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Adopt?
Poll ended at Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:43 am
I would adopt. 62%  62%  [ 28 ]
I would not adopt. 9%  9%  [ 4 ]
Not sure if I would adopt. 24%  24%  [ 11 ]
I have adopted. 4%  4%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 45
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 Post subject: Adopt?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:43 am 
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Tofu Pup
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Anyone here have an opinion about adopting? I have a history of mental issues in my family and wonder if adopting would be the better option for me and my peace of mind that I wouldn't be passing that on.

Not planing on adopting or having a kid any time soon, but thinking what other vegans think. (Ideas on overpopulation?)


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:55 am 
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I'd like to adopt whenever I get to the stage of my life where kids seems like a good idea (that is still a very far way off). I dunno, it just seems like there's a lot of children who need caretakers and, though I don't have major health problems in my family history, I don't think there's anything exceptionally special in my genes that -needs- to be passed down, so why pop out more kids?


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:16 am 
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i probably won't ever have kids in my house, but if that ever changes, i'd adopt an older kid. (or at least foster.)

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:50 pm 
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It is very expensive to adopt compared to having a bio kid if you have health insurance and don't have fertility issues. My daughter cost us less than $150 in medical bills. By comparison, I've known people who have had to pay around 20k to adopt a child, which is apparently on the low side (according to http://www.theadoptionguide.com/cost/ar ... ption-cost). I love the idea of adoption, but that is a lot of money. I definitely would have considered adopting a second child rather than having another bio kid if the economics of it had been different.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:36 pm 
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We are an adoptive family. I think it's awesome!! Adoption can be expensive, it depends on a lot of different factors (private vs fostercare, etc). There is a adoption tax credit that you can take though which off-sets it somewhat.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 6:51 pm 
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Obviously it would depend on my life when I'm ready for kids, but I see a lot of kids in need of a home in my line of work,and that has made me really want to adopt or foster in the future...right now my sister is looking into how to start the process which is interesting

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 3:56 pm 
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I voted not sure, but I am seriously considering it for the future.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 10:20 am 
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I would have gone with adopting if DH had been okay with it and it was planned for similar reasons. (Lots of genes that can make life difficult for a kid, so far so good though)

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:19 am 
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I would adopt, my husband is not interested. Sigh.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:32 am 
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My partner wants kids, I don't. I'm 26 years old and totally open to the idea that I may change my mind someday. If I did, I'd definitely go the adoption route. Mental illness runs strongly in my family, and I am no exception.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 11:38 am 
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***LIES!!!***
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I think having a bio kid has made me more disposed toward adopting in the future. Before I worried about bonding with a kid I hadn't birthed and I also really wanted the experience of birthing and breastfeeding. Now that I've birthed a kid, a) the only real impetus for doing it again is just redeeming the first experience (and of course having another child), there wasn't much redeeming about birthing itself (or being pregnant or being postpartum), b) I may be doomed on the breastfeeding front anyway, so that's no longer a major consideration, and c) my child was a stranger to me at birth anyway - I loved her right away, but bonding took time, I don't know that it'd be so much different with a child I hadn't birthed. A friend of mine has two children adopted from South Korea and they're pretty much the happiest family I know, but she tells me about how her children grieved when they came here (as infants) and that kind of stuff does scare me.

I still think I'm not likely cut out for adopting an older child.

I also wouldn't want to do international adoption. I wouldn't care what race/ethnicity my child was (I hope), but I think the need is here and there's a fetishization of foreign-born kids (who obviously also need homes, but I don't know if Westerners adopting them is the sustainable solution to that problem). I'm also less worried about possible illegal/immoral termination of parental rights, but I don't know if I have any basis for that. A friend of mine is a social worker who does adoptions and she tells really depressing stories about people (of all races) who are willing to adopt African babies, but not perfectly healthy black American babies.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 3:18 pm 
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Ariann wrote:
A friend of mine is a social worker who does adoptions and she tells really depressing stories about people (of all races) who are willing to adopt African babies, but not perfectly healthy black American babies.


What is the deal with that? I mean, do they say why? I would be really interested to know what people's reasoning behind this is, since it doesn't make any sense at all to me.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 3:23 pm 
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I love the idea of adopting, but I would say if you are doing it to circumvent genetics consider that you have no idea what the bio parents could pass on.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 3:39 pm 
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I'm 100% all for it. and coincidentally not all that sure how fertile my boyzzz are.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 5:07 pm 
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ismloveyoubobbybrown wrote:
I love the idea of adopting, but I would say if you are doing it to circumvent genetics consider that you have no idea what the bio parents could pass on.


I think this is really important to remember.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 5:39 pm 
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I had completely planned to adopt rather than have biological children. Then I spent 2 months with a pediatric psychiatrist doing inpatient and outpatient work. A huge percentage of his patient load were adopted or foster children and many of them had extremely severe emotional issues (even the ones who were adopted as very young children). I know that for myself (at least at this time in my life) I wouldn't be able to handle those kinds of issues. I suppose if I had access to medical history including mental health I might consider it because genes are strong influences.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 6:26 pm 
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Like climbing Mount Everest, adopting children seems like a difficult and expensive thing that someone else might enjoy doing but really isn't for me.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 8:38 pm 
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When I had fertility issues, a few of my friends urged me to adopt. And where I would have thought beforehand that I was completely open to adoption, I discovered that I really wanted a bio-kid. I loved the experience of being pregnant and birthing and I actually love having a bio-kid and seeing my partner and me in her.

