Post Punk Kitchen Forum

I struggle the most at work. I need a turtle shell too. We are doing these awful 360 peer reviews and I'm terrified.

I'm considering staying in a hotel for Christmas just because I can't even begin to handle it. I'm already crying about what's going to happen tomorrow night.

MBM, sending you so many good thoughts. <3 <3 <3



I love this book. I started working with it 6 years ago, when I was having the worst panic spells and it made a big difference. I've done so much work since then, and I don't ever get to the point of freaking out nearly as badly as I did. Even when my last job went horrifically south, I didn't blame myself nearly as much as I would have. Just adding my rec in case anyone else is interested.

PB, I hate people who treat others like that. And the nerve of them being rude to you. You provided a service, they agreed to pay for it, and it sucks for them to be taking advantage of you. I generally say ask for 50% - 100% upfront if you can. It just makes life so much less stressful that way!

I'm in a panic about tomorrow too, MBM (I have to see my mother. And father. I am terrified because I know the impact that seeing them has on me.). I can barely think straight right now and I just feel completely wacky, in a horrible, anxious way.

Hugs to you PP. I think its useful (for me anyhoo) to remember that you don't have to see them, you're choosing to. And you can choose to leave whenever you want.

We are going to see my MIL tomorrow and honestly, I haven't been able to enjoy the holidays because I hate going over there so much. My deal was that we leave the minute I say we're going and we're not staying longer than 3 hours and aren't eating anything there.

I cannot wait until the holidays are over. between anxiety about not seeing people, anxieties about seeing people, and everything in between I am just a wreck.

Let's just make :( faces together. :( :( :(

My problem is, Brian and his sister had worked out that they would go over to his mom's on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts with her so I didn't have to see her besides at grandma's, where there are lots of people and she won't cry/throw a fit. Besides not talking except at her dad's funeral all year, last year while she was off getting married for Christmas last year, she purposely left behind a shitty gift for me (it was a used child's purse). Then my sister-in-law wasn't even talking to her, blew up at her, and after SHE got to feel better, felt guilty and decided that her mom should just come here because it's 'easier'. So I have no say in it and I can't go anywhere and if they had told me this a few weeks ago, I wouldn't even have bought a tree. So I canceled the dinner and entertainment ideas I had planned, and Brian's mom can order whatever pizza she wants or bust out whatever frozen thing she wants to cook and I am just going to turn myself inside out and then crawl into my own skin and die.

ETA: I'm aware that this sounds horribly selfish of me, but I am not allowed to blow up at that woman, or ever expect an apology, so I have a hard time caring how she spends her Christmas Eve. Also they all know that I literally have nowhere to go (unless I freak out so badly that I do go stay in a hotel).

God, MBM, that sucks. I suggest you gather a large quantity of chocolate and hide in the bathroom. If they knock, tell them to go shiitake in the yard.

I don't think it sounds selfish MBM. I would throw a tantrum and cuss her out and then have my husband take me to a hotel until she left. Because I'm classy like that.

So honestly, I think you're behaving way better than she deserves, and you should do whatever you need to do to be happy and at peace. Even if that is going to a hotel or causing a massive screaming scene. Your MIL sounds like a grade-A passive aggressive jerk.

Used child's purse is way worse than the terrible used costume jewelry my MIL gets me. She doesn't have her ears pierced and I do, and all the jewelry is for unpierced ears (those terrible clasps that cut off circulation to your earlobes), and its appropriate for a 77 year old woman, so clearly she buys it for herself, wears it, hates it and wraps it up for me. Along with the obligatory XXXL sized Tshirt. Because nothing makes you feel better about your body than someone saying "I didn't know what size to get you, so I got this giant tent. I hope it fits!"

So they were already here when I got off of work. Brian isn't here yet. I'm going to die.

I'm going to get sick. Putting it in a spoiler incase it is triggering for anyone.

I'm actually disgusted.

