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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 10:02 am 
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sofrito wrote:
My grandmother has incurable lung cancer. Apparently, she and most of my family have known for oh, around 6 months. And, no one (i.e., my mother) thought it necessary to tell me. I found out because my grandmother mentioned in my birthday card she'd been having chemo. When I asked my mother why she hasn't told me, her text response was, "Sorry." I'm not particular close with my grandmother, but she's still my grandmother for fork's sake. What. The. fork. Also, fork cancer.

I am so sorry, sofrito. I can empathize. My mother didn't tell me my grandmother was murdered until the day of her funeral. I was not living at home at the time and apparently everyone thought that someone else was going to tell me. I found out at work in a casual conversation about something else. (It was my dad's mom and my parents are divorced.)

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:13 am 
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vijita wrote:
She expects me to work unpaid overtime hours and be at her beck and call 24/7 and yet she forks up nearly every single pay period.


Yeah, this needs to be said to her. You're not asking for anything special or unreasonable, you're asking for your money. If she can't handle these things, she needs to hire someone who can. Another expense, I know, but surely better than being sued.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 3:28 pm 
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If she knows she can take advantage of you, she will. Put that foot down or it won't get better.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:03 am 
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My maniac boss, again. He tells me that in my department, I am to offer unlimited customer support. When I do offer adequate customer support, and if it takes me more than a few minutes, I'm under pressure to cut them off because the customer is 'ripping us off' and 'wasting our time'. So, my job is becoming more impossible and this is one reason. And I hate how I'm thrown in the middle, of such unethical business practices that I totally object to.

I'll be extremely relieved to take my next job, whatever that is. I know baking, web design, customer support, office work, data entry, I can type really fast, video editing, Photoshop, .. someone save me and hire my a**! I can't believe I have to put up with such BS. Gah

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:21 pm 
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pastabake wrote:
I had the following exchanges with a member of my group who hasn't done hardly anything for the big final presentation we have Friday. This is my program's equivalent of a thesis presentation, and it's required for graduation.

1:
group member: I just think you have high standards for this project. And I think if this were my project...
me: What, you'd have lower standards?
group member: Yeah.

2:
group member: I think we have different styles. I mean, it's kind of my style to do things at the last minute.
me: And when you're part of a group, and it's a group presentation, and you wait until the last minute, it feels like you aren't helping at all because we get things done before you start.

SO INFURIATING.


Aaaand this same person just missed our final presentation practice.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 9:31 pm 
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A friend of mine is either off her meds or having a really bad time or both. I can't figure out if bad things are really happening to her (or what is going on) or if its just the medication and if its the medication, then I'm worried that she is going to start self-harming again. She has been in a pretty decent relationship and stable on a combination of drugs for several years now, but before she found this combination, she was extremely depressed (she has had various diagnoses of depression, bipolar, catatonic schizophrenia at different times) and non-functioning and had attempted suicide twice. Her depressive episodes are intense and scare me more than anyone else I've ever seen - she'll cut herself (without seeming to feel any pain), engage in really risky behavior and disappear into herself - there is this weird disconnectedness that happens. And she isn't anywhere near me, so I get calls which are so vague - her saying things are bad and she has no idea what to do next, but I can't figure out what is happening to her, and then when I ask questions, she'll say its not that bad and hang up.

I am worried for her. I don't know anyone who would be able to help her and I think if I reached out to anyone without her permission, she would see it as a betrayal and downplay what is going on and not reach out to me at all any more.

Mental illness is so confusing because there isn't a single known framework of support. If she had broken her leg it would be so much easier. I'd call 911, get her to a hospital, everyone would know what to do and she'd have a clear Dx, treatment plan etc. I wish I could help, but I know I can't. And I worry about her.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 9:48 pm 
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Sorry, Tofulish, that is really forking tough. What if you just go from a place of "what kind of support do you need right now?"? That might be less scary to her than detailing all of the things she probably feels out of control and scared about.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 10:13 pm 
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Thanks j-dub. I'll try that. The problem is that she is really confused (which is why I'm pretty sure she's off her meds). She isn't making a lot of sense and her sentences are very disjointed (its almost like the word salad that some schizophrenics get and is part of the reason that she was given that Dx). On her meds she is much clearer. I asked her what support she needs, and she said she was going to see a therapist and trailed off. The problem is that she used to say she was going to a therapist to get people off her back, and either not go or sit and say nothing in her sessions, so its hard to tell if she's going to get help or if she is in a place where she can't see that she needs it.

I hope things get better for her soon. Mental illness issues are just sometimes really uncertain and unpredictable.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:21 pm 
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Tofulish wrote:
I hope things get better for her soon. Mental illness issues are just sometimes really uncertain and unpredictable.

They really are. And with some of the diagnoses she has med "non-compliance" (really not a fan of this term) is practically a symptom. Depending on how able she is to have this conversation with you you might try getting her to draft some kind of safety plan with you, or if she doesn't want to go into it with you maybe ask her if she would feel comfortable calling a local crisis line.

