Post Punk Kitchen Forum

((Pretty sure I got the wording wrong on what I wanted to say in above post-basically just feeling bad for the guy because his and my interpretation of Christianity, I think, is different in a way that may not mesh well.))

mixmaster_mo-- sure you aren't interested in a romantic relationship, but you don't deserve a relationship where you feel disrespected or not valued. you can have a non-romantic relationship w/ someone and still receive the respect you need and deserve. it sounds like this guy is already effecting you emotionally in a negative way-- getting your hopes and expectations up, then not going through w/ whatever he said he'd do. nobody likes that stuff.

maybe try to figure out what the feelings and triggers are that make you feel lonely and try to focus on that during those tough times rather than a person who sounds like he's just flinging you around for the heck of it.

i guess just speaking for myself, i know i've done this sort of thing before. and when i've gotten into relationships that were... uncomfortably unbalanced, i'd think to myself, "oh, i can play this game," but it never worked because i wasn't behaving genuinely and i'm a very sensitive person, so i always felt hurt in the end. i'm trying to learn how to avoid these kind of circumstances nowadays, but it is hard.

(hope that made sense and wasn't TMI)

I live in a huge fairly liberal city with many vegetarians, so why is it that so many guys ask me right off the bat (first email) why I'm vegetarian? I always ignore the question but maybe one day I'll tell them all about the cruelty of factory farming and mention that I'm actually vegan not vegetarian.

It's pretty common for messages to get no responses, so some dudes try all sorts of weird angles to increase their chances. I wonder if these guys think it's an approach that's more likely to get a reply based on the stereotype of the vegan/vegetarian that uses any excuse to talk about their diet/ethics.

Could be, but it just makes me think they don't really know any vegetarians and probably wouldn't be able to handle veganism since, you know, we're such extremists. You're right about people not responding to messages, last I checked I was red light (rarely responds) on OKC.
In high school when I first became vegetarian I loved talking about why I was vegetarian, not so much 16 years later. I just want to meet a nice employed vegetarian/vegan or at least a guy who's cool with me being vegan and doesn't eat a ton of meat.

In my experience (as a vegan lady in a liberal city) there is a weird/gross kind of dude who is nominally liberal but holds on to a lot of bullshiitake gender crepe and they seem to message me in an attempt to challenge my feminism/veganism/whatever. The weirdest was a guy who seemed really keen to meet me but is in the military, pro-gun, pro-nationalism (obviously), and took issue with my veganism. Yet called himself progressive and thought we'd get on well.

I really think there is a "let's see if I can tame the little lady" aspect to it that makes me want to vomit.

I'd assume they're trying to strike up a conversation/learn more about you...? Without more info on how they're actually asking, I don't really understand why it's offensive for them to show an interest?

Yeah I'm with Jordan, I bet they're trying to start a conversation and might be genuinely, quite possibly positively interested in why you went veg. I think on OKC the general practice is to pick one or two things from your profile and bring them up in the first message to seem less generic.

Yeah, I think with that question, context is everything. Some people genuinely want to know why you chose veg*nism because they know that there are a lot of things that might factor into it and want to get to know more about you (which, after all, is the reason you message someone on a online dating site.) Other people, of course, just want to give you crepe about it. If it was the only thing someone asked/mentioned in their first email, I personally would probably assume the latter, but if the question was part of an email that otherwise seemed to show interest in my profile, I'd roll with it and give a succint answer. Biker boy didn't ask me why I was vegan in his first email, but he did ask if I was open to dating men who weren't.

Reminds me of the very short period where I labelled myself bisexual, oy. And then Okcupid had that thing where "most bisexuals on OkCupid are liars, here's the stats to prove it because they mostly only message one gender" that just encouraged it all.

Oh god. I decided to make a new OKC-profile. (Deleted my old one.) My skin must have grown soft over the past months of not dating anyone, because I forgot how annoying it is to get a constant stream of nonsensical/offensive messages that say something along the lines of "Hi. You're a cook, when will you cook something for me?" or "Hehehe, cutie."

I probably should have provided some context for why I'm feeling annoyed with the question. This is a recent email from some random guy on OKC:
How are you.. I like your profile. You seem like a good girl. I love meat and fish.. how come your a veggie, ethical or health

I'm not sure why he would tell me he loves meat and fish and I believe he wants me to say I'm vegetarian for health reasons. If someone tells me they love meat in the first email that's a real turnoff. Not sure what's up with the "good girl" thing either.

I feel like the "good girl" part is definitely the worst part of that! Ew.

Yeah it kind of grossed me out too.

I disabled my account because I like the girl I'm seeing a lot even though we haven't had any sort of talk or anything but I have been getting a TON of messages recently which is weird and I feel weird just ignoring them but I don't really feel like going on dates.

Yay you!

For some reason I've stopped getting any messages... hmm. I don't mind though since I'm pretty happily distracted with one boy in particular BUT... he's so so so recently out of a major relationship so I do still want to keep looking, I kind of envision myself getting too invested and then getting hurt. Oh well, it's fun now, we'll see.

OK, yeah, that one would get deleted without an answer!

That one goes square on the "ignore" heap.

Fellow can't even begin to parse decent grammar ("your" and not a question mark in sight! For shame!), and that "I love meat and fish" is a weird thing to include in a first message. Or any message, really.

And yeah, that "you seem like a good girl" bit is a bit... off.

Discard!

I am sorta disappointed with the people on OKC at the moment. There's like 3 queer women in the entire country, and none of the men seem very interesting. Boo.

That's how I was a few months back! I had 4 messages I have just ignored :-/ I feel a bit like a butt but I've got a lot of school stuff

Anyway, yay! Things going well!

Move to Portland, I feel like you'll get laid by ladies all the time.

And queer boys too!

geez, I have to move to Portland.

It is a very very queer place.

http://dyke-problems.tumblr.com/post/23 ... first-time

+1 yummy