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 Post subject: TED Talk on Conscious Parenting
PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:27 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Location: Cliffbar NJ


I thought this TED talk was pretty interesting. Our children as our teachers.

Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice in New York. She received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. She is the author of the multi-award-winning, The Conscious Parent. Heralded as a game-changer in the parenting genre, this book turns the traditional parenting paradigms on its head and revolutionizes how we raise our families. She has been exposed to Eastern mindfulness at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. This blend of East and West allows her to reach a global audience. Her ability to appeal to both a psychologically astute and consciousness-driven audience establishes her as one of a kind in the parenting field. She lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world and is in private practice. She resides with her husband and daughter in New York.

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But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: TED Talk on Conscious Parenting
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 12:56 pm 
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Nooch of Earl
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Has anyone read the book? I thought the talk was interesting but not very practically helpful, other than providing another voice telling me I'm screwing up my daughter. ;)


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 Post subject: Re: TED Talk on Conscious Parenting
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 2:38 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Just from the TED talk, my impression is that consciousness is a good thing, for parenting, for managing, for everything. Bringing a conscious approach to parenting can only be a good thing, and there is no better time to notice one's own baggage, wounds and inner pain than when parenting one's own child.
On the other hand, some of it seems a bit unrealistic. Allowing my child to shine, and develop her own interests and abilities, in theory is fantastic. However, unless the entire world follows this philosophy, she still needs to do her math homework, stay in school even if she doesn't want to, and clean up her messes.

I haven't read it and did a bit of a trawl for synopses, etc.

an excerpt:
*It is we who teach our children how to be greedy by giving them diamonds instead of sticks and stones
*It is we who teach our children how to fear adventure by rewarding their successes and reprimanding their failures
*It is we who teach our children how to lie to us by getting angry with them when they tell us the truth
*It is we who teach our children how to be mean and violent to others by disregarding their emotions and denying them unconditional acceptance
*It is we who teach our children to lose their motivation and zeal by pressuring them to excel and "be something"
*It is we who teach our children to dishonor us by pushing them to be who they are not
*It is we who teach our children to be bullies by dominating their spirit and silencing their voice
*It is we who teach our children to be confused and overwhelmed by giving them all things external, but few tools to look internally
*It is we who teach our children to be inattentive and distracted by inundating their lives with busy activities, leaving no space for stillness
*It is we who teach our children to live their life looking outward by spending our time and energy on our own looks and acquisitions
*It is we who teach our children to disrespect us by not stopping them the first time they are disrespectful and every time after
*It is we who teach our children to be defiant by not knowing how to lay down the rules and mean business when we do
*It is we who teach our children to know shame by shaming their spirits and judging them constantly
*It is we who teach our children to become anxious by denying the celebration of our own present as we constantly focus on tomorrow
*It is we who teach our children not to like themselves by constantly categorizing their emotions as those we approve of and those we don't
*It is we who teach our children not to trust the world by betraying them every time we don't see who they are in their essence
*It is we who teach our children how to love or not love by the extent to which we love or don't love ourselves.

I agree with many of these statements. For many years we had a plaque in our house with the "children learn what they live" poem, which shares some of these ideas. http://www.empowermentresources.com/inf ... rsion.html
I think I might take some of these for reflection. It's a lot of information, with many kernels of truth.

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Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: TED Talk on Conscious Parenting
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:38 pm 
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Seagull of the PPK
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I did a slightly larger trawl and found a very interesting ppt used for parent advocate-type training in NZ that explains a lot of particulars. I was not familiar with the whole conscious parenting thing [the TED is new, but the book is at least a few years old], but it's interesting if you're open to reading more.
https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=ca ... zUfOXQkFQA

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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 Post subject: Re: TED Talk on Conscious Parenting
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 4:46 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Location: Cliffbar NJ
Have either of you read "Parenting from the Inside"? Its basically the same idea and I think it is excellent. It helps you figure out your own narrative too, so its more step by step than the TED talk (haven't read her book).
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Inside- ... 1585422959

_________________
But on a cold winter night, when the wind whispers through the trees and a bright, white moon hangs heavy in the air, you might hear a sad cry like someone thinking he knows what's best for you, and that'll be the white man a-passin' you by. just mumbles


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 Post subject: Re: TED Talk on Conscious Parenting
PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:10 am 
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Seagull of the PPK
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Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 6:46 pm
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Location: Brasil
i haven't. my book access is kind of limited here, so i'll put it on my list for my next trip.

what came into my email today? [obvs, raw food centrist, but similar ideas]
Quote:
You are receiving this e-mail from The Raw Family because you signed up to receive The Raw Family Newsletter either by e-mail or via www.rawfamily.com.

