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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 10:03 am 
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That's rough littlebear. So hard to know when/if to have another. We're currently tossing around the idea of sterilization with the option of adoption down the line if we are inclined. I think it's the right choice for us but still feel like it's a hard decision to finalize.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 10:17 am 
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lb, do you mean that hubby doesn't want more kids now, or ever? I don't know your reasons for wanting to be done at 35, but I'd really encourage you not to set an arbitrary deadline. I thought sure that if I reached 40 that would be it, but things were looking positive so we decided to try a bit longer and considered ivf. At less than 40 and one month, freya was on her way. We had a remarkably healthy pregnancy and our birth trauma was really only due to her size, I think. Anyway, just to say, don't let 35 be a magic number. That said, I understand the anxiety. I'm 8+ years ahead of you, with a non-sleeping 13 month old and yet the idea of baby #2 is still floating around in there.


Last edited by refinnej on Sat Dec 29, 2012 10:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 10:22 am 
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AM, I too am curious as to how things go. At five, I'd recommend trying your best not to let him get away with "dont know". Definitely something for which there need to be consequences at least, though not sure what they might be. If it's some sort of compulsion, it seems unlikely that a punishment would change his behavior. Do you think he's trying to be intentionally hostile?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:42 am 
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At this point Nate doesn't want anymore kids period. I want kids close in age, so waiting u til I am 38 or something isn't appealing to me. I am also concerned about having kids after 35 because of my pcos and because I had post partum preeclampsia. I recently talked to a doctor about having more kids and she also agreed that I should probably try and finish up before 35 because of my history. There isn't a way I could be in bed rest with Grey and if I have preeclampsia I would have to be really careful.

I talked to Nate about it this morning and he said that things could still change and there is always the possibility if adoption and whatnot too. I think he is mostly concerned about money and being the sole earner in our household.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:46 am 
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BG got a big pile of Christmas gifts from us and Mr8's family. He only got to open them today as we didn't see him on Boxing Day as we usually would. After he opened them he said "I got more than this at my Mum's house."

Humm. How do we teach a 5 year old about privilege and entitlement?


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 12:17 pm 
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8ball wrote:
How do we teach a 5 year old about privilege and entitlement?

It's not easy!!! But if you don't teach this, the kid might not learn it elsewhere. Hard to find the balance between being too overbearing about it [at least for me it has sometimes been], but teaching by example with sharing and being kind to others, and generous when you can, goes a long way.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 4:01 pm 
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Modeling like torque says is super helpful, but honestly I think you have to tell kids when they are being crassholes. I would probably say something like, that's rude because...


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:42 pm 
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Sometimes I really hate ipads, smart phones, computers and tvs. I just want to throw everything out the window or crash them with a baseball bat.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 3:59 pm 
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You know those interlocking, textured, foam alphabet tiles? Its a lot harder to get poop out of them than something designed for a toddler playroom should be. Let us never speak of this again.

My husband gave me a day for lying in bed and watching Scrubs while he fed me all my meals in bed for our anniversary (awesome!) But in the 1 hour that he went out to shop for dinner and shovel snow, the child and the dog simultaneously shat all over the upstairs and downstairs respectively.

I just wanted one shitfree day.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:10 pm 
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Okay, I know this is unsympathetic, but baseball batting iPads and alphashit tiles next to each other in posts..cracking me up right now.

And I'm sorry, but shouldn't the man being cleaning up the poo? Especially L's because um, wasn't he watching her? Just saying. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 4:16 pm 
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No, he was getting the fixings for the pie he is making us for dessert. And I couldn't let poo sit around uncleaned up, because the longer it sits the larger the likelihood that someone else walks through it, eats it, paints with it, or otherwise spreads it around the house in an unsavory manner.

I do think it was lovely for him to give me a whole day for Scrubs marathon and food in bed. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 4:24 pm 
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Oh Tofulish- that sounds really shitty (pun... not intended?). Just keep in mind, the older they get, the less likely you'll find poo in weird places (hopefully).

I called Malcolm's dad about the toilet paper in the heater lie, and he was really upset about it too, so we both put away all his new christmas gifts (at my house and his), and he has to do extra chores/jobs/be extra well behaved to earn them back.
Today he helped my husband sweep and vacuum, and he has been especially pleasant. I've gotten way more than my daily quota of hugs, which is really nice <3

Threatening punishment doesn't seem to bother him much anymore though, so instead sometimes I try to tie in a story that will help him see why lying (or whatever he's doing) is wrong- yesterday my grandmother was in a car accident in a round-a-bout. Someone hit the side of her car. So I told Malcolm that the lady who hit Nanny is lying and saying Nanny hit her car.
Malcolm loves Nanny to bits, so he's very upset about this lie. So then it all ties in.... this is why lying is bad, etc etc. I think that sunk in further than taking his gifts away.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 6:23 pm 
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Thank you for sharing how you chose to discipline him! Its so hard to know what the right thing to do is. Its great that you and Malcolm's dad can agree on a consistent punishment for both homes. It would be so hard if one parent punished while the other refused to enforce - I know you had your struggles with him, and I'm so happy coparenting seems to be working!

We're looking into gentle discipline, which is big on showing your kid the consequences of actions, so its interesting to see that that lands well with Malcolm. I am kind of dreading having to give punishments. Now if she hurts another kid, I just try and slow her down long enough to say "Okay, do you see you hurt X? Poor X. Can you make amends?" And then she's off.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:00 pm 
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I am SO annoyed right now. The babysitter let either Kai or his daughter scribble all over Kai's new xmas train sets today with blue marker. Even though it is washable, it isn't coming off. So Kai's brand new toys are completely ruined, in just one day with our stupid babysitter.