Things change all the time, but at the moment, I would not adopt. And I love what annak said.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 8:56 pm 
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***LIES!!!***
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choirqueer wrote:
Ariann wrote:
A friend of mine is a social worker who does adoptions and she tells really depressing stories about people (of all races) who are willing to adopt African babies, but not perfectly healthy black American babies.


What is the deal with that? I mean, do they say why? I would be really interested to know what people's reasoning behind this is, since it doesn't make any sense at all to me.


It's about the "look" - Africans are considered beautiful, American blacks are considered unattractive.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 09, 2013 11:52 pm 
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I don't know if this is the dead thread to revive, but I thought this article was really fascinating.

http://www.reuters.com/investigates/ado ... icle/part1

Reading this article I am saddened and horrified. As one person noted on the fb posting of this where I saw it, this article doesn't even delve into the obvious: there is a huge potential here for sex trafficking. And reading some of the individual posts (click on the little people icons in the interactive part), I am left very confused by the whole thing: some of these posters seem to have very strange ideas about how children behave and are motivated. Some of them I am reading over and thinking, is there more to this story because that could be MY toddler!! Eg:

Quote:
We didn't even realize what was going on until she was 3.5 almost 4. She constantly is pushing our buttons and I am her biggest target, which is the case for kids with attachment issues/disorder. She has intentionally peed in our house, pooped, hurts our animals, destructs our house. I have to have her in my sight every waking moment and it's exhausting. And I resent her. I have huge walls up at this time because I've been through so much in the past year caring for my ailing parents, who have both since died. I'm tired of always having a huge project in front of me and wonder how long I can continue to parent her. We've had wonderful periods, but I'm tired of the two steps forward, three steps back. I had NO idea raising an adopted child would be SO HARD.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 10, 2013 8:42 am 
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Well, as an adult adoptee, I have an opinion.
Adoption is great. BUT... be sure you are doing it for reasons that will invite the adoptee to be fully part of the family. If you adopt, take at least a full year of family counseling with a counselor who specializes in adoption issues.
People forget that adoption is not over when the papers are signed. The child will have questions (and if you are thinking of hiding it from the child, let me tell you, it never ends well) all of their lives.
And seriously consider giving an older child a forever home. They need it. (I won't get into internationals adoptions, as they are lengthy discussions).
I do a lot of work with teen and adult adoptees.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Tue Sep 10, 2013 11:34 am 
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Thanks for bumping this thread...my husband and I are seriously starting to discuss adoption - and the possibility of adopting an older child is something I think about often.
Annak thanks for that link! I'm still processing how that article made me feel - I never had really thought/known about this "re-homing" of adopted children, makes me so sad.


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 1:11 pm 
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We just started talking about adopting or fostering. I can't properly articulate why I strongly do not want to carry a child, or have a baby, but I do love (older) kids, and for the first time ever in my life (at 32) I can picture myself raising a (6+) kid, and we are slowly inching toward being financially stable, but definitely still on the less wealthy side. One of the reasons we moved to a more affordable part of the country is to leave that option open in case we changed our minds about having another human in our cat family. I am actually terrified of babies/small children but I find older children so interesting, and there are a lot of First Nations kids here needing homes. The program for those kids is cool--they have a sponsor from their cultural heritage that they spend a lot of time with but we get educated alongside them as well. I grew up with predominately First Nations friends and I found it a very enriching experience to be exposed to their traditions and history. This was in another part of the country and the traditions and history are vastly different here, but the idea of learning with the child certainly appeals to me. My partner is unsure--he grew up in Los Angeles and the Canadian First Nations are pretty new to him, which is an understandable hesitation. Interestingly, I feel like sometimes both of us are ashamed to show pause (for example, adopting a kid with a severe disability), but we should honour our hesitations because we would be wrong to adopt a needy child if we both secretly believed that we couldn't handle it, right?

This is such terrifying stuff to think about, but I think it's great that we are tossing the idea around and getting educated. There are also a lot of African Nova Scotian kids so there's a whole other system for that, which I'd be interested in. Of course there are many special needs kids as well, and I'm not too confident that I am ready for that, plus since we absolutely both have to work full time and freelance, I think there are better homes for those children.

Fostering is another option that I haven't learned too much about yet.

Anyway, we are not too serious about it yet, but if we do do it I want it to be before I'm a lot older and don't have the energy!


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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 2:08 pm 
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Vijita, I think it's really cool that you are thinking about adopting an older child. I'm not familiar with First Nations but it sounds like an interesting program. Keep us posted! My full time job is working with adults with severe disabilities, and I truly love my clients and am inspired every day by the strength and compassion of their parents, many of whom are adoptive parents. It sounds like you have a very healthy and positive handle on your feelings, but if I may throw in my two cents- there is nothing wrong with feeling like a special needs child wouldn't be the best fit for you. Whatever choice you end up making, high fives for keeping your heart and mind open- I think you and your partner would provide a great, loving home for any child you ended up adopting or fostering.

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 Post subject: Re: Adopt?
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 2:20 pm 
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I just read the book so this may be a case of everything looking like a nail when you have a hammer, but I thought "Far from the Tree" was a very thought provoking look at raising children with a few types of disabilities.


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