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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:06 pm 
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molasses jane wrote:
I think some of this becomes more pronounced when it's not just family pressure any longer (at least for me, this is true). I'm responding so vociferously in this thread in part because I'm 36, and just at that point where, in the milieu in which I live--and within in my urban families in three different cities--I am now one of the only people who does not have children.

That's interesting because my experience is very different. I'm of similar age but this is something that almost never comes up in my life and I can only think of 2 times when anyone has ever asked about me wanting kids. And I think I'd be closer to a fifty fifty split on circles of friends and family that don't have kids so I've never felt out of place or odd in any way. I think it wasn't until I joined the PPK that I really started to find friends who had kids. I wouldn't even know what to talk about in a hardcore forum community of people bonding over not having kids. It just isn't something that is ever on my mind at all.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:13 pm 
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^Yeah, my experience is similar to Panda's in that I don't get a lot of questions about "when are you having kids?" Maybe that's because I work from home and those kind of questions came mostly from my work environment or like milieu that I'm not exposed to anymore. But back when I was in that environment, I certainly got the "why aren't you married/when are you getting married?" question and its variations all the time throughout my twenties. And I remember it bothered me and I couldn't really figure out why at the time but it occurred to me later that it bothered me because the question felt like an intrusion on something personal and private and I didn't appreciate the intrusion or the expectation that his near perfect stranger had about MY life that I should be married or whatnot. Who are they to dictate or make that assumption? Best to ask open questions rather than leading questions.

One of my colleague's husbands (I've met this colleagues husband several times) once asked my colleague "Why isn't seitanicverses married?"

To which my colleague replied "Because she's too damn busy!"

Good answer, and it's the truth. And I was impressed with my friend's response because I'd always credited this particular person as being fond of me, but as someone who didn't really know me, or get me but you know, she looked at my life and pretty much hit it on the nose, I thought.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 6:46 pm 
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I work in a male-dominated field so I tend not to be asked a lot of personal questions. We do talk some about our interests and what not but not about kids. Also women in my field tend to delay having kids even if they do and it isn't unusual for someone to have their first child post 35. And there are also others who are like us and don't have kids. I'd say in my field, it seems to be about 60-40 with kids vs no kids. And I work with a lot of younger guys as well so they tend to not have kids, at this point in life that is.

I remember talking to my husband about one of his coworkers who is slightly younger than us and has 3 kids and they are already in a bit older (10+). That is something unusual to see but she was also in the military and those with military backgrounds tend to have kids younger for some reason.

My family though is where I've been asked constantly. I come from a large extended family and they seem to like growth. One of my cousins has 6 kids so I felt like he has the rest of us covered in terms of carrying on the family. My parents don't quite see it that way though.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:28 pm 
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molasses jane wrote:
j-dub wrote:

Admittedly, I am young enough that I am only getting questions from family, and I feel plenty happy to tell them they are being rude and that it's none of their business why I don't want kids and that telling me "I felt that way at your age too" is incredibly condescending.

I guess what I am trying (inelegantly) to say is that I don't feel my choice to have or not have kids defines me. It's one of many, many facets of my identity, and I would like society to get to that point rather than having a clear delineation between childfree and childed that still paints women's identities as dependent upon their relationship with their kids--whether real, potential, or prevented from existing.


I think some of this becomes more pronounced when it's not just family pressure any longer (at least for me, this is true). I'm responding so vociferously in this thread in part because I'm 36, and just at that point where, in the milieu in which I live--and within in my urban families in three different cities--I am now one of the only people who does not have children. I agree, I'm just ....me, I don't roam around defining myself as with or without children. I like being single right now. I love not having kids. But once I found myself overwhelmingly in the minority and being questioned about it *all the time*, the difference becomes glaring (at least to me), and in terms of social and work related situations, people really are divided into those who have kids and those who don't. Those who are partnered, and those who aren't. I wish like hell this weren't true, but at least in my world, this is the basic reality of it. Especially when we get to talking about financial implications, benefits, insurance, work duties, etc...

I want society to get to the point where it doesn't matter too. It's not there yet. So, yes, I'm trying to make it that way. This thread has been a great place to fumble through my thinking about this, vent, and find others who feel some of this too.


