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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 9:43 pm 
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hugs, kfad. That's rough.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 5:43 am 
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hang in there. if it's any indicator, FC has cooled down almost the minute she turned 13. Which is good, because if it got any worse, i think my head would have exploded.
[coincidence: that was also exactly when school ended and she stopped hanging out with the school kids and now hangs out on online forums. much less snottiness there.]

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:22 pm 
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I think she is getting really close to getting her period. Which she knows is coming, and it freaks her out. That and we moved and are in chaos which is really hard for her.

I hope that setting up her room will help calm things down. If nothing else, it will give her a space to be away from me.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 8:54 am 
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Hey, so, middle schoolers are all jerks, right? One of Shae's "friends" is starting rumors about him, causing all kinds of drama. I just want to go tell the little shiitake off. It felt awful sending him off to school to deal with it all.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 9:30 am 
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I guess that is normal? A friend's daughter had to deal with that last year and it was really upsetting for her. She just rode it out and they all went back to being best friends within a week or two. So much drama! How do they even keep track of who is shunning whom?

And where does it come from?

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 9:44 am 
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I think rumor starting is something that tends to happen more with the girls than the boys, at least at his school. It's really interesting as a mom to see how differently the boys groups deal with conflict and drama than my groups did as a kid. This particular boy has done it to a few different boys now, but never to someone he was such good friends with. It apparently is over a girl (s's gf, the cheer captain) because it culminated in her breaking up with him because of something the boy is telling everyone.

He's being really mature about it all, saying he knows his real friends are now and that he doesn't want a gf that falls for whatever rumor being passed around, but his little heart is smashed.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 9:48 am 
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(and yeah, it's normal teen stuff. just sad to watch!)

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:24 am 
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Kelly wrote:
(and yeah, it's normal teen stuff. just sad to watch!)

so true on both counts!
i am so hoping this school year will not be the drama fest that last year was. i don't know if i've got it in me to go through that again (parent meetings with all the parents, threatened police involvement, etc etc).

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:40 am 
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Oh wow torque! That does not sound fun at all. So far, he begged me not to get involved at all but said talking it through helped some.But now he's texting me from school (never ever does that) about how miserable he is.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 11:50 am 
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I was listening to an interview yesterday with Roshi Ben Glassman and Jeff Bridges (the Dude and the Zen Master on their book tour) and they were talking about the Zen Peacemaker program, and it is just the essence of parenting teens:

1. release all attachments
2. bear witness
3. take loving action

it's that first part that's the bisque.

ETA: the whole reason i put this in here is that i think the bearing witness part is really important in this type of situation (where as a teen you're already on shaky ground in terms of self-confidence, freedom to act, etc. having somebody hear the kid's side and acknowledge the emotions is so fundamental and yet i sometimes find myself forgetting to actively, purposefully do it.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:18 am 
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Kelly wrote:
Oh wow torque! That does not sound fun at all. So far, he begged me not to get involved at all but said talking it through helped some.But now he's texting me from school (never ever does that) about how miserable he is.

There's something so sweet about that -- not that he is hurt, but that he still turns to you for moral support. I love that you are there for him, too. Middle school was a bisque for me and my mom pretty much told me to stop complaining if I wasn't going to take her (really crappy) advice on how to handle teasing. (I got teased a LOT growing up, although fortunately most of it died down around 8th grade.)

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 6:34 am 
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there is a book i gave FC this year about bullying, not giving any solutions but providing journaling kind of things, it is called the Kids' Guide to Working Out Conflicts. It is in an eformat and I would be happy to share it with anyone as it just neatly fits under my email size limit. I think FC felt better reading it and just knowing that this happens to other people.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 7:18 am 
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Shae sounds like such a mature and sweet kid. I know my husband was terribly bullied in middle school and it all ended in HS. Most of the Americans I've met have said that middle school was the worst. But then Brazil (police involved - YIKES!) Sounds so bad.

Torque, I'd love the book. I'll pm you my email address, thank you so much.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 7:31 am 
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He said yesterday wasn't as bad, he's mostly just miserable that his gf fell for the rumors, and wants nothing to do with any of them anymore. We talked on and off all night and he just kept saying how much it helped him to talk about it.

This is all so interesting to me because as a kid, I thought the popular kids had such perfect lives and here he is one of them and dealing with the same exact kind of stuff, stuff that wont matter a bit in a few years. I wish someone has talked to middle school Kelly the way I can talk to him.

