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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 2:19 pm 
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chouettes crêpes wrote:
^^ that's good, right?


Well I'm sooo not ready to commit to anything yet, but we'll see.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 11:10 am 
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UPDATE: I have spent the past 48 hours pretty confused about my date that happened on Sunday. Pre-date, we were sending several novel-length emails to each other every day. So, after I sent him the post-date email saying that I had a good time, it was strange to get a vague 2-sentence response. I let the crickets chirp for another 24 hours, then yesterday I sent him an email that was essentially like "hey, given the switch from novel-like emails to a 2-sentence email, I'm confused about whether you're giving me a "I'm not interested" blow-off if if you're just swamped with that project you told me you'd be busy with. Either way is totally fine, I just want to know whether I should back off or ask you to hang out again."

And I finally got a response this morning saying that he's been swamped with that project, that he liked hanging out with me, and that he'd like to do it again.

YAY! :)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2012 10:05 pm 
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yay!! i'm so glad it's turning out well for you, takecare


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 12:01 am 
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Christmas greetings, fellow online daters! Just wanted to drop a quick update that the charming, adorable, and utterly amazing guy I met on OKC three months ago is sitting in the living room with my parents enjoying a movie after a huge dinner. When I was first single a year ago I poo-poohed online dating, but I have to thank Jordan Pattern for forcing my hand because wooee. This is nice. :)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:11 am 
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Filling out my brand new OKC profile...losing my will to live...
Is this normal?


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:18 am 
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Sad face... hug face... and yes, kind of.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 9:31 am 
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takecare wrote:
UPDATE: I have spent the past 48 hours pretty confused about my date that happened on Sunday. Pre-date, we were sending several novel-length emails to each other every day. So, after I sent him the post-date email saying that I had a good time, it was strange to get a vague 2-sentence response. I let the crickets chirp for another 24 hours, then yesterday I sent him an email that was essentially like "hey, given the switch from novel-like emails to a 2-sentence email, I'm confused about whether you're giving me a "I'm not interested" blow-off if if you're just swamped with that project you told me you'd be busy with. Either way is totally fine, I just want to know whether I should back off or ask you to hang out again."

And I finally got a response this morning saying that he's been swamped with that project, that he liked hanging out with me, and that he'd like to do it again.

YAY! :)


Oh that's great! I have to say that I find your message very diplomatic. (I'm learning stuff! So "symply ask" can actually be an option!)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:23 am 
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Emilie wrote:
takecare wrote:
UPDATE: I have spent the past 48 hours pretty confused about my date that happened on Sunday. Pre-date, we were sending several novel-length emails to each other every day. So, after I sent him the post-date email saying that I had a good time, it was strange to get a vague 2-sentence response. I let the crickets chirp for another 24 hours, then yesterday I sent him an email that was essentially like "hey, given the switch from novel-like emails to a 2-sentence email, I'm confused about whether you're giving me a "I'm not interested" blow-off if if you're just swamped with that project you told me you'd be busy with. Either way is totally fine, I just want to know whether I should back off or ask you to hang out again."

And I finally got a response this morning saying that he's been swamped with that project, that he liked hanging out with me, and that he'd like to do it again.

YAY! :)


Oh that's great! I have to say that I find your message very diplomatic. (I'm learning stuff! So "symply ask" can actually be an option!)


Yea, it works pretty well! :)
You just have to be prepared though, because if someone actually just isn't into it, they will likely just completely ignore you and leave you hanging. Still, sometimes it works-- like this this guy. We may be getting together later for a snow walk!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:53 pm 
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Last night the Mr called me spur-of-the-moment. I was completely surprised because he never just calls, so I thought something was wrong. No, he was thinking about me and wanted to say hi. Also, I'm a person who has To Do lists for my To Do lists, and he's a total nonplanner, so I get frustrated because I never know when I'm going to see him on the weekends. He mentioned last night that he would call tonight and we could set up our weekend plans. Progress!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 1:00 pm 
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Oy. So I've been dating that girl for a month, and mostly scheduled other OkCupid dates because she was still seeing someone else and I would have felt shitty if I had only been dating her. Really I get pretty easily overwhelmed if I attempt to date multiple people, I'm busy enough already! That girl is ending things with that other girl she's seeing and ideally would like me to see no one else but I was like, not ready for that, and I've got a date Thursday. I didn't really expect to have a huge giant crush on my date Thursday though! I have no idea if she's into me that way, I texted her right afterward and she said she did want to hang out again but we didn't kiss or really flirt or anything (I mean, I never ever initiate any of that sort of thing so it's possible we're both just like that), so I don't know if she's thinking friends or dating or what, but she is so cute and so smart and we had such great conversations which is something I feel like I don't get with the other girl as much. I know the first girl is going to ask me about it and stuff and be jealous and ugh I don't know.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:22 pm 
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So many options, strawberry! I haven't had luck on OKC for the ladies at all! No one ever messages me or responds to my messages, when I had a hetero account it was a bit much dealing with the deluge.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:32 pm 
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takecare wrote:
You just have to be prepared though, because if someone actually just isn't into it, they will likely just completely ignore you and leave you hanging. Still, sometimes it works-- like this this guy. We may be getting together later for a snow walk!


