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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 7:30 am 
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aaaaand we met up and he's very sweet. A bit of a space cadet, but who am I to talk? We're meeting again this weekend.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:57 am 
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Gulliver wrote:
I think he's genuine, just terrified and worn out.


I can relate to that. Good for him for still being willing to put himself out there, it is really scary. Especially when most evidence proves that people are awful.

God, I sound cynical.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 1:41 pm 
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Love Child wrote:

I'm so sorry. But he sounded a bit like a dick, so I'm sure you're better off (I don't know if that's comforting, sorry).


It's fine. He was ace to talk to, and I'm repressing the wish that her face falls off. He was honest and I can't resent the desire to try and make something promising work. Le sigh.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 11:55 pm 
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Just got a message from a dude who has this in his profile:

"I'm not racist or sexist, but I find the jokes that go with them hilarious (being able to laugh at yourself is critically important). I workout a lot(..Not like Super-Douche level, more like "...Why yes I can open that jar of pickles for you")."

At least he doesn't work out like Super-Douche level. That would have been a dealbreaker.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 1:22 am 
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Veg_Eric wrote:
I got a response to my almost empty profile last week, so I met with her last Sunday. (...) I'm not sure that special click is there yet, but maybe that will come later. We both agreed on meeting up again after my vacation. So far, so good and I'm feeling positive about it.


Aw, veg! That's lovely. (Special click or not, I'm happy you're meeting people, and giving it a chance.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:46 am 
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takecare wrote:
Just got a message from a dude who has this in his profile:

"I'm not racist or sexist, but I find the jokes that go with them hilarious (being able to laugh at yourself is critically important). I workout a lot(..Not like Super-Douche level, more like "...Why yes I can open that jar of pickles for you")."

At least he doesn't work out like Super-Douche level. That would have been a dealbreaker.

Unfortunately no one in his life has told him that he appears to do other things on a Super-Douche level. :( :( :(

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:26 am 
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I totally gained some alcohol-based courage and messaged a guy who, in my opinion, is waaay out of my league (though I have been told by friends that I "downgrade", or whatever that means), and he messaged me back almost immediately! He seems really nice, and he's only lives a few towns over (online dating in rural towns is ridiculous, let me tell you.) We've been talking for the past two days. Don't want to push this too quickly, but I kind of want to meet him...


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 11:50 am 
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Good for you, flavabean!

Do all of you have pics of yourself on your profiles? I don't have any, and I think maybe that scares people away... But I'm worried that someone I know might see it, and also I'm not "cute", so I don't think a picture would make people more interested anyway.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:00 pm 
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True face: I was always suspicious of profiles without pictures, and didn't give many of them a second thought. (I was also suspicious of profiles with pictures...Like, "You choose that photo? Really?", but definitely needed visual info. to help me consider everything else.)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:26 pm 
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Love Child wrote:
Do all of you have pics of yourself on your profiles? I don't have any, and I think maybe that scares people away... But I'm worried that someone I know might see it, and also I'm not "cute", so I don't think a picture would make people more interested anyway.
Like lutin, I wouldn't reply to anyone who didn't have a picture.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:35 pm 
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Arg. True FACT not face. (Thanks autocorrect?)

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:35 pm 
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Gulliver wrote:
Like lutin, I wouldn't reply to anyone who didn't have a picture.


I also wouldn't reply to people who had a picture, but no actual info.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 12:47 pm 
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Yeah, even if you had a very detailed profile, I would be very hesistant to contact someone who didn't have a photo.
I've been told by the last three online dating guys I've gone out with that I look A LOT more attractive than my photos depicted. I really don't know what to do with that information... I mean, I think they're perfectly fine pictures, I just don't think I photograph well (and I'm wondering if these pictures have scared people off...)


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 1:07 pm 
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Ok. Just found out that two of this guy's favorite shows are Supernatural and Doctor Who.



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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 28, 2013 4:26 pm 
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I'm having trouble with guys that *seem* too desperate. For instance, I message him back a little, he gives me his number and tells me to text him when I got the time. I forget and blast through a week without talking to him and he sends me a friendly reminder message that he's still there, waiting for me to text him. My OKC profile does say "casual sex"...but why doesn't this guy keep himself busy with someone else while I don't text him?

Does anyone else think these things? Is it weird to think he sounds desperate? Am I being too narrow-minded?

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:21 am 
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lutin wrote:
Gulliver wrote:
Like lutin, I wouldn't reply to anyone who didn't have a picture.


I also wouldn't reply to people who had a picture, but no actual info.
I've thought about this more. If I received a very nice message from someone who had either no picture or no profile, I might reply. I think I would have my cards held to my chest a lot more, though. Also, TRUE FACE is much better. I imagined ones face dropping into an expression sudden sincerity before the truth is dispensed.

sarahnorine wrote:
Does anyone else think these things? Is it weird to think he sounds desperate? Am I being too narrow-minded?
I think he sounds under-confident, rather than desperate. I frequently forget to reply because I'm a halfwit, and I find little reminder messages helpful.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:26 am 
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sarahnorine wrote:
I'm having trouble with guys that *seem* too desperate. For instance, I message him back a little, he gives me his number and tells me to text him when I got the time. I forget and blast through a week without talking to him and he sends me a friendly reminder message that he's still there, waiting for me to text him. My OKC profile does say "casual sex"...but why doesn't this guy keep himself busy with someone else while I don't text him?