Does getting presents give anyone else anxiety? I don't really like surprises (I'm boring) and the whole gift giving thing is so much pressure. For the most part it's been fine this year but one person got me the most thoughtless and stupid gifts and I didn't really know how to react. I literally told this person a million times that I don't want certain things and they don't listen to a word I ever say and they keep getting me a bunch of garbage. Now I have to get rid of all of these presents because I have no room at all for them and I don't want them. I have a hard time hiding my feelings in some circumstances, especially with things like this and I felt so odd because I didn't know how to react. I know it sounds ungrateful but it's really not. I feel like now these things are a burden on me because I have to figure out what to do with them.

I'd be sick about this, too. Good luck to everyone getting through the holidays. Just try to remember that after this, you have a full year of not having to go through this again.

I find it hard too. I cannot hide my feelings at all so when I get a shiitake present it shows on my face. I usually only get one present and that person always gives me something really crepe. Usually something that is meant to smell nice but usually only smells of harsh chemicals mixed with gripe water and tested on animals. I've gotten smart and just started not opening it around her. She was fairly mortified when her kid opened the present I got her. It was an outfit from a shop that she normally can't afford to buy from. It's not the cost though that is important. It is the actual thought. I got the kid a cute outfit because she loves clothes and she grows so fast that her mother finds it hard to buy for her.

My anxiety has been super intense the last 2 days for no reason at all. I just had a super freakout because my left arm fell asleep and I was certain that I was dying. I had to sit there with my finger on my pulse for a couple of minutes to reassure myself that my heart was beating normally. Last night I was so anxious that I couldn't fall asleep. I'm thinking of taking a benadryl tonight instead of my normal non-drowsy allergy meds to see if that will help me sleep.

Much love and support to you all in this thread. My anxiety is virtually non-existant (I mean, I still worry all the time, but that's me and it doesn't feel like the world is going to implode at any moment) now. Yay! It's mostly due to meds (cipralex/lexapro), but I like to think that the medication helped me with coping mechanisms and corrective psychological thinking. I feel...encouraged? Even stating that makes me nervous, but the fact that I can actually say things are better is exciting.

vijita that's great to hear. It gives me hope!

Sorry to hear you are not great at the moment RC xxx

My anxiety levels are just through the roof again. Anything that I can worry about I will worry about. I see the doctor again in 3 weeks time so I will bring it up that I plain can't stop worrying and checking things.

My anxiety is super bad. I've been avoiding stuff that needs to be done because of the anxiety.

Also, my anxiety has caused me to screw up really bad with school. It sucks. I might not be able to continue with my degree because of it.

I can't sleep, I gotta meet with a prof today because I slept in yesterday and missed our first class, so I gotta go by and get the readings I need to have read for next week. And then go to the other classes I missed because I can't sleep, having not calmed down from last semester.

I don't know why I can't calm down! I did really well last semester!

Big hugs xxx

So my anxiety levels aren't as bad but still there. I'm still checking things constantly. I have the psychiatrist again in 2 weeks time so I'm going to bring it up with him because even though I know I have checked something I will still get the compulsion to check it again. My own psych is back from maternity leave in 4 or 5 weeks so I don't know if anything will be done the next session or not.

social anxiety sure is a delight.

I went ice skating with out a major freakout. That's a pretty major break through for my anxiety.

My social anxiety is crazy right now....I'm trying so hard to be rational and use all those stupid CBT techniques but dammit, I'm struggling. I get into this weird space where I'm convinced that everyone is angry with me. I freak out for things like a close friend being a little stand offish or saying something that could be misconstrued as offensive. I know it's stupid- people are way to busy living their lives to think about hating me....which makes me will like a total narcissist. Still, sometimes I feel like folks must have a dartboard in my basement with my face on it.

Rowan, I get exactly like that too. I convince myself that everyone thinks I am just a waste of space and I just get in people's way. I would be happy enough some days to just disappear and not have to talk to anyone.

Hugs, Rowan. I love you and think you're a wonderful person.