Kids say the darnedest things 2.0

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Sat Jan 19, 2013 3:10 am

poopiebitch wrote:

I swear to you, it's like we grew up in the same household. I forgot about covering my butt with my hands and the threats of extra spankings if I didn't move them, and my sisters and I still "joke" about my mother's insane lectures. WHAT.

What a strange thing for us to have in common, but -- hey!! -- we're not alone with our crazy childhood experiences!! My god, the lectures!!

My sister, who is six years younger than I am, decided to start pretending it never happened and posted to everyone on facebook that anything negative I say about my parents is because I am cray-cray and have false memories. Fortunately, anyone who has ever seen my mother drink (and even some folks who just met my mom when I was in high school (before she started getting drunk around my friends)) knows my sister is full of shiitake.

Pinko · **Joined:** Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:42 pm **Posts:** 1676

Today Inez saw a video where a horse reared up and did that thing where they kind of pedal their legs and she yelled, "Oh! Nee play xylophone!" (nee is her word for horse).

Audrey · **Joined:** Wed Oct 20, 2010 2:08 pm **Posts:** 1212

Dahlia when I got home from work yesterday: "Sierra has some new tricks to show you!"

FootFace · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:54 pm

Is "nee" short for pony, do you think?

Pinko · **Joined:** Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:42 pm **Posts:** 1676

I don't think so, because she says pony really clearly as part of a song. I was thinking it comes from "neigh." She went through a phase of calling cows moos but that didn't stick like nee has.

FootFace · **Posted:** Thu Jan 24, 2013 4:12 pm

Sounds like a good theory to me.

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:37 am

Background: Raygold says he is pregnant, too, with Humf.

So, Beetroot, Raygold, and I were walking to the park in Lancaster (we went on a mini Travelodge £15/night 3-nighter trip and it was fantastic and if you are ever in Lancaster, go to the Whale Tail Cafe because it is all vegetarian and really vegan friendly and really kid friendly, too, and I almost died when I had their chocolate cake) and there is suddenly just this random thick patch of ice covering the entire pavement. I tell everybody to be careful not to slip and explain that if I fall, baby Vax could get really hurt or even die, so it's important that they don't try to push or pull me down while I am crossing the ice.

We start to cross the ice. Beetroot is fine, but Raygold slips and falls on his bum. "OH, NO! HUMF IS DEAD!!!!!" he shouts, clutching his stomach in horror. I am simultaneously laughing to the point of tears and reassuring him that Humf is just fine. He was very relieved.

Tofulish · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:59 am

That is both macabre and absolutely hilarious. Well played Raygold! I love that he is pregnant with Humf.

annasrobbie · **Joined:** Thu Sep 15, 2011 8:18 pm **Posts:** 496

I'm glad Humf was OK ;)

My 2 neices playing - one with a doll stuck under her shirt
B: I am pregnant. I'm going to have a baby.
2 or 3 minutes pass.
B: I am tired of being pregnant. Ooooh...look, the baby is bornded! (whisking baby out from under her shirt).
E: NO! The baby has no shoes!!!
B: Well, sometimes babies are borned without thier shoes on. (a second later she whisks some shoes out from under her shirt). The babies shoes are borned now too!
Then much breastfeeding and diaper changing ensued.

So awesome cute.

Kelly · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2013 2:30 pm

That's so cute, annasrobbie!

Morgyn · **Posted:** Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:45 pm

Last night my nanny charge (22 months old) was starting to get a bit tired and grumpy, and I did something to annoy her - well, she walked away, picked up her phone, and started shouting into it, high-powered-executive style. That'll show 'em!

monou · **Posted:** Sat Jan 26, 2013 11:32 pm

My two nieces (7 and 10 year old) and I were, for some reason, talking about breastfeeding.

7-year-old: Girls have breasts and boys have nickles.
10-year-old: No, girls have nickles too, they're at the tips of the breasts.
7-year-old looks down her shirt.

Apparently, nickles=nipples.

celyn · **Joined:** Tue Oct 19, 2010 8:40 pm **Posts:** 2060

torque wrote:

poopiebitch wrote:

Pinko wrote:

telling a kid "I'm going to spank you tonight" or whatever and having them dread it and doing it after the infraction is likely forgotten seems messed up to me.

My mom did the classic "wait until your dad gets home".... So all day long we had to look at the note and dread the moment our dad got home, because administering punishment was the first thing he did when he walked in (after removing his belt). Seriously, the more I think about it, the more forked up it all seems.

This was my house, with the belt (and the soap too, to this day glycerin soap is not welcome in my home).
And we wonder why my relationship with my father was so bad.