I can relate, I expect in a few shorts years I won't have any friends left who don't have children, except maybe one friend I have who's a lot younger than me. Other friends talk constantly on how they can't wait to start making babies, and a few have started to project that on me too. I also feel left out at work a lot when the mothers I work with and customers all bond together over kids all day and I have absolutely nothing to contribute.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:41 pm 
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Yeah, it's true the friends who have more traditional families sort of drifted away from friends who pursued more alternative lifestyles in my own life over the years. My closest social group consists of a gay couple (males) who have never mentioned children to me and I don't expect them to at this point and a childless couple and the childless couple wanted children for the longest time, tried IVF and whatnot and it didn't work. I do suspect had they ever had a child, we would have drifted apart, honestly. They have also complained to me that their friends who have children became more remote from them once they had children because they had that much less in common, even though they'd all been friends since high school. I mean, exclusions happen in all social spheres, even as they seem to get smaller and more exclusive/intimate, there always seems to be some basis for exclusion somewhere. I love my friends though. Also, I've reconnected with girlhood friends who have children lately and we didn't reconnect and it probably has nothing to do with children or not children--I just felt that once we reunited, I didn't have much in common with them anymore, not enough basis to pursue an ongoing friendship anyway. Honestly, this thread is the most I've ever thought of my own childlessness because I really don't care much. My life is good and I'm mostly happy and never worry about it and if anyone asks me about it, I might come up with some polite, placating answer (my career! when really, I just don't want children enough to have them) privately think they're nosy for asking and that's the end of it.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:15 pm 
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supercarrot wrote:
can't we just call the majority of us "childfree" and those who won't keep an accidental pregnancy or know for a fact that they won't change their mind "hardcore childfree" (or "childfree for life" to parallel "vegan 4 lyfe")


I would definitely not call myself "hardcore childfree" (or even "childfree"...I'm of the j-dub school of I'm Just Not Having Kids), and I could theoretically imagine that some distant day in the far off future I might become a completely different person and choose to be a parent somehow...but, if I accidentally got pregnant, there's no way I could imagine doing anything other than having an abortion. This is in no way a judgment of anyone else's choice to do something different -- I completely, 100% respect anyone who chooses to carry an accidental pregnancy to term, I am not saying that what I would do is the right thing for everyone to do. But, I know for myself, I would absolutely, no question, do whatever I had to do to terminate that pregnancy. The fact that I know that I would get an abortion does not make me a hardcore anything. It just means I know that even in the highly, highly, highly unlikely situation where I accidentally became pregnant, I would still not want to be pregnant or give birth or have a child or any of the things that happen if one becomes pregnant and chooses to continue the pregnancy. For me, abortion would simply be the best possible choice to make, in that (unbelievably unlikely) situation.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:26 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
and I could theoretically imagine that some distant day in the far off future I might become a completely different person and choose to be a parent somehow.

this automatically removes "hardcore" from the equation anyway. :-) but i digress.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:29 pm 
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I agree that it's kind of offensive to say that willingness to have an abortion = hardcore.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:13 pm 
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erynne936 wrote:
As a childfree person I don't spend nearly as much time wondering who will take care or me or be there for me in old age as I spend worrying that the assisted living or whatever that I end up in won't be able to cater to my vegan gluten free diet!
I would love to group together with some likeminded people (whether they have kids who aren't around or not) when I'm older to support each other, cook, bake, play cards, and do yoga together when we are old. I hope it becomes more and more common as I near that time.


we will need to start a PPK senior home!!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 12:44 am 
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ameyfm wrote:
erynne936 wrote:
As a childfree person I don't spend nearly as much time wondering who will take care or me or be there for me in old age as I spend worrying that the assisted living or whatever that I end up in won't be able to cater to my vegan gluten free diet!
I would love to group together with some likeminded people (whether they have kids who aren't around or not) when I'm older to support each other, cook, bake, play cards, and do yoga together when we are old. I hope it becomes more and more common as I near that time.


we will need to start a PPK senior home!!!!


YES

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:06 am 
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molasses jane wrote:
j-dub wrote:

Admittedly, I am young enough that I am only getting questions from family, and I feel plenty happy to tell them they are being rude and that it's none of their business why I don't want kids and that telling me "I felt that way at your age too" is incredibly condescending.

