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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 10:59 pm 
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I read once that kids who start training before 18 months are on average actually less well trained than kids who start after 2 when both groups reach 4, but I can't find the source anymore, so don't quote me on that. It just makes sense to me to wait until the kid is totally, totally ready, and then give that last nudge, as long as changing diapers doesn't bug you that much and as long as the alternative isn't just the kid taking off their diaper and pooping in the corner. Find the poop, fun and games for all ages! The downside of waiting is of course more diapers, but the upside is not having to prompt or help with pants, and having a much shorter actual training period in all likelihood. Also, what is up with the competitiveness over this? Who the fork cares if your kid is potty trained in the womb or whatever bullshiitake people are claiming? Kids trained at 18 months in the 70s my asparagus.


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:09 pm 
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Whoa, scratch that first sentence above. Just found the original study and the conclusion was the opposite of what I said above. Maybe I read a bad summary or misread it originally. But also saw a study along the search that suggested there was no benefit in beginning training before 27 months because starting earlier just meant it would take longer. So, yeah, who the hell knows. I vote for whichever path is easier.


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 5:37 pm 
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Semen Strong
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Leela has decided that if you pee or poop in our house, you get a sticker. So she's always waiting to ambush you in the bathroom and have you pick a sticker. Its hilarious.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:25 am 
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Cute! I am covered in stickers.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 11:42 am 
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Semen Strong
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Hiya Jewy! I've been thinking of you! How are things? How are Fini and Blasto?

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 5:13 pm 
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The Real Hamburger Helper
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I used my time off for the holidays to get serious about potty training. We've been without diapers (except nap/bedtime) since 12/21. I was worried about how her daycare would respond, but she went back on Monday and made it a full week with no accidents! They were cool with her going commando without a diaper, so I was worrying for nothing.

She demanded to wear underwear today and so far so good. She's now good about telling us when she needs to go and is good about using public toilets.

One thing that I have been doing that I think has been crucial is NOT to say that she's a "big girl." That freaks her out and so many other people say that (strangers, friends, teachers, etc) so I try to call her mama's baby whenever it seems to make sense. Somehow that has helped her feel better about no diapers. In the morning she takes off her nighttime diaper and yells, "L does NOT wear diapers!" Very cute! I'm still on edge about possible accidents...I need to relax, but it's hard to know when to back off at this stage.

Oh, this is funny...my partner drops her off at daycare and he explained that she wasn't wearing underwear as, "free-balling it." I can only imagine what the teachers think of us.


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 5:59 pm 
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Semen Strong
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That is so cute! And hurrah for having no accidents and "Freeballing!"

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 1:22 pm 
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*snort* my husband would probably say that too!

Potty training has been the slowest process ever with us. Le sigh. But we're mostly doing OK. Poop is hit or miss. She's generally pretty decent about self initiating these days, but last night she had a pretty bad fever and peed on the couch and then my lap for the first time ever. I miss being able to have a glass of wine at the end of the day.


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:31 pm 
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My kid is 3 yrs 4 mos old now and still won't go in the potty. He occassionally will go pee in the potty, and has pooped in it before - so I know he knows how. But I put him in training underwear and he just pees and poops in it. Over and over again. I have tried everything, sticker charts, train bribes, praise, targets in the toilet for him to pee in. He's worn underwear all day for many weekends now but still just goes in them. Even if it goes all down his leg in his pants he doesn't care. He won't tell me if he has to go or if he has already gone in his underwear - he'll just keep playing with poop in his pants until I notice it.

I guess I am supposed to just accept he isn't ready and deal with the fact my kid will still be in diapers at 4 years old but the truth is I AM TOTALLY OVER IT. I just got mad today, like really mad. That isn't much for me except raising my voice and strongly telling him he is too old for diapers, but still, I know all the advice says you are supposed to keep it a positive experience.

But how the hell are you supposed to keep it a positive experience when I am freaking sick and tired of wiping up his freaking poo??

I'm seriously at my wits end with this potty training thing. If he knows how, why won't he just go on the damn toilet???

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 2:50 pm 
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I feel like I should add that I've never forced him to sit on the toilet. I've mostly taken a very laid back route up to this, I haven't been consistent, asking him if he has to go a million times a day or anything. We just try on weekends when it is convenient. I've always tried to make it fun, so I don't think it could be a power struggle. If anything I think maybe we were too laid back so we missed our window. But like I said, I'm at my wits end now and really having a hard time keeping this positive.

