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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 6:15 pm 
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Biker boy took the afternoon off because he's taking his niece to a soccer game. My house is a little hard to find so he was going to give her directions to a bar or restaurant on the main street near me and just walk down to meet her there. He just texted me that he'd picked the Angry Beaver (a Canadian hockey bar... hehe) because they allow dogs inside and he wanted to take Amos on a nice long walk before he and T go to the game. I love that guy! (And so does my dog.)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 6:55 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
I didn't get past the intro to the quiz. The only two options are "married" or "single"? Seriously? I'm not single, but neither am I someone's wife. That didn't give me a lot of faith in the thinking behind the rest of the quiz.


I think there are other versions out there. I think its if you want to take it as a couple? I only did the single version, obviously. Just take the single version! Its to know how you perceive and give love. It seems like a good thing to know! I wasn't a fan of the dichotomy and needing to choose but anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 8:29 pm 
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Re quiz: When I was getting married like 7 years ago, a friend of my parents gave me the original book of the 5 love languages. He friend is a fundamentalist Christian and the book is from a Christian perspective. Many churches use it as part of the marriage prep classes they do for their members. Even though I'm an agnostic, I read it and found the idea of the different languages helpful in understanding my past and current relationship. Since then two of my good friends have gotten married and also read the book. We often talk about it. I just ignore the embedded sexist shiitake.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 8:30 pm 
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Sorry flavabean. That sucks.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 8:35 pm 
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In many of those, both options made me feel very claustrophobic. Sometimes I don't want to hold hands AND I don't want gifts! Maybe it's part of having a toddler - most days, what I really look forward to is time when I'm left alone to do my own thing and not touched or bugged.

I closed the tab already but as with most of you, Quality Time was my highest and Gifts lowest.


Anyway, in terms of the whole don't want to end up alone debate, I met my husband when I'd just started college, and we married 8 years later when I was still fairly young (then waited another ~7 years to have the kid). I think for me, this was definitely advantageous because I felt like we had time to really know each other very well and have an established relationship before starting a family well before fertility problems or whatever set in. There was a definitely period of my life where while I loved and knew my husband was the 'right one' for me, I wished I'd had the opportunity to date around more just to have that experience, before I'd met him.

Doing the whole Navy thing has definitely forced me to compromise my own career, which I feel ambivalent about to begin with, but I do feel sometimes like it's a great way to be in a relationship. I'm definitely in the minority there... but it's not that I don't miss my husband when he deploys or goes to sea a bunch, and it definitely has its disadvantages, but I like that I get to experience living alone (well except for the baby now) again in small doses. Some days it's the best of both worlds, some days it's the worst of both.. but I do like having that alone time.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 8:45 pm 
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Haha I got a 12 in acts of service. But maybe because I'm pretty whatever on the others. But if you do something to help me? I recognize that shiitake and you make it to the top of the list.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:27 pm 
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6 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
3 Receiving Gifts
9 Acts of Service
4 Physical Touch

Mine is pretty accurate too. I don't want gifts or hugs. I just want you to help me clean! You'd think that would be relatively easy to manage...


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:45 pm 
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I got Quality Time, as well. I don't know if that's accurate- I guess it is. I'd rather spend time with my partner than receive gifts (what the hell do I want gifts for?), I don't really want to hold hands and suck face in public, etc. However, like annak, there were many questions that had two choices that weren't me at all. It was akin to asking me would I rather stab myself in the left leg or the left arm? Neither!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:49 pm 
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So T got in about an hour ago...was taking friends home...and texts me that he has a forking FLAT TIRE.

This anticipation will never end.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:00 pm 
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3 Words of Affirmation
9 Quality Time
8 Receiving Gifts
2 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

Yesssssss Receiving Gifts and Touch tie! I kind of wish I had come through with even higher scores on those but oh well, I guess a little Quality Time will do!

(PS; my birthday is soon, everyone)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:47 pm 
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Mr. Shankly wrote:
It was akin to asking me would I rather stab myself in the left leg or the left arm? Neither!


