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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 11:56 pm 
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rando facebook post wrote:
Maybe you've FINALLY given birth to yourself.


Maybe. Maybe.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 12:40 pm 
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Was out having a drink and reading the newspaper with my guy yesterday evening and this other man at the bar was buying all of the mothers in the place (it was a bar inside a restaurant) drinks. He made the bartender ask me if I was a mother. It felt really, really off-putting and weird. I just said, 'nope' and went back to reading the funnies (which were also all mother related).

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 6:35 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
Was out having a drink and reading the newspaper with my guy yesterday evening and this other man at the bar was buying all of the mothers in the place (it was a bar inside a restaurant) drinks. He made the bartender ask me if I was a mother. It felt really, really off-putting and weird. I just said, 'nope' and went back to reading the funnies (which were also all mother related).


We came across something like that in the restaurant where I worked, so we decided to just give all women free dessert on Mother's Day if they wanted it. I'm not sure if that was the answer, but you can't just ask women if they are mothers. Well, you shouldn't.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 6:38 pm 
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Not unless you are a total crasshole!

(and then you still shouldn't!)

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 6:52 pm 
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ndpittman wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
Was out having a drink and reading the newspaper with my guy yesterday evening and this other man at the bar was buying all of the mothers in the place (it was a bar inside a restaurant) drinks. He made the bartender ask me if I was a mother. It felt really, really off-putting and weird. I just said, 'nope' and went back to reading the funnies (which were also all mother related).


We came across something like that in the restaurant where I worked, so we decided to just give all women free dessert on Mother's Day if they wanted it. I'm not sure if that was the answer, but you can't just ask women if they are mothers. Well, you shouldn't.


You also can't just assume that you can accurately guess the gender of everybody in your restaurant, and thereby determine who gets free dessert and who doesn't.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 6:58 pm 
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one of my close friends (who i also work with) just had her first kid. my best friend is getting married next summer and she's already planning out the baby stuff. i'm happy for them and everything, but... i don't want our relationships to change. i don't want to have to plan stuff around the kids nor my social life with them to revolve around the kids. it will, though and... jeeze i wonder if as get further into my 20's i'll end up gravitating towards making friends with people who also don't want to have the whole family life thing.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 7:07 pm 
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I was at an antique fair yesterday (alone! because my mom did not want to spend mother's day with me!) and a dealer told me happy mother's day when I walked into his booth. I just said thanks. Then he asked me if I was a mother "yet." I said no. He said "didn't think so."

Cool, thanks for all the presumptions! I'm 26 but look younger, and I know that, but come on dude.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 7:27 pm 
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chouettes crêpes wrote:
one of my close friends (who i also work with) just had her first kid. my best friend is getting married next summer and she's already planning out the baby stuff. i'm happy for them and everything, but... i don't want our relationships to change. i don't want to have to plan stuff around the kids nor my social life with them to revolve around the kids. it will, though and... jeeze i wonder if as get further into my 20's i'll end up gravitating towards making friends with people who also don't want to have the whole family life thing.

Yup, this is my life. I'm 27, husband's 29 and all our friends are having babies or are trying to get pregnant. I've signed us up for a child free meetup group just because it's getting to be impossible to do anything with our friends (dinner out, hiking, backpacking trips, movie nights) other than hang out at their house and see the babies. I'm cool with hanging out with the kids but not every time we get together, so I guess we need to make some new friends. The problem I find is that a lot of people in the CF crowd are anti-kid and are downright nasty about it, which is also not my thing! It kind of reminds me of a lot of atheist crowds, actually. It's not enough to just be atheist, they've got to be over the top and intolerant about it. Blech. Friend-shopping is hard!

I added Why Have Kids to my goodreads list and my friend who is always pressuring me to have a kid (and also said it was my & my partner's obligation as "smart people" to pass down our intelligence...ugh) asked if reading it had made me change my mind about having children. I get that the title is misleading, but dude. C'mon.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 8:32 pm 
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ashley wrote:
I was at an antique fair yesterday (alone! because my mom did not want to spend mother's day with me!) and a dealer told me happy mother's day when I walked into his booth. I just said thanks. Then he asked me if I was a mother "yet." I said no. He said "didn't think so."

Cool, thanks for all the presumptions! I'm 26 but look younger, and I know that, but come on dude.

conversely, i dislike if people ask me if i have children, then when i say, "no," they're like, "good!" i get it, i look really young and sure i don't make a lot of money at my job, but jeeze, judge much?

i guess this is a bisqueing-acceptable zone so i can talk this way here, right?


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 8:37 pm 
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couroupita-- yeah i know what you mean. i love kids, love talking about kids, love hearing about my friends' families, but... i'm going to miss that care-free, no curfew fun that i used to have with them when they were child-free.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 8:39 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
ndpittman wrote:
allularpunk wrote:
Was out having a drink and reading the newspaper with my guy yesterday evening and this other man at the bar was buying all of the mothers in the place (it was a bar inside a restaurant) drinks. He made the bartender ask me if I was a mother. It felt really, really off-putting and weird. I just said, 'nope' and went back to reading the funnies (which were also all mother related).


We came across something like that in the restaurant where I worked, so we decided to just give all women free dessert on Mother's Day if they wanted it. I'm not sure if that was the answer, but you can't just ask women if they are mothers. Well, you shouldn't.


