Post Punk Kitchen Forum

can someone else do the footwork for you? if you're feeling really terrible and just can't manage to find someone and schedule an appointment, can a friend do it? I've done this for people in the past when they have expressed an inability to reach out for help. do you know anyone who already sees someone they like who could at least get you a number so you do't have to search around?

That's really shitty. Who funds them? I'd take it to a higher level, for all of the reasons you mention and others have mentioned previously in this thread in similar situations. I've said it before, but of all places a counselling centre should realise what an effort it takes for people to reach out and shouldn't make it even more tortuous to try to get help!

Hey guys...hugs to you all. I've had a rough few weeks and it's all part of a cycle I go through regularly: have tons of work and crazy high expectations, procrastinate like crazy, panic and punish myself for not working hard enough, continue procrastinating, then go into a tailspin right at the deadline. The tailspin usually includes the depression inducers of terrible take-out diet, sporadic/restless sleep where I pass out on the couch at midnight and set my alarm for 4 a.m., LOADS of caffeine, and then mounds of guilt about how I got here in the first place.

I'm at that place where my carefully crafted projection of myself is starting to crumble and people are starting to see how not together I am despite how much I want them to think I am. I'm trying to be normal and say "I got behind. I made a mistake. Etc." but that is so unbelievably hard for me. I would rather hide and keep bullying myself into finishing and turning in something I think meets my expectations despite it being way past the deadline.

I'm actually going to tell my boss about a bit of this just so she has an idea of what's going on. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do necessarily, but I feel compelled to explain myself a bit. I'm also seeing my therapist tomorrow night so hopefully she'll be able to talk me through it. In the meantime I'm tea-ed out staying up late again trying to finish it all.

Thanks for listening. I'm in the midst of this three-day bender of deadline cramming and needed to tell someone about it!

I'm in an anxiety-ridden deadline crunch myself! Guuuuh draft of part of my thesis! But they want more than just the draft! how can I fakes it!

So I've realized it's not just because of my break up I'm feeling worthless, I've pretty much felt like that since high school. And I think that is why I tried so hard to make my relationship work, when it was very clear for a while that we were better off as friends. I just wanted to feel like I was worth it to someone, and all the times it was clear a relationship was not a priority to him, it just seemed like verification that I wasn't, which made me try harder, because I wanted so bad to be. That definitely isn't healthy, and I don't think that's a problem I can fix by myself.

Now I just need to find a way to tell my mom this, because I have no idea what I need to do in order to make sure my insurance will cover visits to the school clinic.

Feeling pretty ok the past 2 weeks or so now. I had been putting off saying it incase I jinxed it. I have the psychiatrist on Friday so fingers crossed I can move to 3 monthly reviews. I did make a mess up and forget to take my antidepressant yesterday evening so had to take it this morning. I was a bit scatty, jumpy and headachey today from it.

*hugs* to everyone xx

It seems to me you don't need to go into detail if you're not comfortable doing it. Something like "Hey mum, I'm feeling like I need some help right now so I'd like to talk to a counselor. Anything insurance-wise I need to do?"

Or, if you don't want to involve your mom you could call the insurance company itself.

Good for you for reaching out! It's tough to do when you're feeling crappy.

boober- Have you walked into the counseling center or given them a phone call?

Simply_Love- Do you need insurance for the school clinic? Every school I've attended you get either one session a month or unlimited sessions with a therapist at no cost.

I'm going through a bumpy ride right now. Some days I feel good, some days I just want to curl up and pretend the world doesn't exist.

Yeah, me too! Plus, a way to stretch out their therapy limits is to look into group therapy if they have it, because they just tend to offer it. I actually got more out of group therapy than regular 1 on 1 talk therapy.

So, my anxiety and depression have been really bad since before Christmas so with my doctor's supervision, I'm upping my 20mg daily of Citalopram/Celexa to 25mg, then to 30mg. I've been doing alternating days of 20mg one day, 25mg the next since Thursday and today I've finally hit the point that always happens where I get really bad disassociation/depersonalization and feel really spacey and awful. I'm trying to push through, my doctor told me that could happen because of this surge of new chemicals in my brain, but damn if it isn't the scariest feeling.

I've tried to up my meds in the past but end up getting so scared by this side effect that I quit after like 2 days of trying to increase.

pp-Going from 20 to 30 mg made a huge difference for me. I hope it does for you as well. xx

J-dub: It's not so much I don't feel comfortable going into details with her (my mom has had issues with depression pretty much my whole life, so I know she'll be super understanding and supportive of whatever I need), but I know she's worried about me, and I think this will upset her. Which is silly for me to worry about, but still.

finnophile and lycophyte: I had thought we did, but when I looked at the school clinics website last night I didn't see anything about it. But I did some googling, because I had thought we did, and apparently I can go for free to the counseling center that's not part of the health clinic. I'm going to call them in the morning and go from there.

Thanks guys <3

Persistance my dear. I promise it gets a bit better after 3 weeks or so. It takes a while but it is worth it in the end xxxxxx

pp <33333 forever

I finally ended up talking to my mom a bit about everything today. I didn't go in to details (I don't even want to think about how much it would upset her if I told her I feel like no one cares about me and I'm not worth anything a lot of the time...), but I told her I'd been feeling really bad since before my ex and I started dating, and that I needed some help. It was really hard to say out loud, but it felt good to acknowledge it. Now I just need to get an appointment with the counseling center.