I don't understand how they could have scribbled on them so much if the babysitter was watching them at all. I would never let a 2 and 3 year old play with markers unsupervised. He didn't even apologize at the end of the day (or mention it at all) so he either didn't notice or didn't have the balls to admit it. Or try to wash it off for that matter. I also feel like he should pay for new sets, since they were ruined on his watch. Maybe I'm just extra pissed right now, is that way off base?

His wife is having another baby so we're getting a new situation in a few months and it really can't come too soon!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:29 pm 
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Sorry to bisque about other people's children for a minute but:

Why is it that even when in a huge multiple building children's museum with a massive series of outdoor play structures geared at the 3-4+ sector, school aged children STILL feel the need to cram themselves into the one small room designated for 0-2 year olds? And why do parents let their kids go in? (If they have a younger sibling with them, ok, but beyond that?$

It just perplexes me. I was in the 0-2 room with M for about an hour and a half and lost count of how many kids and parents came up, read the sign aloud, then came in anyway and narrowly missed knocking my 11 month over while playing.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:32 pm 
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Every SINGLE toddler playspace at our local malls is like that. There is a huge sign showing how tall kids need to be to enter, and its still full of kids that are huge and run around knocking the toddlers over and pushing them off the structures. I totally get that if you have a toddler and an older kid, you can't really ask your older kid not to play, but maybe you could encourage them to be gentle?

I don't even go to the playspaces much, unless I'm meeting friends, its no fun for me to have to hover right over Leela and encourage bigger kids to let her climb things. And then every single parent brings snacks and all the kids just go from parent to parent taking hand outs. Its kind of hilarious.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:06 pm 
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I am pretty chill at the mall hang-outs (although, clearly, based on the chicken experience, I shouldn't be). Our biggest problem is not other kids knocking over Malka, but Malka running out of the play area.

Aubade - my brilliant husband and our brilliant downstairs neighbors apparently let Malka play with markers on her own (their only slightly older kids abandoned the markers I guess), which led to a baby covered in marker that apparently doesn't wash off and their hardwood floor being covered in marker. Oh well.


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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:07 pm 
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Oh great. Just realized he let them ruin kai's new drawing board and fingerpaint too. So basically every present Kai got for xmas was ruined in one day.

The whole living room was torn apart, they didn't put anything away and half the christmas tree was knocked down.

I'm calling a new daycare tomorrow. I'm so forking pissed.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:54 pm 
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Sorry...third vent...I just discovered kai's shape sorter filled with literally 2 inches of pine needles. HOW EXACTLY DOES THAT HAPPEN?There are pine needles all over our thick shag rug 10 feet from the tree!!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:57 pm 
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Big kids at little kid playgrounds is Shae's biggest pet peeve as well. He becomes playground safety monitor the second we hit one of those places and kids just fold and obey. And the super awesome part is that Shae doesn't feel that parent-guilt that we feel about asking other peoples kids to calm down. He is super nice about it, but takes no crepe.

Moral of the story: sorry I can't let you guys borrow Shae for these occasions.


Oh, but we did have one instance when Silas was 18 months old in Disney World and another kid was kicking Silas at the top of a huge play structure. Shae was up there with him and the kid wouldn't stop, so Shae stood up and yelled "WHO'S KID IS THIS? HE NEEDS TO STOP KICKING MY BABY BROTHER RIGHT NOW." So, they don't always listen to him.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:58 pm 
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Oh Aubade, that just sucks. You really don't want to come home and spend the evening cleaning up after your caregiver.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 7:58 pm 
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Aubade wrote:

I'm calling a new daycare tomorrow. I'm so forking pissed.


You have every right to be pissed! I'd be flipping out right now! Have you called him and asked what happened of if he even realized any of it happened?

Ugh, sorry you are going through this.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 8:08 pm 
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Kelly wrote:
You have every right to be pissed! I'd be flipping out right now! Have you called him and asked what happened of if he even realized any of it happened?

Ugh, sorry you are going through this.


Thanks. I did email and asked as straightforwardly and non-aggressively as possible what he was doing when all this happened. (I was too angry to call). He hasn't replied yet. Tomorrow we will definitely be having a big Talk.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 8:27 pm 
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Aubade wrote:
Sorry...third vent...I just discovered kai's shape sorter filled with literally 2 inches of pine needles. HOW EXACTLY DOES THAT HAPPEN?There are pine needles all over our thick shag rug 10 feet from the tree!!!!!


I was thinking this might be within the realm of reason (or the very boundaries thereof) til you got to this. That must have taken those kids... A while. That would take the Emperor, who is 3 and has pretty good fine motor skills, a while.

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 Post subject: Re: Ventilation Station 2.0
PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:25 pm 
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The tree is really dry, no doubt. But we were here for days and the needles only fell right at the bottom of the tree. Today they were literally spread all over 10 feet from the tree. Kai knows not to touch it when he's with us, so I don't understand how he could have let the kids do this. I mean was he just letting them touch the tree as much as they wanted with no control whatsoever? I just can't understand it. And here is the cookie jar, which was also halfway across the room:

Image

Also the thing with the scribbles on the train tracks is that they are really all over - like around his new multi-layer curved track, on his new thomas mine shaft hill, multiple other flat tracks and even inside a tunnel. Basically almost every track he has. It had to take a long time to do all that. Not to mention that the finger paint tube that was half full is totally empty, so that also must have taken a long time. It was washable, the clear kind that only works on special paper, but since they smeared it all over his new water board, the material is no longer absorbent so you can't draw on it with the water markers any more. So it's completely ruined. I could also smell it in his hair.

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Last edited by Aubade on Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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