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 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 9:31 pm 
Semen Strong
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Sending you a lot of good thoughts. I hope this brings you some peace and that as you say, you now know where you stand and can move on with no expectations.

As someone whose parents went through an incredibly rough divorce, I do think that the thing that was traumatizing wasn't that our Dad wasn't as much part of our lives as it was that my mother became incredibly bitter about it, and would constantly say nasty things or express her frustration about him to us. I used to feel trapped by all that negativity and forced to defend my Dad and it was just a bad situation. Just my 2 cents - your ex is gone, you can't change him, but you can be the best parent you can be to your kiddos!

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 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 9:36 pm 
***LIES!!!***
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What T'lish said - the hard part for us was our dad not seeing us consistently or being a consistent human being around us, but the really worst part of it was the horrible way he talked about our mother *all the time.* When I got old enough to tell him to stop he started saying similar things about me. So, yeah, we don't talk anymore.


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 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 11:28 pm 
Saggy Butt
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Oh yeah, I am hyper aware of not doing that. In fact for years before he left I bent over backwards to not say anything negative about him to the kids and to comment on any positive interaction. It was only in the three-month period between when I told him outright he had to leave and when he left that I was occasionally unable to stop myself I was so bitter and angry, and just plain exhausted.

Since he moved out I have not said anything negative about him. I know the boys are smart and know where they stand in their parents' eyes. I am just glad that I am physically, mentally and emotionally capable of taking care of them on my own. On the positive side (of them not seeing him), I was concerned that if the kids spent time with him he might (like Ariann's dad) trash talk me while they were with him, something he occasionally did while we were together. When we lived together, though, I would nip that in the bud right away and make sure the kids heard me do it. If I am not there they have to either defend me themselves, which is not fair to them, or listen to him rant and rave knowing he is talking nonsense. Fun times.

I live by what I told him many times, "You are the grown up, they are the children."


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 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:07 pm 
Bathes in Braggs
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Hey guys. I'm actually not breathing in a paper bag now, which is a huge step for me. Just thought I should bring this thread to the front page again, because Lard I'm going to need it.


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 Post subject: Re: Do we have a divorce support/single parent thread?
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 2:18 pm 
Saggy Butt
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Well that's good news, flavabean (relatively, anyway). You and your family have more than just the separation/divorce to deal with and that makes the stress exponentially higher.

I have decided to apply for a court order for custody and child support. He is not going to act (as we have seen) so I am going to force the issue. He may completely ignore it, in which case I will likely get sole custody, or he may agree to regular visits and then renege on them, but at least I will have the order filed and he will be paying child support. I will need this to apply for a divorce anyway.


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