I guess maybe I am more of a lover then I let on about, because I had a harder time deciding between things I like, like why can't we do fun things and be holding hands as we do it?

So, I really am someone who prefers to be in love. Blah, so much for fostering independence or something.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:59 pm 
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Fee wrote:
Haha I got a 12 in acts of service. But maybe because I'm pretty whatever on the others. But if you do something to help me? I recognize that shiitake and you make it to the top of the list.

Samesies. I thought maybe service was highest for me based on what I wrote in this thread last week (which has improved significantly thanks to the thoughtful comments I received! ) but I think it's more what you said.

I don't really like that each question made it seem like my partner doesn't already do a lot of that stuff. ..or that I want a bunch of gifts. Also I don't like lots of touching and I like lots of time to myself so I scored low on those. Weird!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:02 am 
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6 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
10 Acts of Service
5 Physical Touch

We so argue about acts of service (aka cleaning). I think physical touch would score higher if I was getting more acts of service!


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 2:10 am 
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Butternut wrote:
I think physical touch would score higher if I was getting more acts of service!


This sounds dirty to me!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 8:57 am 
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I went out with a dude I met online yesterday and our date went well and ended with one of the hottest end of the night kisses I've ever ended a date with. My knees get a little weak when I think about it

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:27 am 
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annak wrote:
In many of those, both options made me feel very claustrophobic. Sometimes I don't want to hold hands AND I don't want gifts! Maybe it's part of having a toddler - most days, what I really look forward to is time when I'm left alone to do my own thing and not touched or bugged.

I closed the tab already but as with most of you, Quality Time was my highest and Gifts lowest.


Yeah, I had a problem with the quiz. I would say quality time and physical touch are important but screw gifts. Also "help me with chores", I mean we have our issues here before but I feel it is a shared responsibility rather than something I own solely.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 9:30 am 
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sarahnorine wrote:
I went out with a dude I met online yesterday and our date went well and ended with one of the hottest end of the night kisses I've ever ended a date with. My knees get a little weak when I think about it


I love kisses like that!

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 10:24 am 
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linanil wrote:
annak wrote:
In many of those, both options made me feel very claustrophobic. Sometimes I don't want to hold hands AND I don't want gifts! Maybe it's part of having a toddler - most days, what I really look forward to is time when I'm left alone to do my own thing and not touched or bugged.

I closed the tab already but as with most of you, Quality Time was my highest and Gifts lowest.


Yeah, I had a problem with the quiz. I would say quality time and physical touch are important but screw gifts. Also "help me with chores", I mean we have our issues here before but I feel it is a shared responsibility rather than something I own solely.


Maybe it's different once you're married, but I definitely feel like I have responsibilities that aren't my boyfriend's and when he makes it a shared responsibility, I swoon. Like my dog is mine, my choice, all the rough shiitake should fall to me - but when he is the one to get up and let him out in the morning or allows himself to be the bad guy that takes him in at night - I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Or maybe I'm a crazy dog woman who pretty much loves anyone who loves her dog, also a strong possibility.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 10:43 am 
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I was having a panic attack during the hour before my qualifying exam (2 hour oral exam. Pass/fail, need to pass to continue in school, though I do get two tries) tuesday morning. My partner came to my office and hung out with me and helped me to calm down. She insists it was nothing but I don't know what I would've done if she hadn't come by.


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 10:46 am 
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Fee wrote:
linanil wrote:
annak wrote:
In many of those, both options made me feel very claustrophobic. Sometimes I don't want to hold hands AND I don't want gifts! Maybe it's part of having a toddler - most days, what I really look forward to is time when I'm left alone to do my own thing and not touched or bugged.

I closed the tab already but as with most of you, Quality Time was my highest and Gifts lowest.


Yeah, I had a problem with the quiz. I would say quality time and physical touch are important but screw gifts. Also "help me with chores", I mean we have our issues here before but I feel it is a shared responsibility rather than something I own solely.


