Why Have kids? by Jessica Valenti

Vantine · **Posted:** Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:13 pm

torque wrote:

i put my kid in daycare, and she turned into kudzu, true story.

Torque wins the day!

Kelly · **Posted:** Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:21 pm

Another reminder that this thread is for discussing this book and it's topics. We can always start more playground threads to encompass off topic subject matter.

Vantine · **Posted:** Fri Feb 22, 2013 7:26 pm

I will lighten the mood by mentioning that Valenti quotes a study of lesbian parents that found zero percent of children raised by lesbian parents reported physical or sexual abuse. In the general population, 26 percent of children report physical abuse and 8.3 percent report sexual abuse.

Sooooo... <fascist regime took my cute wee smileys>

Vantine · **Posted:** Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:06 pm

On breastfeeding:

Quote:

Obviously, I support breastfeeding. We need mandated paid maternity leave, insurance that pays for lactation consultants and breast pumps, employers who are required to have a space and breaks for pumping moms, hospital and state-funded breastfeeding support groups, and more. But formula feeding your child is just as valid and healthy a choice as breastfeeding - and sometimes, as in my and Robin's case, it's the best choice there is.

Just to highlight some of the dogma that Valenti is fighting against here's a comment from one of the celebrity doctors on The Doctors:

Quote:

Toward the end of her [Joan Wolf's] segment, after each and every doctor scoffed at the idea that breastfeeding isn't the best, Dr. Wendy Walsh said "Breastfeeding mothers are different mothers; women who are breastfeeding actually relate to their children more empathetically and compassionately." (And those who don't nurse don't emotionally relate to their children?) Dr. Walsh ended Wolf's interview by saying, " I just want to remind you that when a woman has a baby, that is her. That is her happiness. Giving to your baby is giving to yourself." Total motherhood, indeed.

A baby is not "her happiness" or even "her." There are two separate people involved and two separate lives. Can you imagine this Dr. Walsh saying this sentence to a man? "I want to remind you that when a man becomes a father, that is him. That is his happiness."

❀madam dahlia❀ · **Posted:** Fri Feb 22, 2013 11:52 pm

i have not read this book, but i am reading this thread with interest, as a feminist and a mother :) i just had to point out this

Quote:

Toward the end of her [Joan Wolf's] segment, after each and every doctor scoffed at the idea that breastfeeding isn't the best, Dr. Wendy Walsh said "Breastfeeding mothers are different mothers; women who are breastfeeding actually relate to their children more empathetically and compassionately." (And those who don't nurse don't emotionally relate to their children?)

the doctor was probably referring to the fact that when a woman breastfeeds, her body releases oxytocin and prolactin, hormones which (among other things) relax the mother and make her feel more nurturing towards the child. physically, the breastfeeding parent and child actually bond more because they are directly receiving feel-good/lovey-dovey hormones. it's not a predjudice concocted to enslave women, it's a physical reality.

IsaChandra · **Joined:** Tue Oct 19, 2010 2:21 pm **Posts:** 7669

I am going to read this book just so that I can argue about it in this thread. OR I am going to lie and say I've read it.

Tofulish · **Posted:** Sat Feb 23, 2013 5:42 am

Oh Isa, you tyrant of the New Domesticity! :) Encouraging people to embrace the laborious tasks of their foremothers, like cooking from scratch, baking and even gardening. As J-dub says on the first page, there are blogs that show pictures of beautiful cookies, with no illustration of the laborious process that goes into it. Though you don't encourage knitting, canning, crafting or making your own clothes, like some purveyors of the New Domesticity, like Martha Stewart. :)

I liked Valenti's observation that the New Domesticity is a reaction against problematic institutions. It seems a lot like veganism in that. If you are worried about pesticides in your food, GMO crops etc, it makes sense to garden. If you are worried about HFCs and transfats and preservatives, it makes sense to cook and bake from scratch. If you are worried about hormones in your dairy, antibiotics in meat and cruelty, it makes sense to be a vegan.

ETA: I miss smilies too Vantine :)

Vantine · **Posted:** Sat Feb 23, 2013 12:16 pm

IsaChandra wrote:

I am going to read this book just so that I can argue about it in this thread. OR I am going to lie and say I've read it.

I'm wise to your shenanigans, Isa. I'm reporting you to the... Oh, wait.

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Why Have kids? by Jessica Valenti

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