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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 10:56 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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baps wrote:
I was chatting to some guy for a couple of weeks but I got bored of his conversation and also he lives a couple of hours away. Blah.

Aside from that, lateley - nada!


Baps, I'm like that a lot as well! Mostly just responding to tell you that your icon is the most amazing adorable thing ever. Jensen is adorbs. (Even though I'm more of a Jared girl)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 11:16 am 
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lillianp wrote:
baps wrote:
I was chatting to some guy for a couple of weeks but I got bored of his conversation and also he lives a couple of hours away. Blah.

Aside from that, lateley - nada!


Baps, I'm like that a lot as well! Mostly just responding to tell you that your icon is the most amazing adorable thing ever. Jensen is adorbs. (Even though I'm more of a Jared girl)

I love that episode "Oh my god, tofu is amazing!" hahaha

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 11:19 am 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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baps wrote:
lillianp wrote:
baps wrote:
I was chatting to some guy for a couple of weeks but I got bored of his conversation and also he lives a couple of hours away. Blah.

Aside from that, lateley - nada!


Baps, I'm like that a lot as well! Mostly just responding to tell you that your icon is the most amazing adorable thing ever. Jensen is adorbs. (Even though I'm more of a Jared girl)

I love that episode "Oh my god, tofu is amazing!" hahaha


I knoow! I was so excited until the waitress killed it.

Anyways, I'm trying figure out how to end it with crush guy without making bad feelings because we're most certainly going to see each other again (in November but not before).

My tendency is to want to just cut off contact but that won't work. It's also not the mature way to do it.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:31 pm 
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This is kinda long, but I never post in here, so... I had a pretty serious crush on this archaeologist dude, but we didn't make it past the first date because our schedules don't mesh right now.

Then this comedian started messaging me on OKC a few months ago. I needed a distraction from the archaeologist and my general loneliness with living in California. The comedian and I got along well and hung out a few times. Before I left to visit Texas in late January, he told me we'd hang out when I got back. When I contacted him, he tells me things got serious with another girl over the course of my trip and he still wanted to be friends. I immediately deleted his number and was over it. I figured he was just blowing me off.

But he started texting me again. And we were contacting each other everyday with weird and random shiitake. And he's all flirty. And he asked to come over to my apartment a few nights ago but flaked at the last minute. Then...he mentions his gf two days ago. And I'm like "The fork?!" He's all bummed because she wants an open relationship (and is banging other people) but he doesn't. Basically, this is eerily similar to me being 19 again. Back then, the dude completely forked me up emotionally. This time, though, I'm not actually looking for a romantic relationship.

Still...I've been bummed about this ever since. Mostly because hanging out with anybody at this point is a way to combat this extremely lonely feeling. Plus, I kinda miss making out and whatnot. fork. Forkity fork.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 7:29 am 
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mixmaster_mo, I'm sorry! I'm not sure what to tell you.

Got a message from a guy on PoF saying he likes me because 'your a christian like me' I suppose I deserve it since I do mark as 'christian' on these things (I'm Quaker, which tends to have a lot of christians and I never quite know what to select since it's usually not an option).

And hey, I'm cool with people being christian, whatevs, but I've never meshed well with devout christians (beyond friendship, that is).

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 1:37 pm 
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((Pretty sure I got the wording wrong on what I wanted to say in above post-basically just feeling bad for the guy because his and my interpretation of Christianity, I think, is different in a way that may not mesh well.))

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:10 pm 
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mixmaster_mo-- sure you aren't interested in a romantic relationship, but you don't deserve a relationship where you feel disrespected or not valued. you can have a non-romantic relationship w/ someone and still receive the respect you need and deserve. it sounds like this guy is already effecting you emotionally in a negative way-- getting your hopes and expectations up, then not going through w/ whatever he said he'd do. nobody likes that stuff.

maybe try to figure out what the feelings and triggers are that make you feel lonely and try to focus on that during those tough times rather than a person who sounds like he's just flinging you around for the heck of it.

i guess just speaking for myself, i know i've done this sort of thing before. and when i've gotten into relationships that were... uncomfortably unbalanced, i'd think to myself, "oh, i can play this game," but it never worked because i wasn't behaving genuinely and i'm a very sensitive person, so i always felt hurt in the end. i'm trying to learn how to avoid these kind of circumstances nowadays, but it is hard.

