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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 3:01 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung

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Yep! Actually, me buying a bra is kind of a major deal too because the sleazebag used to leer at my chest and pass comment on them and I ended up majorily body conscious. This is my first time buying a bra because it is so darn pretty rather than the 4 bland, functional ones I grabbed in M&S over a year ago, paid for then ran out of the shop. I even have major issues walking through the underwear sections of stores. Usually it is enough to set me off in a complete panic and cause irrational thoughts that anyone that sees me there is going to think I am a worthless slut.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 11:31 pm 
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Anxiety doesn't know what's best for us.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 11:41 am 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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booberthefraggle wrote:
I'm not sure where to post this because it's definitely anxiety related but like, in a more specific to trust issues way, but I feel the need to talk about it because dang I p. much had a huge breakthrough due to implementing psychoanalytical techniques to myself (do not recommend, was a controlled experiment or me, unless you have a safety net it is always better do do therapy with a professional etc) am kind of proud of myself.

the thing is, and this in and of itself was a hard thing for me to admit for a long time, my biggest fear when it comes to trusting people is that I will be abandoned, that I will put my love and trust in to someone and they will judge me, find me wanting, and leave. And I realized today that I have already been abandoned, my worst fears have been realized ages and ages ago and I survived. I have lived through being left and I can do it again and again. I can forking trust someone, have my heart shattered to a thousand pieces, pick it all up and you know what? I can absolutely keep living because the world is so so so much more than another person’s failure to stay.

I feel like I unlocked something really simple that I was afraid to admit to myself, still have a huge amount to processing to do but like, this is the first time in a while I feel like I'm making real and true progress towards working out my issues.

Oh man, I know this post is months old but I just wanted to say it blew my mind a little bit today.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 1:45 pm 
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For my entire life I've been deathly afraid of planes. I had never been on one before and they always scared the shiitake out of me. I always assumed that if I ever got on the plane that it would just fall out of the sky. Even thinking about being on one would send me into an anxiety attack. Then a couple months ago I decided to travel across the country...by plane. Well, in less than 2 weeks I flew on 6 planes. 3 one day, 3 another. They still scare me but I did it!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 11:31 pm 
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Wow!!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 9:59 am 
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Baking In The Flavor

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I had a job interview today. There were so many things that should have freaked me out; getting there on time, finding the place, speaking to someone at reception to let them know I was there, the actual interview itself, to name just a few... And it was okay. It was totally okay. I felt nervous, but that was it. It wasn't like sick to my stomach, difficulty breathing, "ohmygod, my heart's going to stop" panic. I was nervous enough that I talked far too fast in the interview and didn't answer anything half as well as I should have, but I don't care- I feel like I've accomplished something which I never thought would be possible.


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 10:47 am 
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Good for you! Job interviews are the worst. I always want to scream "I don't suck! I just have anxiety! I would be good at this job! Hire me and please let me get out of this interview! Thank you!".


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2012 10:48 am 
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That's awesome, eryn! Interviews are hard to handle!


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:25 am 
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Kitchens Planning Manchester
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eryn wrote:
I had a job interview today. There were so many things that should have freaked me out; getting there on time, finding the place, speaking to someone at reception to let them know I was there, the actual interview itself, to name just a few... And it was okay. It was totally okay. I felt nervous, but that was it. It wasn't like sick to my stomach, difficulty breathing, "ohmygod, my heart's going to stop" panic. I was nervous enough that I talked far too fast in the interview and didn't answer anything half as well as I should have, but I don't care- I feel like I've accomplished something which I never thought would be possible.

You did accomplish something! Some of the trickiest situations with anxiety are the ones where it's normal to feel some nervousness. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between normal, healthy jitters and excessive anxiety, but it sounds like you did great.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:40 pm 
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That is exactly right, I think.

And everyone (or... almost everyone?) gets nervous at things like job interviews.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:30 pm 
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I took the first step towards dealing with my grad school-induced anxiety! I went to see a counselor at the school clinic today. Unfortunately, I didn't really like the counselor but whatever...progress!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2012 2:56 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung

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Last Friday night I went to a family event that both my parents were at. My ever so charming father tried to intimidate me. It didn't work. I kept on enjoying myself. IN YOUR FACE crasshole!!!!!!! I even got to talk to my younger brother for the first time in nearly 9 years.

Also, in other news, the workplace that has caused me such an extreme level of anxiety is a thing in my past now. Thanks to the impact it has had on my health I am officially being transferred to a completely different service within the region. I never have to work with the person that caused the problems again and I probably won't ever see him again.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:15 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung

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Despite my mental health not being all that great I totally didn't have a freak out in a work thing yesterday that would have pushed me to near meltdown before. I did have a mild wigging out at the start but I just took a deep breath and prioritised the work and put away some of it to be done today.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:24 pm 
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Good!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 6:08 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 12:45 pm 
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I broke up with the person I was dating. It feels like a huge weight has come off my shoulders! (Still sad, but no anxiety and I know it was the right thing to do!)

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:51 am 
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Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
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So, some of you know I've had pretty significant struggles with anxiety in the past. I was very fortunate that after a long time of resisting medication and other kinds of treatment, I tried medication, and several years later, I'm off the medication and 98% anxiety free.