Maybe it's different once you're married, but I definitely feel like I have responsibilities that aren't my boyfriend's and when he makes it a shared responsibility, I swoon. Like my dog is mine, my choice, all the rough shiitake should fall to me - but when he is the one to get up and let him out in the morning or allows himself to be the bad guy that takes him in at night - I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Or maybe I'm a crazy dog woman who pretty much loves anyone who loves her dog, also a strong possibility.


I get this. I don't really care if someone helps me with my 'chores' (ie, shiitake I don't want to do, but have to), but I show love by helping other people with theirs. The biggest thing I feel like gets my feelings across to T is taking care of his dog for him. I enjoy feeding him early in the morning, taking him for walks, filling up his slobbery Kong with peanut butter. And it's not just because I like dogs (I'm more of a cat lady, but I do like T's dog), it's also a nice way of helping out that T appreciates. Clean his toilet, I will never, but I'll put some love into that animal all day long.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:34 pm 
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allularpunk wrote:
Fee wrote:
Maybe it's different once you're married, but I definitely feel like I have responsibilities that aren't my boyfriend's and when he makes it a shared responsibility, I swoon. Like my dog is mine, my choice, all the rough shiitake should fall to me - but when he is the one to get up and let him out in the morning or allows himself to be the bad guy that takes him in at night - I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Or maybe I'm a crazy dog woman who pretty much loves anyone who loves her dog, also a strong possibility.


I get this. I don't really care if someone helps me with my 'chores' (ie, shiitake I don't want to do, but have to), but I show love by helping other people with theirs. The biggest thing I feel like gets my feelings across to T is taking care of his dog for him. I enjoy feeding him early in the morning, taking him for walks, filling up his slobbery Kong with peanut butter. And it's not just because I like dogs (I'm more of a cat lady, but I do like T's dog), it's also a nice way of helping out that T appreciates. Clean his toilet, I will never, but I'll put some love into that animal all day long.


I do think it is different when you live with someone and have shared pets. There are chores which are typical to each of us and it isn't unusual for either of us to do the other person's chore especially when busy/sick/whatever.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 4:17 pm 
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Oh, absolutely! Then it's a shared responsibility, and less like doing someone an awesome favor. (Unless it's their turn and they just reaaallllly don't want to.)

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 4:24 pm 
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Oh, also, T is back, it is awesome, he is the best. I didn't ask for any gifts or anything (I rarely remember to buy people souvenirs and stuff when I'm away, so I never expect them in return), but he brought me back the most thoughtful stuff! He told me today that it was tough shopping for me because he had to make sure everything was, like, cotton and didn't contain dairy, which I think is super sweet that he was thinking about that. Anyway, he brought me back hot cocoa mix that smells divine (and doesn't have any dairy in it!), coffee (which tastes awesome and it's just cool that he is fueling my coffee habit, haha), and this really lovely silver bracelet with a Mayan design cut into it. That is the most super amazing thing to me because of all of these reasons:

- I don't wear jewelry, generally, and he has never seen me wear anything (but my lip ring), but if I were to wear jewelry, I would wear a bracelet. How did he know??
- Silver! Not gold!
- Super simple and it fits my wrist perfectly.
- This is the first time ever that a dude bought me jewelry (except for that whole engagement debacle several years ago), and it was just so...me.

I'm really not that into receiving gifts, but when they're that thoughtful, I'm just blown away. Although, he does have a masters degree in criminology and we joke that he profiles me all the time because he always knows just exactly what I like, without me telling him.

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55k usd is like 4 cad or whatever equivalent in beavers you use on the island - joshua


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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 7:34 pm 
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I just meant to open this thread and opened the "Space to post things that do not go with any other topic..." thread instead. I was SO CONFUSED about why everyone was talking about making seitan, hula hoops, and their dogs.

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 Post subject: Re: Relationship advice, decisions, smiles or tears
PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 7:51 pm 
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Trevor has been The Best these last few weeks. Well, he is always, but the amount of support, love, hugs, massages, words of wisdom and advice, dinners he's made when I'm too anxious to cook, lunches he's made me...I just can't believe such a perfect human for me exists. I don't know how I'd carry myself through this difficult time without him in my corner.

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