(hope that made sense and wasn't TMI)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:06 pm 
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I live in a huge fairly liberal city with many vegetarians, so why is it that so many guys ask me right off the bat (first email) why I'm vegetarian? I always ignore the question but maybe one day I'll tell them all about the cruelty of factory farming and mention that I'm actually vegan not vegetarian.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:21 pm 
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ilovemydogs wrote:
I live in a huge fairly liberal city with many vegetarians, so why is it that so many guys ask me right off the bat (first email) why I'm vegetarian? I always ignore the question but maybe one day I'll tell them all about the cruelty of factory farming and mention that I'm actually vegan not vegetarian.


It's pretty common for messages to get no responses, so some dudes try all sorts of weird angles to increase their chances. I wonder if these guys think it's an approach that's more likely to get a reply based on the stereotype of the vegan/vegetarian that uses any excuse to talk about their diet/ethics.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:48 pm 
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Could be, but it just makes me think they don't really know any vegetarians and probably wouldn't be able to handle veganism since, you know, we're such extremists. You're right about people not responding to messages, last I checked I was red light (rarely responds) on OKC.
In high school when I first became vegetarian I loved talking about why I was vegetarian, not so much 16 years later. I just want to meet a nice employed vegetarian/vegan or at least a guy who's cool with me being vegan and doesn't eat a ton of meat.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:04 pm 
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In my experience (as a vegan lady in a liberal city) there is a weird/gross kind of dude who is nominally liberal but holds on to a lot of bullshiitake gender crepe and they seem to message me in an attempt to challenge my feminism/veganism/whatever. The weirdest was a guy who seemed really keen to meet me but is in the military, pro-gun, pro-nationalism (obviously), and took issue with my veganism. Yet called himself progressive and thought we'd get on well.

I really think there is a "let's see if I can tame the little lady" aspect to it that makes me want to vomit.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:11 pm 
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ilovemydogs wrote:
I live in a huge fairly liberal city with many vegetarians, so why is it that so many guys ask me right off the bat (first email) why I'm vegetarian? I always ignore the question but maybe one day I'll tell them all about the cruelty of factory farming and mention that I'm actually vegan not vegetarian.


I'd assume they're trying to strike up a conversation/learn more about you...? Without more info on how they're actually asking, I don't really understand why it's offensive for them to show an interest?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 4:24 pm 
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Yeah I'm with Jordan, I bet they're trying to start a conversation and might be genuinely, quite possibly positively interested in why you went veg. I think on OKC the general practice is to pick one or two things from your profile and bring them up in the first message to seem less generic.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 5:04 pm 
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Yeah, I think with that question, context is everything. Some people genuinely want to know why you chose veg*nism because they know that there are a lot of things that might factor into it and want to get to know more about you (which, after all, is the reason you message someone on a online dating site.) Other people, of course, just want to give you crepe about it. If it was the only thing someone asked/mentioned in their first email, I personally would probably assume the latter, but if the question was part of an email that otherwise seemed to show interest in my profile, I'd roll with it and give a succint answer. Biker boy didn't ask me why I was vegan in his first email, but he did ask if I was open to dating men who weren't.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 5:10 pm 
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j-dub wrote:
In my experience (as a vegan lady in a liberal city) there is a weird/gross kind of dude who is nominally liberal but holds on to a lot of bullshiitake gender crepe and they seem to message me in an attempt to challenge my feminism/veganism/whatever. The weirdest was a guy who seemed really keen to meet me but is in the military, pro-gun, pro-nationalism (obviously), and took issue with my veganism. Yet called himself progressive and thought we'd get on well.