To consider the eventuality of fail... THIS is precisely my weak point :-/

(and: what? you have a date AND snow!? how cooooooooooool!!!!) :D

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:51 pm 
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Emilie wrote:
takecare wrote:
You just have to be prepared though, because if someone actually just isn't into it, they will likely just completely ignore you and leave you hanging. Still, sometimes it works-- like this this guy. We may be getting together later for a snow walk!


To consider the eventuality of fail... THIS is precisely my weak point :-/

(and: what? you have a date AND snow!? how cooooooooooool!!!!) :D


Eh, if you're going to get rejected you're going to get rejected, whether you ask or not. It's just that if you ask there is a chance that you're not being rejected at all (even if it sorta seems like it).

My situation is a bit weird. We had plans to have a snow walk when it snowed, then it snowed a lot sooner than we anticipated. I emailed him to say that if he wanted to take a walk sooner, because of the sooner snow, to let me know. That was two days ago, I haven't heard rom him, and the snow is melting. I want to believe him when he says he had a good time and that he wants to see me again, but his recent lack of correspondence (when we were sending several messages per day pre-meeting) is making me wonder. Perhaps he is truly really busy. But, actions speak louder than words? I don't know. I'm confused.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:58 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Christmas greetings, fellow online daters! Just wanted to drop a quick update that the charming, adorable, and utterly amazing guy I met on OKC three months ago is sitting in the living room with my parents enjoying a movie after a huge dinner. When I was first single a year ago I poo-poohed online dating, but I have to thank Jordan Pattern for forcing my hand because wooee. This is nice. :)

Congratulations! Nice is very good.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 6:02 pm 
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takecare wrote:

Eh, if you're going to get rejected you're going to get rejected, whether you ask or not. It's just that if you ask there is a chance that you're not being rejected at all (even if it sorta seems like it).

My situation is a bit weird. We had plans to have a snow walk when it snowed, then it snowed a lot sooner than we anticipated. I emailed him to say that if he wanted to take a walk sooner, because of the sooner snow, to let me know. That was two days ago, I haven't heard rom him, and the snow is melting. I want to believe him when he says he had a good time and that he wants to see me again, but his recent lack of correspondence (when we were sending several messages per day pre-meeting) is making me wonder. Perhaps he is truly really busy. But, actions speak louder than words? I don't know. I'm confused.


grmbl. going from endless conversations to barely a few words: I hate that. It happened to me lately and the saddest is that I will never now what exactly happened in the guy's mind: I didn´t dare to ask :P

Now, seriously: according to what you say he actually is busy. Besides, it would make sense that he would not be able to change his Schedule because of the weather, I guess?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 6:05 pm 
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Emilie wrote:
takecare wrote:

Eh, if you're going to get rejected you're going to get rejected, whether you ask or not. It's just that if you ask there is a chance that you're not being rejected at all (even if it sorta seems like it).

My situation is a bit weird. We had plans to have a snow walk when it snowed, then it snowed a lot sooner than we anticipated. I emailed him to say that if he wanted to take a walk sooner, because of the sooner snow, to let me know. That was two days ago, I haven't heard rom him, and the snow is melting. I want to believe him when he says he had a good time and that he wants to see me again, but his recent lack of correspondence (when we were sending several messages per day pre-meeting) is making me wonder. Perhaps he is truly really busy. But, actions speak louder than words? I don't know. I'm confused.


grmbl. going from endless conversations to barely a few words: I hate that. It happened to me lately and the saddest is that I will never now what exactly happened in the guy's mind: I didn´t dare to ask :P

Now, seriously: according to what you say he actually is busy. Besides, it would make sense that he would not be able to change his Schedule because of the weather, I guess?


In theory, yea. But we are both freelancers, working from home. There is a lot o flexibility. When I first asked him he said it would be nice to slip away from work for a bit. I know he is sincerely busy... but too busy for a quick "sorry I can't slip away or this snowstorm!" email? My hopes aren't high.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 6:11 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
I know the first girl is going to be jealous and ugh I don't know.


Would you be comfortable being with someone jealous? I'd imagine that wouldn't be fun. It seems to smack of insecurity and controlling behavior...

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 6:24 pm 
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Theory seems so great. I wish I lived there.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 7:45 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
strawberryrock wrote:
I know the first girl is going to be jealous and ugh I don't know.


Would you be comfortable being with someone jealous? I'd imagine that wouldn't be fun. It seems to smack of insecurity and controlling behavior...


I think jealousy is pretty natural? I for sure get jealous when people I like are dating other people--I was jealous when this girl was seeing someone else. I think the important thing is how people deal with it. This girl is pretty honest with her feelings, which is nice. I know she isn't mad that I went on a date or anything. I imagine that she'll tell me she has feelings of jealousy, since she's said that sort of thing before, but it's kind of more of a "let's check in about feelings" type thing, which we've definitely been doing plenty especially with the situation with her and the other girl...