I guess what I am trying (inelegantly) to say is that I don't feel my choice to have or not have kids defines me. It's one of many, many facets of my identity, and I would like society to get to that point rather than having a clear delineation between childfree and childed that still paints women's identities as dependent upon their relationship with their kids--whether real, potential, or prevented from existing.


I think some of this becomes more pronounced when it's not just family pressure any longer (at least for me, this is true). I'm responding so vociferously in this thread in part because I'm 36, and just at that point where, in the milieu in which I live--and within in my urban families in three different cities--I am now one of the only people who does not have children. I agree, I'm just ....me, I don't roam around defining myself as with or without children. I like being single right now. I love not having kids. But once I found myself overwhelmingly in the minority and being questioned about it *all the time*, the difference becomes glaring (at least to me), and in terms of social and work related situations, people really are divided into those who have kids and those who don't. Those who are partnered, and those who aren't. I wish like hell this weren't true, but at least in my world, this is the basic reality of it. Especially when we get to talking about financial implications, benefits, insurance, work duties, etc...

I want society to get to the point where it doesn't matter too. It's not there yet. So, yes, I'm trying to make it that way. This thread has been a great place to fumble through my thinking about this, vent, and find others who feel some of this too.


I can relate to this, MJ. We have a sweet little gang of vegan pals here, and two of us have kids, and two of us don't. Anyway, it was veganize that brought us together, and so our conversations are often about food, and all sorts of things. I don't feel like a Not Mom with them.

But with my high school friends (even though I am 39, we are still pretty close), I am the only one of seven not to have kids. Last time one of the emailed us about getting together, she wrote something like "this will be great to have Mom Time!" it made me feel so left out, and like all they were going to talk about were their kids and babies. Although I care about all of them, and love their children, somehow it really hurt my feelings (even though I know that was not her intention at all). I was actually a little surprised at how I felt.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:09 am 
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lutin wrote:
ameyfm wrote:
erynne936 wrote:
As a childfree person I don't spend nearly as much time wondering who will take care or me or be there for me in old age as I spend worrying that the assisted living or whatever that I end up in won't be able to cater to my vegan gluten free diet!
I would love to group together with some likeminded people (whether they have kids who aren't around or not) when I'm older to support each other, cook, bake, play cards, and do yoga together when we are old. I hope it becomes more and more common as I near that time.


we will need to start a PPK senior home!!!!


YES


With yoga classes!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:14 am 
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Also, on the subject of nosy people... I was TOTALLY shocked this summer, when my husband and I decided to get married after almost 13 years together, at exactly how many people asked me directly if 1) we were getting married so that we could have kids
Or
2) now that we were getting married, we were going to start having kids

Hasnt anyone read enough Dear Abby columns to know better than to ask this!? Especially of a 39 year old woman? What if we have been trying for years and it is super painful? Or what if it is just not any of their business? Plus, I felt an extra sting of annoyance that they thought I was so traditional that I would insist on getting married first. Uh, I did just live with this man for 13 years, folks. Anyhow, mostly I was just surprised at how insensitive people were to be asking all the time.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:15 am 
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This thread is moving along more quickly than I have a chance to comment! I hope it continues. I agree that it's nice to talk about this with vegans, since it can feel even more alienating when you go against the grain so many different ways.

Moon wrote:
saying you have chosen to not have children because you want to focus on your career does not mean that you think other people can't have both comfortably. Maybe it just means you don't feel you can do both. Maybe it's just an easy cop out like saying you're vegan for health reasons and not elaborating (which I do, regularly, if I think the person will be a crasshole about it). I'm sure there are people who think you can't do both, but you can't jump to that conclusion.


Yeah, sorry, I wasn't trying to say that any people who cite a career as a reason to not have children are making judgements about parents' dedication to their careers. I don't ever jump to that conclusion! I was sharing a sentiment expressed by two colleagues with whom I recently discussed why I'm CF (they asked). I said I wanted to focus on my career and they felt I was implying they were not as dedicated (they are parents to small children and have very successful and stressful careers as a prof and a scientist in industry). They just found it thoughtless; maybe they were looking to be offended since obviously everyone has different capabilities wrt to how much they can take on at once. But it's something I'm cognizant of now and I make an effort to be careful with my wording, maybe unnecessarily.

