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 Post subject: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 7:35 am 
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Brag, complain, or just shoot the breeze here.


Last night my boyfriend told me that my farts make baby Jebus cry.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 7:45 am 
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I farted in front of my friend but camouflaged it with a nose blowing, in the hope that he didn't hear it. It was loud though.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 8:40 am 
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Anek wrote:
I farted in front of my friend but camouflaged it with a nose blowing, in the hope that he didn't hear it. It was loud though.


Sometimes when I blow my nose/sneeze/cough, a little fart squeezes out accidentally. I always hope that the sound coming from my head camouflages the sound coming from my asparagus, but I'm never sure.

lepelaar wrote:

Last night my boyfriend told me that my farts make baby Jebus cry.


He would like me to clarify that he's not speaking of the occasional isolated fart, but those evenings when I've eaten something that results in what he refers to as near-extinction level events.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 07, 2013 1:42 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:

lepelaar wrote:

Last night my boyfriend told me that my farts make baby Jebus cry.


He would like me to clarify that he's not speaking of the occasional isolated fart, but those evenings when I've eaten something that results in what he refers to as near-extinction level events.

This sounds eerily like what my partner would say to me. Particularly the "near-extinction level events". It's not an everyday thing, but sometimes it's pretty bad. Sorry, baby Jebus!

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 9:01 am 
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Yesterday I farted while sitting on the couch. Tristan was on the backrest, snoozing with his nose nuzzled into my neck. When I farted, he grumbled, let out a loud "MEOW!" and then sighed and went back to sleep. I guess my farts annoy my cat.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:08 am 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
Yesterday I farted while sitting on the couch. Tristan was on the backrest, snoozing with his nose nuzzled into my neck. When I farted, he grumbled, let out a loud "MEOW!" and then sighed and went back to sleep. I guess my farts annoy my cat.

I've farted next to Zebby, and if they're bad enough, he'll give me a look or even get up and leave the room.

Zebby is really bad about covering his poops in the litter box, so we're always telling him he's stinky. One time, I let out a particularly rank one. Mike came in and smelled it, and I let him blame it on the cat. He wouldn't have known any better except that I bragged to my friend in FB chat and he saw.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:30 am 
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rachell37 wrote:
He wouldn't have known any better except that I bragged to my friend in FB chat and he saw.

bahahaha


My dad's old car when we were teenagers, he was able to lock the back windows from the front. So he'd do this, then let out a silent but violent fart. We'd all be frantically trying to unlock the windows so we could breathe and he'd be sitting their laughing his evil arse off.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:12 pm 
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baps wrote:
My dad's old car when we were teenagers, he was able to lock the back windows from the front. So he'd do this, then let out a silent but violent fart. We'd all be frantically trying to unlock the windows so we could breathe and he'd be sitting their laughing his evil arse off.

This reminded me of when I was a kid, and we lived in a farming area, so whenever we drove down the highway, if it smelled bad, we'd say "is it the cows, or did Dad fart?!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:54 pm 
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If I fart whilst cuddling a guinea pig they freeze, look so surprised and have no idea where the noise came from.


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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:08 pm 
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lepelaar wrote:
Brag, complain, or just shoot the breeze here.


Last night my boyfriend told me that my farts make baby Jebus cry.



Noooooo don't say this outloud. I spend a lot of time trying to convince my husband vegan farts don't stink and when he had stinky farts it's because he had chicken or dairy or something.

Or too much beer. Too much beer seems to equal stinky farts.

I'm relatively certain my husband farts in his sleep. He is very proud of this fact

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 3:10 pm 
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8ball wrote:
If I fart whilst cuddling a guinea pig they freeze, look so surprised and have no idea where the noise came from.


Have you ever heard piggie farts? When I had my ancient geriatric piggie with poop issues I would give get butt soaks each night (basically a sitz bath) and sometimes she would fart. The first time I heard it I was like what the fizzle did they noise come from YOU?!?!?

She was the only piggie I've heard fart

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Fri Nov 08, 2013 4:23 pm 
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LisaPunk wrote:
I'm relatively certain my husband farts in his sleep. He is very proud of this fact

I've farted myself awake. More than once.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:41 am 
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paprikapapaya wrote:
Yesterday I farted while sitting on the couch. Tristan was on the backrest, snoozing with his nose nuzzled into my neck. When I farted, he grumbled, let out a loud "MEOW!" and then sighed and went back to sleep. I guess my farts annoy my cat.

Since you call your partner T, when I first read this I forgot that you also have a cat with a T name. Confusing!

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:54 am 
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rachell37 wrote:
LisaPunk wrote:
I'm relatively certain my husband farts in his sleep. He is very proud of this fact

I've farted myself awake. More than once.