Does anyone else think these things? Is it weird to think he sounds desperate? Am I being too narrow-minded?


If someone's interested, I kind of assume they'll text/call me within three or four days. Some of my friends call me impatient...I simply call that being respectful of my time. After that, I check out and move on. Even for casual relationships, I like to know what's what before a week has gone by.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 10:34 am 
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missdelaney wrote:
sarahnorine wrote:
I'm having trouble with guys that *seem* too desperate. For instance, I message him back a little, he gives me his number and tells me to text him when I got the time. I forget and blast through a week without talking to him and he sends me a friendly reminder message that he's still there, waiting for me to text him. My OKC profile does say "casual sex"...but why doesn't this guy keep himself busy with someone else while I don't text him?

Does anyone else think these things? Is it weird to think he sounds desperate? Am I being too narrow-minded?


If someone's interested, I kind of assume they'll text/call me within three or four days. Some of my friends call me impatient...I simply call that being respectful of my time. After that, I check out and move on. Even for casual relationships, I like to know what's what before a week has gone by.


I'm just worried by the fact that I might be a little narrow-minded. I am, unfortunately, self aware enough to know that I go for men that are unrepsonsive because it's challenging, but I don't want to be like that, ya know? :(

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 1:29 pm 
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sarahnorine wrote:
I'm having trouble with guys that *seem* too desperate. For instance, I message him back a little, he gives me his number and tells me to text him when I got the time. I forget and blast through a week without talking to him and he sends me a friendly reminder message that he's still there, waiting for me to text him. Is it weird to think he sounds desperate?

Waiting a week to remind you doesn't strike me as desperate at all. If he'd sent a bunch of messages that night or just sent a ton of messages in a row he might seem desperate, but he sounds respectful to me.

I put him in the category of normal. If you kept forgetting things or were rude to him and he kept pursuing you he might seem desperate, but hopefully you wouldn't behave that way about a guy you're interested in anyway.

I think you're on the right track to avoid guys who seem too distant (if that's who you're usually into) and look for guys that have more equal responses.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 2:24 pm 
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I'm with the general consensus that no photos is usually a total no-go at all for me, or at least a huge red flag. I don't look at photos to judge how hot-or-not they are really, mostly I think photos do a grea job conveying personality and provide a better insight into that certain 'je ne sais qois' that just a profile can't convey.

P.S. if someone who knows you saw you on a dating site... Guess why they saw you? Because they're on there too!

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:09 pm 
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Hm, maybe I should reconsider then. Personally I almost get MORE interested if there's no picture but a nicely written profile, but I get that other people aren't like that. But I'm really not photogenic.


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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:56 pm 
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I'm really not photogenic either, Love Child. It was hard for me to come up with some photos I was willing to put on my profile and in the end what I came up with didn't really show much of what I looked like (one taken from a bit of a distance of me kneeling on the beach with my dog, one with sunglasses, and only one that really showed my face at all.) I am sure that some people disregarded my profile because they couldn't tell if I was "hot" enough for them from the pics I posted, but I am equally sure that far more people would have disregarded my profile if it had no pics at all. For me, I just didn't feel like I was dealing with a real person if there were no pictures and I'm not sure I ever responded to any pictureless profiles.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:58 pm 
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Yeah, I agree about profiles without a photo. Pictures aren't everything, but they can give you a general idea if someone is even your type, and if they give off a pleasant vibe. I also always found it a little creepy that someone had the benefit of seeing what I looked like before they decided if they wanted to have contact with me but they wouldn't allow me the same benefit.

On one ocassion, I wanted to give someone the benefit of the doubt because while he didn't have a photo up, his profile looked interesting, so I asked if he could send me a picture of himself. (He said he was a teacher and didn't want a picture on his profile in case his students would find it.) He responded with "Why? I don't have two heads if that's what you're worried about." Yeah, defensiveness, not such a turn on.

But I get how you feel, Love Child. I'm also really unphotogenic (which is why the only pic you'll find of me on the PPK is in "You shouldn't be in pictures"). Still, I dug up the most flattering picture I could find and then supplemented that with pictures that were maybe not as flattering but showed me doing things I love (holding an orphaned kangaroo, helping to assist feed an injured hawk, etc.) It adds a dimension of reality to a profile that I think you can't completely get from just words on a page.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2013 7:50 pm 
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I'm not online dating, but I heard a question about this on the Savage Lovecast last week, and Dan brought up a really good point that is worth mentioning here, and it is this: you never know what other people are going to find attractive. Sure, there are general societal ideas about what's hot and what's not, but individuals like all kinds of things. A picture you might think is unflattering might actually highlight a feature that a potential dating partner finds really appealing but that you don't notice. It's really easy to fixate on the unflattering elements of photographs of yourself (I think I'm horrifyingly unphotogenic, but other people tend to think I'm cute in photos, so go figure), but other people may very well see your pics differently, and may be more apt to fixate on the attractive and positive elements.

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 Post subject: Re: online dating (how r u 2day qt?)
PostPosted: Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:11 pm 
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Thank you for all your responses. I think I'll take some photos of myself and see where I end up.


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