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 7:46 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
Oy. So I've been dating that girl for a month, and mostly scheduled other OkCupid dates because she was still seeing someone else and I would have felt shitty if I had only been dating her. Really I get pretty easily overwhelmed if I attempt to date multiple people, I'm busy enough already! That girl is ending things with that other girl she's seeing and ideally would like me to see no one else but I was like, not ready for that, and I've got a date Thursday. I didn't really expect to have a huge giant crush on my date Thursday though! I have no idea if she's into me that way, I texted her right afterward and she said she did want to hang out again but we didn't kiss or really flirt or anything (I mean, I never ever initiate any of that sort of thing so it's possible we're both just like that), so I don't know if she's thinking friends or dating or what, but she is so cute and so smart and we had such great conversations which is something I feel like I don't get with the other girl as much. I know the first girl is going to ask me about it and stuff and be jealous and ugh I don't know.

Why don't you keep dating this new-date-girl, and when month-girl asks about being monogamous just be (fairly) honest... something like: "I want to take things slow, I've rushed into things too quickly before and they ended badly, so I don't think I'm ready yet". You shouldn't have to be at a place I don't think after a month where you have to tell her when and who you are dating I don't think, as long as you're honest that you're not ready to close it. I think telling her when the dates are sounds like too much info, and will just lead to hurt feelings.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 7:50 pm 
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Erika Soyf*cker wrote:
Christmas greetings, fellow online daters! Just wanted to drop a quick update that the charming, adorable, and utterly amazing guy I met on OKC three months ago is sitting in the living room with my parents enjoying a movie after a huge dinner. When I was first single a year ago I poo-poohed online dating, but I have to thank Jordan Pattern for forcing my hand because wooee. This is nice. :)


Whoo! Congrats Erika! So nice to hear how happy you are!

I'm happy to report that I'm still stupidly happy with my online dating guy. We've hit a couple of bumps on the road, we have very different approaches to life, but we constantly remain respectful and keep ending up meeting in the middle. We absolutely adore each other and both think that there's a pretty good chance this is for good. It was worth the journey of eejits to find this man. Yaayy for online dating (and being too stubborn to give up!)!!


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 7:51 pm 
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Mars wrote:
strawberryrock wrote:
Oy. So I've been dating that girl for a month, and mostly scheduled other OkCupid dates because she was still seeing someone else and I would have felt shitty if I had only been dating her. Really I get pretty easily overwhelmed if I attempt to date multiple people, I'm busy enough already! That girl is ending things with that other girl she's seeing and ideally would like me to see no one else but I was like, not ready for that, and I've got a date Thursday. I didn't really expect to have a huge giant crush on my date Thursday though! I have no idea if she's into me that way, I texted her right afterward and she said she did want to hang out again but we didn't kiss or really flirt or anything (I mean, I never ever initiate any of that sort of thing so it's possible we're both just like that), so I don't know if she's thinking friends or dating or what, but she is so cute and so smart and we had such great conversations which is something I feel like I don't get with the other girl as much. I know the first girl is going to ask me about it and stuff and be jealous and ugh I don't know.

Why don't you keep dating this new-date-girl, and when month-girl asks about being monogamous just be (fairly) honest... something like: "I want to take things slow, I've rushed into things too quickly before and they ended badly, so I don't think I'm ready yet". You shouldn't have to be at a place I don't think after a month where you have to tell her when and who you are dating I don't think, as long as you're honest that you're not ready to close it. I think telling her when the dates are sounds like too much info, and will just lead to hurt feelings.


Yeah, I think you're right. I actually first said I had a date Thursday before she said she was ending things with the other girl she was seeing, mostly because I wanted her to know I had other prospects too, which is maybe kind of a game but whatever.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 4:00 pm 
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Two (slightly weird and platonic feeling?) dates with super cute girl who makes me feel swoony and silly. It's been fun but I'm worried it's not going to work out for physical chemistry/awkwardness reasons, mostly my fault probably.

But it's been fun! Which is a dramatic departure from all other dating experiences I've had. So woo!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:24 pm 
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You know, this is all fun and games until someone actually wants to meet you in person. I've agreed, but now I'm freaking out. I might have jumped into this way too soon and for the wrong reasons. fork.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 1:02 am 
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granolapocalypse wrote:
You know, this is all fun and games until someone actually wants to meet you in person. I've agreed, but now I'm freaking out. I might have jumped into this way too soon and for the wrong reasons. fork.

Yeah, that wrong reasons thing's been happening to me ever since my breakup, I think. But people have needs... :/ actually one guy I met right away and got super invested in, that wasn't a smart move right away at that time, I really wasn't ready. We're like best friends now, and I'm so happy to have him in my life. So with that I say, meet up, but be honest to both the date and yourself.

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