For the record I've also tried letting him run around naked a couple weekends and all he does is pee on the floor.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 3:38 pm 
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What's happening when he's at school?


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:29 pm 
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I think pretty much the same thing. He goes on the potty every so often but not on a regular basis. My husband picks him up, and he is very introverted, so he doesn't talk to the teachers much about it but that's what it says in the daily reports we get. I was just thinking today I really need to talk to them about it to find out if I should be sending him in his training underwear or what.

It is so annoying because just last week we were out to eat and he went pee on the public potty at the restuarant! (I think he likes going into new places like public bathrooms) So I know he knows how, he just keeps doing it in his underwear for some reason. He is also quite regular as far as #2, so I don't think the problem is constipation or holding or anything. I just don't understand why he won't go!!

Since my last post I apologized for getting upset and I told him (based on some reading i did in the meantime) that it is his responsibility to take care of his own pee and poo and I wasn't going to bother him about it anymore. I said when he wants to go, he can go. So I'm just going to leave it alone again and hope he wants to go own his own.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:37 pm 
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I recommend reading that book mentioned up thread: oh crepe potty training. It was really helpful for me when I got annoyed with the whole deal. She has some suggestions for a reboot if training hasn't been going well that might be good to try?

I also think wearing underwear is really hard for a kid learning to potty train. It feels too much like a diaper, at least for my kid. When we started (first month or so) My daughter was good with using the potty but she would immediately pee in underwear. I'm just now introducing it to her and we have to talk about it (let's keep your new bunny underwear clean and dry, etc.).


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:08 pm 
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Semen Strong
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I feel your frustration Aubade!

We have the same issue - she is able to wake up and pee on the toilet and self-initiates using the potty a lot of the time, but at other times she'll poop in her diaper and not even seem to notice. I'll ask her if she needs to poo or pee and she'll say no, and then poo or pee on the floor minutes later. It was really helpful for me to hear from other parents in the same boat, where its just taking a while for the children to get there - I felt like every time I posted that I was frustrated that L wasn't potty learning, even though it feels like she is oh so close, people would tell me to buy some book or the other that worked for their family. I've read a few books, and used them, but they haven't worked for us. So I was getting nervous about the fact that I might have been doing it wrong or missed some window of potty learning. The advice I got is exactly what you're doing - just back off and let her be for a while. They all get there eventually, right?

Its just so frustrating because there isn't one way that works for everyone and you get so much contradicting advice! I was told to use underwear because the child then feels the discomfort of sitting around in wet undies which helps cement the decision to tell an adult and go on the potty rather than just peeing where she is standing and moving on. But obviously that doesn't work for everyone (see Butternut above!)

Fwiw, my friend's sons didn't potty train until they were 4.5 (her daughter pottytrained at 18 months) and I think that maybe they just move at their own speed.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 11:07 am 
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Chip Strong
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What are the signs you see that tell you that your kid is ready? I know Scarlett is still young, but she is fully capable of telling us when she needs to go, and sitting herself down on her potty. She just sometimes chooses not to tell us when she's doing something fun and doesn't want to interrupt it. I don't want to waste a lot of time and energy trying if it's not going to work, but if we can make this happen we certainly want to!


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sat Mar 15, 2014 11:24 am 
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mooo wrote:
What are the signs you see that tell you that your kid is ready? I know Scarlett is still young, but she is fully capable of telling us when she needs to go, and sitting herself down on her potty. She just sometimes chooses not to tell us when she's doing something fun and doesn't want to interrupt it. I don't want to waste a lot of time and energy trying if it's not going to work, but if we can make this happen we certainly want to!


Sounds to me she is ready. My little boy who is now 2 1/2 does not want to sit on the potty at all, doesn't tell me when he's filling up his nappy and if I were to let him loose without his nappy he would pee within minutes, just not on the potty. Just to show the difference, he's not ready! I don't know how young your daughter is, but especially girls can be really quick sometimes. I do think that when they're very young it's best to not just wait until they tell you, but to very regulary ask and try to do a wee on the potty/toilet.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 10:39 am 
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Thanks, solkiki. She's 21 months. Day 1 went ok. She's really good at telling us when she has to poop and making it to her potty for that, but pee has been a challenge. The first time she peed on the floor my partner told her that it's bad to pee on the floor, and she talked all day long about being "bad." She even kept telling her baby doll that he/she was bad! So sad. So we decided to just quickly clean up any floor pee and basically ignore it, then we celebrate any potty pees with a victory dance and a sticker. Hopefully today will be better.