And then my musing about the career rationale, I guess I realized some time ago that I'm super dedicated to my job but that if I wanted kids I felt I could do both and not suffer for it. I mean, will I be dedicating the same time and energy to my job at 45 that I was at 25? I know that sort of effort is not sustainable for me and also not necessary to get to the place I want to be. The truth is that I'm just not interested in being a parent. Unfortunately, I've felt like this is never a good enough reason for people (like I better being doing something super important to be giving up the Joy of Children). I have also felt like I needed to justify to myself why I feel the way I do. Am I alone in this, maybe? Now I am more honest. That was a huge step for me, realizing I am not obligated to explain my life choices. I hope that someday if someone asks me if I have kids, the next question won't be "why not".

Shy Mox wrote:
I can relate, I expect in a few shorts years I won't have any friends left who don't have children, except maybe one friend I have who's a lot younger than me. Other friends talk constantly on how they can't wait to start making babies, and a few have started to project that on me too. I also feel left out at work a lot when the mothers I work with and customers all bond together over kids all day and I have absolutely nothing to contribute.

This actually makes me really sad. We have amazing, awesome friends who we do really fun stuff with like spur of the moment road trips, multi-day backpacking trips, late night crafting, etc. I know in the next few years that's going to go away and it will leave us with a really big hole in our lives. Some of those friends already have kids so our get-togethers are always cut short and it's really hard to even find time for 6 people to meet a few hours once a month. I love these people like crazy and will really miss them. Plus, selfishly, my partner and I are really bad at making new friends. I guess the bright side is that they want me to be the cool aunt and I really like kids, so there's that! I will bake them lots of vegan treats and take them on trips to Farm Sanctuary :)

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:23 am 
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ameyfm wrote:
Also, on the subject of nosy people... I was TOTALLY shocked this summer, when my husband and I decided to get married after almost 13 years together, at exactly how many people asked me directly if 1) we were getting married so that we could have kids
Or
2) now that we were getting married, we were going to start having kids

Hasnt anyone read enough Dear Abby columns to know better than to ask this!? Especially of a 39 year old woman? What if we have been trying for years and it is super painful? Or what if it is just not any of their business? Plus, I felt an extra sting of annoyance that they thought I was so traditional that I would insist on getting married first. Uh, I did just live with this man for 13 years, folks. Anyhow, mostly I was just surprised at how insensitive people were to be asking all the time.

Ugh, that's such a bummer! I'm sorry you had to deal with that!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:10 am 
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ameyfm wrote:
Also, on the subject of nosy people... I was TOTALLY shocked this summer, when my husband and I decided to get married after almost 13 years together, at exactly how many people asked me directly if 1) we were getting married so that we could have kids
Or
2) now that we were getting married, we were going to start having kids

Hasnt anyone read enough Dear Abby columns to know better than to ask this!? Especially of a 39 year old woman? What if we have been trying for years and it is super painful? Or what if it is just not any of their business? Plus, I felt an extra sting of annoyance that they thought I was so traditional that I would insist on getting married first. Uh, I did just live with this man for 13 years, folks. Anyhow, mostly I was just surprised at how insensitive people were to be asking all the time.

Oh jeez, getting married does spur on a childbearing dialogue, doesn't it? I expected it from my parents, who are Christian, but not from my friends. Some of my friends are like "well why not? Don't you like kids?". I LOVE kids! But I also love kitties and dogs and solitude. And being able to afford to provide for the aforementioned beings. It doesn't make me love my future husband or our hypothetical children any less.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:45 am 
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I think one thing that's clear from this thread is how many diverse experiences there are amongst us. Can't we just let people use the words, label, or lack thereof that works best for them without deciding for other people which ones are ok/not ok to use?

For me, personally, I do identify with the word "childfree" because it has less of the connotation of lacking that "childless" has, and it speaks to my agency in the matter. But I definitely don't brandish the word around, telling people I'm "childfree". In fact, the only time I use it is in conversations like this. Most of the time, when it just comes up IRL, I just say, "No, I don't have children" and if pushed further, "no, I don't want children". That's it. I certainly don't think there should be this dogmatic protection of the word (like in one of the articles linked to where the person got upset because a parent said they were "childfree for the afternoon"), nor do I think anyone who doesn't identify with it should have it foisted upon them. Let's just call ourselves whatever works best for us and not judge others who use a different terminology (or none at all!)

