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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:59 am 
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Chard Martyr
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torque wrote:
daisychain wrote:
Wouldn't it be lovely to to not be in a state of panic every time the slightest thing happens? I used never worry like this. Any time something minor happens it just reminds me how rubbish I am.

Jeez, i was shaking with rage this morning because of AN EMAIL. An email from a client.
I am trying to grow my skin thicker. Actually, I'm hoping i get a turtle shell for christmas.

I struggle the most at work. I need a turtle shell too. We are doing these awful 360 peer reviews and I'm terrified.


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:25 pm 
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Queen Bitch of Self-Righteous Veganville
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I'm considering staying in a hotel for Christmas just because I can't even begin to handle it. I'm already crying about what's going to happen tomorrow night.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:36 pm 
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Semen Strong
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MBM, sending you so many good thoughts. <3 <3 <3

LazySmurf wrote:
Anyway, amongst other things, she told me about this great book, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, and I have been working through it. I thought I'd pass it along for anyone that needs help, I think some of you might get something out of it.


I love this book. I started working with it 6 years ago, when I was having the worst panic spells and it made a big difference. I've done so much work since then, and I don't ever get to the point of freaking out nearly as badly as I did. Even when my last job went horrifically south, I didn't blame myself nearly as much as I would have. Just adding my rec in case anyone else is interested.

PB, I hate people who treat others like that. And the nerve of them being rude to you. You provided a service, they agreed to pay for it, and it sucks for them to be taking advantage of you. I generally say ask for 50% - 100% upfront if you can. It just makes life so much less stressful that way!

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:38 pm 
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I'm in a panic about tomorrow too, MBM (I have to see my mother. And father. I am terrified because I know the impact that seeing them has on me.). I can barely think straight right now and I just feel completely wacky, in a horrible, anxious way.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 6:45 pm 
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Hugs to you PP. I think its useful (for me anyhoo) to remember that you don't have to see them, you're choosing to. And you can choose to leave whenever you want.

We are going to see my MIL tomorrow and honestly, I haven't been able to enjoy the holidays because I hate going over there so much. My deal was that we leave the minute I say we're going and we're not staying longer than 3 hours and aren't eating anything there.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 7:24 pm 
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I cannot wait until the holidays are over. between anxiety about not seeing people, anxieties about seeing people, and everything in between I am just a wreck.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 7:55 pm 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
I'm in a panic about tomorrow too, MBM (I have to see my mother. And father. I am terrified because I know the impact that seeing them has on me.). I can barely think straight right now and I just feel completely wacky, in a horrible, anxious way.


Let's just make :( faces together. :( :( :(

My problem is, Brian and his sister had worked out that they would go over to his mom's on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts with her so I didn't have to see her besides at grandma's, where there are lots of people and she won't cry/throw a fit. Besides not talking except at her dad's funeral all year, last year while she was off getting married for Christmas last year, she purposely left behind a shitty gift for me (it was a used child's purse). Then my sister-in-law wasn't even talking to her, blew up at her, and after SHE got to feel better, felt guilty and decided that her mom should just come here because it's 'easier'. So I have no say in it and I can't go anywhere and if they had told me this a few weeks ago, I wouldn't even have bought a tree. So I canceled the dinner and entertainment ideas I had planned, and Brian's mom can order whatever pizza she wants or bust out whatever frozen thing she wants to cook and I am just going to turn myself inside out and then crawl into my own skin and die.

ETA: I'm aware that this sounds horribly selfish of me, but I am not allowed to blow up at that woman, or ever expect an apology, so I have a hard time caring how she spends her Christmas Eve. Also they all know that I literally have nowhere to go (unless I freak out so badly that I do go stay in a hotel).

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The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:39 pm 
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God, MBM, that sucks. I suggest you gather a large quantity of chocolate and hide in the bathroom. If they knock, tell them to go shiitake in the yard.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 9:37 pm 
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I don't think it sounds selfish MBM. I would throw a tantrum and cuss her out and then have my husband take me to a hotel until she left. Because I'm classy like that.

So honestly, I think you're behaving way better than she deserves, and you should do whatever you need to do to be happy and at peace. Even if that is going to a hotel or causing a massive screaming scene. Your MIL sounds like a grade-A passive aggressive jerk.

Used child's purse is way worse than the terrible used costume jewelry my MIL gets me. She doesn't have her ears pierced and I do, and all the jewelry is for unpierced ears (those terrible clasps that cut off circulation to your earlobes), and its appropriate for a 77 year old woman, so clearly she buys it for herself, wears it, hates it and wraps it up for me. Along with the obligatory XXXL sized Tshirt. Because nothing makes you feel better about your body than someone saying "I didn't know what size to get you, so I got this giant tent. I hope it fits!"

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But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:20 pm 
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So they were already here when I got off of work. Brian isn't here yet. I'm going to die.

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The tree is his penis // it's very exciting // when held up to his mouth // the lights are all lighting // his eyes start a-bulging // in unbridled glee // the tree is his penis // its beauty, effulgent -amandabear


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 1:32 pm 
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I'm going to get sick. Putting it in a spoiler incase it is triggering for anyone.
Spoiler: show
One of my cousins just posted photos on facebook of all the kids in that part of the family with "Santa" at her parents house. Santa is my abusive ex-father. He also has a history of forcing himself on women. He abused one of my aunts. In one of the photos one of my cousins 16yr old kids is on his knee.