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:44 pm 
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Hey Mooo, I think that wasn't too bad for day one. F. told us in December she didn't want diapers anymore. She was 2 1/4 at that point. It worked out at daycare but at home she peed on the floor until about three weeks ago. Now she's basically dry and is super great about telling us when she has to go and almost never has any accidents. I know all kids are different and this is a process that takes some time. From what I gather peeing on the floor is part of the learning process and it can just take a while. And I think it makes sense since they really have to learn a couple of new routines, listen to their body, control their bladder, etc.


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2014 9:13 pm 
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You guys. Scarlett has been diaper-free apart from nap and bedtime for two days with zero accidents. This is so amazing! My partner has been working hard to celebrate every victory and stay close to home so he deserves most of the credit, but wow, she really must be ready!


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 1:20 am 
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That's awesome, Mooo!


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 8:07 am 
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That is so cool Moo! High fives to Daddy!


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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 11:45 am 
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mooo wrote:
Thanks, solkiki. She's 21 months. Day 1 went ok. She's really good at telling us when she has to poop and making it to her potty for that, but pee has been a challenge. The first time she peed on the floor my partner told her that it's bad to pee on the floor, and she talked all day long about being "bad." She even kept telling her baby doll that he/she was bad! So sad. So we decided to just quickly clean up any floor pee and basically ignore it, then we celebrate any potty pees with a victory dance and a sticker. Hopefully today will be better.


The dance and sticker sounds like fun! With my daughter we did the same thing, maybe not the victory dance ;), but a lot of cheering and a sticker chart, with a little present at the end. My daughter just loves anything she can save for like that, she's 6 and I still use reward systems for her.

Just like you said when my daughter had an accident I was just very matter of fact about it. When you get angry they might try to cover it up because they feel ashamed and you're further away from a good solution. It's not a bad thing she was acting out the situation later with her doll, that's just the way they deal with frustrations and get it out of their system, it's just a fact of life people get angry at you sometimes and things aren't always fair, perhaps it helps to know that she was dealing with it in a very appropriate way for her age, so you two must have done something right. :)

It's also best to know as soon as possible when she has an accident so you can avoid standing in it or sitting in it yourself! Just dealing with the cleanup in a neutral, but pleasant way will help you reach your goal the fastest, maybe you can tell your husband, although you probably already have.
You just need to expect accidents and maybe a lot. My daughter had a place on the couch she liked to sit. I had a plastic sheet and a towel on the cover just in case.

Also remember that because your daughter is still quite young, she might learn earlier than average, but a lot of kids this age will take longer to learn than older kids. And count your blessings when it's just pee, an accident with poo is less pleasant, believe me ;). She might not have that many accidents in the end, but I think it's easier to deal with when you expect them. If you really don't want to deal with that you could wait until she's older, then she will learn quicker and she'll still be ready.

Anyway, good luck training your little girl. I'm hoping I can start soon with my little boy, although I wouldn't be surprised if he needs to be a bit older still.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2014 1:13 pm 
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mooo wrote:
You guys. Scarlett has been diaper-free apart from nap and bedtime for two days with zero accidents. This is so amazing! My partner has been working hard to celebrate every victory and stay close to home so he deserves most of the credit, but wow, she really must be ready!


Yay, that's great!

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 1:39 pm 
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Great now my kid just peed a huge puddle right in the living room. i don't know what to do - he wants to wear undies and wore them to daycare 4 days this week, but he had a lot of accidents and just told me he "wanted to pee in his undies". So do I keep up with this or put him back in diapers? I don't want to ruin the progress we've made so far, but i don't want him to keep pooping and peeing all over the living room and his sneakers at school.

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 Post subject: Re: the poop scoop: toileting victories and set backs
PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 5:52 pm 
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Does he do any better when he's pantsless? I have a friend who had to keep her son pantsless for months whenever they were home because the son did not want to wear diapers, but would pee in underwear frequently.


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