If Children Are Our Future, then What Are We Doing?

It is easy to think of children as inferior beings. In my early parenting years I assumed this myself. I remember how difficult it was to be a controlling mother. Fortunately, my older friends explained my mistakes to me and I was able to radically change my communication with my eldest son. I was amazed how my child quickly turned from a cranky boy into a smart and kind human being when I changed my parenting. I know firsthand that it is possible to learn to treat children as equals, and that doing so makes life for both children and parents much easier and more rewarding.

Being a professional educator, a mother of three, and a grandmother of two, I observe that many people in today's world are controlling parents. On the other hand, there are also those who have already learned and adopted the most pleasing way of parenting, which is treating a child as an equal human being. In this new year I would like to share my experiences of parenting in my newsletters. In this issue, I give a brief overview of the correlation between the mistreatment of children and unhealthy diet.

Aristotle said that our children hold our future in their hands. Currently, we act as if we are trying to cut the branch on which we sit. Here are some statistics from respectable government agencies:
Every year the reports of child abuse in the United States involve nearly 6 million children;
The United States has the worst record in the industrialized world – losing more than five children every day due to abuse-related deaths;
Over the past decade, more than 20,000 American children have been killed by their own family members – that is nearly four times the number of US soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. 1


The Link Between the Superior Attitudes of Parents and Poor Health in Children

The above facts of violence are the direct outcome of viewing children as inferior beings. These sad statistics represent the worst cases of abuse. However, 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, and like circles on the water, it spreads onto the entire society and to a degree it becomes almost commonplace to view a child as a lesser human. In addition to the emotional and physical suffering of kids, such faulty attitudes make it difficult and often impossible to educate children to eat healthy. I have witnessed it countless times. When parents and children are truly equal, the process of adopting a healthy diet becomes smooth and easy.

When we are friends with our children they naturally follow us in most of our patterns including our eating preferences. When we make juice, they are interested to try it; when we eat salad our kids join us without any hesitation whatsoever. Children love to participate in our healthy endeavors unless they begin to feel their free choice threatened. From my own parenting experience, I learned that there can be no compromise in this area. Either our kids view us as friends, or we are the threat to their freedom. When I grew to understand this, I started telling my children that I preferred to be their friend rather than their mother. I asked them to let me know whenever I was making them feel guilty, manipulated, or controlled. At times it was challenging for me to hear their feedback, but this open communication helped us to stay equal. To my surprise, often my children prefer my company to that of their peers. We enjoy hanging out with each other. Our mutual friendship still grows to this day, and I feel respected as mother.

Building Friendship with Our Kids.

While observing communication techniques in many different families over the course of my life, I have noticed that parents don't realize that they are frequently attempting to be controlling. Similarly, parents are often unaware that they are ignoring their children, which can slow down a child’s development and distort child’s perception of life. I don’t want anybody reading this article to feel guilty. Rather I am trying to help both children and parents find a more effective and peaceful way to communicate.

It could be difficult to answer each of our children’s questions, especially after a long working day or when we feel ill. With an abundance of excuses, we often minimize our communication with our children. According to one study, the time average American parents spend in meaningful conversations with their children is 3.5 minutes per week.

I don’t think that “meaningful conversations” would include such typical and uninteresting questions as “How are you?” or “How was the school?” to which every child answers with a habitual “Fine.” When I meet my grandkids I try asking them something provocative, such as “I was thinking all day today if dogs and cats can smile. What do you think?” or “What was the funniest moment of your day today?” Such questions always make them think and give me long and interesting answers. I would like to see every child's question answered if only in a short way, but with a proper respect similarly to how a parent would converse with any adult.

Answering our children’s questions is similar to an investment. Or for example when we buy a house we pay a down payment, for which we must work very hard. But the down payment makes our monthly payments easier to pay. The same goes for parenting. The more attention we pay to the child during the first years of their life, the easier it will be when they will become teenagers. Consequently, your child could either become your friend, or some annoying subject you don't even want to spend time with.

_________________
Buddha says 'Meh'.--matwinser
I'm just a drunk who likes fruit. -- Desdemona


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