You also can't just assume that you can accurately guess the gender of everybody in your restaurant, and thereby determine who gets free dessert and who doesn't.


That is an excellent point. I can't for the life of me even remember how it went. I think we asked if they wanted dessert and just comped it without even really saying anything. But it was over five years ago now, and I'm drawing a blank.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 3:43 am 
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I don't know if this has already been posted by someone, but this book looks great: No Kidding: Women Writers and Comedians on the Choice Not to Have Children.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 4:05 am 
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I have never wanted children and before I got married I made sure my husband did not want any either. I got my tubes tied as soon as possible ... I was 29 and have never regretted it.

I am the youngest of three sisters and am an auntie which gives one many parental benefits ... Walt Disney films, fair with rides ... etc.

I love my niece and my nephews but have never wanted to bear the responsibility for anyone aside from myself.

I was born & raised in Canada, living in England right now where I have read that 25% of the current generation will never have children.

Having a child is of course your right but with every right comes responsibility and so often one sees that side of it ignored.


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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 5:05 am 
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When I mentioned at a family gathering that I wasn't having kids, my cousin who has three of them was like 'oh you'll change your mind.' I HATE that my entire family says this to me. I mean, yeah, I might, but who the hell are you to tell me I will?

/ranting

Lepelaar, that book looks really good.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 9:12 am 
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lillianp wrote:
When I mentioned at a family gathering that I wasn't having kids, my cousin who has three of them was like 'oh you'll change your mind.' I HATE that my entire family says this to me. I mean, yeah, I might, but who the hell are you to tell me I will?

/ranting

Lepelaar, that book looks really good.


Yeah, when people say shiitake like that to me, it makes me even more determined to not do whatever it is they're so sure I'm going to do!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 9:32 am 
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j-dub wrote:
From Facebook. So much wrong with this!
annoying interwebs person wrote:
Today is Mother’s Day, and if you're celebrating your fabulous mother or whooping it up with your fabulous children, may you have the best day ever. But as much as I love you and wish you well, with all due respect, this post is not for you. It's for all the childless mothers out there. Blah blah blah blah...

I feel pretty confident that referring to women who have chosen not to have children as "childless mothers" is about as tone-deaf and dickish as you can get.


I'm also not anyone's father, does that mean I should get all kinds of sympathy and sad eyes on fathers day?

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 10:23 am 
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i wonder if "childless mothers" refers to women who might have lost their child? (not seeing the rest of the post, it's difficult to make a decision on what it really means.)

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 10:29 am 
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supercarrot wrote:
i wonder if "childless mothers" refers to women who might have lost their child? (not seeing the rest of the post, it's difficult to make a decision on what it really means.)

She was using it to refer to women who have lost their children, women who may one day have children, and women who have decided to not have children. Though mostly, it seemed, the latter. Because she's wretched.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 10:42 am 
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yuck.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 12:57 pm 
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I'm 34, been with my husband for 10 years, married 6 and I have zero desire to have children. I have never wanted them, never related to them. I'm not a maternal instinct girl. Maybe that will change, but my window is closing pretty quickly.

Sometimes I think about getting old and being completely alone because I don't have children and that is kind of scary but I don't think that concern warrants me having children now if I don't want them.

After 10 years of nagging, my mother has finally given up on ever getting grandchildren out of me :D

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 1:27 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
I don't know if this has already been posted by someone, but this book looks great: No Kidding: Women Writers and Comedians on the Choice Not to Have Children.

Cool, I'm going to check this out! I just finished Jen Kirkman's book I Can Barely Take Care of Myself and really enjoyed it. I think that book came out last month or so? Anyway, I'd recommend it, too. It's a light read but I thought it was funny.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 2:56 pm 
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couroupita wrote:
lepelaar wrote:
I don't know if this has already been posted by someone, but this book looks great: No Kidding: Women Writers and Comedians on the Choice Not to Have Children.

Cool, I'm going to check this out! I just finished Jen Kirkman's book I Can Barely Take Care of Myself and really enjoyed it. I think that book came out last month or so? Anyway, I'd recommend it, too. It's a light read but I thought it was funny.


I definitely need to pick up the Kirkman book: That's usually my response to the kids question! Followed up by "I don't even have plants!"

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 5:35 pm 
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I bumped into an old coworker today and her first question is of course, have you had any kids yet? For the record, both me and my husband currently have no desire to ever have children. I responded by making a joke about getting my tubes tied, and she said that she never wanted to have kids either but then one day she had an "epiphany" after a bad day at work and decided that she needed more meaning to her life then just working, so she had kids.
Just because I'm childless and have a job does NOT mean that that's all I have going for me in life, my life has plenty of meaning and brings me a whole lot of joy and it peas me off that someone would make that assumption. My job doesn't define who I am as a person, because it's just a job!

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:30 am 
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My partner's aunt told him today that I needed to have babies because his mom needed a reason to live (grandchildren). I am so offended. I'm not a uterus on a stick.

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 Post subject: Re: Women who have chosen not to have kids
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:09 am 
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How sad that his mother has no other reason to live (or that his aunt thinks his mother has no other reason to live) beyond having grandchildren.

dakini wrote:
I'm not a uterus on a stick.


That sounds like a really disgusting snack food.

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