Torque, I'd love the book. I'll pm you.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 8:00 am 
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Kelly wrote:
This is all so interesting to me because as a kid, I thought the popular kids had such perfect lives and here he is one of them and dealing with the same exact kind of stuff, stuff that wont matter a bit in a few years. I wish someone has talked to middle school Kelly the way I can talk to him.

Isn't it so true? I wish someone had told me, OK, this next 4 years is going to SUCK. It's normal. Don't take it personally when you hate yourself, when you can't take it anymore, it is not your fault. I like the idea, like Crabby made me think, that we are making up for the errors from prior generations.

[as for the police action-- the bully's father is a politician, the bully said she'd have her daddy pull strings to close down our business because FC got the bully in trouble for *writing detailed descriptions of how the kids in the class should be killed*. FC said if he did that, she'd make sure he never got re-elected, because he'd be a corrupt bully just like his daughter. general insanity ensued, culminating in the politician's wife screaming in a meeting at the school about police and us all going to jail for libel. oh pu-leeze. Proud mommy moment, speaking to power. No common sense, but speaking to power. i told her she could improve her methods, but i was proud of her and i still am.]

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 9:33 am 
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I love her so much! Standing up for what's right! (Despite the cost to herself)

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 16, 2013 9:40 am 
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This thread is making me twitchy, the Mr has 3 kids (1 mid teen and 2 10yr olds). I met the wee ones for the first time, it went well, but I'm wary his daughter might find it difficult to accept her dad giving attention to a female who isn't her or her mum. She has lots of great qualities, but does like to hold everyone's attention, to the point of dominance. The Mr told her off for minor rude behaviour when we were out, but I've said we should choose our battles, I don't want her to associate our times together with being corrected for too much (the Mr is big on manners, rightly so, I just think we can ease off a little til she finds her feet with me). I'm not sure if it's the right way to go or not.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 12:00 pm 
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Oh for forks sake. Child (19 still a teen, it counts) stop asking for shiitake you can do. Look around. The house is chaos. Paint a forking wall. Move the giant shelves. You forking know what needs done.

Do they ever stop asking questions? I swear they don't talk to me, they just ask an endless stream of questions, that most of the time they do not even wait for the answers to.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 12:18 pm 
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My 10.5 y.o. never stops asking questions. More like demanding to be entertained. What can I do????? Give me something to do!!!!!

When I succumb and list a few things, they are all rejected. And then I'm in trouble for not having better suggestions.

Also: What can I eat?????

GO USE YOUR EYES AND SEE WHAT THERE IS.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 12:28 pm 
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You know which question I was asked no less than 5 times yesterday?

"What time is it?"

Each querant had a cell phone in their hands.... GRRRRRRRRR

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 1:08 pm 
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thank goodness there is at least one teenage pestilence i don't suffer from, then.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 7:19 pm 
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I don't have the constant questioning around here anymore, so there is hope guys!

Shae turned his drama around. I suggested turning everything the dude said into a joke and to be more of a witty opponent than a victim. One turn at that and it seems to be over?

The plus side is that I didn't like the gf that he lost in that whole mess.

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:37 pm 
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My 15 your old step son asks me all the time what time it is or what day is it. His chore is to do dry the dishes and empty the dishwasher. He will ask me if there is stuff in the dishwasher. Why don't you look?? So annoying. And his room smells like death. I swear he walks around with this odor around him all day long. He takes showers, must just be hormones. It really grosses me out though. When his door is open you can smell it over the entire second floor.


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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 6:01 am 
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my kid had a large bug bite (and she's allergic, so it's dangerous) and so we did a bit of room cleanup. My suggestion is look under the bed and desk. i found all sorts of shiitake in there. eeeeeeeew!
my kid is doing really well, aside from the occasional head-to-head (which she sort of needs to blow off her steam once in a while, and i don't mind, although my husband is convinced this makes her a lost cause and me a terrible mother... but that's another thread). She's getting ready to kick asparagus (school year starts next week). However, she must be in some kind of growth spurt the last few weeks since her demands for junk food are off the chart and almost kind of scary. She ALWAYS has a lollipop or ice pop or something in her mouth, when it isn't a whole tube of crackers or cookies or whatever. The appetite is amazing!

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 Post subject: Re: Hey, let's complain about our teens/tweens!
PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 12:42 pm 
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You know what's fun--waking up to every light in the living room on and kid talking at top volume, (and her top volume is incredibly loud) because she prefers to skype her friends upstairs where it's cleaner and the lighting is better. Bonus points for messing up the kitchen and leaving it.
I can't wait to be snowed in together!


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