I really think there is a "let's see if I can tame the little lady" aspect to it that makes me want to vomit.


Reminds me of the very short period where I labelled myself bisexual, oy. And then Okcupid had that thing where "most bisexuals on OkCupid are liars, here's the stats to prove it because they mostly only message one gender" that just encouraged it all.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 6:53 pm 
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Oh god. I decided to make a new OKC-profile. (Deleted my old one.) My skin must have grown soft over the past months of not dating anyone, because I forgot how annoying it is to get a constant stream of nonsensical/offensive messages that say something along the lines of "Hi. You're a cook, when will you cook something for me?" or "Hehehe, cutie."

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:32 am 
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I probably should have provided some context for why I'm feeling annoyed with the question. This is a recent email from some random guy on OKC:
How are you.. I like your profile. You seem like a good girl. I love meat and fish.. how come your a veggie, ethical or health

I'm not sure why he would tell me he loves meat and fish and I believe he wants me to say I'm vegetarian for health reasons. If someone tells me they love meat in the first email that's a real turnoff. Not sure what's up with the "good girl" thing either.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:33 am 
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I feel like the "good girl" part is definitely the worst part of that! Ew.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:55 am 
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strawberryrock wrote:
I feel like the "good girl" part is definitely the worst part of that! Ew.


Yeah it kind of grossed me out too.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:57 am 
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I disabled my account because I like the girl I'm seeing a lot even though we haven't had any sort of talk or anything but I have been getting a TON of messages recently which is weird and I feel weird just ignoring them but I don't really feel like going on dates.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:00 am 
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Yay you!

For some reason I've stopped getting any messages... hmm. I don't mind though since I'm pretty happily distracted with one boy in particular BUT... he's so so so recently out of a major relationship so I do still want to keep looking, I kind of envision myself getting too invested and then getting hurt. Oh well, it's fun now, we'll see.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:10 am 
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ilovemydogs wrote:
I probably should have provided some context for why I'm feeling annoyed with the question. This is a recent email from some random guy on OKC:
How are you.. I like your profile. You seem like a good girl. I love meat and fish.. how come your a veggie, ethical or health

I'm not sure why he would tell me he loves meat and fish and I believe he wants me to say I'm vegetarian for health reasons. If someone tells me they love meat in the first email that's a real turnoff. Not sure what's up with the "good girl" thing either.

OK, yeah, that one would get deleted without an answer!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 10:59 am 
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ilovemydogs wrote:
I probably should have provided some context for why I'm feeling annoyed with the question. This is a recent email from some random guy on OKC:
How are you.. I like your profile. You seem like a good girl. I love meat and fish.. how come your a veggie, ethical or health

I'm not sure why he would tell me he loves meat and fish and I believe he wants me to say I'm vegetarian for health reasons. If someone tells me they love meat in the first email that's a real turnoff. Not sure what's up with the "good girl" thing either.


That one goes square on the "ignore" heap.

Fellow can't even begin to parse decent grammar ("your" and not a question mark in sight! For shame!), and that "I love meat and fish" is a weird thing to include in a first message. Or any message, really.

And yeah, that "you seem like a good girl" bit is a bit... off.

Discard!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:13 pm 
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I am sorta disappointed with the people on OKC at the moment. There's like 3 queer women in the entire country, and none of the men seem very interesting. Boo.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 2:57 pm 
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strawberryrock wrote:
I disabled my account because I like the girl I'm seeing a lot even though we haven't had any sort of talk or anything but I have been getting a TON of messages recently which is weird and I feel weird just ignoring them but I don't really feel like going on dates.



That's how I was a few months back! I had 4 messages I have just ignored :-/ I feel a bit like a butt but I've got a lot of school stuff

Anyway, yay! Things going well!

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