If you have specific questions/concerns feel free to PM me, I do a fair bit of work with folks with various mental health issues, suicidality and self-harming behavious.

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"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:47 am 
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Thanks j-dub! Your clients are lucky to have you and thank you for the kind offer and for listening <3

I am just sad for her because her life has been pretty hard because of her mental illness, and it seemed like she was doing so much better for so long. When she was really sick, she was living on the streets and bad things would happen to her and she would disappear for periods of time, and I'm just worried about her going back to that, because I don't know if she'd survive it this time. And she just sounds like she is in so much turmoil and pain.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 8:31 am 
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I hope your friend can get the right support as soon as possible.

Amazon has messed with my day. I changed my address on the website and ordered some brown rice in bulk. Amazon have sent it to my old address where it has been signed for. I don't know who by as the signature wasn't shown online. One package from the same order has also been left with a neighbour, and I didn't say they could do that! I'm really annoyed that this may have given the ex-landlady an opportunity to be dishonest again.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:11 pm 
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Job. My boss is one of the most despicable managers ever and he's just demoted me, in a way, because I wasn't offering harsh enough customer 'support' (cutting off customers who are a problem, 'wasting our time'. ie, demanding help we've originally offered to them)

Pretty sure I work for one of the most unprofessional corporations in the pacific NW. It's embarassing, and I exchanged my harshest words with my boss today. You know how you hear that most CEOs are pretty close to, if not fit right in with, the definition of a psychopath / sociopath personality? One of those. I work right next to this guy and I get to witness crazy drama all the time, which is pretty distracting. But this place where I work is understaffed, the employees milked dry, spread thin, so we're unable to do thorough jobs. Which means, mistakes happen all the time which infuriates our customers all the time. So, I get to witness all this drama. And witness my boss lie, bluff, stretch the truth, smooth-talk, act like he knows what he's talking about. We don't see eye to eye on most things and if I were more of a sleazebag or dickhead to customers -- yes, customers -- to whom we've offered our support, he would like me a lot more.

crassholes make it pretty far in this sick society and my ethics got in my way, so I've been moved into another department.

What would you say, if for example you were sold a car with the promise of free maintenance for a full year, you bring it into the shop where you bought it, several times, and within the first year of getting the car you were told to pay up because you were 'taking advantage' of the year of maintenance you were promised? Silly me, once again I decided not to pull that BS

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 5:16 am 
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bridean, I often think similar thoughts about my workplace. I'm employed by a minor sector of the government that is supposed to stop people who lack mental capacity (through dementia, head injuries and disabilities) being financially abused by those who are entrusted to manage their affairs. There are so many nasty cases we could prevent from happening, but the breathtaking lack of concern around me perpetuates a 'jobsworth' culture.

Ex-landlady claims she didn't receive the order, but a very kind Amazon employee has arranged for a new order to be sent to my new address. Now ex-landlady is demanding confirmation that all of our utility bills have been paid before authorizing release of the deposit. It's a reasonable request, but if she needs evidence it could take a little while.


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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:44 am 
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Family drama ahead.

My sister just updated me about grandma, who lives at home with mom. Grandma's situation is deteriorating in the worst possible way. A friend comes over to cook for her and keep her company in the mornings (unless my mom is there, in which case she doesn't want anyone home .... she'll make food for grandma but won't hang out with her or do anything else). Grandma's mind is clear, but her physical situation is declining rapidly, to the point where walking across her room to the toilet is a problem, never mind laundry, cleaning and the rest of it. Her body is super contorted and swollen (imagine the blueberry girl from Willie Wonka .... as my 91 year old frail grandma). She knocked her arm the other day, and it hasn't stopped gushing fluid since (not blood, but fluid). Sounds like she needs a nurse (nursing home is out of the question, she doesn't want to go; also $ is a problem) or more regular caregiver or I don't know, but it sucks to have the end of your life go down this way.

The thing that peas me off the most is how much grandma defends mom, even though mom is making her situation worse, and how different a world my mom lives in compared to the rest of us. I feel super grateful I moved out when I did (and super bummed for my kid and teenage selves, in hindsight), but wish it didn't have to have such negative repercussions for grandma. Mom is super hands off in a very reckless, careless, even negligible way (not sure what would have happened to ME if she'd been my primary caregiver instead of grandma), and I hate that grandma is so dependent on her that she defends all of mom's bullshiitake.

I'll be home for 3 weeks in June. I was hoping to have nature-adventures, but I don't mind hanging out with grandma all day. I just ... don't know what to do until then. I can't even talk to her anymore. I used to call every day, but now the friend is there in the mornings, when it's convenient for me to talk. If I wait for the friend to leave, then it's way past my bedtime here in NL and I just want to be asleep. I also don't know whether to hope she's still alive so I can hug her on June ( = 2 more months of this bullshiitake) or hope she dies soon so at least the ridiculous physical suffering will stop. :(

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 6:43 am 
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Lutin, I'm so sorry about your gram.