I just found an awesome podcast that specifically addresses depression and other mental illness. It has given me the boost I need:

mentalpod.com It's called The Mental Illness Happy Hour by Paul Gilmartin. Every episode is different, there's a forum, and there's surveys to take so you don't feel so alone. If you're going to listen to the podcasts, give the Maria Bamford episode a listen first, or the one with Lilith the Prostitute.

I hope everyone feels better soon. I'm stable, but have bad days too. Big hugs to all.

Thanks, everyone.

I've called my doctor to get an appointment. I'm reacting very severely to the med increase. Yesterday I felt SO AWFUL; confused, disoriented, agitated, nothing felt real, my brain felt very "fuzzy" and dull. I'm guessing that's not a good thing. T. came home from work and I was convinced I needed to go to the hospital, but he managed to calm me down and help me remember that I was probably just having not pleasant side effects from the medication increase. We'll see what doc says.

Did you manage to see your doctor today paprikapapaya? That just sounds horrible :( I hope things get sorted out soon.

I had my intake appointment at the counseling center this afternoon. The therapist I saw was really nice, and I felt really comfortable with her. I had been worried I wouldn't be able to talk about the things I was feeling, because I generally have a really hard time opening up to people. I have an appointment again next week, and she said we can leave the frequency up to me, which was nice.

I've really gotten really bad about self care though the past few weeks, and I'm going to try and work on that. Before I my stress fracture I was running 3-4x a week, and that helped so much with stress. I'm going to start doing that again, and focus on eating better again, too. It's hard to feel anything but crappy when physically I'm not feeling great either.

That sounds like a great start! I'm in a similar boat. First appointment today, and she really seems like someone who I can work with. Next step is cleaning the house. I've been minimum exercising and eating ok, but I haven't done the dishes in two weeks and my Christmas tree is still up. I need to get a handle on my surroundings so I feel better.

My doctor's office never called me back! I'll call them tomorrow and see if I can get in for Monday or something. I'm feeling better after just being on 20mg for a couple days in a row now.
I think I'm really sensitive to SSRIs. I've tried a few different ones before and reacted strangely to them all, and I seem to react poorly each time I've tried to increase Citalopram/Celexa, too. Strangely, this dosage never made me feel weird, even at the beginning, so I guess it works for me. I just figured that since I'm having such a hard time, perhaps I'd give it another go. I always forget that I have benzos that I can take on an as-needed basis, but they kind of scare me.

Paprikapapaya, I don't want to seem, I don't know, naive? Patronizing? But have you spoken to your doctor about coping strategies and behavior you can put in place? Or maybe I'm just hopeful about some kind of magic behavior stuff because I want it to help me.

That being said, I'm worried about you! Those side effects seem horrible, but I know you must be in a rough place to want to try that. I hope you are able to relax and do something really nice for yourself this weekend.

Thank you for your concern, ndp! I actually do see a psychologist as well, and have plenty of coping strategies I've learned over the past 4 years in therapy, but sometimes things get so bad that they don't really touch how badly I'm feeling. Now is definitely one of those times.
My psychologist moved away about a year ago to work at a mental health facility about 2 hours away, so we only do phone sessions now, but he is really available and I had an emergency phone session with him on Tuesday. That was helpful.

I absolutely could not navigate my feelings without a psychologist. That would be so difficult.

Ugh. Brains suck sometimes. I just get so overwhelmed by negativity and lose sight of the fact that there's anything good.

I hope everyone is feeling good and gearing up for a self-healing weekend.

Pickledtreats- Thanks for posting. I have similar issues and it's nice to know I'm not alone.

I'm glad to hear that you have support and some strategies, paprikapapaya. I wish I could help or offer some kind of advice, but just know that I'll be thinking about you.

I thought I was better...buuut a month of being ill has put me right back. I was doing so well with getting out, seeing people, talking to people, exercising etc...it was helping. I got discharged from the mental health people. Still on ADs but doc wants me off them soon. However, having barely been able to get out of the house has set me so far back.
Went town on Wednesday, wedding dress shopping, I was very happy. Buuut I got home and I'd totally knackered myself. My body can't cope with doing walking, it's not far from mine to town but even that small amount is too much. I'm so used to forcing myself to go out because its mental barriers stopping me, I don't know how to cope with physical ones.
So I get down. Sitting around at home, failing uni due to lack of concentration, etc, is getting to me. My fiancé can't understand it, which is perfectly normal because I barely do myself. But it's so hard trying to explain that it's certainly not his fault. I'm very happy with him. Just down otherwise. I can't help it! It's my stupid brain, not me.

I can't be arsed to do much anymore except just sit around, and it scares me. I don't know if it's from being ill, or from depression creeping back. What if it's both? I don't know what to do. I don't even have a therapist anymore and I can't get one. Sometimes I feel like just sitting around and crying and I don't want to go back to that. I thought I grew out of my depression, how wrong was I... :(