likely something else will end things before that would even come up, you know?

I think its appropriate at any point! Just word it in such a way that its like you just want her to know before there's any emotional attatchment. Like, "Hey, I just want to throw it out there because you're cool and I think its better to say it now before anyone gets attached..." I'm a big believer that getting expectations and boundaries out there early is the best way to go.

The guy I'm seeing is so adorable. We went to his work party on Saturday and some girl totally hit on him - while i was standing next to him. She touched his cheek and said "Well aren't you a cutie?" to which he responded "You're sweet". Yesterday I was talking to him about it and he said, "Oh she was hitting on me? Really?" I like his sometimes social-cluelessness. Makes him a lot more trustworthy.

Messaged a girl yesterday or the day before chatting about zombie apocalypses and how I'd hide in the National Archives.

Her response sort of makes sense? But not really.

We're talking about queer women here, which means there is emotional attachment in the first 10 minutes! She already got drunk and told me that she wants me to be her girlfriend "eventually" and didn't remember the conversation, which I only believe because she had no embarrassment whatsoever about it when I relayed it and was like, yeah, I'm super honest when I'm drunk sometimes. And I basically told her at that point that I wasn't interested in a poly situation longterm but...she doesn't remember it. So I basically talked about it by text today but she didn't exactly respond to my thoughts, we just sort of joked around a lot. We're still texting now but about silly stuff. So I guess things are fine but also I know I'll need to bail as soon as I feel emotionally invested and I feel like that might be soon.

I'd mention it (in person)... I mean, it sounds like she's into you right back so it'd be sad for both parties if you had to shut it down so soon. She might be getting into 'poly' recently because it's just what feels right for her at the moment. Meeting a special someone can sure change those feelings, so who knows.

I'm trying this again. And not exclusively with women, because I need to make friends and meet people and the pool of queer ladies is relatively shallow. Moving across the country is hard! Though I have plans to make plans with a cool-seeming lady later this week!

Buuutt I'm re-acclimating myself to creeper messages now that I'm not invisible to straight people anymore. Really guy in Wyoming I'm a 33% match with? We'll see how long this lasts.

You guyyyysssss,

I've been messaging back and forth with this super cute guy and he gave me his phone # so we can meet I messaged him back and gave him mine saying he should text! No response yet & no text (it's been like 12 hours, so not a big deal, I responded a little later than usual last night & apparently he still has finals he's working on in grad school). Can someone just tell me it's ok to text him? I'm having text-fright or something.

He gave you his number, that always means its okay!

He gave you his # first, so, legally, you have to text him first.

Thanks! I texted him so we'll see. This stuff plays into my anxieties. I do hope he responds soon, I think we'd get along well. I knew I should text first intellectually, but TERROR!

I got a message from a guy last weekend and we have been talking several times every day, via email. We haven't exchanged numbers (I haaaaate talking on the phone), but we have plans to meet up this week for coffee! I'm trying to not get too excited about it before we actually meet, because it's totally possible that there will be no chemistry in-person. BUT, I haven't been this excited about an okcupid guy in a long time. And I have definitely never been this excited about an okcupid guy who actually lives in my city. EEK!

Well, the guy I was dating from OKC just dumped me via facebook message. I asked him to give me a call just for closure's sake, and he was actually really respectful and kind--of all the ways this conversation's happened for me, this was definitely the least shitty--but I liked him a lot and I'm really, really sad. I guess he clicked with another girl he's been dating and they had the mutually exclusive conversation and everything, and it makes sense, because she lives closer and sometimes people just click, and I'm not a trainwreck or anything, but I'm crying. He says he wants to stay friends and I actually want to too, but...it just really sucks.
Back to the drawing board, I guess.

Oh no Kilgore! You'll get through it!

i'm sorry to hear that Kilgore :( you are awesome and i'm sure you'll find many more awesome people to date.

my date w/ counselor boy was cancelled last-minute this week because of some changed travel plans... i was pretty bummed but we've been texting some and maybe we'll skype later today if our schedules line up. BUT he asked me via text today about the possibility of being more serious and i thought, "we've only been on two dates!!" i told him that i appreciated the communication, but that i didn't feel comfortable talking about that via text message.

went out with vegan boy last night and that was really fun. we went out to an all-vegan place, then went back to his to watch a movie... and stuff...

i like both of these men a whole lot, but i want the chance to get to know each of them a little more before settling down with either one. i do think i'll choose eventually and that'll be rough, but i want to give myself a chance to actually give it some time, you know? i've never been in this position before, so i guess it being very new to me is doubly hard.

I'm meeting this guy tomorrow! I'm so nervous! Quick! Talk me down from a panic attack!
(mostly kidding)

Its going to be fun! Pippi and Nora and the PPK want to hear all about it :)

Sending good thoughts takecare! You're lovely <3

I'm so sorry kilgore! xxx