And from his point of view, what a bisque of a situation.
You work like a dog all day and your first order of business is to whip your kid, who has made your wife cry because the kid told the principal to go fork himself at school today [that was me]. How can it be possible to do that and keep your own mental health, not to mention a loving, functional relationship with your child. I think about this and my father's own mental health challenges and it makes me want to cry for him.

again, thank goodness we're doing away with this.

I think it's amazing and kind that you can look at the entire situation from his perspective too and show some compassion even though what he did was not ok. I didn't want that to go unsaid in this thread. Another reason that you're pretty forking cool.

8ball · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2013 4:17 am

TheCrabbyCrafter wrote:

So, Beetroot, Raygold, and I were walking to the park in Lancaster (we went on a mini Travelodge £15/night 3-nighter trip and it was fantastic and if you are ever in Lancaster, go to the Whale Tail Cafe because it is all vegetarian and really vegan friendly and really kid friendly, too, and I almost died when I had their chocolate cake)...

I haven't been to The Whale Tail since about 1999! It had lots of big wooden benches and we had some really warming minestrone. The park in Lancaster is lovely. They also have a scary looking Victorian built psychiatric hospital there that looms up at you as you pass by on the train.

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:03 am

8ball wrote:

TheCrabbyCrafter wrote:

So, Beetroot, Raygold, and I were walking to the park in Lancaster (we went on a mini Travelodge £15/night 3-nighter trip and it was fantastic and if you are ever in Lancaster, go to the Whale Tail Cafe because it is all vegetarian and really vegan friendly and really kid friendly, too, and I almost died when I had their chocolate cake)...

I haven't been to The Whale Tail since about 1999! It had lots of big wooden benches and we had some really warming minestrone. The park in Lancaster is lovely. They also have a scary looking Victorian built psychiatric hospital there that looms up at you as you pass by on the train.

Sounds like it hasn't changed much! <3 I loved the benches because they are easier for my kids (and their coats).

I totally missed the Victorian psych hospital on the train, though! I love that kind of stuff.

julialegume · **Posted:** Sun Jan 27, 2013 3:12 pm

In a Target aisle. A mom and her toddler son.
Son: I STINK!
Mom: Yeah, you do.
Son: I stiiiiiiink.
Mom: Shhhhh
Son: SMELL ME!!!!!

DEG · **Joined:** Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:00 am **Posts:** 240

We were staying with my sister and BIL this weekend. DS had found this very large cup with a penguin on it and had asked if he could drink his water from it this morning. BIL comes to breakfast with a similarly sized cup that was decorated with Christmas ornaments, some of which had pictures of things in it. DS starts asking what each picture is, and then starts asking where the penguin is. BIL says there is no penguin, but DS keeps asking why he has no penguin, the clear implication being that a cup without a penguin is inferior to a cup with a penguin. Finally he comes to accept that his favorite uncle's cup has no penguin and he says, "Would you like to go to the store and buy a cup just like mine?" You have to love the mind of almost three year olds.

Mars · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:13 am

julialegume wrote:

In a Target aisle. A mom and her toddler son.
Son: I STINK!
Mom: Yeah, you do.
Son: I stiiiiiiink.
Mom: Shhhhh
Son: SMELL ME!!!!!

You sure this wasn't me and my roommate?

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:53 am

Raygold and Beet were watching a Sesame Street show about eating fruits and vegetables. During a scene where an orange is competing against Cookie Monster in a game show, Raygold ran over to me and desperately said, "Crabby, we not eat talking oranges, okay?"
He was very relieved when I said, "No, of course not."

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 8:58 am

Ha! Raygold just told me he wanted another chocolate button...and then pointed at my bran muffin excitedly.

poopiebitch · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:21 am

Last night:

Peter: mummy, fart dude!
Me: who's a fart dude?
Peter: YOU a fart dude!
Me: I'm a fart dude?!
Peter: yeah, mummy and daddy BOTH fart dudes!
Me: oh, that doesn't sound very nice...
Peter: YEAH nice, mummy! Fart Dudes to the rescue!!!

Cue me laughing hysterically forever.

Tofulish · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 10:32 am

Happy Birthday Fart Dude! Hope its epically windy.

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 3:52 pm

Beetroot decided to sing me a lullaby tonight.

Go to sleep
Lullaby
Close your eyes
close your eyes
and keep them closed

Don't breathe air
Don't breathe air
Don't breathe air
And baby Vax will come out

(I think he thinks if I stop breathing, I'll go into labour.)

ijustdiedinside · **Joined:** Sun Sep 05, 2010 8:43 pm **Posts:** 8542

hahah. that's amazing and so creepy out of context!

TheCrabbyCrafter · **Posted:** Mon Jan 28, 2013 4:00 pm

It was really creepy even in context!!! He sang it like some kid in a horror movie!

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