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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:55 am 
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^That said, I think the writer of that book wrote a chapter or two about if a guy's not asking you out, he's not that into you, but I took that as bullshiitake to fill some more pages of his book as his contract with the publisher had to be more than twenty pages to make a book, sort of thing. I didn't take that shiitake seriously. But the priority stuff, yeah, rings true with my experience personally, but that was about it.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 11:40 am 
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I've always met people from the internet. The only two exceptions were the worst: one older boy I met while I was in high school where he ended up being sentenced to 4 years in prison one month after we met (way to go, me!), and another that I met at Walmart. He was the cashier and I thought he vaguely resembled Kurt Cobain, but it turned out that he was as dumb as a bowl of oatmeal and REALLY clingy even though we only went out a handful of times. I felt so bad that I actually ended up inviting other people on our dates so that I'd have someone to talk to and I could avoid having to dump him because he was obviously very lonely. Ah, youth.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 11:41 am 
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I prefer to meet my ladies the old fashioned way. At 215am outside the bar.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 11:46 am 
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i met my guy at school...

however bookstores seem to be popular! coffee places to...

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 11:57 am 
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the only time i had no problem dating guys i met in person was in high school when i unusually had a large circle of friends, and most of those i've dated had been from within that circle of friends. (i'm an introvert, so i tend to be a loner) in college, i was friendzoned a handful of times, and didn't really date. (i suppose i attribute it to not being obviously fun, therefore not noticed, and the guys that friendzoned me, i really really liked and instead of being one of many, as in high school, i was afraid to make a move, so i stalled and missed my chance.) one college era exception was when i was in wholefoods and the produce stocker fancied my posterior. (we went on one date, and the emotion level coming from him was too high, bordering on feeling fake, so that was that)

i highly recommend veggiedate.org. especially for introverts. i had to weed out a lot of the chaff, but i found a wonderful kernel of wheat, and we've been together almost 10 years now. the one tip i suggest though, is to not let the writing go on too long before meeting in person. even with phone calls, you can apply an attribute that they don't have (and be unaware of attributes that they do have) and you've just wasted months of your time that you could have been doing something else with.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 12:18 pm 
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I cast Detect Potential Boyfriend/Girlfriend and then go for a promenade.

Expect lots of "Is that a 60' cone-shaped emanation, or are you just happy to see me?" comments.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 12:45 pm 
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geeksweetheart wrote:
I have a friend who absolutely insists this is true. So now I don't want to ask boys out. and I don't go out. Bleah.
Tell your friend that their sexism is causing people to die alone. Directly. She might as well be putting uranium-laced strychnine in their tea, and then drowning them it it. With a bomb.

Men can be shy, men can think "I would ask but s/he's way out of my league" and men can assume that they'll be criticised as harassing women or being a creeper for taking an interest in someone.

And anyway, why not give them a chance to get to know you before they decide if they like you or not. What a shallow, sad judgement of men.


Anyway! La de doo de da.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:02 pm 
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supercarrot wrote:
wonderful kernel of wheat


brb, changing Scott's subnick

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:18 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
supercarrot wrote:
wonderful kernel of wheat


brb, changing Scott's subnick

+1 yummy

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:22 pm 
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smoothie wrote:
There really is no trick to not being friend-zoned, and people always always always have the right to friend-zone you. And you don't know how people are before you get to know them, so the standards-part is something you figure out along the way. Just be who you are and be open to other people and DON'T EVER COMPLAIN TO SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT YOU ALWAYS GET FRIEND-ZONED. if you get unwantedly friend-zoned all of the time, you're clearly not being open about your intentions and that's your problem and people always reserve the right to tell you they don't want to be romantically involved with you (picture google "Nice Guys of OkCupid" to see why I am ranting about this).

I guess my experience tells me that you have to be pretty confident and blunt about it - if you're interested in someone, ask them out on a date. Don't pretend to want to be their friend because it seems "safe". There is nothing embarrassing about inviting someone out.