I'm actually disgusted.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 12:36 pm 
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Does getting presents give anyone else anxiety? I don't really like surprises (I'm boring) and the whole gift giving thing is so much pressure. For the most part it's been fine this year but one person got me the most thoughtless and stupid gifts and I didn't really know how to react. I literally told this person a million times that I don't want certain things and they don't listen to a word I ever say and they keep getting me a bunch of garbage. Now I have to get rid of all of these presents because I have no room at all for them and I don't want them. I have a hard time hiding my feelings in some circumstances, especially with things like this and I felt so odd because I didn't know how to react. I know it sounds ungrateful but it's really not. I feel like now these things are a burden on me because I have to figure out what to do with them.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 12:39 pm 
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daisychain wrote:
I'm going to get sick. Putting it in a spoiler incase it is triggering for anyone.
Spoiler: show
One of my cousins just posted photos on facebook of all the kids in that part of the family with "Santa" at her parents house. Santa is my abusive ex-father. He also has a history of forcing himself on women. He abused one of my aunts. In one of the photos one of my cousins 16yr old kids is on his knee.


I'm actually disgusted.

I'd be sick about this, too. Good luck to everyone getting through the holidays. Just try to remember that after this, you have a full year of not having to go through this again.

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"...anarchists only want to burn cars and punch cops."- nickvicious
"We'll be eating our own words 30 years from now when we're demanding our legislators outlaw aerosol-based cyber dildo-wielding death holograms."- Brian


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 12:42 pm 
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I find it hard too. I cannot hide my feelings at all so when I get a shiitake present it shows on my face. I usually only get one present and that person always gives me something really crepe. Usually something that is meant to smell nice but usually only smells of harsh chemicals mixed with gripe water and tested on animals. I've gotten smart and just started not opening it around her. She was fairly mortified when her kid opened the present I got her. It was an outfit from a shop that she normally can't afford to buy from. It's not the cost though that is important. It is the actual thought. I got the kid a cute outfit because she loves clothes and she grows so fast that her mother finds it hard to buy for her.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:11 pm 
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My anxiety has been super intense the last 2 days for no reason at all. I just had a super freakout because my left arm fell asleep and I was certain that I was dying. I had to sit there with my finger on my pulse for a couple of minutes to reassure myself that my heart was beating normally. Last night I was so anxious that I couldn't fall asleep. I'm thinking of taking a benadryl tonight instead of my normal non-drowsy allergy meds to see if that will help me sleep.


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:29 am 
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Much love and support to you all in this thread. My anxiety is virtually non-existant (I mean, I still worry all the time, but that's me and it doesn't feel like the world is going to implode at any moment) now. Yay! It's mostly due to meds (cipralex/lexapro), but I like to think that the medication helped me with coping mechanisms and corrective psychological thinking. I feel...encouraged? Even stating that makes me nervous, but the fact that I can actually say things are better is exciting.


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:25 pm 
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vijita that's great to hear. It gives me hope!

Sorry to hear you are not great at the moment RC xxx

My anxiety levels are just through the roof again. Anything that I can worry about I will worry about. I see the doctor again in 3 weeks time so I will bring it up that I plain can't stop worrying and checking things.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:57 pm 
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My anxiety is super bad. I've been avoiding stuff that needs to be done because of the anxiety.

Also, my anxiety has caused me to screw up really bad with school. It sucks. I might not be able to continue with my degree because of it.


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:16 am 
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I can't sleep, I gotta meet with a prof today because I slept in yesterday and missed our first class, so I gotta go by and get the readings I need to have read for next week. And then go to the other classes I missed because I can't sleep, having not calmed down from last semester.

I don't know why I can't calm down! I did really well last semester!

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:55 pm 
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Big hugs xxx

So my anxiety levels aren't as bad but still there. I'm still checking things constantly. I have the psychiatrist again in 2 weeks time so I'm going to bring it up with him because even though I know I have checked something I will still get the compulsion to check it again. My own psych is back from maternity leave in 4 or 5 weeks so I don't know if anything will be done the next session or not.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:54 am 
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social anxiety sure is a delight.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 8:43 pm 
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I went ice skating with out a major freakout. That's a pretty major break through for my anxiety.


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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 12:38 am 
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My social anxiety is crazy right now....I'm trying so hard to be rational and use all those stupid CBT techniques but dammit, I'm struggling. I get into this weird space where I'm convinced that everyone is angry with me. I freak out for things like a close friend being a little stand offish or saying something that could be misconstrued as offensive. I know it's stupid- people are way to busy living their lives to think about hating me....which makes me will like a total narcissist. Still, sometimes I feel like folks must have a dartboard in my basement with my face on it.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:56 am 
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Rowan, I get exactly like that too. I convince myself that everyone thinks I am just a waste of space and I just get in people's way. I would be happy enough some days to just disappear and not have to talk to anyone.

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 Post subject: Re: the ANXIETY thread
PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:50 am 
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Hugs, Rowan. I love you and think you're a wonderful person.

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Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumbles
Is this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface


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