As for pressure from friends/family, I've been lucky, I guess. I've had more grief from people about being single than about having kids. Even though I was perfectly happy on my own, and never complained about it, I would still get "Don't worry! Someday you'll meet someone!" or "You'll meet him when you least expect it!" or "... when you stop looking" (but I'm NOT looking!) or the dreaded "Why are you (still) single?" fork off. Why are you still an asparagus? I had one (straight, female) colleague say things repeatedly, out of the blue, like "If I was a guy, I'd do you" and "I don't know why the guys aren't lining up around the block for you." These were always said with a tone of pity, but I never gave her any indication that I was even looking to be in a relationship.

The only thing that ever made me feel like maybe I should have kids is that my mom is a Holocaust survivor, and really the only one in her family of that generation. I know that for a lot of Jews who survived the war, kids/grandkids are a big deal, and a vindication. Even though my mom has never said she feels that way, a part of me would have felt a sense of guilt for letting the family die out after my generation. I never thought that was a good enough reason to have kids, though, and when my nephew was born, I felt like that base was covered, and let go of my guilt. He's the only grandkid, and he may choose not to have kids, so it may well be that that side of the family dies out with him, but so be it. I don't think my mom worries about it, and I guess it really doesn't matter in the big picture. But it does make me a bit sad.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:55 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
For me, personally, I do identify with the word "childfree" because it has less of the connotation of lacking that "childless" has, and it speaks to my agency in the matter. But I definitely don't brandish the word around, telling people I'm "childfree". In fact, the only time I use it is in conversations like this. Most of the time, when it just comes up IRL, I just say, "No, I don't have children" and if pushed further, "no, I don't want children". That's it. I certainly don't think there should be this dogmatic protection of the word (like in one of the articles linked to where the person got upset because a parent said they were "childfree for the afternoon"), nor do I think anyone who doesn't identify with it should have it foisted upon them. Let's just call ourselves whatever works best for us and not judge others who use a different terminology (or none at all!)


That is how I feel. I'm not going to go around telling people I'm childfree but I identify with the term.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:03 am 
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lepelaar wrote:
I'll pipe up and say that I'm also definitely still interested in the conversation. The cartoons are definitely not helping to promote a constructive dialogue. Neither is the extremist/derogatory language on the one side, nor the snark on the other.


Me too. I've read a lot of interesting things already (and some things that offended me even though I'm not a parent!).

Part of what is so hard for me is always feeling like the odd one out. Like the people at my workplace are so mainstream (I don't really know what word I can call it. Conformist?) and seem to never question any traditions, behaviours, gender roles. So me, with the veganism, not married with children, feminist views, not being a racist crasshole... ugh. I feel alienated a lot. All the women have kids, or want them. They don't understand why I do not. Even people I know through my hobbies, basically the only ones that don't have (or want but are not ready yet) kids are women that can't have any for physical reasons. I just don't have that urge to procreate, to parent. So I'm not contributing to society if I don't give birth? What the hell. Being a parent scares me, and I don't want a family in the traditional sense. But hey, it's "normal" or whatever so I should just suck it up and get on with it?

I am sick of having to explain myself. Why don't you explain yourself to me? I almost ran off during a dinner once. It was a veg dinner where everyone had to share tables and such. I was there with my bf and parents, and we were seated next to a young couple. They had 2 young kids, the parents were veg but didn't feed there kids veg food because they felt they couldn't impose their views on them (whole other bucket of fish - you make decisions for them everyday, so is that imposing too? Poor oppressed youngsters). And then they started asking how old I was and how long I'd been together with my bf and if my poor mom didn't want to be a grandma so bad. I'm not that vocal, and I'm not that good at expressing myself or presenting a good argument, so that's really uncomfortable for me. And noone deserves to be shamed because they don't conform.