Anyway, I am with someone now who is dealing with a lot of anxiety. In the past, he has dealt with it in very unhealthy ways. In the past couple of years, he has made a lot of changes in his life and is moving forward in a really positive direction. The problem is, it's really tough for him to deal with all of the changes without his old (unhealthy) coping mechanisms. He feels overwhelmed and freaked out, and he's worried that his anxiety is going to turn into depression, and that he'll turn to his old, unhealthy ways of dealing with it.

Having suffered from anxiety in the past, I have a lot of empathy, but I feel like our situations and the things that bring up our respective anxieties are quite different. What I am wondering is if any of you guys who still deal with anxiety in your daily lives have any tips or ideas on how to be a supportive partner for someone who's dealing with a lot of anxiety. I don't want to be overbearing at all, which is hard, because it's in my nature to simply try to take problems from people and solve them for them. What do the people in your lives do that is helpful? What do they do that is unhelpful?

Thanks, guys.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:07 pm 
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Bought a used copy of Natural Harvest
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I'm sorry to hear your dude is having problems with anxiety!
Trevor is really good at listening to my anxious ramblings without judgment. He's never dealt with anxiety himself, but has gone out of his way to learn some fundamental basics of why anxiety happens physiologically, and also some cognitive behavioral therapy stuff like why some thoughts are pathological and anxiety-causing. So he can sort of say to me, you know your body is just doing its scary annoying thing, and you thinking that it's never going to end is overgeneralizing.
Sort of knock some sense into me, you know.

I've never found it helpful when people say things like, "You'll get over it", "What's the big deal anyway?" or other sort of trivializing things. I think just being a good partner, committed to listening and being encouraging is the best thing. Saying things like, "Oh, hey! You know that coping mechanism sucks. Let's go for a bike ride instead! That'll burn off all that extra adrenaline that anxiety brings."

I hope that's helpful. <3

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:15 pm 
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Is he against meds? Like you, meds helped me a great deal. They calmed me down enough to logically find my triggers and work to make sure I didn't slip into my old ways. It's worth noting that this is a particularly hard time of year for most people. Don't take it on as your problem to solve. One thing Jay does is when I'm feeling great, we capitalize on that and do fun things. When I'm anxious, we just watch a television show or something and he eases up on the expectations. I'm sure you know this, but knowing that your partner is observing and taking in your anxiety can easily just lead to more anxiety. Good luck! (PS...does he have a cat? As I sit here with a purring cat by my side I realize how much she calms me down).


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:33 pm 
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Flat Chesty McNoBoobs
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Thanks, guys. Those things are all helpful.

I should have mentioned he's been on meds in the past, and they haven't helped him. In fact, he says they made him feel worse.

It sucks to feel so powerless to help someone you care about. I wish I COULD just take it away from him and fix it myself, but I can't, and that sucks. Not being able to do much to help makes me stressed, which doesn't help anyone!

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 12:48 pm 
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Aww, JP. I know Trevor gets really upset when he can't help me as best as he wants to, but I tell him not to overextend himself. It sounds like since you have experience with anxiety, you can be that good, rational listener. Sometimes that's all you can do. That and encouraging him to not get frozen in anxiety/analyzing anxiety/fearing anxiety and do something productive.

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Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumbles
Is this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:38 pm 
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Dying from Nooch Lung

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I think for me when I am in a downward spiral and I am catastrophising everything I try make myself rationalise what is going on. Anytime someone says forget about it or you'll get over it it just makes me feel inadequate and fuels the negative thinking and increase my anxiety levels. So my recommendation is to ask questions that will help him find the right answers.

The only reason I knew this was through a course I went on for work based on the recovery model. The tactic is called socratic questioning. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socratic_questioning Skip down to the psychology part. I'm pushed for time tonight so didn't get to read the whole thing or look for something better but if you want me to look up the notes from the course and to type them up for you or else help you out with how to approach it just send me a pm.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:53 pm 
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Yes, daisychain, I use Socratic questioning a lot myself! My psychologist and all the books I've read on anxiety really promote it. Trevor is really good at helping me get that ball rolling if I'm too stuck in my anxious thinking to do it myself. Things like, "Are you thinking objectively or are you basing that on your feelings?", "What is the evidence to support that catastrophic thought?"

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Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumbles
Is this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface


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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 1:57 pm 
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I didn't know what it was called, but I think Eppy's DM and I help each other with socratic questioning or a form of it when we start panicking about things. It really helps me to just have someone ask me to explain what I'm thinking to them, and then ask logical questions that force me out of panic mode. I don't know if this is good thing, but when I'm by myself and starting to get into a downward spiral of anxiety, I try to think of worst case scenarios and usually the worst thing that could possibly happen in whatever situation it is, is not that bad.

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 Post subject: Re: Triumphs over anxiety!
PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2013 3:07 am 
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Not NOT A Furry
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i've been very agoraphobic the last couple of the years, like not being able to leave the house without somebody i know. well, today i walked 2 miles to and from the gas station by myself. it sounds silly, but it's the first time i've done something like that in a long time.


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