This is all really sound advice, thanks Smoothie!

My friend probably doesn't care much if he's dating a vegan, though he is one himself, but veggiedate might be a good street to explore. Thanks SC!


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:33 pm 
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you're welcome! (and now that you reveal that your friend is a male that has complained about being friendzoned, you might want to educate him about "nice guy syndrome" (he might be completely unaware)

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Nice_guy_syndrome
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/M ... dToHaveYou

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 1:56 pm 
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Gulliver wrote:
geeksweetheart wrote:
I have a friend who absolutely insists this is true. So now I don't want to ask boys out. and I don't go out. Bleah.
Tell your friend that their sexism is causing people to die alone. Directly. She might as well be putting uranium-laced strychnine in their tea, and then drowning them it it. With a bomb.

Men can be shy, men can think "I would ask but s/he's way out of my league" and men can assume that they'll be criticised as harassing women or being a creeper for taking an interest in someone.

And anyway, why not give them a chance to get to know you before they decide if they like you or not. What a shallow, sad judgement of men.


Anyway! La de doo de da.


I like this :)

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 3:55 pm 
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mumbles wrote:
I cast Detect Potential Boyfriend/Girlfriend and then go for a promenade.

Expect lots of "Is that a 60' cone-shaped emanation, or are you just happy to see me?" comments.


I have failed my saving throw...I am now yours

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:15 pm 
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go to the last place on earth you ever thought you would meet someone with no intention of meeting someone and be really resistant to the idea of meeting someone and then BAM! there they are.

i went to an all women's college and like most of my friend's somehow were dating guys from the same fraternity at WPI (nerdy engineering school in Worcester). and they dragged me to a frat party literally kicking and screaming about how i didnt want to go hang out with frat boys etc.

then this tall skinny frat boy nerd starting following me around everytime i went there so eventually i married him.

if that isnt a fairy tale love story i dont know what is. IM LOOKING AT YOU DISNEY!

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:31 pm 
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Adam Crisis wrote:
mumbles wrote:
I cast Detect Potential Boyfriend/Girlfriend and then go for a promenade.

Expect lots of "Is that a 60' cone-shaped emanation, or are you just happy to see me?" comments.


I have failed my saving throw...I am now yours


Hee hee hee.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:39 pm 
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aelle wrote:
Same places you meet potential friend, I suppose. Through friends, parties, meetups, at work, in class, in hobby groups...


This. You just meet people, some of whom will be a potential love interest. You have some type of association that brings you together, or you bump into them in a public place. School, work, yoga class (or tai chi, or martial arts, or dance, or whatever), any type of hobby club or special interest group, social gatherings, volunteer work, local events and activities, introduced by a friend or associate.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:40 pm 
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Vantine wrote:
You go out, you meet people. Do things you don't normally do, go places you would not normally go.

In the meantime, you learn to love yourself enough that you can be alone, comfortably. Then someone will add to your life and not be your life.
This woman is smart.
mumbles wrote:
I cast Detect Potential Boyfriend/Girlfriend and then go for a promenade.

Expect lots of "Is that a 60' cone-shaped emanation, or are you just happy to see me?" comments.
And this dude is insane(ly irresistible).
IsaChandra wrote:
Pretend to pass out in a busy intersection and see who gets in the ambulance with you.
Or go to the NYPL, check out some Polish translations of Faulkner, and pass out in a puddle of your own vomit. That's how Sophie and Nathan got together in Sophie's Choice. Of course there was all that Holocaust trauma/paranoid schizophrenia/suicide pact business, but the sex was great...okay, never mind.

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Last edited by Desdemona on Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:45 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 4:42 pm 
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LisaPunk wrote:
go to the last place on earth you ever thought you would meet someone with no intention of meeting someone and be really resistant to the idea of meeting someone and then BAM! there they are.