I have definitely done this and then laughed hysterically. The guy I was dating at the time just looked horrified.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:55 am 
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rachell37 wrote:
LisaPunk wrote:
I'm relatively certain my husband farts in his sleep. He is very proud of this fact

I've farted myself awake. More than once.

I have definitely done this and then laughed hysterically. The guy I was dating at the time just looked horrified.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:55 am 
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rachell37 wrote:
LisaPunk wrote:
I'm relatively certain my husband farts in his sleep. He is very proud of this fact

I've farted myself awake. More than once.

I have definitely done this and then laughed hysterically. The guy I was dating at the time just looked horrified.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:07 pm 
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My farts are legendary for their noxiousness and tendency to linger in the air for a ridiculously long time. "Near-extinction level event" is definitely an accurate description. Last week I drove to my sister's apartment to pick her up and had to let one out right after I got in the car so I made the whole drive (about 20 minutes) with the windows down. The second she gets in the car: "Auughhh, did you fart in here??"


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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 5:13 pm 
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Mars wrote:
paprikapapaya wrote:
Yesterday I farted while sitting on the couch. Tristan was on the backrest, snoozing with his nose nuzzled into my neck. When I farted, he grumbled, let out a loud "MEOW!" and then sighed and went back to sleep. I guess my farts annoy my cat.

Since you call your partner T, when I first read this I forgot that you also have a cat with a T name. Confusing!


Ahahaha. This is a great mental image.

Today I horrified Trevor in the car. He was talking, then just stopped and made the most disgusted face. Then he said, "If you really loved me, you would've held it in!" haha.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:00 pm 
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LisaPunk wrote:
8ball wrote:
If I fart whilst cuddling a guinea pig they freeze, look so surprised and have no idea where the noise came from.


Have you ever heard piggie farts? When I had my ancient geriatric piggie with poop issues I would give get butt soaks each night (basically a sitz bath) and sometimes she would fart. The first time I heard it I was like what the fizzle did they noise come from YOU?!?!?

She was the only piggie I've heard fart


Yes, many! They're usually making quiet popping noises from their rear ends every time I hold them.

Billy was really underweight when I adopted him so was handfeeding him as he sat on the table and he let out a loud parp. Mr8 thought it was me until Billy parped again.


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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:18 pm 
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I don't think my life will be complete until I can hear a guinea pig fart.

evaporar wrote:
My farts are legendary for their noxiousness and tendency to linger in the air for a ridiculously long time. "Near-extinction level event" is definitely an accurate description. Last week I drove to my sister's apartment to pick her up and had to let one out right after I got in the car so I made the whole drive (about 20 minutes) with the windows down. The second she gets in the car: "Auughhh, did you fart in here??"


Yeah, on those days when I'm really producing the scary ones, my boyfriend can walk into the room fifteen minutes after I farted and still smell it. He opens all the doors and windows then no matter how cold it is, to air out the place.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sat Nov 09, 2013 6:19 pm 
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Yesterday Quita's farts smelled like something similar to rancid Cheerios. Not yum.

I pretty openly fart on a regular basis but they're not usually too terrible. But one time, pregan, Mr Moon was dropping me off at work and as I stepped out of the car I had a horrendous one that I closed in the car with him. The driver's side window was broken.

He was angry at me all day.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 6:27 am 
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Last week I was visiting my mom and we smelled something truly awful. She was like "do you smell that?" and I was like "yeah, what the hell is that?" and she decided it must be gas coming from the furnace, so she ran downstairs to see whether something was wrong, whether we needed to evacuate the house or something...it was that bad. The smell dissipated after a few minutes, so we figured, okay, everything is fine now. Then it came back a few minute later and we figured it out. It was gas...coming from her dog. DANG, pup!

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 3:06 am 
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I've started eating bread again, and bloated up and then farted down a belt loop.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:21 pm 
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rachell37 wrote:
LisaPunk wrote:
I'm relatively certain my husband farts in his sleep. He is very proud of this fact

I've farted myself awake. More than once.


I've dreamt of farting and woken up to a gassed out bedroom. Raw onions are my lethal weapon.

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 Post subject: Re: The Fart Thread
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 5:08 pm 
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choirqueer wrote:
Last week I was visiting my mom and we smelled something truly awful. She was like "do you smell that?" and I was like "yeah, what the hell is that?" and she decided it must be gas coming from the furnace, so she ran downstairs to see whether something was wrong, whether we needed to evacuate the house or something...it was that bad. The smell dissipated after a few minutes, so we figured, okay, everything is fine now. Then it came back a few minute later and we figured it out. It was gas...coming from her dog. DANG, pup!


OMG, this is my uncle's dog. His farts are the WORST. Usually he's laying on top of me asleep too when he lets one rip, so then I'm trapped because nothing can wake that dog up.

My best friend's dog is also a super smelly farter, but at least she isn't on top of me so I can leave the room if need be. (Which I sometimes do haha)


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