ETA: another problem is that I'm the only grandchild with that particular last name. If I don't have kids and give them my name (but oh noes, shouldn't they get their daddy's name?), the name won't live on!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 8:29 am 
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linanil wrote:
lepelaar wrote:
For me, personally, I do identify with the word "childfree" because it has less of the connotation of lacking that "childless" has, and it speaks to my agency in the matter. But I definitely don't brandish the word around, telling people I'm "childfree". In fact, the only time I use it is in conversations like this. Most of the time, when it just comes up IRL, I just say, "No, I don't have children" and if pushed further, "no, I don't want children". That's it. I certainly don't think there should be this dogmatic protection of the word (like in one of the articles linked to where the person got upset because a parent said they were "childfree for the afternoon"), nor do I think anyone who doesn't identify with it should have it foisted upon them. Let's just call ourselves whatever works best for us and not judge others who use a different terminology (or none at all!)


That is how I feel. I'm not going to go around telling people I'm childfree but I identify with the term.


Same here. Maybe it's sort of like how I don't go around proclaiming that I am vegan (or atheist for that matter) and don't really mention it unless it is brought up by someone else. I'm really lucky so far and receive pretty much zero questioning from family and others on my reproductive status. I think it's because my partner and I have lived together for ten years and haven't bothered to get married, which screws up the typical life path expectations of people. I do have some nosy aunts who used to ask my mom in a stage whisper (with me ten feet away) "when are they getting married!?" (That's a whole other topic really, how people assume that an unmarried relationship must have something wrong with it or else of course the parties involved would get married!) I keep waiting for one of them to ask when we're going to have a baby so I can tell them to mind their own damn business. The only person who has straight up asked me about it was my gay uncle's partner, which for some reason didn't really bother me. He seemed just genuinely curious and not judgmental about it. I think it helped that he also joked that "your uncle and I have been trying for years and it just doesn't seem to be working!"


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:45 am 
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pixel wrote:
I think it helped that he also joked that "your uncle and I have been trying for years and it just doesn't seem to be working!"

i love this! :-)

and now that we're back on the retirement home subject, i'll quote my earlier comment (which seemed to get lost in the scuffle)

supercarrot wrote:
i had been thinking lately about what i would do in old age, especially if i'm the last to go. i don't really have any young family members that seem to like me enough to take care of me, or at least check in from time to time. (although the nieces and nephews are still growing into their personalities, i might be wrong) so i was thinking about a retirement community for childfree vegans, especially elders. that'd be awesome! we'd all take care of each other. that's what i'd do if i happened to make a lot of money. we'd have a vet's office on the grounds, and if one of us dies leaving pets, we'd adopt them within the community. (and since we'd have no heirs, our money would go into the community to make it easier for the other residents.) there'd be a button next to our beds that we'd have to press in the morning to check in, and if you didn't press it, someone would come around and check on you.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:52 am 
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A lot of people do wait to tie the knot before attempting baby creation, so I did understand when people asked "are you guys going to have kids/try to have kids" something general and not overly assuming. What bothered me was people who made asked when are we going to start/how many we were going to try for, etc. Or comments like "now time for babies!"

No.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:57 am 
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I think we already decided that we are going to have a PPK elderly home where we bake, garden, cook, knit, whatever.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:57 am 
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supercarrot wrote:
i had been thinking lately about what i would do in old age, especially if i'm the last to go. i don't really have any young family members that seem to like me enough to take care of me, or at least check in from time to time. (although the nieces and nephews are still growing into their personalities, i might be wrong) so i was thinking about a retirement community for childfree vegans, especially elders. that'd be awesome! we'd all take care of each other. that's what i'd do if i happened to make a lot of money. we'd have a vet's office on the grounds, and if one of us dies leaving pets, we'd adopt them within the community. (and since we'd have no heirs, our money would go into the community to make it easier for the other residents.) there'd be a button next to our beds that we'd have to press in the morning to check in, and if you didn't press it, someone would come around and check on you.


Count me in! I especially like the idea about adopting the pets within the community. One of my greatest fears is that I'll die (not necessarily from old age, but just crossing the street or something) and then what will happen to my cats.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 11:55 am 
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strawberryrock wrote:
I agree that it's kind of offensive to say that willingness to have an abortion = hardcore.

Yup, this.


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