YES. I've never really met anyone I actually fell in love with without it being completely out of the blue and totally bad timing.
With my current boyfriend, I had just decided that I REALLY didn't want to get seriously romantically involved with someone and that I was going to move to Berlin, which I announced to everyone in my family on Christmas Eve. And on the 9th of January I went to this party with some people I barely knew in a neighborhood I NEVER go to and there he was, this tall stranger in an expensive black blazer and black rock boots and black skinny jeans and I totally wanted him. Within the next two weeks I fell head over heels for him and had to end 3 different flings with other guys, including a french dude who was expecting me in Paris in February. Later it turned out that he had to end several flings as well, and that he wasn't even supposed to be at that party. He had just returned home from being trapped at the airport in Riga for 2 days, he hadn't slept and his feet were bleeding because he was wearing new boots. He was a 20 years old musician who doesn't make a living and stays on the couch at his mom's place and in my bed, but damn it, I love him and I wouldn't want anyone but him.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:02 pm 
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I used to date friends of previous ex boyfriends. Usually worked out pretty well for me, but I don't recommend it to everyone.

But my better boyfriends came along when I stopped looking. I think sometimes you have to stop looking, live some life, do some stuff you like and sometimes someone good falls in your lap. Literally or figuratively.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:16 pm 
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I met my current man at a park. He later told me that he came up to talk to me because he was drunk and i was pretty. I may have a non-traditional sense of romance because i think that's super cute.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:23 pm 
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Vantine wrote:
You go out, you meet people. Do things you don't normally do, go places you would not normally go.


I did exactly this through meetup.com and met my husband

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 9:31 pm 
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LisaPunk wrote:
go to the last place on earth you ever thought you would meet someone with no intention of meeting someone and be really resistant to the idea of meeting someone and then BAM! there they are.

i went to an all women's college and like most of my friend's somehow were dating guys from the same fraternity at WPI (nerdy engineering school in Worcester). and they dragged me to a frat party literally kicking and screaming about how i didnt want to go hang out with frat boys etc.

then this tall skinny frat boy nerd starting following me around everytime i went there so eventually i married him.

if that isnt a fairy tale love story i dont know what is. IM LOOKING AT YOU DISNEY!


Ha ha. This is pretty much the mindset I was in when I met my now-husband (at work) (at WPI! That's where I went to undergrad!).

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:09 pm 
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coldandsleepy wrote:
Sheesh. I have no idea! I met my spouse at work. (Illicit workplace romance! Sounds so saucy! But it wasn't like that really.)


It kind of was like that really, considering you were a student and I was an employee. That's kind of frowned-upon usually.

So yeah, I cyberstalked her until I had enough inside information to a) be sure she was interesting, and b) ask interesting enough questions to start an interesting conversation which could then segue to, you know, stuff.

I don't really recommend this method...

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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:34 pm 
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mrsbadmouth wrote:
Then again, Brian and I met at a Christian-run coffee house, so.

This is a million years old but I have correct it because it sounds wrong. We didn't meet at a Christian-run coffee house. It was a coffee house for weird teenagers who didn't have anywhere else to go that happened to be run by a dude who was Christian. She makes it sound like I was there in my white shirt, tie, and bible, and she was in her ankle length dress, and we read psalms while sipping coffee. That is not how it went.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you meet a potential BF/GF?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 30, 2013 7:39 am 
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brian wrote:
mrsbadmouth wrote:
Then again, Brian and I met at a Christian-run coffee house, so.

This is a million years old but I have correct it because it sounds wrong. We didn't meet at a Christian-run coffee house. It was a coffee house for weird teenagers who didn't have anywhere else to go that happened to be run by a dude who was Christian. She makes it sound like I was there in my white shirt, tie, and bible, and she was in her ankle length dress, and we read psalms while sipping coffee. That is not how it went.
Stop ruining the PPK's erotic fantasies!

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