My gram is in a similar situation except she's frail and at the end of alzheimer's. Her caregiving has been squarely lumped on my grandfather, who has ankylosing spondylitis so bad that he can barely walk. but he's expected to clean up her accidents, feed her, and keep her from burning the house down. my aunt, who was given their house in exchange for taking care of them in their old age, literally doesn't let them leave the apartment. she got sent out of the doctor's appointment a few weeks ago for not letting the old folks talk to the doctor, and i am hoping that someone opens up an inquiry but nobody, sadly, seems to care that much.
lutin wrote:
it sucks to have the end of your life go down this way.

The thing that peas me off the most is how much grandma defends mom,

and this is our situation too, except for my grandpa defending the aunt.

it makes me sad to consider that both of their lives are more or less over, they just happen to still be alive. so very very sad. the rest of us [on the wrong side of the family, apparently] have been making lots and lots of plans about our own end of life, i can tell you. I look forward to seeing my gram in July when I go but there's not much I can do about the situation.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 9:10 am 
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This crushing exhaustion. My brain is so bogged down today that I can't even read posts on here properly. I start reading but nothing makes sense.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 5:16 pm 
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The actual situation(s) that are bothering me right now are pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.....but Oy- the tight ropes around my chest from anxiety and the heavy stone in my gut from depression. They aren't fun.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 6:50 pm 
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That doesn't sound fun at all, Rowan. I hope things get better for you soon.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:35 pm 
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I had a forking crappy day. End of semester bullshiitake, missing work, failures, parents who don't give a shiitake, etc, so I stopped a Sephora and cheered myself up with a lovely new lipgloss.

Now I just find out a student who has been MiA for a while is pregnant. She isn't going to graduate now, I'm pretty sure. She is a struggling reader who can scrape by when she is in class, but making upmeverytime she has missed and passing state exams at this point seems doubtful, especially since she doesn't expect to be back in class anytime soon.

Fork. I need to not think about this stuff; not much I can do. But, fork. Two freaking months before graduation?

Why can't life be like lipgloss? Pretty, sparkly, and uncomplicated.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 5:46 pm 
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I woke up feeling like buttz, which meant bailing on plans. but the worst part was that I felt relatively okay (not great, but better) when said plans would have happened. buuuuh.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:36 pm 
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I give up. I'm just a total fork up failure. Other teachers are able to teach kids things, but I can't.

My students just failed, badly, an open note quiz. They could not even copy word for word basic defi it ions like "what is a tectonic" plate that is highlighted in 3 places plus illustrations in the notes they were allowed to use. In my notes handout, I have boxed highlight questions, followed by the answer (they write the answers as we discuss them, plus the answer is on the powerpoints). These were the quiz questions, so they aren't tough concepts (2 were tougher conceptual questions that I know some students might struggle with, but the rest of them were just basic review).

They were given the quiz questions in advance. I only made it open note as a last minute surprise since its end of quarter.

The class average is a 42%.

I really, really don't know what to do. The most commonly missed question was a fill-in the blank that the San Andreas fault is a transform boundary. This was discussed on several slides on their notes handout. They only had 3 pages front and back with large print and many illustrations for these notes, so it wasn't a lot of material. I don't understand how they were not able to read the answer off the notes if they didn't remember.

I am definitely getting fired at the end of the year. I just can't motivate them to care or think or do anything and I guess that's 99.9% of my job. I just don't know what I can do differently.

The unit test is much, much harder. I just use these little quizzes as self checks and to encourage kids to study a little instead of procrastinating. Plus, they, in theory, limit the damage a test grade can do. I intend for quizzes to be both grade and ego boosting, and to let me know if something is not clicking, but it never works out that way.

I'm really crying right now. I just feel so hopeless and worthless.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:46 pm 
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LW: All of the hugs! I wish there was something I could actually do. I think you are brilliant and the opposite of a failure. I wish your students were cared. For your benefit, and for the fact that kids unwilling to do the bare minimum is forking scary.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:49 pm 
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It has to be me at this point though. They are passing other classes (well most of them are going to graduate). The other earth Sci teacher has issues, but not nearly this bad. I know they like her because she is young and bubbly and "fun" and I'm not, but it's not as if my students hate me or anything. I don't know if I just have a different mix of students, or her teamed classes make such a difference or what.

I just don't know. But, clearly, whatever I'm doing is not working.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 10:07 pm 
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lw, this probably doesn't mean much, but I would have killed to have had a science teacher like you in school. From everything I've read over the past couple of years, you really go out of your way to make your classes super extra awesome (this is a technical term). I'm sorry your students have such a lousy work ethic.

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 Post subject: Re: What was the worst thing about your day?
PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 10:16 pm 
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Thanks for the kind words. I just feel really worn down. I know it gets worse with seniors when they see the end in sight, but it's so bad this year.

I kept poor Molly up an hour past her bedtime, crying into her feathers. She practically jumped into her sleeping fleece when I just took her upstairs. She didn't even say goodnight! She doesn't like deviations from bedtime routine. So now I'm a bad bird mom too and I still need bird snuggles. Boo.

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